by Jen Ponce
“Yeah, you keep saying that.”
“She’s trying to give us a choice. Right Mom? That’s why you’re telling us. Because you want us to choose where we stay? I want to stay at Amy’s house.”
I slipped my arm around her and gave her a squeeze. “You’re right about me wanting you to have a choice. Your grandma and grandpa Miller would let you stay with them. Travis might be able to stick around for awhile. Then there’s Grandpa Morgan.” My dad might be reclusive since Mom died, but I knew he had a soft spot for Liam and Bethy. He would make room for them in the mountains.
“Grandpa Morgan? He’d let us stay with him in his cabin?” The harshness in Liam’s voice eased at this question. He liked being out in nature and some of his favorite books involved kids being lost out in the wilderness, being forced to fend for themselves.
“Yes. I haven’t heard from him yet but I expect him to call soon.”
“Cool.”
“I don’t want to go to Colorado. I want to stay here.” Bethy’s lip jutted out, her eyes welling.
“Pumpkin, I know it’s hard. If there was a way I could just stay I would. But I have to go take care of some things. Important things.”
“More important than our family?”
I kissed the top of her head. “Not more important. But urgent. Necessary. Do you think I’d leave you if there was any other way to stay? I’ve tried to figure out a way to stay and have things come out okay but I just don’t see how.”
“What things? Why can’t you tell us?” Liam leaned on the table, his eyes solemn and wise. “Is there a chance you might not come back?”
“Of course I’ll come back,” I said before I could stop myself. There was a very real chance I could be killed. I didn’t know how to fulfill the bargain with the fleshcrawler queen. If I screwed it up, she could kill me or my spawn could kill me. Hell, the Theleoni might show up and kill me, just to top off the day. “Of course I will. I have to.”
Liam sunk down in his seat, fighting back tears. He turned toward the window to hide them from the curious two-year-old staring at him from across the aisle. Bethy crushed her cup between her hands, spattering the last dregs of ice cream onto the table and her skin.
“Uncle Travis will be here. Ann will be here. Grandma Alice and Grandpa Bill. Grandpa Morgan.”
Bethy leaned against me, still ripping at the cup with her fingers. “But they aren’t you and daddy.”
“I know baby. I’m sorry. So sorry.” I briefly, fiercely wished Lucy was still here, that I hadn’t shoved Arsinua’s soul into her body. Lucy could have stayed with the kids, changing her appearance to look like me, taking my memories and making them her own. They wouldn’t have had to know I left.
“How long will you be gone?” Liam’s voice was rough with unshed tears.
“I don’t know. If things go well, not long.” I refused to think about all the things that could go wrong. The list was too long.
“Will you miss Christmas?” Bethy grabbed napkins off our tray and began scrubbing at her hands.
Christmas was two weeks away. “I don’t think so.”
Liam took an unsteady breath, then looked at me. “Do you swear you have to leave now? That there’s no other way?”
I thought through the troubles facing me. Facing all of us if I ignored them or chose not to deal with them. Finally I said, “I swear if there were any other way, I would do it rather than leave you two. I swear it.”
He reached across the table and took Bethy’s sticky hand. “Okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Bethy said. “I don’t want you to go, Mommy.” She tried to pull her hand away from him but he held her tight.
“We’ll be okay. Probably won’t even know you’re gone.” He gave her hand a little shake so she’d look at him. “Right Bethy?”
She sniffed. Stared at him, then turned her wide eyes to me and back to her brother. “Right,” she said, in a small voice.
“Thank you both. I can’t imagine having kids any more understanding and grown up than you two. This is a lot for you guys to take on and I’m so sorry you have to.”
“We’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” Liam let his sister go and grimaced. “I have to go wash my hands.” He slid out of the booth.
“You want to stay up late and pick up Travis with me at the airport tonight?”
Bethy stuck a finger in her mouth to lick off the sweet. “Sure. Can I ride the escalators while we wait?”
I nodded. “I’ll ride them with you.”
She snorted. “Kay.” Another finger, then another. Gross but effective, I supposed. “I love you, Mom.”
“Love you too baby.”
-ELEVEN-
After riding the escalators at the airport for almost an hour, I was very glad to see my brother and get back in the car for home. Bethy fell asleep on the way and Travis carried her from the car to her room despite my protests. Liam hugged me a long time before he followed his sister up the stairs.
Guilt weighed me down. I slumped into a chair at the table and shut my eyes, wishing I could fast-forward through the next few weeks to the point where everything was okay again. I had to believe everything would be okay again. The alternative was too awful to contemplate.
Strong fingers gripped my shoulders and I let out a slow breath as my brother kneaded out the tension I’d been carrying since Tom’s murder. It was a long while before he stopped and I tipped my head back, opening my eyes to smile at him as I said, “Thank you, little brother.”
But it wasn’t Travis. Jasper sat down next to me. “You’re welcome.”
I shivered, feeling his touch all over again in a new way. “Sorry.” I rubbed my hands over the backs of my arms. “I appreciate it. I didn’t realize how tense I was.” Was it wrong to have liked his touch? Liked, liked?
“What is your plan for me?”
I stared at him. “My plan?”
“To keep yourself safe from Ellison.”
Geez. Just what I needed. More troubles. “To keep him from killing you, you mean.”
He inclined his head, though he didn’t look worried, just expectant.
“I haven’t thought about it. I’m sorry. Maybe once the funeral is over with and after I’ve renewed the pact with the fleshcrawler queen, I can concentrate on how to protect you.”
“Perhaps you would put me into stasis with the rest of the souls.”
“Stasis.” Sticking him in storage. I thought of the world losing a little bit of the goodness he could bring to it and sighed. “Is that something you want?”
A furrow appeared on his forehead. “Does it matter what I want?”
“Shouldn’t it? I mean, it’s your life.”
He spread his hands, his long, slender fingers drawing my attention. “I am a Skriven soul, stored in a vessel. What right do I have for wanting anything?”
Arsinua answered from the doorway, her voice dry. “She will insist you need freedom, and drag you to it kicking and screaming if she must.”
I turned to glare at her, only to see her smiling slightly at me. Mollified, I shifted as she settled on the floor near Jasper. “Since you’re both here, I wanted to run something by you before I talk with Ann and Travis.” I wasn’t sure how well Arsinua would take my idea. She had often, and with great fervor, shot down my ideas while she still resided in my head. Recent experience had told me she wasn’t any more cooperative. “I have to take care of things on Midia. Since no one knows a way to mitigate the time difference, I’m going to have to leave my kids.” My voice sounded calm when I said it, but my heart thudded hard against my ribs. I swallowed. “So, my plan is to take Ann and Travis both to the Slip. Briefly,” I said, holding up my hand to stop Arsinua’s protest, “So they know why I need to leave. So they truly understand the danger and what’s at stake.”
Arsinua’s hands plucked at the frayed hem of her jeans. I saw fear in the tremble of her fingers. “I think you’re correct. They need to know why you have to leave.”
&nb
sp; I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Thank you.” Now the next part. “I want you to go with them when I leave. Or stay here, depending on what the kids decide they want to do.”
She tucked a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. “What about the pact with the fleshcrawler queen?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. If you can’t teach me what I need to know, I’ll just have to wing it and hope for the best. Maybe she can teach me how. Maybe she’ll do all the work and just borrow power from me.”
“I don’t think it’s wise to reveal your ignorance to that thing,” Arsinua said.
Jasper leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “How could you even reason with one? They are beasts.”
That’s right, he’d never met Nex. “Not only have I talked with them, I befriended the head of the king of fleshcrawlers.” Heh. That sounded downright epic when I said it out loud.
“The,” he paused, testing it out on his tongue, “head?”
“Someday I’ll have to introduce you to Nex.” I looked at Arsinua. “So I’d like you to stay and protect my family. If you will.”
She wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them tight to her chest. “Of course.”
“Thank you.” I heard my brother and Ann as they came down the stairs, talking. Ann curled up on the couch and Travis looked around the room before joining her. I made introductions and watched as his eyes lingered on Arsinua. After a few minutes of small talk, something I wasn’t very good at, silence fell over the room.
I wasn’t sure how to start or what to say. Arsinua saved me and said, “There are things Devany needs to tell you. They won’t be easy to hear or understand, but I hope you both keep an open mind.”
Ann and Travis glanced at each other then both sets of eyes were on me.
I stood and held out my hands. “I need to show you both something.”
“Is this a joke? We going to do a seance or something? Because that would be weird.” Travis’s last sentence trailed off and then he winced. “Shit. Sorry, sis.”
“That’s okay.” I wiggled my fingers. “Give me a second.”
It took a long two minutes to form the hook. When it formed, warping the air, Ann gasped but followed me through. Travis I had to tug. “Come on.”
“I’m not going in that. What the hell is going on?”
With a push, I forced the hook out around him and let it swallow us all.
I jumped us into Tytan’s house, hoping that would keep them safe while we did the tour. Travis yanked his hand free and spun in a circle. “What did you do? Is this some kind of trick?”
“It’s another world,” Ann whispered.
“Sort of. It’s actually a space between worlds.” I watched Travis, wondering why he was so upset. Okay, I knew my brother had a hard time with new things and I had just jumped him into another world, but this seemed extreme even for him. “You okay?”
“No.” He stalked to the window and jerked back, flavoring the air with an inventive curse. Before he could tell me what he’d seen, Nex floated into the room. Ann screamed. Travis flung himself back into the wall, grabbing a chair as he did.
Nex turned his eyes on me. “Devany. Another visit so soon?”
“Get away from her. Get away from it!”
“It’s okay. He’s a friend.” I touched Nex on the cheek and he made a weird purring noise. “It’s a field trip.”
“That’s not fucking funny.” My brother held the chair out like a lion tamer.
“Take it down a couple of notches. Seriously. Breathe.”
He was sucking air in great gasps and I hoped he wouldn’t end up passed out.
“This is amazing.” Ann’s tremulous voice filled the air between us. Whether it was her words or the way she gazed around as if she were high, she broke the tension.
Travis choked, then dropped the chair, his hands hitting his knees. “Holy shit!” He glanced at Nex and just as suddenly as his anger came, great gasps of laughter filled the room.
“Is he quite sane?” Nex floated up beside him, the soft hiss of his trailing intestines against the floor a particular kind of creepy.
“Well, considering he’s gone from normal to insanity in a few seconds, I think his behavior is understandable.” My lips shut as I watched Ann reach out a tentative finger toward Nex.
The fleshcrawler king turned, exposing his teeth and she jerked her hand back with a small shriek.
“Let’s all just relax.”
My brother was still laughing but there was a hysterical quality to it that made me cringe. “A dog. A scary, freaky dog.”
Nex turned to me and I could tell by the look on his face he was insulted. “I’m sorry. He doesn’t understand. Not yet.”
“Tell your friend I am not a museum exhibit.” He turned and gave Ann a death-ray look.
She slapped her hand over her face and shook a moment. When she pulled her hand away, she wasn’t smiling, thankfully. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded regally.
Travis held up his hands. “Wait a minute. A place between worlds? So there are more worlds?”
I shrugged. “Only one more I know of.”
“There are many other worlds than these,” Nex intoned.
That thought made my head hurt and seeing Ann about to ask, I said, “But only two that concern us. Earth and Midia. I have to go to Midia to try to fix things. Problem is, time on Midia moves differently than on Earth. So while I might be gone a week Midia-time, two weeks or three will pass on Earth. That’s why I needed to bring you guys here. To show you the proof. Because I don’t have much time to get shit done.”
“Can we go to Midia? See it too?” Ann sounded enchanted. I supposed she was giddy with excitement. After all, this was confirmation of her belief that magic was real.
“It would be dangerous.” I sighed. “Quick explanation. All humans have magic in them but it’s dormant. If they go to Midia, it explodes to life.”
Ann’s face lit up in wonder. “That would be wonderful.”
“Explode being the key word. It kills people.”
“Oh.” Just as quick, the light went out.
My brother, whom I’ve been keeping an eye on since he started waving the chair around, dropped the seat to the floor. “You said humans.”
“Yeah.”
“You said humans. If they go. So what, you aren’t human?” I heard the challenge in his voice, remembered it from our days as kids fighting over everything. Every. Thing.
“No. Not really. Not anymore.”
“Shit.” He sat on the chair and put his head in his hands. “That’s just fucking great.”
“Not really. It’s scary and dangerous and frightening. I worry constantly something will come out of the woodwork to eat me or the kids and way too much stuff depends on what I do. Life and death stuff.” Sick at the thought of it all, I turned back to Nex, the one person—thing?—in the room who knew what I meant. “As soon as the funeral is over tomorrow, I’ll be back to go to the Swamp.”
He inclined his head. “As you wish.” He floated off, leaving both Ann and Travis staring.
“So. You guys ready to return?” I held out my hands.
Ann looked sad, Travis pissed and scared. They both walked over to me and took my hands. I pulled them back through to my living room where Arsinua waited. Travis looked at the clock. “Didn’t move? It’s the same time we left.”
“Time doesn’t count in the Slip. I could stay there for a thousand years and come back here the same moment I left.” I curled up on the sofa, feeling raw and vulnerable. I showed them the Slip. Now did they understand? Now would they take that much better care of Bethy and Liam?
God I hoped so.
“This is crazy. Are you sure you have to do this? Why you? I mean, how did this happen?” My brother waved his hand up and down in my direction.
“Arsinua can explain it to you. She’ll stay with you to help keep you all safe while I’m gone. There are things out there, b
ad things, bad people, who don’t give a crap about human life. You need to understand to really be able to protect yourselves.”
“Do you still have lodestones?” Arsinua said.
“I brought back more a while back. Hardly hurt at all. They’re in the front table by the door.”
She nodded. “I thought I felt power there.”
Travis still looked shook up. I wished I could take the time to talk to him about all this but I could feel the clock dragging time—and all its consequences—grimly ahead.
“I’ll be back. I promise. And I’ll check in whenever I can. It’s a quick trip for me.” I smiled, trying to get one in return. He didn’t smile but he did reach over and squeeze my hand.
“You have everything ready for the funeral tomorrow?”
I sighed. “I think so. We’ll have the memorial at the funeral home and then there will be a short graveside service. I don’t want to have a dinner afterward. I’ll leave when we get home. Say goodbye to the kids.” My throat tightened. Shit. Could I do this?
I had to.
The memorial was perfect. Tom’s dad spoke, as did Tom’s sister. Nick, his camping buddy. Liam. I was so proud of my son. It was hard for him but he told a story about going fishing with his dad when he was a kid. “We had a box of worms and I asked him why we needed them. He told me that we were going to feed the fish because they were hungry. Then Bethy picked up the box and dumped the fish in the water. Dad was like, ‘Bethy! Why did you do that?’ and she said, ‘Daddy, you said fishies hungry.’”
The laughter felt good. Inside me I imagined Tom soaking in the love our gathered group had for him.
We drove out to the cemetery, to the plot we’d bought when we were still in love and death was a distant nightmare. Tom and I both wanted to be cremated so the space was small. The headstone had his name and birth and death dates. My name was on the stone but there wasn’t a death date under it. I hoped there wouldn’t be one for a long time.
Liam and Bethy stood with me until Tom’s cremains were buried. Then, shivering, we made our way back to the car and home. I didn’t want to get there because getting there meant I would be leaving. Bethy clung to me and Liam held my hand tight in his as we walked inside. Arsinua had been cooking again; the house smelled divine.