The condemned felt new, months old at most, which meant they may not realize he was there until it was too late. Two of them crested the hill at a dead run. Both were brown with white markings, though one had black running up his nose. They stumbled and tripped over their own paws like gangly pups not yet used to their bodies. Gods, they really were only a few months old.
The other two remained hidden, holding themselves back. I felt the anticipation eating away at their restraint. The press of their power told me exactly where they were. One hunkered downhill ahead of me, using the brush for cover. The other crouched behind me, hidden by a tree. I couldn’t be sure that they didn’t smell or see Vidar, but I didn’t think they did.
The thrill of the fight coursed through my veins in an invigorating rush that made me flash a wolfy grin. They both leaped for me. I jumped up, clearing their furry backs. On the way down I shifted into my hybrid form. I kicked one condemned with my elongated hind legs. The other I slashed out at with my clawed hands. My claws parted the fur and flesh of Black Snout’s shoulder at the same moment my feet connected with the other.
The double strikes put me in a stretched out position that left me no choice but to hit the ground. I rolled as the pine-needle-blanketed ground met me, shifting back to a full wolf as I did. Both of the condemned rose slowly to their feet. Fear wafted off them in noxious waves. It drew me in almost as strongly as if they had turned and ran. The press of more power came as the other two charged over the hill and attacked. From behind me came a surprised yelp followed by snarling and snapping. The snarling I recognized as Vidar’s.
I didn’t have time to worry about him because a brown wolf nearly the size of a bear barreled down on me. From the touch of his mind I recognized him as the one who liked to stab people. At the last moment, I shifted to my hybrid form when he jumped for me. I grabbed his front legs, thrust my hind legs into his stomach, and rolled with him into a judo roll that threw him past me. Before the roll completed, I raked his chest with my clawed hind legs. The steamy blood of the condemned splashed all over my fur.
Continuing the momentum of the roll, I continued all the way over and shifted back to a wolf to land on all fours. Vidar made a grunting sound of pain. The other two came at me, preventing me from turning to check on him. Fury exploded in my chest. It felt like it might consume me.
“Enough!” I roared as I shifted to human form. Maybe it wasn’t the wisest choice with two wolves bearing down on me, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was the righteous rage. That and the burning desire to keep Vidar safe.
Both came for me at the same time. I released the reins on my control and sucked their energy in like it was water and I was dying of thirst. Only it was more like anti-freeze with a sweet promise and a killer aftertaste. I caught both wolves in mid-leap by the throat. Holding them up was easy considering I tripled my strength by drawing their power in. They felt light as feathers. Snapping, snarling, writhing feathers, but still feathers. Their hind legs caught me a few times, scratching my bare legs.
Drinking in their powers allowed their memories and thoughts to flow freely into me. One of them was the rapist, the other the child molester. The images that assaulted my mind were worse than any strike they could have landed on me. The pain and terror their victims had felt coursed through me. I squeezed their throats harder. A third wolf came at me from behind, the knife-happy guy again. Claws raked across my back. I sucked so much of his power down so fast that I heard him collapse to the ground with a grunt. The horrible images didn’t stop. My fingers squeezed harder. My claws elongated, digging into their furry throats as their kicks slowed. Windpipes crushed with a little pop in my hands. The images stopped.
Relief washed through me, soothing my mind. I dropped the twitching wolves, needing to get to the next one. The horrible images of the dead wolves’ crimes made my knees weak. Bile stung the back of my throat. I took a shaking step in Vidar’s direction. His power washed over me like a summer breeze, allowing me to breathe easier.
Vidar’s black furry form hurtled through the air at the fourth condemned, a monstrously big brown and white wolf. The jogger-stalker. Vidar’s jaws closed around the condemned’s throat.
Between us the third wolf struggled to rise to his feet. I felt what he wanted to do to me and it made me sick to my stomach. I strode up to him and stomped on his neck so hard it snapped beneath my foot. Claws extended, I bent, preparing to eviscerate him for good measure. Vidar’s gaze caught mine over the tops of the bodies as he lifted his bloody snout from the throat of the condemned. Crimson splashes and droplets marred his beautiful black fur. And it was my fault. That realization stopped me in mid-crouch.
The air around him shimmered like the desert on a hot day. A moment later he rose onto the legs of a man. A naked man. Gods he was hot as Helheimr. It didn’t matter that he was stepping over the corpses of three wolves we had just slain. Desire rose in me, burning away both the anger and the feel of the condemneds’ power. I let out a long breath as the images of what they’d done fled from my mind.
Vidar spat several times, cleared his throat, and spat twice more. “Gods, his blood tasted terrible,” he mumbled.
“Their power is worse.” The words poured out of me before I could think about it, or stop them.
Brows furrowing, Vidar looked me over. “You aren’t hurt are you? You took out three before I even finished one. By Thor, how did you do that?”
The sight of his bare chest at my eye level distracted me, made it hard to think. Would his pecs feel as hard as they looked? My bloody hand was halfway to him before I stopped it. If he didn’t get away from me, I wasn’t sure I could hold myself back.
“I sucked their power in, making them weaker, and me stronger.”
He stopped walking, shoulders pulling back. “You can do that?”
The surprise on his face hurt, and the rejection surely to follow would hurt even more. But I could take it. I had to.
He shook his head. “Of course you can, you just said so. Sorry, that’s just… Wow!”
Unable to respond in any way, I stared at him. That was the exact opposite reaction I’d been expecting. Even Vidar shouldn’t be able to forgive such a thing. Stealing someone’s strength rather than possessing one’s own wasn’t very Viking-like.
“But, I’m not strong. I just syphon strength from them. You don’t think it makes me weak, unworthy?” I whispered the last.
Vidar shook his head as he closed the distance between us. He took my face in his hands. His big, callused fingers felt amazing against my cheeks. All the residual darkness left over from the condemned’s power banished in an instant. I became acutely aware that we were both naked. So aware I had to close my eyes to hide my desire for him. I knew he was right about it being a survival instinct to want to mate after a fight, but that didn’t help make it feel any less wrong. Especially not with corpses cooling at our feet.
“No, Ayra, don’t you understand? This ability is what gives Odin the freedom to choose the right person based off their mental ability to handle the job,” he began.
Intrigue drove back my desire enough that I opened my eyes.
He went on. “Being the uppskera is more about control and balance than it is about strength and size. If the Allfather wanted someone big and strong, he would have chosen your brother. But he wanted you, because you are more capable of handling it mentally.”
His words resonated deep down inside me. If he were right, then that changed everything. And it made too much sense to discount. I had far better control over my temper than my brother could ever hope to have. In fact, that thought alone burned up the last of my rage and scattered it like ashes. Or maybe Vidar’s touch did. His palms felt so good cradling my face; warm, and strong. Desire flared to life in the ashes of my anger.
All I had to do was take one step and our bodies would touch. The need to do so became almost overwhelming. In his eyes shone the same desire. My hands rose from my sides. The scents of blood and d
eath stopped me. This wasn’t right, not here, not now. Thunder rolled through the cloudy sky as if even the gods were in agreement.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered.
“I understand. You feel obligated to the Arnoddr pack, to your family.”
The depth of sadness in his eyes tore things loose inside me. “No. And yes. It’s just…” A stiff breeze carried the clean scent of rain to me, along with the tang of lightning. I took a large step back from Vidar. “I have to go,” I said.
He reached for me, but I took another quick step back. “Ayra, no, don’t.” The pleading tone in his voice tugged deep inside me.
I couldn’t allow it to ensnare me. Thunder shook the dark sky again. I turned and ran.
Chapter Fifteen
While the seeker attempts to save the individual, the reaper attempts to save all of our kind.
~Uppskera Journals
Ayra
It would have been easier to run as a wolf, faster, but I couldn’t shift. Vidar was in human form and I wanted him too badly in that moment for my body to allow me to shift. I’d read about this, but never experienced it. Varúlfur remained in the shape of their desired mate on instinct when aroused. I tried to fight it, to force myself to shift, but I couldn’t.
My legs pumped as fast as they could, carrying me deeper into the forest. Rain pattered down on the leaves, creating a roar that covered the sound of my pounding heart. Big drops plopped down on my shoulders and hair. In a half mile I was soaked, rain streaming down my naked skin, plastering my hair to my face and shoulders. But it didn’t cool the fire inside that burned for Vidar. Nothing could.
A hand closed around my left biceps. I could have pulled free if I’d wanted to. The problem was, I didn’t want to. For so long I had been worried about what everyone else wanted for me. It had worn me down. Through the thunder and the rain, I hadn’t even heard Vidar behind me. But I’d felt him, and I could have ran faster. My restraint melted away more and more with each step I took away from the wolves’ corpses.
Chest heaving with each deep breath, I turned and faced Vidar. Rain streamed down his dark skin, catching the dim light as it surged over his muscles and ran down between them. My gaze followed all that running water straight down to the V of his abdominal muscles to the hair at his groin—and the beginnings of an impressive erection. My eyes slammed shut and I forced my chin up before I opened them again. His chiseled jaw and full lips weren’t any less inspiring.
I was confused, messed up. He didn’t deserve to have to deal with that.
“I don’t want to force you to break a vow you hold dear. I shouldn’t have tempted you. It was wrong and disrespectful to the Order you serve,” I gasped.
Thunder boomed, swallowing his answer. Water droplets flew from his short black hair as he shook his head. He took a step closer. “Nothing about what we feel for each other is wrong, Ayra. The most important vow to me is the one I made to you before I left. The one to help you.”
My mouth opened and my jaw worked, but no words would come out. Hearing him say that was too much. It was all I’d ever wanted to hear. Elí didn’t want to help me. He wanted to make everything perfect and pretty around me to hide the blood and death. He wanted the power and prestige being married to the reaper brought, but not the blood and death. He loved the reaper, but certainly not me. Vidar had faced those things more than once now and hadn’t flinched. He took another step toward me, close enough to touch now. I shook with the need to touch him. But I couldn’t. This wasn’t fair to him.
“It’s too late for us,” I said, barely loud enough to be heard over the patter of rain on leaves.
He stepped forward and I stepped back. “Never. I’m so sorry I left you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you all about the Order. But mostly, I’m sorry I never told you how I feel.”
Each word exploded into the wall around my heart like a missile. “Don’t be. I bring nothing but death. You deserve better than me. You deserve a wife, kids, a pack.”
“Stop telling me what I deserve! I deserve the kind of love that is written about in the stars, the kind that only comes along once in your existence. I deserve to be with the woman I’ve loved since I was eight.”
Those words immobilized me as surely as any freeze ray in his comic books could have. I craned my neck back to stare up at him. In his hazel eyes his soul was laid bare, revealing just how deeply he meant them. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breathe. Here I was thinking like him now, my mind working in threes. It would have made me smile if I wasn’t so utterly shocked by what he’d said.
His hands slid up my slick arms until they gripped my biceps. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I understand if you still want to…marry Elí. I just wanted you to know. There is no place I’d rather be, no person I’d rather be with, no fate I’d rather have.”
Now I did smile. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard, and reached for my calm center. I found that calm center standing right in front of me. He went on before I could speak.
“I’ve always wanted to be your mate, but when you became the uppskera, I didn’t think I was worthy. So I hoped to be your verndari instead, thinking it was as high as I could reach.”
I shook my head. “Why would you think that?”
“My family aren’t directly from the bloodlines that came to this world. You’re higher than royalty. I have no pack since my alpha was killed and I was kicked out. I’m not even an alpha myself—”
I put a finger against his lips. “At first?” I asked.
His lips turned up, and I felt his hot breath against my finger. It sent tingles straight to my groin that tightened every muscle on its way down. He straightened up even taller. “We were made for each other. I would kill for you, and I would die for you. I am worthy.” Strong arms slid around me. “And I think maybe you want me too, and not just because of your instincts. If I’m wrong, tell me and I’ll leave and let another candidate have their shot at impression. I will step aside and never raise a claw to Elí. But if I’m not…”
Those arms tightened until our rain-slick bodies were pressed against one another. The brush of his abs against my breasts almost drove me out of my mind. I felt the barest touch of his erection against my stomach. My eyes fluttered, but I wouldn’t let them close. I had to think fast before I lost it.
“Since you were eight?” The question popped out before the protest I had prepared. Dammit, my control was slipping. How could it not? Being in his arms felt more amazing than I had imagined.
He cast a smile down at me that warmed me to my core. “Mmm hmm. Ever since that day I saw you up to your knees in the pond catching frogs, your braids brushing the water. I knew you were the one for me.”
“But I… But you…” I felt like an idiot who couldn’t string a sentence together. I shook my head to clear it. “But don’t you want a pack, a family, the Order?”
One hand cupped my chin. He bent down, which took his hard body away from mine, but put his lips closer. “I want you. I joined the Order only to help you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. You are my family, my pack. That’s all I need.” His intense eyes held me as intimately as his arms. “What do you need?” he asked in a whisper that brushed my lips and resonated through me.
“You. I’ve loved you since that day too. I never knew you loved me in the same way. You never showed it.” Again, the damn words poured out before I could think about them.
His smile grew. The joy in his eyes would have taken my breath away if I could have breathed in the first place. “I come from a long line of lögreglu, it’s in our nature to protect. Being older than you, I felt like I had to protect you, even from myself. But now, you don’t need protection from anyone.”
I turned my head away. “But myself.”
He turned my chin back. “No. You handle the fury just fine.”
“Because you’re close.”
“Then keep me close, make me your verndari.”
“But I�
�m a killer. I’ve made you a killer. How could you want to be with me now?”
Laughter bowed his back and made his chest touch me again. “First, you’re a killer of killers. That’s a noble calling. Second, we’re all killers. You didn’t make me into anything. Third, how could I not? You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, with the kindest heart and most selfless attitude. And wanting to be with you has nothing to do with the reaper, and everything to do with you.”
The words turned my walls to dust.
An intensity filled his eyes as he drew my body against his again. This time he didn’t hold his hips back. His erection pressed against my stomach in a long, hard line. Just feeling it against my skin made me wet. Gods, I’d wanted him for so long.
He leaned down, bending his legs to keep our bodies molded together. “And now that I know you love me, you won’t be able to get rid of me. Loki himself couldn’t tear me from your side. I deserve you, Ayra Valdísdóttir, and you deserve me.”
This alpha side of him, declaring what he wanted, it crumbled my resistance and made me dizzy with need. I smiled. “You’d fight the trickster god himself for me?”
His fingers trailed up my cheek and he brushed a lock of hair from my face. Rain dripped from his lips. I wanted to lick it off. “Him and his army,” he said in a husky voice.
“It may come to that. When I break off my engagement to Elí, I don’t know how bad Isak will take it. But I do know how bad my family will take it,” I said.
Those delicious, full lips of his turned up. “When, not if?”
I nodded, grinning so big it hurt my cheeks. His eyes brightened with the glow of his wolf.
“I would fight your entire family. I would even fight Isak, alpha of the Arnoddr pack, and every one of his verndari if it came to it,” he vowed.
A small laugh slid from me. “Really? Isak has like thirty verndari.” Each alpha had a circle of verndari, men and women who protected their pack. They didn’t belong to an Order so much as the pack itself.
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