I guess I do have the words after all. It means everything.
Which is making it a little hard to sit back and trust that everyone is going to do what they need to on the day. I can’t very well be setting up tents and organising the food on our wedding morning. I won’t be able to hop into Kell’s fish van to pull pints or even see the wedding cake before the guests do.
Which means the wedding will be a surprise to me too. That’s terrifying.
Chapter 19
I open my eyes to find Auntie Rose staring into my face. ‘Are you awake yet?’ she asks from about six inches away. I stretch my arms over my head, smiling as I see the sunlight peeking through the chink in the curtains that never quite shut all the way. No rain.
‘I’m not sure. What’s the time?’
‘Half past nine.’
‘Half past nine! Why didn’t you wake me? I wanted to go over to check on the square before breakfast.’
‘I just got up meself. I’m not your alarm clock. You’ll just have to let it go. Everyone knows what they’re doing. Let me give you some advice.’
I pull my covers up to my chin. ‘This isn’t about having sex with Daniel again, is it?’
She grins. ‘You need a few more years before you’re ready for my advice on that front.’
Where did my auntie get all this experience to hand out sex pot advice?
‘Today is about you marrying Daniel,’ she says. ‘Nothing else matters. You don’t need drinks or food or music or even a dress. You could turn up in your jeans and the only thing that would matter is marrying Daniel. He’s a good one, Emma, and so are you. Just love each other. That’s enough. The rest of us will get on fine no matter what happens.’
She lifts up the bedclothes and scootches in next to me. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a cuddle like this. Way too long.
There’s something extra special about living with Auntie Rose. She’s my confidante and ally but also my sounding board and guide. I’ve talked to her about things I’d never tell my parents. She’s a constant, as much as Mum or Dad.
My breath hitches when I realise how much things will actually change now. I’ll have to leave my job. Even though that was the plan all along once I got my degree, now I’ll have to do it to have the babies. Soon Daniel and I will find a flat and we’ll move in together. Auntie Rose’s snoring will no longer wake me but neither will we talk late into the night.
I can hear Mum downstairs in the kitchen, clattering the dishes as she puts them away from the drying rack. She’ll be inspecting the forks that Dad washed last night, and rewash at least half of them. Dad’s stirring his tea in that frantic way he thinks makes the sugar dissolve properly. As if boiling water doesn’t dissolve it anyway. Mum’ll be wiping up after him because he always leaves his wet teaspoon on the kitchen table. She won’t say anything. She’ll just sigh to let everyone know she’s being a martyr. Dad will tell her to go start getting ready, that he’s perfectly capable of getting the breakfast on, and she’ll say okay a dozen times while she takes out the eggs and bread and all the pans as if he hasn’t lived in this house for twenty-five years.
I know when I go downstairs that Mum will have put out my favourite tea mug and that the teabag will be inside. She’ll say ‘Cup of tea?’ and flip on the kettle without waiting for an answer.
I know all these things because they’re part of the everyday mundanity that makes my history. I’m gaining something today, but I feel like I’m losing something too.
‘Don’t cry, love,’ says Auntie Rose. ‘This is supposed to be a happy day.’
Daniel rings me as I’m having my second cup of tea in the lounge, enjoying the brief peace and quiet as everyone gets ready in their rooms. ‘I know I’m not allowed to see you, but I just wanted to hear your voice, and to tell you that I cannot wait to marry you today. Mummy is already driving me insane. Abby’s run off to Cressida’s. She couldn’t take it anymore. How’s everything at your end?’
‘Mum thinks her dress is all wrong. She’s got her entire wardrobe on the bed. Normal, in other words. Is it too late to elope?’ I’m only half kidding.
‘Unfortunately, I think so. But never mind. In exactly… two hours and twenty-seven minutes I get to marry you. That’s all that matters to me.’
‘Me too.’
It’s only when Kell arrives that we realise Auntie Rose is gone.
‘How did she get out?’ Mum demands, as if one of us slipped her a key.
‘Did you lock the door after you went out for the milk this morning?’ Dad asks.
I thought I did but obviously not. Otherwise Auntie Rose wouldn’t be on the loose. She’s no Houdini.
I start putting on my shoes.
‘Where are you going?’ Kelly demands. ‘Shahrzad is coming in a minute to do your hair and make-up. You can’t leave. I’ll go.’ She digs out her phone. ‘Colin? Where are you? Barbara too? Auntie Rose is out. Okay. Ring me back.’
‘Today of all days!’ Dad says. His tone is uncharacteristically harsh.
‘Dad, she doesn’t know what she’s doing.’
His irritation deflates as quickly as it flared up. ‘I know, love. I’m sorry. I just don’t want anything to spoil your day.’
But Auntie Rose isn’t going to spoil anything. She comes through the door a few minutes later, kicking off shouting from all sides.
‘Well, don’t blame me,’ she says. ‘If you want to keep me indoors, the least you can do is lock the bloomin’ doors. Otherwise why’d you bother shelling out all that dosh on a locksmith? Waste of money if you’re not gonna use ’em. This is for you, Emma.’
Carefully she pulls the bag from around the bouquet in her hands. ‘I thought you could use this.’
‘Oh my god, I completely forgot about a bouquet! Auntie Rose, you’re a lifesaver!’
‘I know you’ve got your something blue,’ she says, shrugging off my thanks. ‘I got this for another reason.’
I look between Mum and Dad. ‘What? Why are you smiling?’
‘You remember, do you, Jack?’ Mum asks. He reaches for her hand.
‘Hyacinths with lavender and sprays of daisies,’ he says.
‘Exactly right. I’m impressed.’ Mum kisses him.
‘I remember every detail of our wedding day. It was the best day of me life… matched only by the day Emma was born.’
‘Good save, Dad.’
‘What a charmer,’ Auntie Rose adds.
‘Plus, Elaine, my love, you went on about it so much that it’s drilled into my head for life,’ he says as Mum chucks him a good one on the arm. Then to me, ‘That was your mum’s bouquet. Rose, you remembered?’
Auntie Rose nods. ‘All the flowers came from Hazel’s garden. Her old garden.’
‘… You didn’t just pick these from the old house?’ Mum asks. ‘But Auntie Rose, Mum doesn’t live there anymore.’
My auntie withers Mum with her stare. ‘I know that, Elaine. She’s been dead more than seven years. Her flowers are still there, though. You never heard such a fuss over a few flowers. The woman who lives there threatened to call the Old Bill on me. But I got ’em! So it’s a bit of your gran in there too, I suppose. Not literally, of course, don’t worry. We didn’t bury her in the garden.’
My transformation from slightly scruffy to bridelicious is in the hands of Shahrzad and there’s no one I trust more for the job. When she spins me round to the mirror I have to laugh. I’ve never looked this good in my life!
She’s done my hair in shiny dark loosely pinned ringlets and given me dramatic eyes with flippy uppy eyeliner at the corners.
Kell and Mum help me step into my dress and Mum buttons up the back. With the panels let out and the little pleats it still fits and, most importantly, it hides the swell of my tummy. ‘It’s almost perfect,’ Kell says as Shahrzad comes in for a look. ‘But it needs something. Something… something. I know. Here, try this.’ The long veil slithers out of the box she’s got.
‘But I thou
ght we were doing flowers for my hair,’ I say. Kell found some gorgeous vintage roses and sweet peas that really stand out against my dark hair. I didn’t ask where she got them. Hopefully she didn’t raid my Gran’s old garden too.
‘Just try it. Here, it goes like this.’ The comb nestles into the ringlets at the back of my head. ‘The flowers go here like a tiara at the front. The veil was my mum’s. It’s a loan. Your something borrowed. God, don’t cry. You’ll ruin all Shahrzad’s work.’
‘It’s okay, I know you two,’ Shahrzad says. ‘It’s waterproof!’
Which is good because stepping into my pale blue suede Ma-nearlies sets me off again. They’re gorgeous, and Kelly’s, in pale green, are perfect too. Abby, Cressida and Uncle Barbara’s are pale yellow and Abby has already said she wants a pair for one of her friends. I’m not sure how I’ll swing that. I can’t charge her more than what I paid for them, but then I can’t tell her they’re from the market, either. I’ll worry about that after she’s officially my sister-in-law.
‘Photos!’ Dad calls upstairs. ‘Come down, Emma, but walk slowly. Elaine, girls, come down first.’
‘He thinks he’s flippin’ Stephen Spielberg,’ Mum murmurs, smoothing down her pale blue silk dress. Twiggy didn’t do this one, though it is from M&S, and it’s lovely with her cream straw hat.
But it’s not just family waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Jez from the phone stall is there behind a handheld video recorder with two cameras around his neck. I can’t stop grinning.
‘I have an official photographer?’ I ask him when I get to the lounge.
‘It’s Kell’s idea. We’ve got all this kit anyway at the stall. As long as I get it all back in the boxes and don’t drop anything…’
It feels impolite to point out that the people who buy new camera equipment from Jez’s stall don’t expect it to have had a previous owner, no matter how careful he was with it.
‘Let’s get you to the church on time!’ Kell says. ‘Everyone’s already at the pub.’
As Mum, Kelly, Shahrzad and Auntie Rose go out to the waiting taxi, Dad grabs hold of my arm. ‘We’ll be right with you, love.’
Mum smiles. ‘We’ll wait out here.’
Dad awkwardly gets himself out of his chair and on to his crutches so Mum can get the chair to the taxi.
‘You know I’m not very good at saying things,’ he says, with a serious look on his face. ‘But I need to say something to you, and that’s that I am so proud of you. Not just for everything you’ve done to get through school but for the person you’ve become. Even if you weren’t my daughter, I’d be very proud to know you, Emma.’
‘Thank you. But I’m only me because of you and Mum.’
He nods. ‘We gave you the basics, but you’ve become much more. Every parent wants better for their child than they had, and you’re doing so much better. You’re better than us, Emma, and I’m happy for that.’
‘But I’m not better! I’m as good as you and Mum. You’re as good as me.’
He shakes his head. ‘You should never apologise for wanting more.’
‘But that feels like I’m betraying you. I should be happy with all that you and Mum have given me. And I am. I’m so grateful.’
‘It’s not a crime to want more. I wanted more than my parents and so did your mum. And we had more. Believe it or not.’ He looks around the lounge. ‘My dad did piecework in the factory. I got to study The Knowledge and earn my living sitting on my arse. That’s a step up. And you’ve heard Auntie Rose’s stories. She and your gran didn’t have an inside toilet. We should always be grateful for what we’ve got, Emma, but that doesn’t mean we can’t want more. You’re smart enough not only to want it but to be able to study to get it. You’re not destined to sell scooters your whole life. You and Daniel will make your home and maybe one day fill it with children who’ll be grateful for all you give them but want more for themselves too. That’s how we move forward.’
I don’t think my make-up is going to survive this talk. We hold each other and cry. I’m crying because I know how much my parents love me. And I’m crying because I know they’re right. I want more, and no matter what Dad says, it feels like a betrayal.
Shahrzad jumps into my taxi to fix me up as soon as Dad and I pull up in front of the town hall. ‘Jez is outside. You can’t have your photo taken looking like that. Now, please, try to hold it together! I’m good at make-up, but I can’t work miracles.’ She kisses my freshly smoothed cheek. ‘Whenever you’re ready, Emma. Good luck, Mr Liddell!’
With a monumental heave, Dad lifts himself from the seat and, with a control that must take every ounce of his ability, he steps confidently from the taxi. Holding on to the door with one hand, he holds out his other. ‘Emma? Ready?’
I hold my Dad’s hand, step out of the taxi and into a spontaneous round of applause. I look around at the dozens of people waiting in front of the town hall – both Daniel’s side and mine – but it’s hard to register everyone’s faces. All I know is that I’m grinning from ear to ear and holding on to my Dad for dear life.
But my mind is perfectly calm. And it’s filled with one thought. Daniel is inside waiting for me. I was wrong to think that everything we’ve done – all the work and worrying – is for the next few hours. It’s really down to this, in the next few minutes, when Daniel and I will exchange our promises to spend the rest of our lives together.
‘Dad, I didn’t think I could ever be this happy.’
He kisses my cheek and leads me to where my bridesmaids are standing. ‘Over to you,’ he says, gently passing me off to them.
‘But you’re walking me up the aisle!’
He shrugs. ‘You need to be fussed over by your bridesmaids. That’s the tradition. I’ll be there to walk you up the aisle. First I have to get everyone inside and check for stragglers at the pub.’
‘And maybe have a swift half while you’re there, Mr Liddell?’ Kell teases.
‘If you say so.’
We’re led away to a little room. ‘How’s Daniel doing?’ I ask Cressida. ‘He is here, right?’
She laughs. ‘He wouldn’t stay for more than one drink next door in case it made him late. He can’t wait to marry you.’ Her eyes glisten with tears. ‘We can’t wait for him to marry you.’
Time seems to slow in those few minutes before Dad returns to walk me up the aisle. So many smiles, so much laughter and so much love. Exactly as I’d imagined.
There’s wedding music as Dad and I make our entrance, but I don’t register the tune. I do see every smiling face now, though. And I’m conscious of my dad holding my arm, strong and sure of his steps.
But most of all I see Daniel waiting for me. The sun streaming through the tall window behind him makes his hair glow golden. His smile is as wobbly as mine as he fights back tears. ‘You are so unbelievably beautiful,’ he whispers to me.
The only time our hands unclasp is when it’s time to exchange the rings. The ceremony is as short as we could make it and still be legally married. When the registrar pronounces us husband and wife a cheer goes up that threatens the foundations of the building. ‘We’re married!’ Daniel says the second before he kisses me. We go up the aisle as everyone claps and laughs and they trail behind us out of the pretty room. Our footsteps echo on the marble floors and laughter bounces off the wood-panelled walls.
‘Wait just a sec,’ Kell tells Daniel, scooting in front of us and out the door. She comes back in. ‘Okay.’
The huge wooden doors fly open and Daniel and I step out of the town hall, for the first time as husband and wife.
A roar goes up.
But our guests are behind us. So who’s making all the noise…?
The pavement in front of the hall is packed. Everybody is cheering.
Slowly I start to recognise faces. There’s my favourite secondary school teacher standing beside… all my teachers! And the head, and… so many of my classmates. There’s Stuart, my first kiss. That’s Kevin, my first…
well, let’s just say everyone I went to school with is here.
My boss, Marco, is waving madly as Ant looks mortified at his father’s Mediterranean enthusiasm. Zane’s family is beside them – his mum in her usual colourful African print kaftan and head wrap, and both his sisters in pretty summer dresses.
Mr and Mrs Ishtiaque’s daughters – all three of them – are in beautiful pink, orange and blue sarees. When Mr and Mrs Ishtiaque join them, together they look like exotic birds.
Even that Sheila Larkin is here, luckily not wearing a blue dress so Mum won’t have more ammunition against her. The councillor is standing officiously beside PC Billy Bramble, who keeps talking into his walkie-talkie.
The couple from the Pound Shop are here, and the pet stall lady who’s very nice but never knows when to end a conversation. Helen, our GP, grins happily beside the fish-stall man, who’s standing with the lady who always does me a good deal on knickers and the bedding man with his twin sons and his wife. Pawnshop Steve is holding hands with his two little girls, who are doing a little dance. They’re all here, every one of my tribe are here.
‘Did you?’
Daniel nods. ‘With Kell, obviously. It wouldn’t be your wedding without everyone here.’
‘Where are your parents?’ I say, turning to find them. ‘Get them, please, Daniel. And your sister and Cressida and Seb and Jacob. They’re all part of this too.’
Kell rounds up Auntie Rose and Dad and Mum, Uncle Colin and Uncle Barbara, and we all stand together there in front of the town hall with Daniel’s side. I don’t know who grasps hands first, but within seconds we’re all connected, Daniel’s side and mine, our hands clasped together in the air, being welcomed by the cheers of my East London family.
Chapter 20
It’s not till the crowd parts a bit that I see what’s behind them. A queue of black cabs line the curb, all festooned with white ribbons. ‘Dad! They look fantastic!’ Dad’s grinning almost as insanely as me.
The Big Little Wedding in Carlton Square Page 22