Of course I know it’s her behind it. It’s been her behind it ever since we opened the café. But sending the kids around is only going to make the situation worse. And she knows that as well as I do.
I can feel tears welling in my eyes as I scan the leaflet again. It’s not sadness though. It’s pissed-offness. I stare hard at the strings of calico bunting that criss-cross the ceiling until I’m sure I won’t weep in front of my employees. Every single person in here, I remind myself – sipping their hot drinks, chatting, laughing or quietly enjoying the warm cosy ambiance – loves our café. So get a grip on yourself. Sticks and stones and all that.
One of the walkie-talkies crackles to life on the countertop. ‘Emma, Emma, come in, Emma.’
I’m not sure why I ever thought it would be clever to let the customers upstairs give us orders over those things. Most of the time they use them to ask the answers to stupid trivia questions that they’re too lazy to look up on their phones.
I’m in no mood for trivia right now. ‘What is it, Leo?’ I’m sure my annoyance comes through loud and clear despite the static.
‘We need you upstairs.’
‘Do you need me to actually bring you something or is this your usual afternoon plea for attention, because I haven’t really got time right now.’
There’s a pause. ‘It’s just my usual plea for attention. Sorry to bother you. Over and out.’ The walkie-talkie goes dead.
Now I’m cross and I feel bad. I’m absolutely definitely not treating Leo any differently than usual. I’d have been just as short with him yesterday. It’s the situation that’s changed, not me. And definitely not my feelings.
Something told me today should have been a duvet day.
Two months earlier …
I’m sitting at our solid old dining room table, oblivious to the fact that I’m about to make a mortal enemy. I don’t even know Leo yet, or Lou or Joseph or most of the customers who will become my friends. Morning sun streams through the wide bay window in the front room, throwing a long rectangle of light along the floor. It’ll reach my chair in another hour, but I’ll be long gone by then.
That window is my favourite part of the whole house. It’s where Daniel and I looked out over our wedding reception at everyone in the world we love. It’s also where we took Auntie Rose’s advice not to wait till after the party to christen our new marriage. While it’s beyond mortifying to hear bedroom suggestions from your seventy-something great aunt, she was right. And there wasn’t even a sofa there yet. We used to live life on the edge.
Now our edges are blunt and you don’t really get any view from the window unless you stand up to look out over flower boxes – crammed full of colourful pansies and winter primroses – past the wrought iron fence and over the quiet road into the garden square beyond.
I can’t claim credit for the flowers. Mrs Ishtiaque comes over every few months to plant new ones after I’ve killed the previous lot. It was involuntary plantslaughter, Your Honour.
Mrs Ishtiaque has lived next door to my parents my whole life. She looks out for me like I’m one of her daughters. She says that newlyweds should always have blossoms in their lives. Blooming flowers, blooming love, she claims. Though we’re not technically newlyweds anymore. I’ll have been married to Daniel two years in July. Sometimes it feels like two decades.
The twins are in lock down in their high chairs, happily finger-painting stewed apples over everything. They’re a couple of Picassos, those two.
It’s a surprise to see them both painting, actually. They almost never do the same thing at the same time. If one is sleeping, the other’s awake. One’s breakfast is the other’s play time. The only things they seem to synchronise are tantrums and bowel movements.
I wouldn’t believe they were related if they hadn’t put me through thirty hours of labour.
‘Mama! Mamamamamamamamamama!’ screams Grace, blinking fast to dislodge a bit of apple from her eyelid. She couldn’t care less about the smears all over her face. It’s the attention she wants.
‘Have you made a mess, my love?’ She squirms but lets me wipe her chubby cheeks. By the time I’ve got most of the stewed fruit off her, the cloth is filthy.
‘Grab another wet cloth for Oscar, will you?’ I call to Daniel as I spot him weaving his way towards us through the piles of laundry and strewn toys.
Changing direction, he calls, ‘Clean-up in aisle six,’ from the kitchen.
‘Clean-up in aisles one through five as well,’ I mutter, looking around.
No one would ever call me house-proud – Mum holds that title every year running – but even I’m getting fed up with the mess. ‘Could you please fold the laundry while I get them cleaned up?’ I ask Daniel. ‘It’s the pile on the sofa.’ As opposed to the ones on the floor, the chair or the coffee table.
He plants a swift kiss on top of my head and plonks a soaking wet cloth into my hand. That’ll need wringing out before I assault our child with it. I want to clean Oscar, not drown him.
‘Can’t I have my brekkie first? I’m rahly running late for work,’ says Daniel.
My lips twitch when he says brekkie. And rahly. He’s still trying to speak commoner like the rest of us do around here, but his posh accent really shows up the difference in our upbringings.
He didn’t need to utter a word the first time I saw him for me to know he was different. Picture the scene: I’m twenty-five and it’s our first day of class – an architecture course at City Lit in Central London – and everyone shuffles in to find a seat. The classroom is functional and bare aside from the battered plastic chairs and scarred desks – no oak-panelled walls, antique tomes or dreaming spires for us mature students. Most of us are huddled into wool coats against the bite of January, laden with satchels and rucksacks and nerves.
It wasn’t Daniel’s strong jawline or wavy blond hair that I first noticed, or his broad shoulders or long legs or the way his face crinkled into a friendly smile every time he caught someone’s eye.
It was his vivid green trousers that I noticed first as he stood to take off his duffel coat. Then he pulled off his dark V-neck jumper to reveal a bright yellow striped work shirt underneath. By the time he’d tied the jumper around his shoulders, the rest of us – clad in T-shirts or sweatshirts and jeans – were staring at him.
Mistaking our curiosity for friendliness, Daniel did what no-one ever did on the first day of class. He started talking to strangers. You’d think he was catching up with old friends the way he asked everyone how far they’d travelled and whether this was their first course. By the time the lecturer dismissed us that day, Daniel was on a first-name basis with everyone
And that sums him up, really.
It’s not his fault he dresses the way he does. He grew up in one of those five-story white-fronted mansions in West London, with rooms stuffed full of masterpieces and precious artwork and a pond in the back garden. They had people who answered the door for them and made them their meals. They count most heads of state as friends and Daniel’s godfather is a Lord. It took me a while to realise that his parents are very nice people, despite sounding like the upstairs family from Downton Abbey. What a world away from the council house where I grew up with Mum and Dad. Our furniture is more Ikea than iconic and our friends drink pints, not Dom Perignon. I don’t run across many poshies in my day-to-day life, except for the ones who occasionally come this way to stuff fivers into g-strings at the local strip club. And I don’t date them.
With such an upbringing, Daniel sounds like he should be spoiled or at least a bit of an arse, right? It’s hard not to make assumptions when you hear about someone’s giant house and their servants and gap year holidays. But like I said, he’s kind and easy-going and generous, totally unflashy and not the least bit judgmental. It helped that I got to know all these things about him before I found out he was stonking rich. Otherwise, naturally I’d have presumed he was a wanker.
That doesn’t mean we’re not from different worlds, o
nly that the differences are more about our accents and experiences, not the things that really matter. That’s why I do give him full marks for trying to fit in, even if the slang sounds wrong with his plummy pronunciation. Besides, he totally ruins it with his next remarks.
‘I’ll just put the seeded bloomer in to toast, yah? It’s the last of the loaf before Waitrose delivers again. I think we’re out of hummus too.’
He sounds straight off the estate, doesn’t he?
I stop wringing the sopping cloth into my half-drunk coffee cup. If I’m ever kidnapped, the police will be able to trace my last movements through the string of unfinished hot drinks I’ve left behind. ‘Having your seeded bloomer toast before or after you fold clothes won’t make a difference to your lateness, you know.’
When his face breaks into a cheeky smile, one dimple appears on the left side. That dimple! It hints at a mouth that’s usually lopsided with merriment. He can make me laugh at myself like nobody else. It’s one of the things that’s always charmed me. It would probably work now, but I’m too tired. ‘I think I’ll be more efficient, energy-wise, if I eat first,’ he says, glancing at his phone. ‘You’re right as usual, though. Just let me answer this one email. I’ll be quick.’
But he’s not quick enough. By the time he finishes his toast I need him to change Grace while I do Oscar. Our children are messy at both ends. So the laundry will sit in a heap for another day as my award for Homemaker of the Year slips further away.
Daniel waits till he’s at the front door to casually break his news to me. He thinks it cushions the blow to kiss me when he does it. Kisses or not, it feels like an ambush.
‘I’ve got to meet with Jacob quickly after work tonight.’ He nuzzles my neck. ‘Are you wearing a new perfume? It smells so good.’
That would be the tea tree oil for the spot that’s come up on my forehead. ‘But you were just out the other night.’
‘That was last week, darling.’
‘Was it? Still, do you have to? I’ll be working at the café all day with Mum. I thought you could do tea for us tonight.’
‘Yah, I could have if you’d told me before now, but I’ve already said yes to Jacob. He says it’s rahly important, otherwise I’d cancel. I won’t be late though. And don’t worry about supper for me. If it’s easier I can grab a bite with Jacob while I’m out. I love you!’
Yeah, sure it’s easier. Easier for him. ‘Love you too,’ I say quietly.
And I do. I’m crazy about him. I just wish he was, I don’t know, more helpful. No, that’s not the right word, because he is almost always ready to help. It’s his follow-through that needs work.
When the twins were tiny we were such a solid team: cuddling, changing, feeding, fussing, staring for hours in wonder and bewilderment. We did it all together. Even though he hasn’t got the feeding equipment to be of much practical use, he’d sit with us while I nursed our babies so I that wasn’t the only one awake.
But now that they’re toddlers, he sleeps through the night even when we don’t. He will do what I ask of him, usually without grumbles. But I’ve become more of a lead singer to his backing vocals and the thing is, I never wanted a solo career.
Grace raises her arms and mewls for a cuddle as soon as Daniel leaves, fixing me with the same long-lashed blue-eyed stare that he has. She’s as irresistible as he is too, with her golden hair and dimples. Oscar’s got my family’s red tinge, which thrills Mum. It would be nice though for one of my children to have my dark hair or even the cowlick at the front that I can’t do anything with. Not that one should ever wish a cowlick on their children.
There’s no time on the walk to my parents’ house for a proper grizzle about Daniel getting to go out tonight. Even walking slowly, it only takes fifteen minutes, plus time to stop for the toys, dummies and shoes the twins jettison from the pushchair along the way.
It’ll be no use whinging to Mum when I get there either. She didn’t manage to hold our family together – raising me, making ends meet and looking after Dad while working her cleaning jobs – by being soft. She’ll only be her usual sensible self and tell me that I’m over-reacting. It’s not like Daniel is out every night or comes home pissed. You heard him. It’s a once-a-week thing at most. And the world won’t end because he didn’t fold our pants. I’m just overtired. Looking after the children is a lot harder than I imagined.
Says every parent in the world. Still, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Well, maybe I would, just for half an hour so I could have a bath without an audience. I’d want them back though as soon as I was towelled off.
‘Good morning!’ I call into Mum and Dad’s house as I let myself in with my key. ‘You have a special delivery: two toddlers, fairly clean and ready to play!’
They’re all in their usual spots in the lounge – Mum and Auntie Rose on the settees and Dad in his old reading chair that Mum has tried to get rid of for years.
Dad’s face creases into a broad smile when he sees his grandchildren. ‘Come ‘ere, me loves!’
It’s hard to unbuckle them with all the wriggling. They’re in Dad’s lap as fast as their little legs will carry them across the lounge floor. ‘There’s me angels,’ he murmurs as he kisses the tops of their heads.
‘Hah, you should have seen them at breakfast.’
‘They’re angels to me.’
He means it too. I don’t know what happened to the strict father I had to deal with growing up. He’s turned into a giant marshmallow of a man. ‘How come you never spoiled me like that?’
‘I would have if you’d smelled like biscuits,’ he says.
‘That’s not what they smelled like an hour ago.’
You’d have thought Mum and Dad had won the lottery when I asked if they’d look after the twins for a few hours a day till I can get the café ready to open. Mum had the whole house baby-proofed, including Dad. She saw her chance with his chair, reciting a litany of childhood diseases that might lurk in its nubbly striped fabric. But Dad offered to get it cleaned and she hasn’t thought up a way around that. If she ever does manage to get rid of it, I just know Dad’s going to go too.
He glances up. ‘How are you, love?’
‘Okay, just tired, Dad.’
‘She’s burning the candle at both ends,’ Auntie Rose says. ‘It’s too much if you ask me. Not that anybody ever does.’
Auntie Rose likes to say that, but she knows how important she is in our family. We joke that that’s why we keep her under lock and key. It’s not really the reason. It’s just nice to have a laugh about it with her. Otherwise it’s a bit sad. ‘You’re right, Auntie Rose, but I can’t stop now. Besides, it’s not for much longer. Mum and I are stripping the tables and chairs today. We’re nearly there.’
‘You’ll be just as busy after the café opens, you know,’ Mum reminds me as she goes to tidy up around Dad’s chair. She never sits still for long. ‘You keep talking like it’s all going to suddenly calm down. I just hope it’s not too much.’
Of course it’s too much, but Mum knows what it means to me to open this café. I didn’t spend five years getting my degree not to use it just because my uterus decided it suddenly wanted to play host to a couple of embryos. There’s a lot at stake. Not least of which is the wodge of my in-laws’ money that’s going into the business.
Being as rich as they are, they invest in all sorts of things, though Daniel doesn’t like to rely on them. We didn’t even accept help from them for our wedding. But that’s another story.
When they offered to officially loan me the money for the café, there was a lot of discussion about it before Daniel and I agreed. I thought it would be better to borrow money from family instead of an impersonal bank. Now I’m not so sure.
They’re not putting pressure on me or anything. I’d feel better if they did. But every time I promise to pay them back, Philippa waves me away with a cheerful ‘Don’t worry about that’, like they’ve already kissed their investment good-bye. Now I think I should h
ave risked the bad credit rating with the bank manager. At least I wouldn’t have to spend every holiday at his house worrying that he thinks I’ll never come good on the business.
I know I can do this. I’ll have to, won’t I? A year ago I wouldn’t have thought I could handle having twins and look at me now. Frazzled, exhausted and barely managing, but I haven’t screwed them up too badly yet.
When we hear the knock at the door, Auntie Rose says, ‘That’ll be Doreen.’
Mum opens it with the key from around her neck. I wasn’t kidding about the lockdown around here.
‘Where are the babies?!’ Doreen exclaims, not waiting for an invitation inside. ‘’Ere, for elevenses.’ She hands Mum a carrier bag full of biscuits. ‘They were on special, two-for-one. Ha, like these two!’
Doreen is one of Auntie Rose’s lifelong best friends. She smokes like a wet log fire and there are questions over exactly what happened when her husband disappeared back in the eighties, but beneath her over-tanned cleavage and lumpy wrap dresses there beats the heart of an angel. Just don’t cross her or try cheating at cribbage.
There used to be four of them, till my gran died eight or nine years ago. She was Auntie Rose’s sister. Now it’s Auntie Rose, Doreen, and June, whose husband hasn’t disappeared, so she mostly does her visiting with everyone in the evenings at the pub.
Both twins scramble off Dad’s lap to see what Doreen’s got to offer. Oscar doesn’t come empty-handed though. Shyly, he holds his stuffed duck out for Doreen’s inspection.
‘He’s just like you, Emma,’ Auntie Rose says.
‘Not Grace too?’ I say, though I’m just fishing for compliments. Greedy me, wanting credit for all the best traits of my children. But Grace has Daniel’s outgoing nature.
‘Nah, she’s a tearaway like your mother. It skipped a generation.’
The Big Little Wedding in Carlton Square Page 25