He walks to the door and I follow ‘im. “I was wonderin’ if you and Sawyer Jackson would like to have dinner with me tomorrow?”
We have no other plans and it’d be nice to not have to cook.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.”
“Good, I’ll pick you up at six?” He opens the door and waits for my answer.
“Yep, we’ll be ready.”
“Good, I’ll see you both tomorrow. Lock up,” Ethan says before pullin’ the door shut.
The next mornin’, Sawyer Jackson and I skip church. He isn’t 100% better, and I don’t want to take ‘im to church. There are many elderly people there, I don’t want to expose them. After lunch, I wash the dishes and watch everyone outside of the old schoolhouse. Abel Lee is standin’ in the field, wearin’ a white and black flannel shirt, jeans, and tan work boots. I admire his form as he stands there and I have to admit that I miss ‘im.
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Mommy?”
I dry my hands off, and pick Sawyer Jackson up and set him on the counter so he can also look out of the window. Abel Lee’s standin’ in the field lookin’ at something.”
“There’s Abel Lee. I wanna see Abel Lee.”
I watch as Abel Lee stands in the field and points to certain areas. It looks like he’s givin’ instructions or something.
“I wanna see Abel Lee, I miss ‘im.”
I set Sawyer Jackson down and he runs to the kitchen door. I follow ‘im and open the door for ‘im. He stands at the door wavin’ at Abel Lee. He doesn’t see ‘im so Sawyer Jackson yells his name. Abel Lee looks over, sees Sawyer Jackson, smiles and waves.
Abel Lee turns around and starts walkin’ towards us. It’s warmer today than it has been, although it’s still pretty cool. The sun shines brightly and it actually makes it look warmer than it actually is. When Abel Lee gets closer, Sawyer Jackson opens the screen and bursts through it. He runs to Abel Lee and jumps into his arms. My heart hurts at the interaction Abel Lee has with my son.
Abel Lee hugs Sawyer Jackson, and Sawyer Jackson hugs him back. Abel Lee watches me as he takes long strides towards the house. I hold open the screen and Abel Lee walks into the kitchen, still holdin’ my son.
“You feeling better, Buddy?” he asks.
“Yep. You didn’t come see me in the hospital.”
Abel Lee was there everyday for the first few days. It wasn’t until I told ‘im to get out that he left and never returned. I watch Abel Lee and say, “Buddy, Abel Lee was there with you everyday. You were just too sick to remember.”
“When I woke up, he wasn’t there.” My son is very honest.
“No, Sawyer Jackson, I wasn’t, and I’m very sorry about that.”
“Whacha doin’?” Sawyer Jackson asks as he looks outside while Abel Lee still holds him.
“Trying to clean up the old school.”
“Whatcha doin’ outside?”
“Trying to make a playground.”
I look at Abel Lee and he’s lookin’ outside with my son. He looks very handsome and rugged. He smells like a workin’ man, and that’s my favorite scent. He doesn’t look like the monster the person who sent the note and picture tried to portray Abel Lee to be.
“With swing sets and teeter totters, too?” Sawyer Jackson asks, smilin’.
“And a merry-go-round.”
“Yay, is it for all the kids to play on?”
“It sure is.”
“Mommy, Abel Lee is buildin’ me a playground in my backyard.” Abel Lee lowers Sawyer Jackson and smiles at his statement. He doesn’t correct him, he lets my son believe this is his personal playground.
“That’s pretty awesome.” I hear a text message alert comin’ from the cell phone and I remember Abel Lee and I still have each other’s phone. “I have something that belongs to you.”
Abel Lee looks at me in confusion. I take the phone from the charger and hand it to him. “I think this one is yours.”
He looks at it and smiles. “I forgot all about it. I’ve recently claimed yours as my own.” He reaches into his pocket and looks at the cellphone. “Then this must belong to you.” He tries to hand me the cell phone, but I don’t take it. It’s identical to his. “Savannah Mae? I bought this for you. Take it, it’s yours.”
I shake my head. “It’s yours. We’re no longer together. You bought it for me when we were together.” My voice cracks, and I swallow to stall for more time. “I can’t take it.” I look down at Sawyer Jackson; I can’t look at Abel Lee. My heart hurts. I want to tell Abel Lee I’m sorry, but I can’t.
“Sawyer Jackson, I need to get back to work. I’ll see you again real soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Savannah Mae, I bought this for you.” I hear the door close and I see my cell phone is lyin’ on the kitchen table. The hot pink phone case I bought is still on it. I smile at the thought of Abel Lee usin’ such a girly phone. Sawyer Jackson goes back to his bedroom and I pick up the phone and hold it to my chest and cry.
Later that day, Sawyer Jackson and I get dressed and wait for Ethan to pick us up. Sawyer Jackson was so excited to get to spend some time with his daddy. This is the way I always thought it would be between us. Even after our divorce, I always wanted Sawyer Jackson to know he had a mom and a dad.
Abel Lee
After seeing Sawyer Jackson and Savannah Mae, I didn’t think I’d be able to finish the last few hours of work. I kept thinking about him, and her. When he ran up to me and wrapped his small arms around my neck, I just wanted to hold him tightly. He is such a great kid. During the few months Savannah Mae and I dated, I have fallen in love with her and her son. Of course I never told her my feelings. I was planning on it, but the time never came. I had to tell her about my past first. And those words weren’t so easy to say. Maybe one day when I get my life together, she’ll listen to me, and maybe she’ll be understanding.
I work the rest of the day and force myself to not look in the direction of Savannah Mae’s house. I overheard Ethan tell his dad he was taking Savannah Mae and his son to dinner tonight at Adornetto’s Pizza. I also heard he is no longer with Heather Sue. Although I don’t engage in gossip, on occasion I do listen to it — just when it pertains to someone I love and care for.
I cut out of work an hour earlier than I wanted to. It took me an hour to sort through all of the text messages and voicemails on my phone. I was surprised to see that none of the text messages was read. Savannah Mae must be the only woman on this planet who wouldn’t go through a man’s cell phone messages.
I have a few calls from my previous manager, Mack, and a text message from Anna Harris, telling me she is still in school and loves it. She also tells me she is house hunting and hopes she finds something before summertime. I also have a call from Bobby Grether. He’s my opponent I lost my boxing title to. After the fight, he opened up a training center for kids and adults. He invited me and every other big-name boxer to attend the grand opening. It turned out to be a fundraiser for breast cancer, and it was nice to make amends with him after so many years.
Bobby and I go back to our college years, and he always despised me after something that happened at a college party until he learned the truth of what happened that night. It was nice to not be at odds with him, too. He won the championship belt and he won it fair and square. If I had to lose the title, I’m glad I lost it to him. He is deserving and despite everything he went through with losing his daughter, being addicted to drugs, and then learning his deceased daughter was actually switched at birth, he still trained and showed up ready to fight, and he won.
I shower and drive into Zanesville for dinner. When I pull into the parking lot of Adornetto’s, I see Savannah Mae, Sawyer Jackson, and Ethan walking towards the front entrance. They have Sawyer Jackson walking in between them holding their hands. From where I’m looking, they look like a perfect little family. Looks are deceiving and painful. But I wonder if maybe they aren’t trying to get back together. I did see Ethan there late the othe
r night while I was on a run.
I don’t park the car. I can’t. If they’re trying to get back together, who am I to stop it? I just want Savannah Mae and her son to be happy. I wish it were me, but it’s not. I decide to dine at Talaquepague instead; I haven’t had Mexican in a long time.
I ask for a table in the corner and order my dinner. I text Bobby Grether and we chat briefly. I also text Anna Harris. I can tell she is excited even through a text. The exclamation marks and all of the happy emoticons are a sure giveaway. I don’t text Mack because I’m not sure I want to talk to him yet. I know what he wants: He wants me to go back into the ring. “Just once more,” he’ll say. I was good at boxing and I do miss it. Maybe if I still lived in New York and still lived that lifestyle, I would’ve gone back to it. But I don’t and I’m not sure I want to do that. I feel like I’m meant to be in Rose Farm, even if I’m not with Savannah Mae. I have plans and I feel like I can finally help out and improve the lives of some of the people who live there. I was also meant to live the country life.
After dinner, I take the back roads home. I want to drive by and see if Ethan’s car is still at the restaurant, but I don’t. I do drive past Savannah Mae’s house to see if she’s home yet. I have this need to protect her, to keep her safe. Not so much from Ethan, but from the anonymous photo stalker, and from Megan Rose’s killer. But I think about the pain that Ethan and Heather Sue have caused her, and I know that I’ll protect her from them, too, if I need to.
I don’t know if I’m disappointed or relieved when I see they aren’t home yet. I drive around the small neighborhood before returning to the farm. I was planning on feeding the animals and then going for a run, but I see Mia and Levi’s truck in Momma and Pops’ driveway. I didn’t know they were coming over tonight. I begin to worry that maybe they found something else out about the baby. I recently stopped researching Down syndrome. There’s a lot of information out there and it’s overwhelming. If their baby is born with it, then I’ll begin to research it again, but not until.
After parking the truck, I’m relieved when I see everyone sitting around the table having cookies and coffee. Well, everyone but Mia, she’s having cookies and milk.
“Well, there’s my boy.” Momma stands from the table and walks towards the coffee pot to get me a cup. I can get my own coffee, but she has this need to take care of me. After I greet everyone, I take a seat at the table.
“Where you comin’ from?” Mia asks.
Looking over at her, I think that she already knows my answer. “Dinner, drove up to Zanesville and treated myself to Mexican for a change.”
Mia asks, “You dinin’ alone?”
I fidget with the napkin as Momma places a mug of hot coffee in front of me. “I did, yes.”
Momma pats me on the shoulder before taking her seat across from me. “Thank you, Momma.”
“I talked to Savannah Mae…,” Mia begins to say.
“Can we please not talk about Savannah Mae this evening?” I can feel all eyes on me. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d rather not talk about her right now.” I try to smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. I can barely feel it on my lips.
“I just want you to know we’re here for you. If there’s something you want to talk about…”
“There isn’t. Thank you, Mia.” I fidget again. “How’s the baby doing?” I didn’t ask as a distraction although it seems like it. I truly want to know how my niece or nephew is doing.
“The baby’s doin’ great. The tests we had done didn’t reveal anything we didn’t already know.
“That’s good news. Still waiting to find out the gender of the baby?”
“Sure are. We’re all gonna be surprised together.”
When Mia and Levi leave, I feed the animals and take my guitar outside. Bluebelle and Colonel are standing at the stall. I feed them some carrots and sit on the hay bale reserved just for me and my guitar. I strum a few chords and hum a few songs. Every song I play reminds me of Savannah Mae. Pops walks into the barn and says, “Can’t sleep?” He pets the horses before looking back to me.
I rest the guitar on my lap. “No, sleep seems to be evading me lately.”
“Have anything to do with Savannah Mae?”
He knows. I should have known he knew all this time. “Has everything to do with Savannah Mae.” I rest my head on the barn wall the hay bale is propped against.
“Mia said Savannah Mae’s been quite sad lately. I think that has something to do with you.”
“It could have something to do with Sawyer Jackson not feeling well.”
Pops leans against a support beam. “That might be part of it, but that ain’t everything.” I tell him what happened the night at the hospital. I tell him about the note and the picture, and her exact words spoken right before I left the room.
“You don’t think she would have understood? You’re a professional boxer. Sometimes people’s gonna get hurt.”
“She didn’t want to hear an excuse. You didn’t see the look on her face, Pops.” I tell him my fears about Megan Rose’s murderer still loose.
“We’re all worried about that, Abel. You don’t think you’d be in a better position to protect her if you were with her?” He shifts legs and places his hands in his baggy blue jean pocket. I also tell him about me feeling unworthy of Savannah Mae’s love.
He watches me and walks closer to me. “You have millions. You buy people homes. You stock the kitchen at the church. You leave money at the grocery store for people’s arrearages. You even paid for a girl you didn’t know to go to hairdressin’ school to help support her son. Just because you temporarily choose to live at home with your parents doesn’t make you unworthy, son.” He walks away from me towards the horse stall. “You may want to think about that, Abel. You’re more deservin’ than you give yourself credit for.” Pops leaves the barn without saying another word.
I think about what he said. If I make her listen, maybe I can make her understand. If I was with her, I could protect her and her son. Pops is right. I live with him and Momma because I choose to, not because I have to.
I feel more excited than I have since Savannah Mae and I broke up. I’m going to Savannah Mae’s, and I’m going to make her listen. I’m going to claim my girl.
Savannah Mae
Although I felt funny about havin’ dinner with Ethan, Sawyer Jackson loved it. He’s feelin’ better everyday and he laughed so much durin’ the meal. My mind was on Abel Lee. I miss him and I want to talk to him. Durin’ dinner with Ethan, I’ve decided I’m gonna march myself over to the old schoolhouse and talk to him. I’m gonna make ‘im talk to me. I miss ‘im and I wanna be with ‘im. I’ll admit to bein’ irrational. I’ll blame it on Sawyer Jackson bein’ in the hospital and my emotions bein’ all over the place. I’ll even go as far to admittin’ I’m a little crazy, if that’s what it takes.
Once my decision is made up, I relax a little and enjoy my dinner with Ethan and Sawyer Jackson. Ethan’s phone vibrates durin’ dinner and he continues to ignore it.
“You might as well talk to her.”
Ethan looks up from his dinner and says, “I’m hopin’ she’ll get the hint and stop callin’.”
I don’t know why I care about his relationship with Heather Sue. “You need to talk to her.”
Sawyer Jackson plays with his Toy Story figurines Abel Lee got ‘im. Ethan looks at Sawyer Jackson and smiles sadly. “I can’t forgive her for tryin’ to keep me from my son.”
Good, because I can’t forgive the homewrecker, either. “Then tell her that.”
“I have, but I will again.”
The rest of the meal, we talk about Sawyer Jackson and nothin’ else. He’s the most important person at the dinner table. Since my mind is made up about Abel Lee, dinner is much more enjoyable. Sawyer Jackson says he wants to see the new Peanuts Movie playin’ at the mall.
Ethan smiles and searches something on his phone. “If we hurry, we can make the next movie.”
; Sawyer Jackson wipes his mouth off with his paper napkin and says, “I’m full.”
We all laugh and Ethan pays the bill.
After the movie, Sawyer Jackson falls asleep on the way home.
“Thank you for tonight.”
Ethan looks over at me. “It was good spendin’ time with you and our son.”
“It was. He enjoyed it.”
“How about you? Did you enjoy it, too, Savannah Mae?”
Smilin’, I say, “I did, thank you.”
Ethan swallows hard and says, “Would you like to do it again this weekend? Maybe without Sawyer Jackson.” I freeze. It sounds like he’s askin’ me out on a date. Is he askin’ me out on a date? “I’ve made a terrible mistake and I miss you. I was hopin’ maybe we could…”
“We can’t,” I blurt out. “Ethan, we can’t go back to where we were. Too much has happened between us and between you and Heather Sue.”
He pauses, as if he’s thinkin’ of the right words to say. “I know, but I was hopin’ I could try to fix it.”
“You can’t, I’m sorry. You can never repair the damage you caused. I can’t trust you. I could never trust you, Ethan.”
“Ouch, that hurts.” He looks hurt.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. But I can’t go back to that. I don’t want to. I’m different now. I’m not the same person I was when we were married.”
“You’re harder.”
I’m harder? Am I? Maybe I am. “Yes, I guess I am,” I whisper. “I guess I have to be. I have to be hard to protect my heart. Ethan, you hurt me, and you hurt me bad.”
“I’m sorry, Savannah Mae. I was stupid and I would never do that again.”
“Maybe not, but I can’t take the chance and find out. I won’t go through that again.”
We drive in an uncomfortable silence the rest of the way home. When we pull up at the house, it’s dark. I always leave the porch light on.
“I think your porch light’s burned out.”
“Sure looks like it.”
I open my truck door and he says, “If you have a lightbulb, I’ll change it for you before I leave.”
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