Coffee and Conclusions

by Emma Sterner-Radley

  “Would you stop being so wonderfully considerate?” Isabella said with a smile. “You’ve been nothing but thoughtful, supportive, and kind. I can’t thank you enough for helping me ease back into seeing myself as a sexual creature. Tonight’s been sweet and sexy. But I think I need us to try being more platonic for a little while, take it in small steps like you suggested.”

  “Of course. Whatever you need.”

  “Thank you for being so understanding, and I’m sorry I teased you. By the way, this means I’m going to need you to put that sexy body back in some clothes.”

  Erin started to put her jeans on and noticed that she hadn’t shaved her legs nor trimmed her pubic hair for a few days. She was mortified.

  “Crap, I’d forgotten that I hadn’t shaved. I hope that didn’t freak you out.”

  “Don’t apologize. I wasn’t measuring your amount of body hair; I was too busy enjoying your body.”

  Isabella paused to reach down and put her socks on and then continued, unfazed. “I’m always neatly shaved, because I don’t like the way hair on my body feels under my clothes. I never expected my boyfriends to shave, so why should I expect you to?”

  Two things hit Erin, one was that Isabella was nicely enlightened. The second was a much sexier implication. She put her bra on and watched Isabella button her shirt. “So, um, does that mean that you shave everywhere?”

  Isabella was bent over, stepping into her trousers, and looked up at the screen with a suggestive glance and a smirk. She said nothing, and somehow that was so damn sexy to Erin. She didn’t know if that silence meant “I’m too much of a lady to tell you, you’ll have to find out for yourself,” or if it was Isabella’s way of saying yes. Either way, Erin’s clit throbbed a little to remind her that her body still needed release—and that it really, really liked Isabella.

  Buttoning up her slacks, Isabella said, “So, you’re still okay with meeting up soon? Even though nothing sexual would happen?”

  “Of course, I am! I was desperate to meet up with you long before you took your clothes off. You know that. I just want to get to know you better and be a part of your life. Everything else can happen in its own time.”

  Isabella’s eyes twinkled happily. “I’m so glad to hear it. How about we meet up earlier than planned? I can’t wait, and I’m guessing you don’t want to either. How about this weekend?”

  Erin thought about it. Tomorrow was Friday, so that would give her some time to figure out the cheapest way to get to Philly and to figure out what the hell to wear.

  “Yeah, that sounds good. Can we make it Saturday? I don’t want to wait until Sunday.”

  Isabella made an amused sound in the back of her throat. “Neither do I. Lunch on Saturday? Or perhaps dinner, if you want to come a little later?”

  “Hmm,” Erin said. “It kind of depends on what mode of transportation I can get. I might not have much choice with times. Can I get back to you about that?”

  When Isabella smoothed her thick, sable-colored hair and let it fall over her collar again, Erin thought she might swallow her own tongue.

  “Of course,” Isabella continued. “We’ll discuss the arrangements tomorrow.” Isabella paused. “Well, I think I might go have a shower now, preferably a cold one.”

  Erin hesitated. It was perhaps a bit forward to say what was on her mind right now, but it was important too that Isabella hear it, loud and clear. “You know, if you decide against having a cold shower and choose to have a hot one that includes some touching, that’s okay. You know that, right?”

  Isabella smiled enigmatically. “Yes. I’ll let you know what kind of shower it turns out to be tomorrow.”

  “That doesn’t sound very platonic.” Erin smirked at her. “But it does sound great. I’d like to know.”

  “Then you will. What about you? Are you going to…?”

  Erin grinned, unable to keep from pushing it. “Let’s just say I’m glad I dusted off my sex toys.”

  “My, you really don’t mind being honest, do you? You’re incorrigible,” Isabella said. “Well, enjoy your toys, and I hope you get to sleep tonight when you are done.”

  “Oh, I’ve got a feeling I’ll pretty much keep going until I pass out.”

  “Erin!”

  “What? It’s true. Anyway, good night, beautiful. Thank you for trusting me and letting me see you.”

  “Thank you for being so sweet. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Speak to you tomorrow, preciosa. Good night.” With that, Isabella clicked her mouse and hung up their call.

  Erin took a deep breath and exhaled, “goddamn.”

  She looked over at the bedside table and knew exactly which drawer she was going to open. Striding over, she was already undoing her shirt for the third time that evening. Erin smiled. I bet I’m getting a deep sleep tonight.

  Chapter 11

  Talking it through

  Isabella started the day with a crushing headache. The situation with Erin had all become so real, and her anxiety wasn’t helped by the fact that they would meet tomorrow.

  She kept picking up her phone without knowing why, checking her empty inbox, and looking at old texts. She wasn’t looking for a message from Erin. She knew Erin had started work an hour ago. She was just restless.

  They’d exchanged their usual morning texts, where Isabella had briefly explained that she’d not touched herself last night.

  Touching myself was basically all I did last night, was Erin’s reply. Isabella just shook her head at the phone with muted delight. They wished each other a wonderful day, and Erin told her she would call when she finished work.

  Isabella had planned her day fully. Grocery shopping to fill the new fridge and freezer went to plan. But between the headache and her incessant phone checking, writing before lunch wasn’t getting done.

  Alberto lay in the baby gym her parents had given him. He seemed mesmerized by a bright-yellow and red butterfly to his left. Isabella sat down on the floor next to the gym and tapped the butterfly, making it sway above him. He tried to follow its movements and waved his hands and arms at great speed.

  “That’s it, cariño. Now try to reach for it,” she encouraged.

  They played for a while, but Isabella was very aware of the open document and her abandoned manuscript. After a while, she found herself reaching for her phone again. She cursed herself and fought the urge to throw the phone at the wall in frustration. Instead, she took a deep breath and dialed a number. She heard three rings before there was a reply.

  “Isabella!” Marie exclaimed.

  The familiar enthusiasm and the adoration in Marie’s voice was enough to dampen some of Isabella’s frustration. Familiarity—even an annoying one—was such a comfort.

  “Hello. I hope I’m not disturbing you?”

  “No, no, no. I’ve been wanting to talk to you forever. I’m supposed to be rehearsing my speech for tomorrow, but I know most of it by heart already,” Marie replied.

  Isabella rolled her eyes. Marie was a corporate motivational speaker who went to workplaces and held seminars on how optimism and positive energy could increase your energy and work output.

  Once, Isabella had hosted a forum for her office staff. She’d almost thrown up when Marie bellowed, “Self-confidence will perk you up more than coffee ever could.” She’d never asked Marie to come back.

  “Okay. Well, if you are sure.”

  “Of course I’m sure, Isabella. How is it being back in Philadelphia?”

  “Good, so far. I’m enjoying my own space, tiny as it may be.”

  “Glad to hear it. So, are you going to tell me why you called? I know you weren’t just wanting to check in with me, because you never do. What’s up, buttercup?”

  With a deep sigh, Isabella wondered if this was a good idea. “I think I might be in love,” she muttered.

 
“Yay!”

  Isabella sighed and added, “But I don’t think I’m ready for it.”

  “Less yay.”

  “The person in question has agreed to take it slow and just be friends until I’m ready.”

  “Yay!”

  “But I think I’m very likely going to sleep with them soon, and that might ruin it.”

  “Ah, a little less yay.”

  “Marie?”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t use the word yay for the remainder of this conversation.”

  Marie laughed. “Okay, I won’t. Well, I’m sure you won’t ruin the opportunity by having sex. Nor by waiting. Nor by rushing into a relationship. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. And if not, well, you can just break up again. Don’t overthink. Just go forward with a positive mindset, and everything will work out one way or another.”

  There was an annoyed crease on Isabella’s forehead now; she was sure of it. “Did you just suggest I enter into a sexual relationship with someone using a positive mindset?”

  “Certainly. Even sex can be improved if you just have the right mindset.”

  Isabella lost patience. “Oh, screw your mindset. I’ve got a headache, and my brain feels like it’s stuffed with so many worries and possible scenarios that I can’t think straight. I’m supposed to be writing this morning and then spending the afternoon moving the furniture around and picking out where I want some of my paintings. But I seem to be utterly incapable of focusing.”

  “Okay, this is serious. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Isabella did. Without mentioning Erin’s name or using female pronouns, she told Marie everything. About the role Erin had played in opening her eyes to how unhappy she was back in Florida. About Erin’s patience and support. Finally, Isabella explained about them meeting up soon.

  “Oh, that’s so good to hear. I am thrilled you’re turning over a new leaf. I always worried about you being with Richard—he never made you happy. Love should make you glow, and you never glowed.”

  “Well, I’m sorry if I didn’t sparkle enough for you to have faith in my relationship.”

  “Oh, shush. You know what I meant. Anyway, I’m glad you’re moving on. And I’m glad you found someone who helped wake you up and who supports you, someone whose energy aligns with yours.”

  Isabella tried to not roll her eyes, since that would make the ache behind her temples worse. “Thank you.”

  “So, are you buzzing with excitement over meeting this knight in shining armor face-to-face?” Marie asked.

  In her head, Isabella could see the romantic twinkle in Marie’s eyes. That wasn’t helping her headache either.

  “I’m looking forward to it, yes. I’m also…” She stopped, hating to admit weakness. “I’m also terrified of what might happen.”

  “What might happen? Do you mean being late?”

  “No, you imbecile.”

  “Isabella, what have we said about name-calling?” Marie asked in a singsong voice.

  “What have we said about speaking to me as if I were a misbehaving child?”

  “Fine, let’s just move on. Explain what you mean.”

  Isabella took a deep breath. “What if we don’t know what to say when we are face-to-face? What if it’s uncomfortable and quiet? You know I’m horrible at small talk. I’ll just say something controversial to get the conversation started, and then we’ll end up fighting.”

  “It won’t come to that. You clearly have a lot to talk about. Just don’t let nerves stop you from continuing that trend. And if against all odds it does end up being dreadful, text me. I’ll call you and pretend I need you for an emergency.”

  “That’s…actually a good idea.”

  “I know. I have them all the time. It comes with the job. But that wasn’t your only worry about the date, was it?”

  “Don’t call it a date, please. That sounds so official and…puts too much pressure on me. I don’t know if that is exactly what it is,” Isabella muttered.

  “It is.”

  Isabella’s headache took the leap from thrumming to outright throbbing. “Oh, stop being such an intolerable know-it-all.”

  Marie just laughed. “Fine. Answer the question, honey pie.”

  “Honey pie? Really?”

  Marie sighed. “Answer the question, and stop stalling.”

  “All right, fine. Don’t hurry me along. You know this isn’t easy for me.”

  “I know. At your own speed,” Marie replied.

  Isabella took a moment, choosing her words. “I’m afraid that it will go too well, and we’ll end up…sleeping together.”

  “Right, you mentioned that before. And that’s bad?”

  “Yes. It would be bad,” Isabella answered slowly. She heard her voice start to sound as if she were talking to someone dumber than a snowplow in summer.

  “Why?”

  “Because I told you that I’m not ready for the relationship to pick up speed like that, you moron!”

  She heard Marie sigh. “Moron? Oh my, that’s stress talking. I’m going to ignore that.”

  A vein pulsated in the middle of Isabella’s forehead. She rubbed at it and took a few calming breaths. This was why she avoided long conversations with Marie. She avoided long conversations with anyone, really. Why doesn’t Erin annoy me? How does she calm this horrible, impatient part of me?

  “That was out of order,” Isabella said. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. Getting back to the subject at hand: if you’re not ready, then don’t have sex. Are you worried that your knight in shining armor will lose control and try to get into your pants?”

  She fidgeted with the sleeve of her shirt nervously. “No. The person in question would never do that. In all honesty, I am more worried that I will lose control and push things.” She stopped her uneasy fingers and looked up at the ceiling, trying to decide how much to say. She’d always hated talking about sex, especially with her little sister. She cringed, there was no other way.

  Isabella closed her eyes and blurted out, “You see, last night, I nearly lost control and let my crotch make my decisions instead of my brain. This person does that to me. I just…”

  Marie interrupted. “Isabella. Can you please stop doing that?”

  Isabella frowned. “Stop doing what?”

  “Stop using gender neutral pronouns and saying ‘the person in question’ instead of this mystery woman’s name. Because I assume it’s a woman.”

  “W-why would you say that?”

  “Because I’ve heard you talk about lovers all your life, and you have always said he and used their names. The only reason for you to avoid it now is if the person happens to be a woman,” Marie replied casually.

  Was she that obvious? “Well…yes…that’s very perceptive of you. Okay, fine. It’s a woman, and her name is Erin. You can’t tell our parents, though. I haven’t told them yet.”

  “Haven’t told them about Erin or about being attracted to women?”

  “Either.”

  “Please don’t worry about that. Your parents are intelligent and open people. They’ll be fine.”

  Isabella bit her lip pensively and looked down at her feet. “Are you?”

  “What? Fine with it? Of course I am. I actually think you’d work well with a woman. You always get annoyed with your boyfriends’ colognes and mansplaining,” Marie pointed out.

  Relief washed over Isabella. “That’s true. I’m still attracted to men, though. I think I’m bisexual.”

  “Be attracted to anyone you want. I don’t care, as long as they treat you well and don’t dislike me.”

  Isabella scoffed. “I dislike you.”

  “No, you don’t. You just try, very hard, to convince yourself you do. It’s part of your prickly exterior that hides the sweetness inside.”

>   Isabella muttered something incoherent as a reply and turned to check that Alberto was all right.

  “Everything’s going to be fine, Isabella. I’m sure of it. And if it isn’t, I and your parents will be here to help you clean up the mess. Just please hurry up and tell them about Erin. You know how bad I am at keeping secrets, especially when your mother starts.”

  Isabella grimaced. “Oh, I’m well aware. I’ll tell them. I just want to wait until Erin and I decide that we’re officially dating.”

  “Hmm. It’s a bit of a weird situation, isn’t it? Deciding that you will date but waiting for this magical point in time when you are ready for it.”

  “Are you saying I should just start dating her now?” Isabella asked tersely.

  “No, no.” Marie’s voice turned gentler. “Wait until you’re ready. Just don’t wait for the perfect time, because there is no such thing. Circumstances are never perfect. You just pick a time and roll the dice.”

  “I know. If I could have controlled the circumstances, I would have waited until Alberto was older to start dating again. But my stupid heart rushed ahead, and now I can only hold off the inevitable for a short while before I let go and fall completely for a damned, blonde personal trainer with a caffeine addiction.”

  “Count your blessings. I’ve been dating for ages, and despite my incredibly positive mindset, I just can’t seem to find a guy to feel that special spark with. They’re all okay, but no one makes my heart race and my brain melt,” Marie grumbled.

  Isabella looked up at the ceiling and sighed, thinking about how she unraveled and turned into a lovesick mess every time Erin smiled. “Yeah. Well, that can happen at the most unexpected time and with the most unexpected person,” she said.

  She heard Marie give a surprised squeak. “Oh, I’m afraid I have a call on the other line. I should probably get that since I’m supposed to be working.”

  “Yes, go ahead. I think we are done here,” Isabella said.

  “Okay. Good luck tomorrow, sweetie pie. I’m sure it’ll be great.”