He jumped up, alarm on his face. “No—I mean, we did, but it’s not like that. You were okay with it. You wanted to, I didn’t pressure you.”
This was so wretched. More questions crowded my mind, trying to burst my skull. “And is that why we were meeting on the day of my attack?”
He pressed his hands flat against his body but they were still shaking. “No, we were meeting because you wanted to talk.”
“About what?”
“I don’t know,” he said, avoiding my eyes.
He reached for my hands but I stepped back. I didn’t want him to touch me, didn’t even want him to stand that close.
“What do you want to do now?” Strain lined the edges of his eyes. They weren’t as soft as moments before. He gripped my hands. This time I wasn’t fast enough to pull away. “You can’t tell anyone, Madison. I could lose my job. It’s against the school code.”
His grip tightened, becoming uncomfortable. His face was on the verge of despair. “This isn’t a game. We were both invested; you know that.”
I shook him off, keeping my eyes glued to him as I edged backward out of the living room. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul.”
Though he deserved to be punished, I didn’t want Linda and Ronald to find out about their daughter. I’d tell Major, and maybe he could find a way to remove Yates from his position without people finding out the whole story.
He followed me into the hall but kept his distance, as though he could feel the waves of disdain rolling off me.
“I really need to go,” I said as I fled through the front door, not looking back, though I knew that he was watching me.
My steps echoed on the street. One block away, Alec was already waiting for me in the car and drove off as soon as I was inside.
“What did he say?” he asked.
“Give me a sec,” I hissed, needing some time to get my thoughts in order and the sick feeling out of my stomach.
“Did he do something?” He slowed the car as if he was going to turn back to the house and beat Yates up.
Though I liked how protective he was, it was unnecessary. “No, I’m fine. It’s just . . . he has a wife. How could he sleep with his student?”
Alec relaxed in the seat. “So he actually slept with her? It wasn’t just flirting?”
“Not just flirting.” It gave me a queasy feeling. Maybe it was because I realized that despite all our preparations, I didn’t know Madison at all, and apparently neither did her friends and family.
“Madison was at the lake that day to meet him. He said they were meeting because she wanted to talk. I think he’s keeping something from us.” Alec reached over and touched my hands, which I had balled into tight fists on my lap. “I’ll tell Major about it. Maybe he can find out more about Yates.”
I nodded, but my mind was far away. I couldn’t stop thinking about Madison and who she’d really been. How many secrets had she taken into the grave with her?
Alec parked a few houses from the Chambers’ home and turned to me. His mouth was tight with worry. “Will you be all right?” My skin warmed under his palm and, as usual, I immediately felt calmer. Nobody else had that effect on me.
“Yeah. I just need to think everything through. I’ll have to find out more about Madison’s past, what really happened. Maybe I should try to talk to Ryan.”
Alec’s expression turned grim. “Alone? I’m not sure that’s the best idea. I bet the guy holds a huge grudge against Madison. No surprise, considering the girl had been cheating on him.”
CHAPTER 13
* * *
When I pushed the key into the lock, I expected to find Linda waiting in the hall, but no one was there. Relief washed over me, even though the feeling made me guilty. Linda was lovely, caring, and everything I’d always wanted in a mother, but right now I didn’t need her fussing and questioning. My head felt about ready to burst.
The entire thing with Yates—seeing his photos, having him reach for me in the house he shared with his wife—made me feel sick. I trudged up the stairs and caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror hanging on the wall. Blue eyes, long blond hair, and the thin red line around my throat. Who was Madison Chambers? I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone knew. Major had wanted me to find a chink in her armor but what I’d found felt more like a crater the size of the Grand Canyon.
Holly had sent me two more e-mails and I hadn’t even read her first one completely yet. I was a best friend failure. Despite the tiredness lingering in my bones I clicked on her latest e-mail—I wouldn’t treat Holly the way Madison had treated Ana.
Rubbing my eyes, I started reading.
Hey girl,
I hope you’re okay? I’m worried about you. Major’s been gone most of the time, so I haven’t had the chance to ask him how things are going with you. And you know him (*rolls eyes*), he wouldn’t tell me a thing anyway. I’m even more distracted than usual. Louis is throwing a fit because my Variation is a total mess. I almost miss Summers. But don’t tell her I said that. ;)
Anyway. That’s not why I’m writing. It’s been kind of strange at headquarters in the last few days (and not just because you and the others are gone). The older agents are whispering to each other all the time BUT I caught snippets of their conversation. They seem really worried. And not about the Livingston killer. They mentioned a group of Variants that’s been causing trouble. I think these people, whoever they are, have been threatening the FEA. Something about old enmity. It almost sounded like these Variants want to destroy us. Apparently, two external FEA agents have disappeared, without a trace. Even Major looked really upset the last time I saw him. It was kind of scary.
I’ll keep my ears and eyes open, and will let you know if I find out anything else.
Miss you so much. Write back if you can!
xoxo
Holly
It took me a few minutes to digest what she’d said. A group of Variants was giving the FEA trouble? I knew that some Variants preferred to live in hiding because they were unwilling to submit to the FEA’s rules; Major’d said they were mostly Volatiles—Variants who weren’t capable of controlling their powers or else just didn’t want to. But those were loners, not a threat to the FEA. An organized group of Variants was another matter altogether. Why had Major never mentioned them? It made me wonder what else he was keeping from me.
I wrote a quick reply, telling Holly I was fine—just tired and super busy—before I let myself fall on the bed, my mind whirling with thoughts. If the group of Variants had started kidnapping agents, shouldn’t Major have warned us? Especially me. I was now an external agent.
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I couldn’t let this distract me from what was really important. I checked the messages on Madison’s cell phone; I’d received a text from Ana, asking about my date, and two from Ryan, saying that he really needed to talk to me. I couldn’t avoid him much longer, even if Alec and Devon didn’t want me alone with him.
I took Madison’s iPod, pushed the buds into my ears, and turned the music as loud as it could go. I wasn’t familiar with the song, but the beats blasted the worries from my head and that was exactly what I needed.
Cuddling into the softness of the mattress beneath me, I closed my eyes, allowing myself to feel and think nothing, and with every beat of the music I felt myself being pulled deeper and deeper into sleep.
Just as I had drifted off, something dropped on my legs, pressing them down. I jolted upright, earbuds ripping from my ears, and screamed. The scream died abruptly when I saw my attacker. Fluffy was sitting on my legs, blinking at me with the accented indifference only a cat could muster. He didn’t budge when I shifted to get into a more comfortable position. If my scream hadn’t scared him away, nothing could. Had he forgotten that I wasn’t really who I pretended to be? I reached out to pet him and earned myself a hiss.
Steps pounded up the stairs and a moment later Devon appeared in the doorway. He looked around wildly as if he expected t
o confront an attacker. He was wearing workout clothes—a tight T-shirt and gray shorts—that clung to his sweaty body.
“I heard you scream,” he said, noticeably relaxing when he saw me sitting on the bed.
“Fluffy startled me.”
He nodded but his blue eyes stayed tense as they scanned my face. “Hard day?”
You have no clue . . .
“Fight with Ana?”
I shook my head no. “You’re home early. Did mom call you?”
“Yeah, she was worried about you.” He sounded like he agreed with her.
“That’s why you didn’t shower after practice? Because she wanted you here when I got back?”
He glanced down at his soaked T-shirt, which was doing wonders to accentuate his toned chest. I forced my eyes to stay on his face. “Nah, she and Dad haven’t been on a date for weeks. I told them they should head out early, that I would stay home and look out for you.”
“That’s good. But I hate how much you’re all worrying.”
His eyes softened. “Maddy, you almost died. I’ve never seen Mom and Dad so devastated.” He paused for a moment, searching for some way to lighten the mood. “You look like you need cheering up. Let’s order some pizza and watch a movie.” I felt a twinge of homesickness. Movie night with Alec or Holly had been an inherent part of my life since I’d joined the FEA.
I managed to wriggle Fluffy from my legs and followed Devon downstairs.
“When did you come home? I didn’t hear you,” I said after he’d ordered a family-size pizza called “hot mess.” I didn’t even want to know how it got that name.
“Around twenty minutes ago, but you were fast asleep. I’m gonna grab a shower. Mom left some cash on the counter; you can use it for the pizza if it comes before I’m done.” With that, he dashed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
The doorbell rang ten minutes later and I still heard the sound of water running above. I grabbed the money and opened the front door to find myself face-to-face with Ryan. He wasn’t holding a pizza box.
“What do you want?”
He took all the space in the doorway, his shoulders squared, his feet set apart. “I want to talk.” He glanced over my shoulder into the house. “You alone?”
“No, Devon’s here.”
He propped himself up on the doorframe, blocking the light with his body. “Listen, I know you’ve been avoiding me, but we really need to talk.” I didn’t like the commanding tone he used, or the way his eyes bored into my skull. If he’d always treated Madison like that it wasn’t surprising that she wanted to get away from him. He was trying to intimidate me.
“I really don’t have time now. How about we talk tomorrow during lunch?”
Upstairs, I heard the water stop. I had a feeling Devon and Ryan would get in a fight if they confronted one another. I’d noticed the scowls they exchanged in school. I started to close the door but Ryan thrust his foot forward, blocking it. Maybe Madison had let him act like that but the new version of Madison was not going to let that fly. “Move your foot or I’ll break it.”
He took a step back in surprise, something changing in his olive eyes. I’d never threatened anyone before, had never thought I could, but it felt good. “Why are you acting like this? You know I love you,” he said. The pizza guy chose that moment to drive up on his moped. I relaxed. The pizza carton was wider than his shoulders. Good God, what kind of monster had Devon ordered?
“Please leave,” I told Ryan again and this time he listened. He hunched his back on the way to his car, and he was so distracted that he barreled into the pizza guy. He looked up, startled, and hurried on without an apology.
I paid and carried the hot cardboard into the living room, my thoughts still lingering on my encounter with Ryan. Did he really love Madison? And what had he wanted to talk about? I set the pizza box down on the living room table and opened the lid. “Hot mess” deserved its name. The toppings consisted of jalapeños, bacon, peppers, pepperoni, sausage, and lots of cheese. At first it burned my taste buds but after the second bite I’d gotten used to it, and I was too hungry to care.
“Leave some for me,” Devon teased as he walked into the room. His hair was wet and disheveled and his shirt clung to his body. Wrestling had really shaped him up nicely. I tore my eyes away and took another bite. The real Madison would’ve never ogled her own twin brother.
Devon went to the shelf that held the DVDs and pushed one into the player before plopping down on the sofa beside me and grabbing a pizza slice. He threw his feet up on the table and started the movie. “Terminator. Sorry, Maddy, but I’m not in the mood for a chick flick.”
“I love Terminator,” I said before I could stop myself. Tessa had spoken, not Madison.
He looked at me, his eyebrows half disappearing into his hairline. He still hadn’t taken a bite of the pizza. “Uh, since when?”
I shrugged and stuffed the crust of the pizza into my mouth. “Delicious,” I said between bites. “You should have some before I eat it all.”
He leaned back and shoved almost half the slice into his mouth, staring at the screen. After he’d swallowed he spoke again. “You’re kinda different, you know?”
This was exactly what I’d dreaded. I picked a piece of sausage off the pizza and popped it in my mouth while I tried to keep my eyes directed at the movie. “What happened kinda got me thinking,” I began, trying to come up with a logical explanation. “Life is so short. I decided to change a few things.”
Devon seemed to buy my story. We watched the movie in silence. But even one of my all-time favorites couldn’t keep me from thinking of Yates.
“After I broke up with Ryan . . .” I tried to sound casual, keeping my eyes glued to the screen where the Terminator had just killed a guy. I could feel Devon’s eyes on me. His shoulder leaned against mine and his warmth crept into my body, stirring something in my stomach. “Was there someone else?”
I’d asked him this question before, but he was relaxed and unsuspecting now—the best time to take him by surprise and startle a reply out of him. Not that I still needed one, now that I knew about Yates, but if Devon had known about the affair, that changed the situation.
He wrinkled his forehead like he was thinking really hard about it. I placed my hand on his forearm; the touch—skin on skin—sent a shiver up my back. My head jerked up and our eyes met. He looked puzzled, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.
A horrible thought crashed into my mind. Had I changed back to my own body by accident? But no, it couldn’t be. Devon didn’t look freaked out enough for that. If he’d seen his sister shape-shift into a stranger, his face would have shown something much greater than puzzlement. Still, something had happened. A nearly imperceptible spark had soared through my body at his touch.
“So . . . was there?” I asked to cut through the tense silence. I felt his muscles shift beneath my fingers, making me acutely aware of the fact that I was still touching him. I pulled back.
“I’m not sure if I should tell you,” he said carefully, setting down an untouched slice.
He knew.
“My teacher.”
He grimaced. “Yeah. I tried to talk you out of it but you wouldn’t listen.”
Devon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Is it over now or do you still feel something for that . . . guy?” I could tell that he’d almost called Mr. Yates another name and frankly I couldn’t blame him. The whole thing creeped me out. How much worse must it have been for him to witness it unfolding?
“It’s over. I don’t remember him as anything but a teacher,” I said, for once telling the truth.
Devon scanned my face. “You mean it?”
“I mean it. It’s like I never had feelings for him in the first place.”
Dimples flashed in his cheeks. My body flushed with heat. He grabbed a cold slice of pizza and ate it in just a few bites.
Tucking my legs under me, I rested my head on the back of the couch
, close to his shoulder. He smelled of soap, clean skin, and something warmer—cinnamon maybe. I had to stop myself from burying my nose in his shirt. That would’ve looked really bad. I could just imagine what Major would do if he found out I’d failed the mission because I wanted to smell Devon. What the hell was wrong with me?
The Terminator found his temporary end in a junk press and my eyelids began to droop. Sleep sounded like a good plan. After all the heavy food and excitement of the day, it couldn’t come fast enough.
“So you really can’t remember anything about the day, you know, you were attacked?” Devon’s voice crashed through my slumber-like trance. I jerked my head up. There was something odd about the way he asked.
He was facing the TV but his expression was so tense it resembled a stone mask.
“No,” I said. “It’s a huge black void in my memory.”
He nodded but his lips and the muscles in his neck visibly tightened.
“Why do you hate Ryan so much?” I blurted.
He stiffened. “I don’t hate him. I just never liked how possessive he was. He was jealous and a control freak, and he still hasn’t gotten over the breakup.”
The end credits scrolled up the screen but they blurred before my eyes. What had been a comfortable silence now felt like the moment when the birds go quiet in the forest and you know something terrible is stalking you.
I stood up. “I’m tired.”
Devon didn’t follow me; instead he kept staring at the black screen.
My steps echoed in the hallway. Linda and Ronald would return any moment from their dinner. It was dark in my room—no, Madison’s room. Rain pelted against the window, creating a nice change from the silence in the corridor. I wished Holly was there to give me one of her pep talks. That was something I could have used.
I went over to the window and pried it open. The frame groaned but with a jerk the window slid up and cool air streamed in. The fresh smell of rain in the night was one of my absolute favorites.
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