“What happened? Why did your grandfather leave you there? And why didn’t he come back?” I ask.
Braden shakes his head sadly. Grief and betrayal battle away at each other, and I get the impression it’s fight that has been raging for years. “He had a heart attack. He recognized what was happening fast enough that he got his spirit back to his body in time, but he was unconscious for three days. When he finally woke up, the first thing he did was come to find me. I was so traumatized by being locked in the spirit world that I couldn’t go back. At first it was just because I didn’t want to. When I finally tried to go back, I couldn’t. It took a year before my grandfather finally convinced me to try and break through my block. I had to spend another three days trapped in the spirit world, staying as calm as possible. I hated every minute of it, but I did it. And I’m glad I did.”
Three days. I can’t even imagine how difficult that was for him. He was only nine years old at the time. I’m amazed he didn’t just give up on the idea all together. I would have. I pretty much did before I realized how badly I needed this talent.
“The night my father died,” I finally say, “the Ciphers pulled me out of my dreams and into the spirit world. They tried to warn me I was in danger. They were screaming at me to wake up. I had no idea what was happening. I’d never been to the spirit world before. I was terrified they were going to hurt me. I finally woke myself up only to find my dad trying to steal my talents. I didn’t know that’s what he was doing at the time, but it hurt so much that I tried to stop him. As soon as I touched him, his power turned on him. He died on my bedroom floor.”
Braden stares at me, completely dumbfounded. “Your dad was trying to do what?”
Oh, I forgot he doesn’t know about all that. “Uh, I’ll explain that part later,” I tell him. “Now you know what I’m going to face, so can we get on with it?”
“Uh, yeah, of course. Close your eyes and take my hands.”
I do.
“How are you at getting into a trance?”
I laugh. That’s the easy part. I slip out of the conscious world before my last breath pushes out of my lungs. I can feel it the instant Braden joins me. I can’t feel his physical body anymore, but oddly enough, the same electric feeling I get from him physically follows him into his trance. My spirit hums as I feel his spirit approach. Our spirit hands link without hesitation. It’s actually necessary this time. I’m not good enough at this to wander around without a guide. Braden pulls me forward into the darkness. I have no idea where he’s leading me. He seems so sure of where he’s going that I don’t question him. Eventually the darkness starts to lessen.
We’re pulling away from our physical bodies. It seems so easy with Braden, easier than with anyone else, until we come to the edge of the darkness. There isn’t really any one point where my subconscious trance ends and the spirit world begins. There’s no path to follow, no markers to show the way. I can simply feel the change. If I want to go any farther, I have to convince my spirit to leave my body almost entirely, something it has so far absolutely refused to do. I falter at the prospect of yet another failure.
“You have to keep going, Libby,” Braden says.
“What’s going to happen?” I’m already trembling. So much for the all-powerful façade, right?
My undignified fear doesn’t seem to affect Braden at all. He steps behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. His embrace does a lot to lessen my anxiety. “As soon as you take the first step, the experience with your dad is going to start replaying itself. All you have to do is hold your ground. Don’t let your fear overtake you. If you run, the block will get worse. It will be twice as hard next time.”
“How much of that will I have to relive? Just the part with the Ciphers, or the whole thing?”
“I’m not sure, but I think you’ll have to go through the whole thing again. The Ciphers scared you, but your dad’s death … I would guess that’s the real reason you don’t want to go back,” he says.
I’m praying Braden is wrong, but somehow I know he’s not. I’ve been scared my whole life. The Ciphers screaming at me was nothing compared to watching my dad die. I can’t face him again. I can’t watch his eyes fill with pain and horror for a second time. I can’t be the reason he dies. “Braden, can you come with me? I don’t think I can do this alone.”
“No, I … I don’t think so.”
He hesitates.
“I’m not sure, actually. I did it alone, but I had to do it that way because being there alone was part of my block,” Braden says. “Do you want me to try to come with you?”
“Yes. Please, Braden. I killed my own father. I can’t go through that again by myself.”
“I don’t know if it will work, but I’ll try, okay?”
I sink against him and don’t object when his arms pull around me more tightly. “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
I nod, and together we both step forward.
Shrill, shrieking voices immediately surround us. I can only spare a second to realize that Braden did indeed come with me before the voices turn into faces and hands trying to tear at me. This is my nightmare. Night after night these terrors have come for me. Five years of waking in the middle of the night, terrified and covered in sweat.
“They’re just Ciphers,” I whisper. One of them grabs me and tries to pull me away from Braden. A scream bursts from my mouth as I yank my arm away from it and cling to Braden. I want to keep my face buried in his chest until this ends, but he slowly forces me to turn around and face them.
“They’re just Ciphers,” I tell myself again. The words are almost too garbled by my trembling to understand.
“Why did they come for you that night?” Braden asks, his mouth pressed up against my ear so I can hear him over the screaming.
“They were trying to warn me,” I say.
“That’s right. They weren’t trying to hurt you.”
“They were trying to help me. I might have died if they hadn’t pulled me into the spirit world. I would have lost all my talents even if I didn’t die.”
They terrified me that night, but they saved me, too.
“They aren’t trying to hurt you now, either, Libby. Look at them, find out why they’re here,” Braden prods.
I didn’t realize I had closed my eyes. The nightmare I see at night plays behind my eyelids as well as in front. Slowly I force my eyes open and am shocked when I realize the screaming has begun to quiet. Their mouths, rather than frightening, gnashing teeth, are pleading vacuums. Their cries are wailing now, begging. A woman at my side reaches out to me. My whole body is wracked with horror, but I thrust my hand forward. She takes it gently and begins leading me away. I clutch at Braden and drag him along behind me.
Time is fluid in the spirit world, but I feel as if we have been walking for hours when the woman guiding me finally stops. The other Ciphers gather around us again, ringing the three of us in the center. No, four. She wasn’t here before, but now there is another woman in the circle. Tall and beautiful, her long black hair hangs in perfect waves around her heart-shaped face. She glides forward and takes my hands from the other woman. Her gentle features frown in concern.
“Libby, you have to wake up, child. You’re in very serious danger. Your father is trying to take away your talents. He’s trying to take away your destiny. You must wake up and stop him.”
“But if I stop him, he’ll die,” I tell her.
Her mouth frowns deeply, bringing the slightest wrinkle to her perfect face. “I know, Libby, but he knew the risks when he began.”
“No,” I cry, “he didn’t. My mom lied to him. She never told him it might kill him. She didn’t tell him it might kill me.”
The woman shakes her head. Grief billows out around her. “I’m sorry, Libby, but he did know. He knew before he ever asked your mother. He knew the risks of the ritual. He just didn’t know how to perform it. That information was what he got from your mother.”
&n
bsp; I start shaking my head back and forth angrily. “No, that can’t be true. How can you possibly know that?”
“Just because we are locked in this world doesn’t mean we are blind to everything else. Being here gives us power, Libby. We can never join the physical world again, at least not without help, but we can observe it, see things that you cannot,” she explains. “Your father knew that performing the Serqet could kill you both, but he thought that would be a better fate than watching you become the Destroyer. He was blinded like so many others. He didn’t see the magnificence of destruction you hold in your hands. He didn’t understand.”
“He wouldn’t do that to me. He loved me,” I whisper.
“Yes, he did. He thought he was protecting you from a terrible fate. He thought he could save you, by either taking away some of the talents that would mark who you are, or by ending both of your lives. He didn’t understand that there is great beauty in the aftermath of destruction.” The woman places her hand on my shoulder. The strange otherworldly coolness of her touch makes me cringe. “Libby, you must wake up and stop your father. It’s the only way to save the world. You must do this.”
“Save the world?” I ask. “I thought I was supposed to destroy it.”
She smiles sadly and presses her hand against my cheek. “Through destruction, you will save everyone. It is the only way, Libby. Now wake up, and stop your father.”
“I … I can’t. I can’t kill him,” I cry.
Braden comes up beside me. The woman releases my hands and gives them to Braden. He pulls me to his chest and cradles me. “You have to do this, Libby.”
“I can’t, Braden. Please don’t make me go through that again.”
“I won’t make you do anything. You have to be the one to choose. I’ll take you back right now if you want, but it will mean never reaching the Ciphers, never saving them, never knowing your purpose. It will mean dying by a Guardian blade on your eighteenth birthday,” Braden says.
I try to ignore the pressure of his own Guardian blade against my back. I can’t die like that. I can’t let the Ciphers die that way, either. They are mine to protect. No matter the cost to me, I refuse to be responsible for their deaths.
Pulling my consciousness to the surface, I blink and find myself lying in my childhood bed. Pain screams out of me through every pore. My body tries to thrash, to get away from the fire in my veins, but I am trapped here. Tears spill down my cheeks as my eyes find my dad leaning over me. His hands are lying gently on my body, one close enough to touch if I can just find the strength to lift my hand.
My spirit convulses in a ragged sob. I didn’t mean to kill him last time. I was just trying to make the pain go away. This time I know, I know that he will take his last breath as soon as our hands meet, as soon as I break his focus. Staring up at him through bleary eyes, I beg for this nightmare to end. A comforting hand rests on my shoulder, completely unseen by my father in this strange realm. Instantly, my pain begins to ease, my strength returning. Braden’s fingers squeeze me softly.
“He’s already dead, Libby. You aren’t killing him this time. You’re just showing yourself that you are stronger than your worst memory. Stop him from hurting you. Claim your destiny, and all of this will end. Don’t let your nightmare win,” he whispers next to my ear.
His strength and certainty seep into me. My fingers twitch. One at a time, I lift them from my blankets. Then my palm, my forearm, my elbow, hovering just within reach of my dad. I have to do this.
“Daddy, I’m sorry,” I whisper before I extend my fingers and clutch his wrist.
He gasps once as terror fills his eyes. His face contorts in agony as he screams, and then he falls to the ground.
I spring out of bed to hold him, but the scene has already disappeared. I stumble in the emptiness of unconscious thought. Only Braden’s quick response saves me from sprawling on the ground. He holds me up by my arm awkwardly. The shock of everything changing so rapidly holds me with indecision for one long second.
Then everything comes crashing back in. I fall into Braden’s arms and sob. We sink down and he holds me without question.
It is an eternity later before I realize Braden is speaking to me, his quiet words whispering to me that everything will be okay, that he won’t leave me. I pull against him even more tightly and try to calm my shivering body. Another interminable amount of time passes before my eyes are dry and my grief-inspired hiccups have stopped so I can speak.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I tell him. “I never could have done that on my own.”
He presses his hands against my cheeks and brushes away a straggling tear. “Yes, you could have, Libby. You are the strongest person I have ever met. There isn’t anything you can’t do.” He pulls me into a hug and I feel the shudder that runs through his body. “I had no idea it was going to be that difficult. I didn’t understand at all what you went through.”
“Thank you.”
Pulling back from me, Braden says, “You might want to hold back on thanking me. This isn’t over yet.”
Chapter 1
3
Saia
I’m so tired. So bone-deep tired. My physical body is still sitting on the floor with Braden back in my room. That’s where I want to be right now. I could crawl into my bed, close my eyes, and never dream again. But I’m not dreaming this time. I am once again standing on the brink of my subconscious and the spirit world. Its ephemeral warmth calls to me, but I tremble at the thought of stepping into it.
“Braden, maybe I should do this alone.”
“Absolutely not,” he argues.
“The Ciphers aren’t going to hurt me. They want me here.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know that for sure. What if those crazy ones that grabbed Casey are angry at you for taking so long? They may come after you, and this is your first real trip to the spirit world. It’s dangerous enough without the possibility of an ambush. You’re not doing it alone.”
“It would probably be less dangerous for me without a Cipher Hunter as my guide. Like you said, I doubt any of them will be thrilled to see you. I should go alone,” I argue.
“Nice try, but I’ve been coming here for years, before I ever became a Cipher hunter. I do have a few friends in there,” he says.
“Then why did you make me promise not to save you if one of the Ciphers came after you?” I demand.
He shrugs and smiles at my irritation. “It’s always better to plan for the worst. Now, are you ready to go? I don’t know how much of the night we still have left, but I doubt it’s much.”
He takes a step forward, trying to pull me along with him, but I slip my fingers out of his grasp and hang back. He turns and sighs.
“Braden, there’s another reason I think I should go alone. I’m not going in there just to visit or explore. I need information from the Ciphers, information I don’t know that I want you to hear.”
The hurt in his eyes strikes a brief note of shame in me, but I can’t put everything I’ve worked for in danger just to save Braden’s pride. His stung feelings quickly morph into frustration. “After everything I’ve already gone through with you tonight, you still don’t trust me? What, you want me to promise again that I won’t tell my Captain about this?”
“Yes,” I say firmly.
Braden’s jaw tightens and his eyes close briefly. When he opens them again he stares straight at me. “Just let me give you my Oath and you’ll never have to worry about trusting me again, Libby.”
“Are you absolutely convinced what I’m doing is right?”
He hesitates. “I … I don’t know. After what happened tonight, I’m starting to believe it, but I just don’t know yet.”
“Then I don’t want your Oath.”
“Why are you fighting me on this? What does it really matter whether I give you my Oath because I believe in your cause or because I lo-”
“Don’t even say it!” I snap.
For some reason, he thinks me sto
pping him is funny. His irritating, smug smile taunts me as he walks back over to me. He slips his hands around my waist, and says, “What does it matter whether I give it to you because I believe you, or love you? Either way, I’m following you down whatever road you decide to take. You’re not getting rid of me, Libby Sparks.”
“It just does. It matters to me, okay?” I say as I push him away from me. “And you don’t love me. You barely even know me.”
Braden shakes his head and pushes up his sleeve. The Guardian blade seems dull in the strange light surrounding us. He’s still looking at me as if I’m the most foolish girl he’s ever met as he brings his left hand up. He holds his arm right in front of me so his blade is almost touching me. The emblem is right next to my skin, colder even than the air around us. Braden presses his fingers against the emblem. I can feel the power building in him as if he were touching me instead. My body is humming from his presence as well as the pent up energy of the promise about to be made.
“Libby, I promise that I will not tell my Captain anything that has happened, or will happen tonight, or any other time we’re together.”
I sigh in relief, but he isn’t done yet.
“And I promise that I really am in love with you.”
The weight of his honesty sets me back on my heels. Shock hijacks any response I might have offered to that. He really does love me. My eyes snap shut and I have to take a very deep breath to keep from tipping over. How did this happen?
My spirit body eventually seems to piece itself back together and I open my eyes without fear of fainting. Braden is standing in front of me still, waiting for me to react. I refuse to respond to whatever he thinks this is. I have an army to meet. I force myself to take his hand, because I have no idea where to go in order to find them, and say, “Let’s get this over with, please.”
Secret of Betrayal: Book Two of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 12