Saia shakes her head sadly. “We haven’t had a new Cipher in months, Libby.” She doesn’t need to explain. I already know the reason behind that one. Instead of saying more, she reaches forward and hugs me. I can feel her tremendous optimism as we embrace. And it’s not just coming from her. Everyone around me is drunk on it. I just pray they aren’t misplacing that trust.
I pull back, ready to leave, when I catch sight of the filament again. “Saia, could I ask you one more question?”
“Yes, of course,” she says.
Holding up my hand so she can see the link as well, I ask, “Do you have any idea what this is?”
Shock freezes her angelic features. Her eyes slide over to Braden and she smiles. “Braden, you have found your companion.”
He looks over at me and shrugs. “Uh, I don’t think Libby sees it that way, but I’m not giving up yet.”
Saia laughs. “Be patient, Braden.”
“Uh, what are you talking about?” I ask. I’m about to remind her about Milo being my boyfriend when her face distorts in front of me. No! I’m not done yet. I scramble for more control, but my trance is slipping away from my exhausted mind. I grab Braden’s hands right before everything dissolves.
Chapter 1
4
Desperate
Cold.
That’s all I can think about. My body is shivering uncontrollably. I think I must be lying on the floor now. I can’t tell. I’m so cold. I try to say something, but my teeth chatter too hard to get anything out. Warmth suddenly surrounds me. Fire spreads through my veins, but I don’t stop shaking. I can’t even open my eyes to figure out what’s happening to me. The sensation of being lifted from the ground is the only thing I can feel besides the cold.
The warmth leaves me without warning. I drop into something soft, but it isn’t keeping me warm enough. My trembling hands grasp for the fire. “N-n-n-oo,” I stutter. I’m so cold. The fire has to come back.
“Damn it,” I hear Braden mutter under his breath.
It was him, of course. He was keeping me warm. I force my eyes open and search for him. He’s hovering over me, wrapping me in blankets. I try to reach for him. For a moment I can’t figure out why I can’t lift my shaking arms. Braden has me tucked in so tightly I can’t move. It takes too much effort to force my arms out of the blankets. My eyes slip shut and I panic. It takes all my strength just to force them open again.
“B-b-brad-den. C-c-cold-d,” I beg. He looks at me uncertainly. “P-please.” A violent shiver runs through my entire body, loosening the blankets around me. When it passes I push my fingers out and reach for him. He’s so warm. I need him.
Giving in, Braden pulls off his sweatshirt and slips under the blankets. His bare chest presses up against me, giving me back that beautiful heat. A blissful sigh whispers out of my trembling lips. Braden pulls against me even tighter. I bury myself in his arms and close my eyes. Even with his body pressed up against mine, it takes more than an hour for me to stop shivering.
When he’s finally sure I’m not going to shake myself to pieces, Braden says, “I’m so sorry, Libby. I should have made you come back after you broke your block. The Ciphers could have waited one more night.”
“No,” I say, “I had to go.”
“It was too much. I should have known. I’ve been doing this for years, but you haven’t. I should have been more careful. You really had me worried. I couldn’t get you to stop shaking for anything. Your skin is still ice cold.” As if even thinking about how shocked my body was brings back the cold, he wraps his arms around me until there isn’t a single inch of space between our bodies.
“I told you it didn’t need to be so cold in here,” I mumble.
He shakes his head, tickling the back of my neck. “No, Libby, without the cold you would have lost control of your spirit and starting wandering early on. The cold kept your body alert. But you stayed for too long. Even with Strength, you can only push yourself so far.”
The idea of wandering in the spirit world, becoming so unaware of my physical body that I lose my identity, makes me shiver again. “I’ll get better at this. I promise.”
“I know you will, but until you do, I don’t want you going to the spirit world without me.”
“You just don’t want me to go with Milo. You want to keep me all to yourself,” I accuse.
I can feel his playful amusement almost as if it’s my own. “True,” he says, “but you’re not ready to go back by yourself, and I doubt Milo will be able to help you much since he’s even less experienced. You need me with you.”
“Or I could ask Casey,” I remind him. “She’s been going into the spirit world since she was a child. She’ll probably be able to help me even more than you.”
Braden grunts in displeasure. Apparently, he forgot about Casey. “Please?” he asks.
His poor attempt at begging makes me smile. “I’ll think about it.”
Sharp pounding on my door startles me right out of his arms. My eyes find the sickly green numbers on my alarm clock. Four o’clock in the morning. For a moment, I wonder who on earth would be pounding on my door right now. Then I remember Lance.
“Oh, shoot. I forgot I was supposed to call Lance when you left.”
Braden grins at me. “I haven’t left yet.”
Rolling my eyes at him, I say, “Yeah, that’s probably why he’s here, to make sure you do leave.”
I go to push the blankets off my legs and realize my hand is shaking again. My whole upper body is shaking. Braden notices as well and pushes me back down. Lance knocks again, impatiently. Braden stands up to answer it. I’m about to object when I finally get to see him clearly. His muscles look sculpted in the dim lamplight. Every inch of him is corded and delicious except for the angry red scars crisscrossing his chest and back. And the way he moves … I thought Lance was graceful. It’s captivating to watch his muscles flex and release ever so slightly as he approaches the door. I don’t even think about telling him to put his sweatshirt back on before he pulls the door open,and until it’s too late.
The blast of anger coming from Lance knocks me out of my delirium. Braden with no shirt on. Me in bed. Yeah, this really doesn’t look very good. He’s never going to believe me now. I close my eyes and wait for Braden to taunt him, Lance certainly would if their roles were reversed, but Braden does nothing of the sort.
“Don’t worry, Lance. She had a bad reaction to being away from her body for so long, but she’s starting to feel better now. She should be fine by morning,” Braden says.
Lance looks doubtful. “Bad reaction? And you taking your shirt off cured her of that?”
“I was cold,” I tell him, my embarrassment turning me scarlet from head to toe. I start babbling in my effort to explain. “I couldn’t stop shivering. I couldn’t even talk, I was shaking so bad. He tried to warm me up with blankets, but they weren’t enough. I’m still freezing. You could give me your jacket instead of looking at me like that.”
Lance hesitates for a moment.
I take a deep breath and will my blush and incoherent speaking away. “Lance, I promised.”
He doesn’t seem thrilled about it, but he decides to trust me. Lance strips off his jacket and bundles it around me. Sighing in relief of the extra warmth now that Braden is gone, I huddle under it. Lance tosses Braden his discarded sweatshirt for good measure and sits down next to me.
“So, did it work?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say excitedly. “I got over my block and went to the spirit world. It was amazing. And I found out what’s happening to the Ciphers. The Guardians are pulling them out and killing them one at a time.”
Lance blows out a breath and shakes his head. “I was afraid of that.”
“It’s going to take some serious planning, but I think we’ve finally found a way to rescue them.” I pause as a gigantic yawn stretches my jaw to its max.
“Tomorrow,” Braden says firmly. Both Lance and I glance over at him, neither of us appreci
ating his bossiness. He ignores me and focuses on Lance. “She’s exhausted. I was afraid she was going into shock for a while. She needs to rest. A few hours isn’t going to make any difference to our plans.”
I sit up to argue with him, but the blankets and jackets fall away and I start trembling again. This time it’s Lance who pushes me back down.
“We’ll start making plans tomorrow, Libby.” He stands up and tosses Braden his jacket. “Well, thanks for the help. You can go now.”
“She shouldn’t be left alone,” Braden argues.
Lance smirks at him. “She won’t be. Now go.”
I can tell from his expression, and the longing and irritation pouring off of him, that Braden doesn’t want to leave me, but he doesn’t have a valid argument for staying. Pressing the point isn’t going to end well, either. Crossing the tiny room to the bed, he sits down next to me and places his hands on either side of my face. The warmth instantly calms my shaking. He smiles at my reaction, but turns to look at Lance.
“I have the heater on high, but if she keeps shaking, make her some tea and put another few blankets on. Keep her as warm as possible,” Braden instructs. “I put my number in Libby’s phone earlier, so call me if anything changes for the worse. Don’t wait. If you’re not sure, call me anyway.”
Having given Lance his instructions, Braden turns back to me, and I ask, “When did you put your number in my phone?”
He smiles down at me and says, “When you were changing. I didn’t want you to not know how to get ahold of me if you change your mind.”
I roll my eyes at his persistence and try to soak up as much of his warmth as I can before he lets go of me. I watch as he walks over to the door. He and Lance say a few more words to each other, but they’re both being civil for the moment so I let my eyes close and don’t worry about it too much. My body instantly starts pulling me into a deep sleep. Weary pleasure fills my mind at the prospect of unconsciousness until Lance’s voice pulls me back.
“Change your mind about what?”
I cringe beneath my mountain of blankets. Doesn’t he miss anything, anymore? This whole not lying to him thing really sucks. “About him giving me his Guardian Oath.”
“He offered?”
I nod without opening my eyes. “And I told him no.”
“Why?”
“Because it wasn’t for the right reason.” It’s the vaguest answer I can give without lying. The silence of the room makes me hopeful that Lance doesn’t know what I mean. Fat chance.
He sighs as mounting frustration rolls off of him and bashes into me. “Him, too? Seriously? How can he possibly think he’s in love with you already? First Milo, now Braden. I really don’t have any chance of getting you back, do I?”
“Not anymore,” I say softly. I know it stings him, but it’s the truth. Forget the what ifs, the maybes. I will never see those alternate futures. This one is all I have. Whether I could have avoided losing Lance or not, I did lose him. Now I’ve moved on, and too many things have changed to go back. The mellow grief of delayed loss surrounding Lance makes me hope he has finally accepted the end of our romantic relationship for real.
Bottling up his pain, Lance turns back to why Braden was here in the first place. “So how did breaking the block go? When Braden told me you had to relive the reason for the block, I was afraid that meant watching your dad die again.”
“When did he tell you about that?”
“Just now at the door. He’s still pretty worried about you. I’ve been studying everything I can get my hands on about Spiritualism, trying to find some answers for you over the last couple of weeks, but I never found anything about this. I hate that he’s even here, but I guess we really do need him,” he says. His mood darkens even more and his eyes drop. “Was that what happened?”
I nod quickly and keep a tight hold on my memories of that experience.
“I’m sorry, Libby. Was it awful?”
“Yes, it was horrible, but in a way, it was good, too. I went through the whole thing again actually understanding, and having the chance to make the decision for myself,” I say. “I don’t think I’ll have nightmares about it anymore.”
“That’s good,” Lance says with a laugh. “Maybe one of these nights I’ll actually get some sleep again. Your nightmares have woken me up several times.”
Looking up at him, I finally realize how exhausted he looks. The glassy quality of his eyes and the way his shoulders sag douse me with guilt.
“Do you regret it?” I ask. “Giving me your Oath?”
“No.” He doesn’t even have to think about it. “And I know you think I only gave it to you to try and make you take me back, but that’s not true, Libby. I gave it to you because I knew that whether you ever loved me again or not, you are too much a part of me not to help you. We were friends long before we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I think I forgot that for a while. I can’t let you face something this dangerous alone. And surprisingly enough, I’m actually in this for the Ciphers, too. What the Guardians are doing is wrong. I don’t want to be a part of something like that.”
For this one moment, I am sincerely glad for my connection to Lance. I want him to know exactly how what he just said makes me feel. My chin quivers, but not because I’m cold. “Thank you, Lance. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
He smiles and strokes my hair. “Will you ever forgive me for what I put you through?”
“I’ve already forgiven you, Lance,” I say, realizing the truth of my feelings for the first time, “and I’ll always love you. It’s just that I can only love you as a friend now. That other part of our relationship is over, but I would never want to lose you as my friend.”
“Neither would I.”
He’s quiet for several minutes before saying, “I think you should let Braden give you his Oath. Whatever his reasons, if he’s willing to help us, you should let him. We don’t exactly have people falling all over each other to team up with the Destroyer, miniature vigilantes aside.”
“I can’t,” I say quickly.
“Why not? So, he thinks he’s in love with you. Either you decide you want him and ditch that idiot, Milo, or he realizes it’s never going to work out. Either way, he’ll still be bound to you. He’ll still help us.”
How can I even begin to explain my mixed up emotions to him? It feels incredibly weird to be talking to Lance about my guy problems, but he’s the only one I can really talk to right now. “Lance, it’s not as simple as that. It’s not just that he has feelings for me. There is something else going on between us. I don’t know what it is, but I can feel him the second he gets even remotely near me. My skin tingles, vibrates sometimes, when he touches me. It usually takes me at least a couple months to get mildly sensitive to a new person. Then there’s the way he makes me feel. It’s way more intense than it should be. He actually thought I was manipulating him the first time we met because he felt so drawn to me.”
Lance frowns as he considers what I’m saying.
“And that’s not all. When we went into the spirit world tonight, there was this weird connection between us, like an actual link. I could see it stretching between our hands.”
The sudden breath Lance sucks in stops me from saying anything else. I look over at his shocked face, somehow knowing the next thing to come out of his mouth is going to make me want to cry.
“I can’t believe it. I know what that is. Milo and I read about it a few days ago. Braden is your Companion.”
It’s the same word Saia used. I thought she was just talking about Braden being in love with me or something. But the way Lance says it, I can hear the importance behind the word. “Lance, what do you mean? What’s a Companion?”
“He’s your Spiritual Companion, your perfect complement,” he says.
I think I’m going to throw up. Right here, all over my bed. “Lance, please tell me you’re not talking about soul mates, or some kind of crap like that.” Please, please tell me it’s just an aw
ful joke.
“No, not soul mates. It’s different from that. It’s more like your power matches his. When you’re together, you amplify each other’s talents. Using your Spiritualism, it was easier than usual, right?” he asks.
I nod slowly.
“With him, it would be like your own Spiritualism is doubled. You can do twice as much as you would normally. And it doesn’t just apply to the talents you have in common. It works on everything.”
“Including emotions?” I ask.
“Absolutely. Emotional responses are part of Perception. They’re amplified like everything else,” Lance says excitedly.
But the feelings have to be there in the first place. I liked it when he kissed me. Amplified, it made me delirious. And Braden, maybe his intense fascination with me is just made worse by this thing, but he swore on his emblem that he loves me. His feelings for me are real. And I think mine for him are, too.
“And Milo knows what a Companion is?” I ask.
Lance nods. “Yeah, I told him about it because I thought maybe he’d be yours. I thought it would make him try a little harder to reach the spirit world and find the Ciphers, since at the time I thought he had a better chance of getting there than you did.”
“Oh,” I say quietly. The desire to vomit doubles. What did I do to deserve this? Why isn’t Milo my Companion? I honestly think I’ve done enough good things in my life to deserve at least that!
“Can you even imagine what you could do if you let Braden give you his Oath?” Lance asks excitedly. “You’d have that link not only when he was with you but all the time! And I read that the Oath will make the amplification even stronger, too. It’s a pretty rare thing. You’d be unstoppable, Libby.”
All the time. Even stronger than now. My body convulses, and I pull my knees up to my chest and bury my head. All the time. I can’t stand up to that. “No. Lance, I can’t let him do it. I can’t have those kinds of feelings in me all the time. That would be horrible!”
“Horrible?” he smirks. “I don’t know about that. You seem to enjoy having him around quite a bit. I should know.”
Secret of Betrayal: Book Two of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 14