No Fear

by Heather Allen

  “I have a questionnn…” She slurs.

  My brows quip in curiosity.

  “Why don’t you ever come to the fights with anyone? Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

  My hands move on the bar, one over the other, as my head moves in a slight shake.

  “Come on, big sexy guy like you. There has to be someone…” Her blue eyes are bigger and more exaggerated.

  “Remember I told you I had too many women and their problems in my life? I meant it. Tell me about you, what about you and Andy? Maybe I should know, so that I can better defend myself when he tries to attack me when I’m not looking.”

  “Ha, that’s funny. He plays dirty, doesn’t he?” I don’t need to acknowledge her statement. I’m sure she knows first-hand.

  “Well, let’s just say Andy and I go way back. Like high school back. We knew each other sophomore year; we were friends, just not close friends.” She takes a deep breath like she’s about to confess her deepest secrets.

  “When we came here to college, The University of Nevada, we ended up in a couple of the same classes. It’s like he suddenly noticed me. He tried to get me to go out with him, but I didn’t want to. I figured he had his chance for three years and didn’t even look my way. So he started dating my friend and roommate, Sasha. That’s all there is.”

  I wait when she stops, but she doesn’t offer anything else. I’m convinced there’s more and, as much as I really don’t care, I want to know what makes him tick. Obviously Cassidy has something to do with it.

  “I’m not sure that’s all there is. He still has a very strong aversion to me being around you. In our words, that equals his ego in shambles.”

  She laughs. “I guess that is one way to put it. Andy has a very large ego with a long way to fall.” She pushes her light hair away from her forehead.

  I glare at her and she relents.

  “Alright, one night, just one night, I had a moment of weakness. He and Sasha had been dating for a little while and I ended up in his bed. It was a mistake. I made him promise not to tell anyone. And to my surprise, up until this moment he and I were the only ones who knew.”

  I tap the bar for a beer. When the bartender approaches, Cassidy passes. As I take a sip after she sets it down, my curiosity has once again taken over.

  “If you’ve kept it to yourself, why would you tell me?”

  Her shoulders move up. “I don’t know. You seem like a good guy.”

  We sit for a while, each in our own thoughts. Mine stray to Christina. What was the whole thing about her breaking up with Jonathan? Why wouldn’t she have just told me that when she came for the visit? I glance over at Cassidy. There are a lot of similarities between her and Christina—not only the long blonde hair and blue eyes, but also the attitude. More and more as I think about her, I miss being able to talk to her. When I moved here we talked just about every day. Of course it was a fine line, because I never shared my relationship with Mollie. It just always seemed wrong.

  Cassidy breaks my thoughts. “I guess I also thought maybe you could get through to Andy. Fighting has taken him somewhere else. He wasn’t always such a pompous ass.”

  A chuckle escapes my lips. He is definitely that, among other things I could easily list—the first being an idiot, for not pursuing and keeping Cassidy. He doesn’t really deserve her, though.

  She starts to stand, and I have to steady her body with my hand on her arm. A small giggle escapes her lips. She looks around before admitting, “I need to use the ladies room and then get home. Do you think you can take me?”

  I nod. “Do you need help to the bathroom?”

  She shakes her head. “Nope. Be right back.”

  I watch her walk to the rear of the bar. She wobbles a little on her heels, but she makes it. Then I glance at my phone and punch the messages button. Christina’s last text from weeks ago glares back at me.

  Grey, I appreciate that you want to talk, smooth things over ‘cause you’re good at that, right? I don’t want things smooth, I’m not happy with that. I’m sorry you feel bad but so do I. I’ve come to realize this week that maybe we aren’t good together after all. I was wrong the other night and I’m sorry for that, but so were you. I think you’re afraid of taking that next step with fighting and possibly with me. I have to say goodbye for now, Grey. We both have too many things right now that we’re dealing with. It’s better if we’re apart.

  Maybe I didn’t see it for what it is. She broke it off with Jonathan, after all she went through to get back together with him…and just like that, everything is clear in my head. She broke it off and came here because of me. I turned her away… Fuck! I run my hand over my face. I am a complete idiot. Why do women have to be so cryptic?

  “Hey, Grey, you okay?” Cassidy’s tone seems worried.

  I look up at her waiting stare and back to my phone. A slow smile spreads. I hit the off button and stand.

  “Actually, I’m good.” I shake my head at Christina. Never in a hundred years would she just come out and say it. But there it was written on my phone, for who knows how long. It’s been there between us and I never saw it.

  The ride to Cassidy’s is quiet. I’m deep in thought, analyzing all the times with Christina. Has she felt this way always, or just recently? But I realize it doesn’t matter; it just feels right. Why did I never see it?

  “Well, thanks for the ride and the company.” Cassidy steps out as I pull in front of the house.

  “Thank you. I think I needed it just as much.”

  Her mouth widens in a smile and she skips up the stairs to the door. I wait until she’s safe inside before I pull away. A block down the road, I’m dialing Christina. She picks up on the second ring.

  “Hey, Rookie!”

  “Christina.” The breath moves through my lips with a sigh. I don’t know what I was bracing for, but hearing her voice makes it all right.

  “Christina, I need to see you.” The words tumble out fervently. I want to see her badly; now that I know, my chest heaves with the realization.

  She hesitates. “I…ah, I’d like to see you too. I’m just not sure…”

  I can’t blame her for keeping her guard up. I’ve been a dunce this whole time.

  “Can you come out tomorrow? I really do need to see you.” I realize how desperate I sound, but now that I know how she feels, why waste time?

  “I guess…I need to talk to Juno and make sure she’s good. Grey, are you okay? Did something happen?” She seems confused, not happy to hear my words like I had hoped. Maybe I’m misreading everything. But I stay on course.

  “Nope. I just miss you.”

  “Oh, okay. Can I call you later after I close the bar?” I glance at my watch, realizing it’s still early here so the bar in Jersey is definitely still open.”

  “Yeah, that’ll work. Talk to you later then.”

  “Bye, Rookie.”

  I hang up as I turn the truck in front of Meyer’s house. The windows are black. Uneasiness settles as the conversation with him comes back to me. I hope he got the hell out of Vegas. I know there’s a chance I’ll never see him again. It’s a shame, but necessary and probably better for both of us.

  I climb out of the truck and make my way into the house, turning lights on as I go. When I step into the kitchen, something hard hits me in the gut, forcing me to fall forward onto my knees. The pain causes tears. My hands land on the wooden floor and hold my upper body up. I turn my head to look into the light smeared by the water in my eyes. A figure moves into my line of sight. A man I don’t recognize, dressed in a black suit. His hair is dark ,parted on the side, and brushed as a comb-over. His tall form hovers looking down at me with beady little eyes. He calls out, “Stan, can you believe it? They said this guy was tough, the top of his weight class. I don’t believe it. He went down with the first hit!”

  A second man, shorter than his companion, dressed the same with wide dark eyes, looks from the first man back to me. He laughs, grabbing his meaty belly. �
��I think they got their stats mixed up. Anyway, let’s get on with it.”

  The first man raises a wooden bat. I blink, realizing then what is happening. I clasp my stomach as the previous pain subsides. He says before swinging again, “Luciano doesn’t take kindly to his orders not being followed. He’d like you to think of this as your only warning.”

  The bat comes down on my back, and this time I welcome the darkness…

  Chapter 17

  Something vibrating in my back pocket makes my body shift. Pain shoots through every part of me. I can’t even focus on the point of origin. Flames lick at every cell, it seems. I attempt to move my hand to get the phone from the pocket, but my arm won’t cooperate. The pain rages when I move. My eyes blink to bright light blasting through the room. The vibrating stops as I try to remember what happened. Andy put the sleeper hold on me during the fight, and my conversation with Christina…Christina…I try again to get the phone, but I can barely move. I manage enough movement to roll onto my back. My eyes meet the bright florescent lights overhead. I’m in the kitchen at Meyer’s. Then it comes back…the men, Luciano’s men, and the bat. They must have beat on me after I passed out. I don’t remember getting hit in the places that hurt. The vibrating starts again.

  I move my hips and my hand, trying again to pull out the phone. As I grasp the corners, my fingers work to wiggle it out. It comes free. I move it up to my ear, which is against the floor, and hit the screen absently, hoping that I am able to answer. A voice calls to my ear. Christina’s voice. “Grey, are you there?”

  “I blubbbb.” I’m unable to form words. Shit. I panic and try again.

  “Chwis, hep.”

  “Grey, I can’t understand you. Are you okay?”

  “No.” My voice is a whisper. I’m frustrated. So I try to get more out through my uncooperative mouth.

  “Ned hep.”

  “Shit, Rookie, you need help; did you have a fight tonight?”

  Breath escapes my lips as the pain starts taking over. All I can manage is the one word she seems to get.

  “Hep.”

  “I’m on my way, Grey. Hang tight.”

  I close my eyes, willing the pain to go away. The phone is silent. I don’t have any energy to move it away, though. Thankfully the fog comes back and I welcome it.

  ***

  Banging on a door somewhere far away makes me jump. My body panics. It all hits me instantly this time. I raise my hand, but a strangled noise comes out of my lips with the effort. I’m really fucked up. The banging continues, and all I can do is lie here. I shift my head, wondering where ‘here’ actually is. The legs of the table cross my line of vision. I’m on the floor. This is where I’ve ended up. The floor of the kitchen in Meyer’s house. Meyer...If they did this shit to me for not listening to him, what would they do to him? My eyes close again with terrible thoughts. Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe I should have left with him.

  “Grey? Where are you?”

  My eyes pop open to the voice. She’s here. My body relaxes; I know she’ll find me and it’ll all be okay. At least that’s what I tell myself right before the screaming starts.

  “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

  Christina’s voice is close now. She kneels next to me, and her face comes into focus. I attempt a smile but know I didn’t succeed, just by the look on her face. Her eyes move away as she scans my body.

  “Grey, who did this? How did this happen?” Tears begin falling down her cheeks. She whimpers, coming closer. I focus all of my energy on my hand, moving it close to her. She notices and grabs it, squeezing gently. The only thing that crosses my mind is that somehow I’ll be all right now. I know that the mob is out there watching, and I’m far from safe. In fact, now I’ve screwed up even worse by letting her come here, but it doesn’t matter right now. What matters now is seeing Christina through my hazy vision. Now I can finally admit to myself what I didn’t realize until last night, that Christina is the one. She’s been there right in front of me this whole time, but I never figured it out.

  “Yes, I need an ambulance. I’m not sure of the address.” She looks down at me and shakes her head. She squeezes my hand and stands, covering the phone and meeting my gaze. Worry passes through her face before she whispers to me, “I’ll be right back.”

  I want to protest the ambulance. That is the worry. I can’t very well say Luciano’s thugs did this. Somehow I have to let Christina know what the story will be.

  She comes back into the room a few minutes later and kneels down as close as she can get. She leans in toward my mouth asking, “What happened, Grey? Who did this?” Her words are pained. It breaks my heart to hurt her like this.

  I focus on moving my hand once again, and it obeys this time. I’m able to grab her hand and squeeze weakly. I whisper into her ear as she closes the distance. “A fight. Got beat up in fight.”

  I’m relieved that I was able to get some words out.

  She leans back on her heels, glaring. She shakes her head and chastises me. “Greylan Pace, I know this did not happen in a fight. Who beat you up?”

  I encourage her back to my mouth. She places her ear near my lips again, and I force out the words. “Story for doctor. Tell laterrrr.”

  My words are beginning to slur. I know I’m going to pass out soon. I squeeze her hand, again blinking against the fog that’s coming.

  The words are more broken this time. “Chrissss, ca’t live wout you.”

  Her tears resurface as my eyes close. I’m not sure if she sees it, but I feel my lips turn up, glad I could tell her something.

  ***

  The next time I wake up, I’m in a hospital room alone. The walls are a pale beige and the only sounds are the machines with steady noises—I guess telling everyone I’m still alive and kicking. To my surprise, my arms move easily and the rest of me follows suit as I try out each appendage. Although the movements cause a dull pain to shoot through me, I feel a hell of a lot better than the last time I woke up. At least as far as I can tell, something has healed or gotten better.

  The door to the room opens with a creaking noise. I turn my head toward the sound. Christina steps through the doorway with a cup in her hand. Steam rises from the styrofoam as she takes a sip while looking my way. Surprise registers on her face as her gaze meets mine. She rushes across the room and sets the cup on the table next to the bed.

  “Grey, oh Grey; I’m so glad to see those big brown eyes of yours.” Her voice gushes out in one long stream.

  I smile at her. I can see the stress from the ordeal all over her face. She sinks into the chair beside the bed and grabs my hand in both of hers. Her tone turns serious. “Greylan Pace, if you ever do that to me again, I’ll beat you down myself.”

  A chuckle leaves my lips before I attempt to speak. “I’d like to see you beat my ass. Don’t make threats you can’t keep.”

  I’m surprised my mouth worked the way I wanted it to, forming the words. She grins in response, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

  “Seriously, you about gave me a heart attack, and I’m too young for that.”

  I want to reach out and console her, but the door behind her chair opens again. A dark face peers through. My heart skips a beat at the sight. I’m ashamed and relieved all at the same time.

  “Hey, Grey; mind if I join you two?” Jackson asks.

  Christina encourages, “Come on in, Jax. Now is as good a time as any.” She begins wiping any stray tears that escaped and stands up with a solemn look. They stand next to each other, staring at me.

  I’m confused by her words, but they exchange a look. I’m not so sure I’m going to like whatever it is they have to say. Obviously, they collaborated while I was out cold. No doubt they’ll corner me about everything. But I’m still convinced that, if Jackson hasn’t told her about my shit, she doesn’t need to know. The less she knows, the better.

  Jackson pulls another chair closer to the bed. He sinks back, looking relaxed. A stern expression f
orms on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest. Christina sits down again, looking less than comfortable.

  “Greylan, we are here for an intervention. We know how this happened, so now we need to decide what we will do about it.” My heart sinks at her words. He fucking told her. I shake my head, shifting my gaze to Jackson. He glares, challenging me. I know it’s futile to be pissed. It’s done; he can’t take it back.

  I try to sit up in an attempted protest, but she places her hand on my shoulder and lowers it to my own hand. Jackson’s words are accusatory when he speaks.

  “Greylan, I told you before that this was all bad. I said you couldn’t do it by yourself. I know you’re hard-headed, but haven’t you learned your fucking lesson yet?”

  Christina adds, “We can’t just stand by and let them control your life like this.”

  It pains me to say what I have to, but now I’ve put both of them in danger. There are already too many people I’ve ruined, taking the path that I have. So I make a last attempt.

  “Both of you, you need to go back. It’s too dangerous for you to be here. I can’t let them hurt either of you.” Hopefully, the concern in my words is enough.

  Christina places a finger over my lips. She frowns, looking hurt, but her words say something else. “You can’t order us away. You already tried that. So get used to the fact that we’re here by our own choice, not yours, Grey. Get over your aversion to having people around who care, and help us figure this out instead of thinking you can handle it on your own. Obviously, you can’t.”

  I know it’s pointless to argue. I’m glad they’re here but know, later, I’m going to beat myself up over this. If I could get them to go, I would.

  “Where’s Meyer?” Jackson asks, and his words hang in the air between us. The more I think about Meyer, the more I worry that he might not be okay.