by Sara Hess
My throat tightened up in warning and I shook my head and clenched my hands. Don’t think about it I told myself; just keep it pushed back for a little bit longer.
Leaving the living room I headed to the bathroom not bothering to turn the television off. My mom would immediately wake up and raise hell if I did. It was like her background noise for a good night sleep.
Stripping down in the tiny bathroom I stepped into the shower letting the hot water pour over my head hoping it would warm me up and soothe my muscles, but it only worked to a certain degree. I hurried because I could feel the pressure inside of me building for that big explosion. Two minutes later I was done and brushing my teeth with shaky hands.
Slipping into my bedroom I pull on my thick flannel shirt and pants. Shivers had taken hold of my whole body as I burrowed under my covers trying to get warm. I never feel completely warm though. Pulling the pillow over my head I could no longer contain the sobs and they burst forth.
Hopelessness weighed down on me like a heavy bolder, wanting to crush me but I try not to let it. I summoned thoughts of the water and how free and light I feel when I’m swimming. It helps somewhat, easing the depression inside of me as well as my weeping. Images and thoughts flicker through my head and then out of nowhere the face of one of the guys from my five top tonight gets stuck there.
All those guys had been so nice. Normally a bunch of guys together would have freaked me out, especially since they had all been so big, but the sound of their stomachs growling and the grins on their faces had made my dread sort of dissipate. They had joked with me the entire time and I had even let my guard down and joked back. I’d smiled more in that hour than in the last month.
The other waitress’s had been really jealous that I’d gotten them but I’d been up next on rotation. If the guy’s hadn’t been so nice I probably would have asked someone else to take them off my hands, and the way all the girls had acted they would not have been difficult to unload. Most likely there would have been a cat fight to see who got dibs. It’s quite possible that’s exactly what happened when I left because someone had to take over their table for me.
I could understand why the other girls had gone gaga over them; all five of the males had been good-looking in different ways. Even though I never really looked at guys in that way I could appreciate an attractive face and form when I saw it.
One of them, the most attractive one I thought…when he’d looked at me…well, it had caused fissions of discomfort at first, but then I realized the look in his eyes wasn’t overt ogling or leering. It just seemed like appreciation. That was something I was accustomed to seeing from guys, but frequently it held an overload of ickiness. His hadn’t contained that.
My eyes were getting heavy and the last thing I remember before falling into darkness was green eyes, curly blonde hair and a winsome smile.
Those images didn’t follow me into sleep though.
I woke abruptly with a cry, gasping for breath, and looked around in a panic…but everything was quiet…still…and my room was empty. What I did find was my clock; it read 4:54 a.m. Exhaling heavily I slumped back onto my back, crossed my arms over my eyes, and brought my breathing under control. After a few minutes of steady breathing I reached over and shut off my alarm. It wasn’t set to go off for another forty-six minutes but there was no way I was going back to sleep.
Slipping out of bed I shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. The mirror showed red puffy eyes and major bed head which wasn’t surprising since I’d gone to sleep with wet hair. I took another quick shower, braided my hair, and brushed my teeth. Walking back toward my bedroom I heard the channels changing on the television telling me mom was awake. She’d wake up at odd times in the night and watch television until she fell asleep again.
Shivering in my sport bra and panties I stared into my closet debating on what to wear. I would have to look for another job today so I needed to look somewhat presentable. I had early classes…and that thought had me thinking that maybe I could get a job on campus.
With a hesitant plan in place I decided on a pair of khaki’s pants, a black button up shirt, and a large black sweater, because it was cold out. Pulling on some socks I tramped down the short hallway to the kitchen. The idea of food twisted my stomach slightly but I hadn’t eaten anything since early afternoon yesterday. Knowing I needed something in my belly I threw some bread in the toaster and drank some orange juice. I could eat more at the cafeteria later today. It was free for me there with my scholarship.
I’d received a full scholarship to the University of Virginia for four years. My major was Marine Biology. I could be living on campus for free; it was included as part of my scholarship, but then there would be no one to take care of my mom. She received money from an insurance policy, but I’m the one who went grocery shopping and wrote the bills for the rent and utilities. I also kicked in money from my jobs so the insurance money would last longer.
After I got the toast down I filled the sink with soapy water, and then taking a deep breath I strode into the living room.
Mom was lying on the couch exactly where she’d been last night, and the night before, and the month before that. I leaned over to pick up all the dirty dishes littering the coffee table doing my best to stay out of her line of sight to the television. My arm must have obstructed her view for a second though.
“I can’t see.” She complained, not bothering to look at me.
“Sorry, I’ll be just a second.” I replied shortly.
“You need to go shopping today. I made a list.” She waved to the small scrap of paper on the table.
“Maybe you could go today. It would be good for you to get out today; get some fresh air.” I suggested.
The glare that came my way was colder than outside. “I don’t want to go out. I’m fine right where I am. And since you’re here it’s the least you could do.” She sneered.
I’d heard that reference too many time to count and it only caused a small twinge in my chest at this point.
“I’ll try.” Picking up the list I carried the dirty dishes back to the kitchen to wash them. When I was done I slipped my coat and boots on and stuffed my braided hair into a large beanie hat.
Grabbing my gloves I didn’t bother to say goodbye as I left, just closed the door and locked it behind me.
I caught the bus and rode it thirty minutes to the University. It was a little after six when I arrived on campus. There were very few people up and about. My class didn’t start until eight, so I visited the on campus stores and eateries but didn’t see any signs for jobs. I decided to check out the library. There were signs posted regularly outside or I could check out UVA campus jobs online.
The library was empty except for the employees behind the desk. Sitting at one of the computers I brought up the jobs website. Uuhg, there was nothing; at least nothing that I wanted. Guess it was time to get out of my comfort zone. There was a clerk and stocker position open at the athletic building.
Could I handle being around testosterone laden guys continuously?
Jeez, when did I get sexist…there were girls sports too.
Could I handle being around estrogen laden females?
Only one way to find out.
Chapter Three
NIC
“Hey Nic.”
I turned toward the low sexy drawl whispering over my shoulder. Nikki. We’d had two random hook-ups in the last few weeks and she was always hanging around for more. She was blonde, built, and attractive, and she’d been convenient for a quick sexual release. Both times I’d banged her had been at a party; the first time in a bathroom, and the second in a back yard between some bushes. She’d made it easy, pulling up her skirt both times and offering me her ass. It was like she had known my preference. I wasn’t a big fan of looking in their faces as I pounded them to a climax.
However, Nikki had started going on and on about how our names were so much alike and how cute would it be if we were a couple with similar
names. I’d shut down all further advances after that.
“Nikki.” I acknowledged. I never tried to be a dick to the girls I slept with unless they started to become stalker‘ish. She was getting close.
I relaxed back against the wall and took a drink of my water. It was midnight Friday, or Saturday morning, and I and several other guys from the team had come out to the Delta Omega Sorority for their January winter fest…which was just an excuse to have a party and get laid. They had a fest every month for something. Most everyone else was drinking or drunk already, but I only drank in the off season and that wasn’t now.
Nikki sidled up closer to me pushing another girl who’d been running her fake fingernails over my arm out of the way. The girl was a freshman in the Sorority and young like another girl I couldn’t get out of my head, but this one was a lot less sweet and innocent.
“What the hell, bitch?” The girl—didn’t catch her name—exclaimed furiously at Nikki’s maneuver.
Nikki gave her an evil glower. “You did not just say that to me, pledge.”
The freshman blanched, realizing through her hazy drunken eyesight that Nikki was an older sister of the Sorority she was pledging. She skedaddled away swiftly. I watched her flee with no real regret. She’d been cute, but I’d felt no true interest.
“You’re looking extra ripped tonight, Nic.” Nikki slurred trailing her fingertip up my bicep, shoulder, and across my chest.
I sighed and smirked down at her. “I’m pretty sure I look the same as I did the last time you saw me.”
“Are you sure?” She splayed her hand over one pectoral and squeezed. “Because this definitely looks, and feels bigger.”
“It’s the same.” I looked over her head bored with the conversation. My body was just as bored showing no responsiveness at all. Most of the girls from these houses thought that physique compliments were the definition of profound dialogue.
I spotted Landon with some chick hanging on him and Noah and his girlfriend, Amanda, over by the door. “Got to go, Nikki. See you around.” I walked away without a backwards glance. “You guys heading out?” I asked walking up. Both Landon and Noah had water bottles while the girls had plastic cups of whatever they were serving. The guys were as dedicated as I when it came to staying clean during the season. Most of the team was. Those who weren’t played at half their potential and we made sure they knew it.
“Yeah” Landon glanced over my shoulder. “Did you already take care of business?” He queried with a smirk.
That was Landon’s subtle way of asking if I banged Nikki in a hidden corner. “Not interested.” I replied.
He grinned like a fool and waved his arm around. “So pick something else, it’s a smorgasbord here.” He slapped the girl’s ass next to him and she giggled gratingly, pushing up against his side. He shrugged her away instantly. The girl accepted the shrug off with a pout, continuing to stay by his side.
Landon was a complete jackass to women, he almost seemed to get off on it, and surprisingly many put up with it…probably because his family was as rich as Midas. Landon cared less about whom he stuck his dick in than I did, and that was saying something.
“Nothing looked good.” I grunted irritably. “I’m ready to go.”
“If you’re looking for something as good as last week you’re going to have a long wait.” Noah laughed.
I stiffened up unconsciously.
“What happened last week, or should I ask who?” Amanda asked curiously.
Before I could say ‘nothing’ Noah plowed ahead. “When we were out to dinner last Thursday, you know the night I gave you that present,” he gave her a kiss on the cheek, “the waitress who served us caught Nic’s attention. Don’t hit me baby but she was hot, but at the same time she had a girl next door vibe.”
Having Noah describe her again made me grit my teeth. “She was too young.”
Amanda looked at Noah for conformation. I gave him a lethal glare. He grinned and gave a shrug. “She might have been just under eighteen,” his grinned widened, “but I don’t think so.” He laughed and pulled Amanda out the front door with a cherry wave.
“If she’s the one holding you back from scoring, man, you better do something. You’ll end up having blue balls before too long.” Landon snorted.
The girl next to him giggled again, but it was shorter this time, thankfully.
“That’s not the reason I haven’t scored lately. Like I said, nothing’s grabbing my interest. I’m just not going to fuck to fuck.” I groused. I don’t know why nobody was catching my eye, but if it went much longer I might start to get a little nervous. My dick was usually the first to show an interest in someone and then my mind would follow. It’s not like my expectations were too high; good looking, nice body, fine with a casual hook-up, and if the girl wasn’t too annoying than we were good to go for the night.
However, my libido seemed to be asleep lately; only a few twitches here and there.
Well, except for in the mornings when I would wake up my dick throbbing with the hardest morning wood ever…since puberty at least…along with fading dreams of amazing blue eyes and black hair.
Landon laughed. “Man, that’s deep. You should patent that.”
“Patent what?” Seth stepped up next to us pushing a few people out of the way to make room. It wasn’t that Seth was fat, because he wasn’t; he just took up a lot of space.
“Hey Pit. Nic was just enlightening me to the fact that he’s not going to fuck just to fuck.” Landon grinned.
“Don’t call me Pit.” Seth grunted. “And that should be any guy’s mantra. Who wants to fuck just for the sake of fucking? It’d be like playing the game for the fans, or the coach’s, or our parents instead of doing it for ourselves. Talk about taking all the fun out of it.”
Talk about deep. I clapped Seth on the back and pointed my water bottle at Landon. “You just been schooled for free man.”
The girl giggled again. I winced again. Seth looked down at her with a frown. Landon turned on her with irritation. “Either stop with the fucking witch cackle or go away.” He growled.
Her mouth pressed together but she didn’t leave. I shook my head at the incredibility of it. “That’s my cue. I’ll see you guys tomorrow on the field. Ten a.m. sharp.” Turning I headed for the door.
“I’m coming with you.” Seth rumbled walking with me. “This place lost its appeal as soon as the card game was over.”
Seth wasn’t much for partying. He mostly went for the poker games. “Did you win anything?”
He shrugged offhandedly. “Mostly leaving with what I came with.”
Seth played cards to pass the time, as long as he didn’t lose much than it was a good night for him. If he won then it was a great night. “No tidbit for you tonight?” I inquired.
“Like I said.” He grunted shortly. “Evan?”
“He went off with some girl almost as soon as we got here.” I answered.
He grunted. Evan didn’t need all night to make his choice.
“Manny’s?” I posed. Manny’s was an all-night, on-campus burger joint.
Seth gave me a look that said ‘did I really have to ask’ which had me grinning. It was a rather stupid question. Seth was always up for food.
∞ ∞ ∞
I got up early the next morning…after another disconcerting dream…because one of my arm guards had broken during the last practice and I needed to get a new one. Seth, Landon, Evan, Noah, and I rented a large house just off campus. We normally carpooled, but no one wanted to get up early just to make a run to the athletic store. I’d showered last night to get the party stink off, so I just dressed and headed downstairs to the kitchen for something to eat. Two egg sandwiches, a large orange juice, and one banana later I was heading out the door.
The Sports shop wasn’t far from the lacrosse field, but I also wanted to check out some new shafts which could take me a few more minutes of browsing. Parking near the doors I jumped out and jogged inside; a ding-dong
jingle heralded my presence. The place appeared empty as I headed directly for the lacrosse section and grabbed the arm-guard I needed. That taken care of I turned to the shafts and began feeling them up. It may sound pervy but it was all about the right feel.
“Can I help you with anything over there, or are you all set?”
My dick twitched and my heartbeat increased. It couldn’t be, but that voice…I spun around looking for the speaker’s body. “Yeah, I think I might.”
Footsteps headed my way and I saw a black beanie hat bobbing around some clothe isles. Beanie hat? My heart and dick dropped.
Then she stepped into view and both heart and dick ascended again. I positioned the arm guard in front of my groin hastily. No need to display my inappropriately timed woody. Though her hair was covered by the cap I’d recognize that arresting face anywhere; those eyes, those lips, those sexy fucking moles. She was make-up free again and wearing baggy khaki cargo pants, the stores white polo shirt with the schools emblem, and a black button up sweater over that, though it hung open. Another name tag was attached to her chest.
A shy smile curved those lush lips, and I actually had trouble swallowing. “Hey again.” She lifted her hand in a small wave as she came closer.
“Hey back. You work here?” I asked. The answer was obvious, but it was one that needed to be posed since my wits were kind of scrambled and nothing else came to mind. I had lines a plenty I could use on her, only she’s not someone I wanted to use them on, and I just knew that they wouldn’t work on her anyway. Scare her away more likely.
“She gave a delicate shrug. “I started last week.”