by Sara Hess
I shook my head desolately. He didn’t understand because I wasn’t telling him the whole story. Nic gave a tug to my arm.
“I know there’s more that you’re not telling me, “I gave him an incredible look. ‘Was he reading my mind?’ “That’s okay; I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me until you’re ready. Carrie, I want you to know that whatever it is I’m going to be there for you.” He gave me a warm smile. “But let’s forget about that for now. We have the same hours free for lunch today. Would you have lunch with me?”
Nic’s green eyes gazed so intently into mine that I couldn’t look away. He was an addiction I couldn’t say ‘no’ to even though the two of us together might only bring each other harm. There was no possible way I could be mean to get him to stay away, and it appeared he wasn’t going to step back any time soon on his own. The joy that spread through me at that thought warmed me all over. I wanted him safe from my past, but I also didn’t want to lose him.
Was it possible things could turn out alright?
I tentatively nodded. “Yes.”
A huge smile split his face, and that had more warmth rushing through me. “Good, we’ll meet around eleven forty-five in the campus cafeteria.”
He leaned over and gave me a kiss. On the lips. They were warm and soft and gone too quickly. I actually found myself following his mouth as it moved away. His pupils dilated and heat blazed out of them as he noticed my movement, and then he was kissing me again. A hand cupped the back of my head firmly as his lips molded firmly over mine. This was different from the other kisses; it lingered and was more potent. It was both exciting and a little alarming; I had never been kissed like this before, I liked it, but I didn’t know what to do.
I made a timorous effort of moving my lips under his, and as my lips parted his sucked and pulled at mine. It felt amazing. My breathing quickened and I gasped as tingles erupted everywhere. Suddenly, his tongue made a foray into my mouth. The strangeness of it made me stiffen up and pull away before I realized that’s what people did, they kissed with their tongues, but it had just felt really bizarre.
Breathing heavily I gazed up at him. Nic was breathing just as deeply and our breaths mingled together. His eyes as they stared into mine were smoldering hot, and my erratic heartbeat went even more haywire.
I stammered out before I could halt myself. “I’m sorry. I was just surprised at…when you put your…” I pressed my lips together as I realized what I was saying. I didn’t need to be babbling my inexperience. God, I was such an idiot!
Nic set his forehead to mine closing his eyes. The hand that had been on my head went to rub my back. I took pleasure in the closeness and warmth. Eventually, Nic lifted his head from mine and the fire in his eyes had cooled slightly, warm amusement took its place.
“It’s a good thing you had the fortitude to stop, because I don’t think I could have, and you have class.”
I looked at the clock on the dash; 7:56. Crap! I was going to be late. “Crap!” I grabbed my pack off the floor and reached for the door handle.
Nic gave a chuckle as I jumped out. “See you in a few hours.” He called as I shut the door.
He drove away and I stood there smiling inanely before remembering that I needed to get to class.
∞ ∞ ∞
At 11:30 I left my Finite Mathematics class and headed for the campus cafeteria. The walk would take about fifteen minutes getting me there right on time for my lunch with Nic. I was passing the parking area when I noticed Nic’s truck in the lot. Smiling in anticipation, I hurried my steps anxious to see him.
I stopped abruptly though when I saw Nic about twenty yards from the front entrance, and he wasn’t alone. There was a girl draped all over him. I couldn’t see who she was, her back was to me, but that wasn’t significant. What was significant was that Nic and the girl were embracing…and kissing.
My heart clenched and nausea filled my belly. Turning away swiftly I pushed my fisted hand into my belly and tried to swallow but couldn’t past the hitch in my throat. I moved over to the nearest tree to get out of sight of the embracing couple and did my breathing exercises. Tears filled my eyes and a sob shuddered in my chest. People walked past me looking at me curiously and I let my hair fall forward to cover my face and shield my eyes. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough I’d find myself somewhere else, alone.
I shouldn’t feel so betrayed. Sure, Nic had talked about dating, but he hadn’t said anything about exclusivity. I had to remember that he had a reputation. Rumors might not guide my decisions, but only a fool ignored them completely. I guess, maybe, I had expected more from him, or did he make all the girls feel as special as he had me.
I abruptly remembered my words from last night. I told Nic we needed to stop seeing each. He’d disputed it saying he wanted to be there for me, but he hadn’t said anything about continuing a relationship. Maybe he wanted to go back to being friends? But then what about that kiss?
“Carrie, are you all right?”
There was a ringing in my ears so I barely heard the voice saying my name.
A hand gripped my arm. “Carrie, can you hear me? Are you okay?”
Looking up through a haze of tears I made out Seth, Nic’s roommate, standing in front of me with a concerned look on his face.
I wiped at my face hastily trying to hide my tears but couldn’t speak quite yet, I was still trying to get myself under control. Seth seemed to understand; he gave me a sympathetic smile and rubbed my arm. “Take your time.”
His kindness made me want to bawl harder, but I held it in with deep breaths and finally answered huskily. “I’ll be fine. Thank you for asking.” I looked away from his concerned expression. Seeing it made more tears fill my eyes.
“What the hell!” Seth’s hand came up and cupped my cut cheek. “Is this why you’re crying?”
My gaze flew back to his. His expression was still concerned but there was an edge of anger to it. The fierce look combined with his height and bulk made Seth very intimidating, but his touch was gentle on my face.
“No, that happened a couple days ago. It’s nothing. I’m…” I tried to think up something to say. “… just not feeling very well. I was thinking about heading home.” I choked out and made to walk around him needing to get away as fast as I could.
His hand was still on my arm and didn’t let go. He gazed at me intently. “Weren’t you having lunch with Nic today? He mentioned in class today that you were. If you’re feeling sick I’m sure he’d drive you home.”
Seth glanced over my shoulder and his gaze narrowed. My heart sank. I knew he was observing what I’d just seen minutes ago.
“I need to go.” I whisper brokenly trying to tug my arm from his grasp, not wanting to see Nic and that girl again.
“What the hell is going on here?”
I stiffened at Nic’s voice and glanced over my shoulder. He was striding toward Seth and me with a frown on his face. Looking past him I could see the girl standing in the same spot I’d seen them previously. It was Beatrice!...and she looked infuriated. Another wave of nausea rolled through me knowing what they had shared together.
Glancing back at Nic I saw his frown turn to alarmed concern as he took in my tear stained face. His gaze then flew from my face to Seth’s hand on my arm and his expression switched to livid. He stormed over and it looked like he was going to hit Seth the same as he’d hit that other guy at the party.
Seth dropped my arm and stepped back. “She’s not upset because of me, man. I found her crying.”
Before I could get out of there now that I was free Nic wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to him. I went rigid in his arms; arms that had been holding someone else only minutes earlier.
“Carrie, what happened?” Nic’s anxious tone only had me stiffening up more. How could he ask that with Beatrice still standing over there staring at us? I tried pulling from his hold. The joy I’d felt earlier in his arms was no longer there. God, I just wanted to cry again. He’d
made me feel so wanted, cherished, and then to have it all blow up in my face.
“Carrie, what is it? What’s wrong?” He looked down at me anxiously as I pushed back from him.
“Nic, you might want to look behind you and ask that question again.” Seth said tersely, dipping his head in Beatrice’s direction.
Nic glanced in her direction and an annoyed expression moved over his face, but then it changed to apprehension and his gaze arrowed back to me.
“Carrie, what you saw wasn’t what it seemed.” Discomfort shifted across his face. If that wasn’t guilt I don’t know what was. “That girl was someone I…” Nic rubbed the back of his neck and his face flushed. Seth barked out a rough laugh.
I looked back and forth between the two of them in hurt bewilderment. Why would Seth show such concern for me and then laugh about Nic’s duplicity? At least it felt like duplicity. I wasn’t sure if I had I right to feel deceived, but I did.
I don’t think I was ready for dating. This hurt as much as my mom’s rejection and slap combined.
Chapter Eighteen
Nic
Carrie’s tear stained face was filled with hurt and confusion, and she was looking anywhere but at me.
When I’d first observed Seth and Carrie, him hovering so near to her and holding her arm, anger had coursed through me thinking he was making a move on her. I’d rushed over only to see Carrie in tears trying to pull away from Seth’s hold on her arm, and then unqualified fury had overridden the tepid anger of before.
But Seth had backed off immediately and pointedly turned my attention to what in fact had Carrie in tears; a chick that couldn’t seem to understand the words ‘not interested’. She was the same girl who’d waylaid me a little over a week ago after practice offering herself up to me on a platter dressed in my jersey. I’d come across her a few more times and it was the same thing. She’d offer I’d refuse. However, this time she’d not only offered but had thrown herself at me latching onto my face like a vampire who’d hadn’t seen blood in months. It had taken some serious muscle to get her detached, and the whole time I’d been hoping that Carrie wouldn’t happen by and see.
My luck seemed to have deserted me though, and now I was faced with trying to explain to Carrie what really happened and the underlying cause. Seth’s bark of amusement at my discomfort wasn’t helping either. The sight of Carrie’s misery wasn’t a funny matter to me especially after everything she’d just been through. Although, Seth didn’t look all that amused; his eyes were boring into mine with clear anger.
I could feel Carrie trying to pull away from the grasp I had on her arm. Her eyes would flicker toward me than away just a quickly, and the tears, pain, and disillusionment in them tore me up. Gripping both her arms I leaned down so I could look straight into her eyes. I noticed that some of the make-up had been wiped away from both cheeks revealing a slight yellow discoloration on her right cheek, and black and blues around the cut on her left. It pissed me off all over again seeing it uncovered, and knowing the pain she’d had inflicted upon her both physically and emotionally, and now she was dealing with my left-over shit. What a clusterfuck.
“Carrie, I’m not sure what you saw, but that girl was someone I’d…spent some time with… before you.” My face got hot again at having to explain. “She came up to me and threw herself at me before I could stop her.” Carrie’s gaze slide past me to the girl. “I wasn’t in anyway a willing participant in that kiss.” My grip on her arms was gentle, but unyielding. I wasn’t going to let her run away before she understood what really happened.
Carrie went still at the end of my explanation a frown puckering her brow. “Beatrice kissed you, but you didn’t kiss her?” She asked slowly.
I frowned. “Beatrice?” Who the hell was Beatrice?
She looked up at me fully at last. “The girl kissing you. Beatrice.”
Shit, that’s what the girls name was. No wonder I couldn’t remember it. Wait, now I remember; Bee, she’d told me her name was Bee.
Carrie returned my frown. “You didn’t even know her name? I thought you had…sex with her.” She blushed at the word sex.
Seth grunted as he held back what I knew was another laugh, and if possible my face got hotter. Damn, this just got better.
“I knew her as Bee,” I prevaricated. “But how do you know her?”
She gave a small wary shrug. “She introduced herself to Amanda and me at your game and mentioned that she was going to give you a great big congratulation on your win. Was that what she was doing?” Carrie’s asked. I could see she was trying to sound sarcastic but it came out sounding upset.
Ahh, Bee was the bimbo Amanda had been talking about. “I don’t know what the hell she was doing. She’s been making a nuisance of herself trying to get my notice, and today she went all gung-ho on me.” I tightened my grip, not to the extent it would hurt, but so that she would listen carefully. “I didn’t kiss her. I pulled her off as soon as I could detach her from me.”
Seth finally put a helpful two cents in. “I can confirm that Beatrice has been an irritant and that Nic has run the other way whenever she’s come near.”
Carrie glanced over at Bee who was still standing where I’d left her. Seth gave her a salute. Bee gave us all a glower and stomped off.
“She must like you a lot.” Carrie whispered, staring after Bee with uncertainty.
Seth snorted. I groaned. This wasn’t good; she was sympathizing. “What she liked was being linked with my name and a first string lacrosse player. She didn’t care about me as a person. Remember the groupies I told you about; well, she’s one of them.”
“She must have liked you some to sleep with you. Did you…hang out with her the way you do me?”
“No!” I said emphatically, but doubt remained in her eyes. She was thinking I was playing her. “Bee and I hooked up at a party. It was just that one night.”
I didn’t like revealing my douche-baggery. Hell, I hadn’t even realized that I’d been a douche until I met her. She made me want to be better, and she needed to know she was different. Pulling her close in a hug I whispered in her ear wanting her to know how important she was.
“God, Carrie, what’s going on between you and me is nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”
Hands that had been gripping my forearms tightly in reservation relaxed at those words. She expelled a deep breath as her head tilted forward to rest on to my chest.
“Oh, okay, me too.” Carrie breathed quietly into my shirt.
The double relief that swamped me at her reply almost brought me to my knees; instead a laugh burst from me. I picked her up and hugged her. “I’m glad.” I said swinging her side to side.
“Is it time to eat now?” Seth broke in with a grunt.
Setting Carrie down but keeping her next to my side I slapped Seth on the back. “What in the hell are you doing here anyway?”
“I was on my way to Manny’s.”
I frowned. “Wouldn’t you be coming from the opposite direction?” Seth’s Economics class was at the other end of campus. He wouldn’t have driven past the cafeteria to get to Manny’s.
An expression that was difficult to decipher passed quickly over his face, but on a guess I would have said it was guilt. What would he be feeling guilty about?
“I had something to do over at the academic building.” Seth grumbled.
Huh, maybe it was just discomfort about something else. “Well, we should hurry and get our lunch. Carrie doesn’t have much time before she’s got to get going.” Frustration rolled through me because I’d wanted to spend some time alone with Carrie, but Seth had really helped me out so I wasn’t going to tell him to take a hike.
We all walked into the cafeteria together and I held on to Carrie’s hand firmly. The incident with Bee had been a close one; my past coming up to bite me in the nads. Carrie could have believed what she’d seen and walked away, but thankfully she’d trusted me in the end. Not that I would have let her walk away. Just
the idea of her cutting me out of her life left an ache in my chest. I’d known her for barely two weeks but it’s like she’d become the axis of my world. And that was a scary fucking thing.
We got our food quickly and found a table by a window. That was the good thing about the cafeteria; the food was hot and ready, or cold and ready depending on what you preferred. Carrie set her tray down on the table, but then excused herself to go to the restroom. I knew she wanted to check her face, not because she was vain, but because I’m sure she knew her cover-up had washed away.
As soon as she left Seth leaned forward from across the table a fierce expression on his face and grumbled angrily. “What in the hell happened to her face. At first I thought she might have just fallen, but her other cheek has a mark too. It looks like someone smacked her around.”
I knew my expression matched his when I answered. “I don’t like divulging what she’s told me in confidence…” Seth was a good friend and I knew out of anyone that I could trust him to keep his mouth shut. “That day after our party her mom slapped her, slapped her so hard she knocked Carrie into a door frame. Then she kicked her out of the house. Carrie didn’t say much else, but from what her mother said to me when I called…” More anger rushed through me. “She called Carrie a tramp. What kind of mother calls her daughter a tramp? Especially since Carrie is the furthest thing from a tramp. The girl screams innocence, wounded innocence.”
Seth leaned back in his seat. He didn’t display any shock at what I’d told him, his expression just became cold and hard. “Where’s she staying?”
I looked over my shoulder making sure Carrie wasn’t going to come up on our conversation. “It actually gets worse. The only place she felt she could go was the woman’s shelter.”
Seth scowled. “Shit! She doesn’t have any other family or friends she could stay with?”
“She didn’t mention any other family, and from the little time I’ve known her I can tell she doesn’t let people into her life easily. Damn, the girl hardly has any free time to make friends; she’s working when she’d not at class.”