by Sara Hess
Carrie swiped her key card to get us in the doors and we checked in at the front desk before taking the elevator to the third floor. Not having been to her room yet we clicked off the numbers to 312. A few people were traversing the hallway, both female and male. I bristled at the presence of the males, especially since they all checked Carrie out, and not in a casual way.
Finally, we reached her room and she opened it to reveal a barely furnished living space. It had everything she said it would; only the bed frame contained no mattress. I looked around and felt my anger building all over again. She had one suitcase with her, no mattress for the bed, and I really doubt it contained any blankets to go on top of it if she did. And what about a damn pillow!
Knowing that my anger wasn’t going to help the situation I took a deep breath and noticed that Carrie’s expression was distressed.
“When they said it had a bed I just figured that it included a mattress, but I guess that was kind of stupid.” She walked into the room and dropped her backpack on the bed frame.
At least she hadn’t been trying to whitewash her dire circumstances more than they were, but shit, the girl had nothing to fill this room with.
In the calmest voice I could muster I said good-naturedly. “You know what; Amanda’s got an extra mattress in her storage room from when her last roommate moved out. The roommate was supposed to come get it but then told Amanda just to get rid of it. I know she’s still got it because Noah was supposed to get rid of it for her, but he never did.” It was one of the most fantastical lies I’d ever told.
Carrie’s brows rose in delighted astonishment. “Wow! That would be great. I could give her like…fifty bucks or something. Is that a good price?” She asked with an uncertain frown.
That she was concerned about Amanda getting money for a mattress that I’d explained in my lie didn’t even belong to her cut me up. Carrie wasn’t someone who expected something for free.
“I told you, Noah was supposed to trash it. Amanda won’t take any money for it.” I stated firmly.
She looked rebellious for a second and we had a stare-off, but then she gave in genially. “Okay, but I’ll have to do something to repay her somehow.”
I walked over to her and swept her up in a hug spinning her around. “Woman, just accept the good fortune or I’ll spin you till you hurl up our dinner from last night.”
She giggled uncontrollably. “Oh, my god. You have to stop or I will. I cannot handle going in circles.”
“Tell me you’ll accept the mattress or I keep going.” I warned her still spinning. I hoped she relented soon because I was getting dizzy myself.
She laughed and I grinned hearing it. “Okay, okay,” she conceded giggling breathlessly.
I stopped and had to brace myself from falling over. Whoa, note to self: never ride the tilt-a-whirl…ever.
Carrie swayed and slapped me on the shoulder laughing. “Just to warn you, if you ever do that again it won’t be me wearing the regurgitated food.”
I grimaced at the thought. “Good point.” I put space between us like I was afraid she might do what she’d warned. She laughed again.
“Go get your shower.” I shooed her away.
Grinning, she retrieved her shower supplies and extra clothes from her suitcase and headed for the bathroom. However, before she could shut the bathroom door there was a knock at her dorm door.
What the hell? She was getting visitors already. It had better not be a guy. She was closer to the door so she got there before me, and low-and-behold…a guy. I stood behind her scowling irritably.
“Yes?” Carrie asked hesitantly.
The guy didn’t even notice me. All his male attention remained fixed on Carrie in spellbound absorption.
“Uh, hey.” The guy, five ten, medium build, brown hair, not really all that bad looking held out his hand with an overly bright smile. “My name is Mark; I’m the R.N. Just stopping by to introduce myself.”
Carrie held out her hand. “I’m Carrie.”
I almost growled when they made contact. I didn’t want anyone else touching her; I didn’t care if it was only a hand shake. I especially didn’t want guys that were interested in her touching her.
Stepping up next to her I grumbled. “I’m Nic; her boyfriend.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carrie’s head jerk up in my direction in surprise, but I kept eye contact with the asshat in front of me. His gaze met mine and widened in possible recognition but definite apprehension. He dropped Carrie’s hand instantly. Good, he was smart to be concerned.
I turned and gave Carrie an innocuous smile. “Carrie, honey, why don’t you go do what you where about to do.” I left it vague; I didn’t want asshat here thinking about her in the shower. “I want to ask Mark here a few questions. We don’t have a lot of time and you can always talk to him later.”
Carrie expression still looked surprised at my ‘boyfriend’ announcement. “Okay, yeah…uh, nice to meet you Mark.” She turned and slipped into the bathroom.
I stepped forward which caused Mark to shuffle backwards. Stepping out in the hall I left the door slightly ajar at my back. I told myself to be polite but firm.
I held out my hand and repeated. “Hey, Mark, I’m Nic Stanford.”
Mark took my hand tentatively. “Yeah, I follow lacrosse. You guys are headed for another great season.”
“Thanks. Listen Mark, I was wondering if you could do me a big favor. I’m real protective of Carrie and I’m going to worrying about her constantly, but you can help me out with that. I’m going to give you my number and if you could call me if you see anyone bothering her I would really appreciate it. My teammates look after our own you know.” Hopefully this story would get around and weed out many of the guys who would have tried to get with her. It didn’t set my mind totally at ease, but it was something.
The apprehensive expression on Mark’s face amped up. “Yeah, sure I can do that.”
I clamped my hand on his shoulder. “Appreciate it man. If I can do anything for you, just ask me.”
Surprise flashed over his face at my offer, he’d probably expected threats rather than compromise. “Okay, sure Nic.”
We exchanged numbers and I let him know that I would be dropping off a mattress for Carrie later, plus a few other things.
Carrie came out of the shower a few minutes later. Her hair was braided and she’d put on her work clothes topped with a gray sweater. We headed out quickly since our time was tight. I just made one quick stop to get us something to eat since we both missed breakfast.
I could feel the tension slowly increase in Carrie the closer we got to Lexington. Holding her hand I tried my best to sooth her by talking aimlessly, but she only offered up half-hearted responses. When we neared Lexington I followed the GPS directives to the address Carrie gave me, located in a large subdivision just on the outskirts of the city limits. The doctor lived in a home similar to the others around her; a two story brown with a two car garage on a two/thirds acre lot.
Pulling into the driveway I shut off the engine and walked around to the passenger seat. It was the only time Carrie waited for me to come around to open the door for her without me asking. I could tell she was trying to control it, but the panic revealed in her eyes was unmistakable.
Taking both her hands I gave them a squeeze. “Carrie, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
Carrie laughed but the sound was choked. “Of course I don’t want to do this…” She swallowed and closed her eyes. “But you need to know or we can’t go forward.” Taking a deep breath she climbed down from the truck. “I’m okay.”
Fuck, she was strong. Hands clasped together we walked up to the door that had opened to reveal an attractive auburn haired woman in her mid-thirties. She smiled and as we neared.
“Carrie, it’s so good to see you.” The woman stepped forward and enfolded Carrie in her arms, Carrie embraced her back. There was definite affection between two.
Dr. Mat
hew’s leaned back and switched her attention to me. “And this is the young man you told me about?” She looked me over with a smile but I could see she was taking my measure.
I offered my hand. “I’m Nic, Nic Stanford.”
She accepted it. “Nice to meet you, Nic.” Releasing my hand she entwined her arm with Carrie’s pulling her into the house. “Come in both of you. Doug, my husband has gone out with the kids so we have the house to ourselves.”
She led us into the living room and offered us a seat. Carrie and I sat on the couch together and Dr. Mathews took the chair across from us. I’d taken Carrie’s hand in mine as soon as we’d seated ourselves and I saw Dr. Mathew’s eyes follow the movement. Her expression remained neutral though. As a Psychiatrist she probably had that countenance down pat.
“Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Dr. Mathews.” Carrie expressed softly.
“None of that Dr. Mathew’s anymore. It’s Mona now.” Dr. Mathews smiled kindly. “We left the doctor title in the past. I think of as friends now.” She leaned back in her chair folding her hands in her lap. “So, on the phone you said that you and Nic have been seeing each other and you wanted me to convey to him the details of your past.”
Carrie’s hand tensed in mine. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. “Yes, I still have a hard time talking about it.” She replied.
An infinitesimal line appeared between Dr. Mathew’s eyes as she looked at Carrie. “This is something you truly want?”
“Yes, I can’t move forward until Nic knows the whole truth.” Carrie jumped up abruptly. I stood as well but Carrie put her hands on my forearms to hold me there. Her face was pale her eyes imploring. “I’m just going to go outside. You stay here. I…”
She halted in whatever it was she was going to say and instead hugged me and I could feel everything she couldn’t say in that tightly expressed embrace. Gathering her closer I whispered in her ear. “I’ll be here no matter what.”
She gave me one more squeeze before drawing away. Her eyes were wet as she turned and left the room. It pained me to watch her walk away suffering the way she was.
“You care for her very much.”
I tore my gaze from where Carrie had exited to the doctor who was watching me thoughtfully.
“I do.” I stated decisively.
Closing her eyes she took a deep breath before opening them again. Her brown eyes were warm with relief.
“You don’t know how comforted I am to hear that. Carrie has gone too long without that in her life. From just watching you with her in the last ten minutes I sense how deeply you care for her. I can also feel how much she cares for you. Please, sit down.” She waved her hand at the couch.
With one last look at the doorway I did as she asked.
Dr. Mathew’s expression turned grim. “There’s no easy way to reveal Carrie’s past so I’m going to just start from the beginning. Let me tell you about the first time I met Carrie. I received a call at four o’clock in the morning by the police asking me if I could come into the hospital to help with a catatonic individual.”
My heart clenched at the word catatonic.
“When I arrived they led me to a room, but before I went in the police officer explained to me the circumstances surrounding the girl they wanted help with. The police got a call at around twelve thirty that morning about a murder. When they arrived at the scene a woman answered the door in hysterics accusing her daughter of killing her husband, the girl’s father. When the police searched the house they discovered the murder scene in the girl’s bedroom.”
Dr. Mathew’s swallowed and a pained expression crossed her face. I tensed at the look.
“On the bed was the victim, John Harper, the father. He’d been stabbed in the carotid artery with a pencil and was covered in blood. There was in fact blood everywhere; all over the bed, the floor, as well as the young girl huddled in the corner. She was essentially naked and covered in scratches and contusions.”
Oh, God, no! I felt like I was going to throw-up. Her own father! I’d just come to a conclusion this morning that she hadn’t been raped. My thoughts went to Carrie’s and my sexual foray this morning and I couldn’t help thinking about what I might have put her through.
“Do you need a glass of water?” Dr. Mathew’s asked gently.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. Just finish, please.” I had to get through this for Carrie.
“The police brought the girl in for questioning, but she was too traumatized by what had happened and had gone into shock. That’s why they called me in, hoping I could coax out of her what had happened. They knew the basics of what went on in the room; the father was nude, Carrie’s night gown was ripped almost off, and the bruising that was found on her body all pointed to an assault, but they needed her side of the story to cover their asses. Unfortunately, I was not able to get her to talk that night, or anytime soon after, and instead of getting an open and shut case it remained open for several months. So the only thing you will find in news articles about the incident is that Carrie killed her father and she was hospitalized because of it.”
I swallowed painfully. “But she did eventually remember?” I asked hoarsely.
Dr. Mathews nodded soberly her eyes sad. “The courts placed her in the hospital I work at and she stayed in that unresponsive state for three months. Others had to do everything for her; feed her, give her baths, walk her for exercise. She slowly started to waste away.”
My gut twisted in anguish at the thought of her possible near death.
“But then something happened, I don’t know what, but something snapped her out of it. I was called in one afternoon to the news that she’d woken from her unresponsive state. When I arrived she was sitting in her bed crying and rocking herself repeating the word ‘no’ over and over again.”
Shit! “She did that during two episodes she had in front of me.” I exclaimed.
Dr. Mathew’s took a deeply indrawn breath. “She does that when scenes from that night flash through her mind. When she came out of her catatonic state scenes from that night flooded her mind. It didn’t all come back and I don’t know if it ever will, but she knows what her father tried to do to her. She knows she killed him as he lay on top of her suffocating her to death.”
Oh, god, it just got worse. “You mean he was trying to kill her as well as rape her.”
“I’m not sure that it was intentional. There were no signs of strangulation. Her father was a big man; six-one, two hundred and thirty pounds, and she was a tiny thing at fourteen. His weight on top of hers would have made it difficult for her to breath.”
Nausea rolled in my belly again as pictures flashed in my mind of what all he could have done to her. “So she somehow got a hold of a pencil and killed him.”
“Yes, but what you need to realize is that she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, or what he was doing. She woke up in the middle of the night and all she knew was that a heavy weight was pressing down on her, hurting her. At first she just tried to get away, but she couldn’t. The bulk was too heavy for her to move. These are her words as she recollects the night.” Dr. Mathew’s quantified somberly. “Carrie heard and felt the sound of ripping cloth and the weight on top of her began to hurt her more, and then it got to where she couldn’t breathe. She said her vision was sparking and she felt like she was dying. Her arms scrambled about instinctively and touched upon something which she grabbed up automatically. Carrie said all she wanted to do was get the weight off of her so she could breathe, so she used what was in her hand hoping it would help.” Dr. Mathew’s voice broke and she reached for a tissue on the table between us wiping at her eyes.
I had to pull on everything in me not to bawl along with her.
“Carrie is more traumatized about killing her father than she is about the attempted rape. When she realized it was her father she’d stabbed and killed; well, I believe this is what caused her to fall into her catatonic state.”
My attention imm
ediately caught on the word ‘attempted’. “She killed him before he was able to rape her?”
Dr. Mathew’s frowned. “I thought you might at least know that. Yes, Carrie stopped the rape. That’s about the only good thing regarding the whole situation.”
Carrie had stopped a rape that time, but were there prior rapes before this. “Was this the only time he’d done this or was there a history of previous molestation?” I asked, afraid of the answer. What if she’d been molested for years?
“The medical examination showed that she hadn’t had intercourse of any kind, and Carrie couldn’t remember if her father had ever touched her inappropriately prior to that night. During the investigation they did find evidence of child pornography in the homes personal computer, and John Harper had a high level of alcohol in his blood that night.”
A sense of thankfulness overwhelmed me that she was at least spared that, but that she’d had to go through any of that shit was heartbreaking. And she’d said she’d had to do it alone.
“Where was her mom through this, or the rest of her family? She said her mother hates her and that everyone turned their backs on her.” I asked furiously.
Dr. Mathew’s expression turned angry. “As a psychiatrist I try to look at all aspects of a situation, but I have a hard time with Carrie’s mother. Mary was in denial of the whole thing. She didn’t want to acknowledge what her husband had tried to do, so she wasn’t that sensitive to her daughter’s situation as she should have been as a mother. I recognized that Mary had a lot to deal with in the beginning. Her husband was accused of assault and the attempted rape of their daughter, and then there were police and family service people questioning her, but she only visited Carrie twice during her time at the hospital and they were both at my insistence.
After a while Mary made arrangements to move because of all the publicity, but also because she wouldn’t have been able to afford the house they lived in at the time. John Harper was a lawyer in Lexington and had made good money. They had lived in a suburb similar to mine. Mary received an insurance settlement, but since she didn’t work she was going to have to be more frugal with what she had. If she’d applied herself and gotten a job she could have a better place than what she settled on. I’m almost certain she blames Carrie for her reduced living conditions as well as the estrangement from her family and friends.