Emma walked along beside her, surprisingly quiet. After a little while she said, “Dr. Scott isn’t coming back, is he?”
“No. He’s finished his job here.”
“He was nice.” Emma walked another step or two. “But I’m kinda mad because he said he’d be here for the show and he wasn’t.”
“You know why he had to go.”
“I know,” Emma said. “But I don’t like people who make you like them and then go away forever.”
Volta should defend him. After all, Scott had used his vacation days to stay and work with Emma, and he certainly couldn’t be held responsible for an earthquake. But she understood Emma’s feelings because she shared them. She didn’t like people who made you love them and disappeared from your life, either.
You had to protect your heart. It was a lesson Volta had learned the hard way all those years ago in Hawaii, and yet she must not have learned it very well, because she’d gone and left it vulnerable again. She knew it would end this way and yet she’d let Scott slip back into her life, into her heart. And into Emma’s.
She never should have let them spend time together. She should have realized that Emma wouldn’t be able to resist growing attached to Scott. Yes, they’d made it clear Scott was only there temporarily, but a child Emma’s age couldn’t be expected to understand.
Emma had never had anyone important to her that she knew disappear out of her life before. A little piece of Emma’s trust was gone, as well. And it was Volta’s fault.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SCOTT YAWNED. HE hadn’t gotten much sleep for the past two weeks, but they’d finally restored power and staffing to the maternity hospital. There was an old wives’ tale that babies try to be born at the most inconvenient times possible, and often he wondered if it might be true. He’d personally delivered six babies in the first twenty-four-hour period after he arrived, two by C-section.
His response team included one other doctor, several nurses, and a handful of engineers who hooked up emergency generators and kept the incubators running and the lights on. The doctor was a volunteer who had left his ob-gyn practice in Kentucky to come help.
Scott’s phone chimed. Huh. They must have gotten the cell towers working again. He scrolled through his messages, looking for nothing in particular. No, that wasn’t true. He was looking for something from Volta, but it wasn’t there. Did he really expect it to be?
He could have used the satellite phone to check in with Volta and make sure she was okay, and to find out how Emma did in the show, but the sat phone was really for work communication and for the team to use to check in with their families. He had no family who cared where he was.
He’d thought of Volta and Emma lately. About how much he’d enjoyed his time with them. And then about the look on Emma’s face when she realized he wouldn’t be there for her show. That look was exactly why he’d made the decision not to marry or have a family. He knew the pain of being a parent’s last priority and he never wanted to inflict that on a child. Or on a wife.
He lay down on his cot. After an eighteen-hour day, he expected to fall asleep immediately, but his mind wouldn’t quiet. Alaska was a couple of time zones ahead, so Volta would be asleep now. Were the peas she’d planted up and growing yet? Had Emma found another riding instructor? Were they thinking of him when he thought of them? He grabbed his phone and typed out an email to Volta asking about Emma. And finally, he could sleep.
* * *
VOLTA WOKE AT the sound of her phone’s chime. It only took a second to realize it wasn’t the work phone but her private one. The numbers on the bedside clock read 1:11. Probably spam. She closed her eyes, trying to catch the last traces of her dream, but it was gone. She’d been having a lot of dreams lately where she was standing there with a group of people and they all suddenly disappeared, leaving her alone. She didn’t need Freud to interpret that one.
She reached for her phone, to see who thought she needed to know about an “amazing one-day sale” at one in the morning, but it wasn’t a business. It was Scott. Did he really think it was okay to maintain stony silence for two weeks and then just drop a line to her? She opened the message. He said he’d had no cell service or internet until now, so he couldn’t contact her before. She probably should have realized that would be the case.
He asked about her garden, about how Emma did in the show, and about life in general. He mentioned delivering a lot of babies, and that power had been restored today. No complaints about working conditions, just checking in.
Now she felt all self-centered and whiny. The man was out there in the worst conditions, saving lives, and she was feeling neglected because... Because why? She’d told him to go and to not come back. If she should be mad about anything, it should be because he was emailing her now, not that he hadn’t done it before.
She answered the email. Emma did fine, received a blue ribbon. No need to mention the preshow panic. The garden was fine. She was fine. Wishing him well. Signing off.
There. A perfectly polite email that asked no questions and left him no need to respond. There was absolutely no reason for Scott to contact her ever again. Because she and Emma and her garden and everyone and everything else in her life were flippin’ fine. And if they weren’t, it was none of Scott Willingham’s concern.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“SUCTION, PLEASE.” SCOTT waited for the surgical nurse to clear the field. Ah, there it was. The tumor that had been causing his patient so much pain. A few minutes later the tumor was in a specimen tray, and he was closing. The specimen would have to be transported to a lab a hundred miles away to be checked, but generally tumors of this shape and position tended to be benign. Most likely, once Anu had recovered from the surgery, she was going to feel better than she had in years.
Anu was Scott’s last surgery of the day. He was handling surgery this week in a DEMA hospital in Ethiopia that specialized in repairing birth injuries, but also provided other gynecologic surgery for women from all over the country. He’d worked in this hospital many times and was always struck by the resilience of the women who came to them for help. Anu, despite years of constant pain, was a grandmother and a leader in her community. Now that the source of the pain was gone, there would be no stopping her.
It was due to women like Anu that his job provided a great sense of satisfaction. But he was beginning to think job satisfaction wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a life.
The door to the second surgical room opened and Dr. Bradley Adams walked out. Brad had arrived three days ago. He’d been volunteering two weeks a year at this clinic for the past twelve years. He greeted Scott. “All done for the day?”
“Yes. Just finished.”
“Me, too. Let’s get some grub.”
Scott accompanied him to the dining area. Most of the patients, at least the ambulatory ones, chose to eat here rather than in the wards. The short walk was good for them, as was the change of scenery. It was late, though, and most of the patients had returned to the wards. The two doctors made their way to the kitchen, where the smiling cook dished up hearty servings of spicy wat over rounds of injera, a chewy sourdough bread.
They thanked her and carried their meals to a table in the corner. Scott tore off a chunk of bread and used it to scoop up some of the vegetable stew and pop it in his mouth. Brad did the same. They spent a few moments taking the edge off their hunger before Brad spoke. “You know, I’ve tried to re-create this at home for my wife, but I can never get the spices right.”
“I imagine it would be difficult. It’s along the lines of curry, but not the same. Do you cook much?”
“Yes, I enjoy cooking. My wife and I take turns. Most workdays I keep it simple, but on weekends I like to try out new recipes. Some had been great successes, and others...” He winced. “Not so much. The kids have starting laying odds on whether a weekend experiment will be edible or not.”
Scott chuckled. “How many kids do you have?”
“Four.” Brad pulled out his phone and showed him a family photo. A dark-haired woman in a yellow dress held a toddler on her hip. A boy holding a soccer ball and two girls surrounded her. The boy and one of the girls looked much like the children of the patients Scott had seen today, as did the toddler. The other girl, smiling sweetly at her mother, had Down syndrome. All were laughing.
“You have a beautiful family.”
“I’m a lucky man,” Brad said, returning his phone to his pocket and scooping up another bite.
“Is your practice in Kansas solitary, or do you have partners?” Scott asked.
“I have four partners, which is why I’m able to do this. My partners are great about covering for me while I’m gone. One of them, Patricia Silva, also takes a leave to volunteer with DEMA, but she goes to Brazil. You’re full-time with DEMA, correct?”
“Yes.”
“That’s fairly rare, isn’t it?”
Scott nodded. “There are only forty full-time doctors in the organization, and twenty-eight of those are assigned to specific facilities. Only twelve of us are roamers.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Still. It must take a toll, all that traveling.”
People always said that. Scott used to reply no, he enjoyed the travel and meeting new people all the time. But now... “It’s not easy. I’ve been at this for almost ten years now.”
“Ten years.” Brad whistled. “That’s a long time to be away from home.”
“I don’t have a home.”
“Then I feel for you. My home and family are everything to me.”
“What about your work?”
“I enjoy my work. But it’s secondary. It’s not who I am.”
“You have an ob-gyn practice. That takes a lot of dedication. Babies don’t always arrive during office hours. That boy, the one who plays soccer. Don’t you have to miss some of his games?”
“They all play soccer, and yes, of course I do. They understand that. My wife works mornings only, so she does most of the shuttling. She has a network of other parents who trade off for carpooling, and her parents live in the same town, so they sometimes help out. We make it work.”
“Excuse me if this is too personal, but have you ever broken a promise to your kids? You said you’d be there and then you weren’t?”
“It happens,” Brad admitted readily. “I try hard not to make promises I can’t keep. My partners and I take turns being on call. We run the practice so that the patients get to know all of us during their pregnancies, and they understand that they won’t necessarily get their choice of doctors when it’s time to deliver. But sometimes, an emergency comes up. My family understands that.”
He used a hunk of injera to push a stray vegetable to the center of his plate. “My kids are the center of my life, but they’re not the center of the universe. The sooner they realize that, the happier they’ll be. That was one of the reasons I do this every year. When they’re older, I’ll bring the kids along from time to time. My family makes me happy.”
Scott chewed his bread and thought about that. When he was a kid, more than anything he’d wanted his father’s attention. But he didn’t need all of it, all the time. A little undivided attention would have been enough. He looked at the doctor sitting across the table from him. “You’re a good man, Bradley Adams. You deserve to be happy.”
Brad chuckled. “So do you, my friend. So do you.”
* * *
TWO WEEKS LATER, Scott was at DEMA headquarters in London, for his semiannual review. Hans tapped a stack of papers together and set them on top of a folder labeled with Scott’s name. “So, how was the vacation in Alaska?”
Scott thought of trail rides through the forest and running on the coastal trail. Of Emma’s laugh and Volta’s smile. He couldn’t help smiling himself. “It was great.”
“You’ve been back at work, let’s see, six weeks now. How’s it going?”
Scott started to give his usual response. Fine, great, all is well. But was it? “Okay,” he temporized.
“Just okay?”
Scott shrugged. Hans waited for him to speak, but when he didn’t, Hans pulled another paper from the stack. “You’ve been with us for, what, ten years now?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know that the longest tenure for a full-time traveling doctor we’ve ever had before you was five years?”
“Was it?”
“Yes.” Hans set the papers down and steepled his fingers. “I hear you’re not yourself lately. That you seem distracted.”
Scott frowned. “Who says that?”
“Does it matter?”
“I suppose not. Maybe I have been a little distracted,” Scott admitted, “but it hasn’t affected my work.”
“Not yet. But constantly moving from place to place, working with different people each time... It’s stressful. The usual path is for a doctor to move into that position immediately after residency, to get a taste of what’s out there, and then, after a year or two, to settle into a permanent spot somewhere. You know that.”
“I suppose I do.”
“And yet, you’ve never settled. Do you know why?”
Because that was who he was. Dr. Scott Willingham: a man completely devoted to his job, who never turned down an assignment. Who never allowed his personal life to interfere because he had no personal life. Just like his father. But in Scott’s case, his dedication was providing medical care around the world. Wasn’t that a good thing? “You need people like me,” he protested.
“Yes, but we have other applicants. There’s a very enthusiastic obstetrician who started yesterday, in fact. She’s getting her physical and immunizations as we speak. You don’t have to do this forever.”
Scott gave a dry laugh. “I’m not sure I know how to do anything else.”
“Then maybe it’s time you learn. You’re a good doctor, Scott. We don’t want to lose you to burnout.”
“I’m fine.”
“Well, then, it’s time to figure out the next stage of your career.” Hans opened his desk drawer and pulled out a list. “We could use someone with your skill set in the clinic in Paraguay. Or...” Hans continued talking about the various possibilities around the world, but Scott had stopped listening. Hans was right. It was time for the next stage. Time for a fresh start.
“Do any of those options appeal?” Hans was asking.
“No.”
“No?” Hans raised his eyebrows. “Time for you to settle down in one place?”
Scott nodded. “Consider this my resignation.” He stood and offered his hand. “Thank you, Hans. It’s been an amazing ten years.”
Hans’s gaze rose from Scott’s hand to his face. He smiled. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
Hans rose and, ignoring Scott’s outstretched hand, circled the desk to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Remember, if this doesn’t work out, you’ll always have a place with DEMA.”
“Thank you.”
“Will you be going into practice with your father in Texas?”
“Not even close.” Scott grinned. “I’m heading to Alaska.”
* * *
IT HAD BEEN surprisingly easy to arrange. When Scott called Bart Thomas, one of the doctors he’d interviewed in Anchorage, Dr. Thomas had immediately mentioned that one of his partners was about to go on maternity leave, and they needed a locum. Since Scott already had his locum license to practice in Alaska while he’d been on the study, it had been a relatively simple matter to apply for a ninety-day extension while the paperwork for permanent licensing went through.
After a successful first day at the practice, he drove to the hospital, where he only had one patient to see, a full-term new mom who had de
livered yesterday and was eager to go home. He checked her, consulted with the nurses and signed her release papers, wishing her and her husband well on their new journey.
When he stepped out of her room, Dr. Thomas was at the nurse’s station. “Scott.” He waved him over. “We appreciate you filling in for Lindsey. How was your first day?”
“Good. You have a great staff.”
“Yes, we do. Say, I wanted to let you know my daughter is taking summer courses instead of coming home, but she won’t let me sell her horse, so Nugget is still available whenever you want to ride him.”
“That’s generous of you, Bart. I’ll take you up on that offer.”
“I’m sure he can use the exercise. Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Scott handed off the release papers to the nurse and walked outside to his designated parking space. First day on the job: check. Temporary apartment: check. Car leased: check. Now it was time to face up to the real reason he’d returned to Alaska.
He got into the car, pulled out his phone and called Volta’s number.
She picked up on the second ring. “Scott? Are you okay?”
He supposed it showed the state of their relationship that her first assumption when he called was that something terrible had happened to him. “I’m great. How are you?”
“Where are you?” she demanded, ignoring his query.
“I am in the parking lot on the corner of Tudor and Elmore.”
“You’re in Anchorage?” She didn’t sound overjoyed.
“Yes. Could I meet with you, please?”
There was a short hesitation. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea. Why are you in Anchorage?”
“That’s one of the things I wanted to talk with you about. Where are you?”
“I’m at Puffin headquarters.”
“Are you on a mission?”
“No,” she admitted. “Our team is second up.”
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