by F. X. Scully
But instead I say, "How old is he?"
"Three months," she whispers.
"What's his name?"
"Raymond. After my grandfather. I call him Ray."
I nod. "Were you going to tell me? Ever?" She shakes her head and my chest squeezes so hard it feels like my heart will burst. "You were going to keep me from my son forever?"
"I didn't want to hurt anyone."
"Bullshit. You didn't want to hurt Sheila." I scoff. "And you, of course. This was mostly about you."
"It wasn't." Her voice is shaky when she responds. "You two were together and she was happy. I thought she was in love with you. I just didn't want to mess things up any more than I already had. And you were in a band. Off on tour. I didn't even think I'd ever see you again. The next thing I know you're showing up on my doorstep with my sister. What was I supposed to do?"
"Tell the fucking truth! These are people's lives. Not some movie. You can't make those kind of decisions on your own. They're not yours to make."
She starts crying and as mad as I am, as much as I should want to see her suffer for what she did. I don't. I sit next to her, elbows propped on my knees, head in my hands. "This is so fucked up."
"I'm sorry, Lucas," she whispers. "I'm so sorry."
"You should be." My head snaps up and I glare at her. "I can't believe you. I'd have never expected something like this from you. Never."
She cries harder and I get up from the bed.
"You're not marrying that David guy are you?" I ask.
She sniffs. "What?"
"The guy you were passing off as my child's father. You're not planning on marrying him are you?"
She shakes her head. "He asked, but I...couldn't."
"Good." I run my fingers through my hair. "Because you're marrying me."
It's not much of a proposal, but at this point, I'm not sure she deserves one. But I know one thing and it's that my son deserves a real family, not a sham of one like I had. If I'm going to do right by anyone, it's him.
She doesn't respond.
"Did you hear me?" I ask, my voice a little louder, seeming to startle her back to reality. "We're getting married. First chance we get."
She nods. It isn't much of an acceptance, but I'll take it.
The room is silent for several minutes. I don't move from my spot and she doesn't make a sound. Not until Ray's whimpers filter through the baby monitor on her dresser. She jumps up and I turn. But before either of us can make it to the door, it's silent on the other end again. And the cute little sucking noises from earlier fill the room. I smile to myself. Nothing has ever made me feel as happy as I do right now. Nothing.
Shannon keeps heading in the direction of the door, but I stop her grabbing her arm and pulling her toward me. I seize her mouth with my lips and she goes limp in my arms. I lead her backwards toward the bed, settling her down on the edge again. I tear my shirt off and toss it behind me. Then I reach forward to push the straps of her top over her shoulders. They slide off, almost of their own will and I bend over to kiss her bare shoulder.
Shannon releases a soft breath and leans her head to the side, inviting me to take in her sweet scent.
She scoots back on the bed and I follow, crawling over her as she braces herself on her palms. Her dark hair falls behind her and I have the strong urge to grip it between my fingers. I ease her backwards and she tilts her head so that we're nearly nose to nose.
There are still tears on her cheeks. I wipe them off with the tip of one finger.
"It's okay." It isn't. Not by a long shot, but I feel compelled to comfort her anyway.
I inch closer and kiss her lips again. The warmth of them brings back so many memories—not just last night, but every single moment I've spent with her. Every second. And I know that no matter what's happened or what's about to, like Sheila said, we're exactly where we need to be.
"It's okay," I say again and kiss her on her head. "We're going to make this work."
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Luke
I pull onto the side of the road and shut off the engine.
"What are you doing?" Shannon stares at me like I've lost my mind. "It's already four thirty. We're going to be late."
"No we won't," I say. "We're not going."
Her eyes get wider and she spits out a dry laugh. "Excuse me?"
"We're not," I say again. "Why should we? Why should I? We already know how your parents feel about me. They hate me. They think I'm the fucking devil. Why should I subject myself to that? For what?"
She sighs, low and even, then glances once into the rear view mirror. Then she lowers her voice. "For me," she hisses. "Do it for me, why don't you?"
I'd do anything for her, but it's still not a good enough reason.
I catch a glimpse of Ray's sleeping form and I keep my voice low too. "I'm not doing this, Shannon. I'm just not in the mood for this shit, today. All right?"
"And? You think I am?" Shannon shifts her whole body to face me now. "Are you serious? We can't just not show up."
"What difference does it make? Like I said, they already hate me. It can't get much worse." I turn the ignition. "We're going home. That's final."
First she lets out a little shriek that startles me so much I jump. Even Ray, who could sleep through an apocalypse, stirs in the back seat. Then Shannon mutters a string of curse words that would make my brother blush. After she sits there staring out the windshield for a good sixty-seconds, she turns a glare on me.
"I'm done," she says.
My chest tightens and I open my mouth to respond, but she cuts me off.
"I will not live like this with you, Lucas. I'm sorry. I truly am. For everything. I lied and I shouldn't have. But you're not going to make me pay for the rest of our lives together."
"What are you talking about?" I scowl. "I'm not trying to make you pay for anything."
She scoffs. "First that sorry excuse for a proposal, then demanding we move to Lewiston, telling me I can't see Dave anymore, now this? This isn't happening, Lucas. You are not going to dictate every move of our lives because I made one mistake."
"It was a pretty big mistake," I mutter. But I immediately want to take it back.
"It's not fair." Tears spring into her eyes as she speaks. "I said I was sorry. I'm really sorry. But I won't be married to someone who holds grudges. So if you don't plan on ever letting this go, just say the word and we'll turn this car around, go to the court house and have this thing annulled."
The very thought makes me sick to my stomach. I don't ever want to lose her again. I need to get over my shit. I thought I was over it, but now that she mentions it...damn it, she's right. And it makes me want to crawl into a fucking hole.
"I didn't realize...I didn't mean to..."
Shannon places a hand on my knee. "I know. And I should have said something sooner. I believe we can do this. It was fast and it's completely crazy, but I really think we have something. It just isn't going to work if we're competing for the upper hand."
"Fine," I say. "We'll go." I smile. "And not because you've won this round." I lean forward and kiss her cheek. "It's because you're right. They're expecting us and if I'm ever going to get them to trust me with you, I'm going to have to show up." I pull back out onto the road. "They're going to hate me," I say. "They already hate me. Have you forgotten about our last meeting?"
She smirks. "How could anyone forget a meeting like that?"
We're both silent for the next ten minutes and as I contemplate her words, I realize how major this thing we have is. As crazy as it was getting here, it's real and I really don't want to fuck it up.
"We can stay in Washington," I say. "If you want." She reaches over and places a hand on my knee. "But I don't know how I feel about you hanging out with your ex."
"Lucas,” she says, with a slight smile. “You need to chill. Dave's not that kind of guy. Besides, I married you."
It's not worth arguing about now. So I nod, gripping the wheel
as we pull on to her parents' street.
Shit. I feel like I'm gonna die. I probably am. Mr. Carlson's probably gonna pull out his shotgun. Wait, Reverend Carlson. He's a Reverend. Maybe that one little fact'll save my ass.
"Don't look so worried." She pats my thigh. "It'll be fine. You're a good man, Lucas. They'll see that. Besides, we have a child together. We're married now. We're not doing anything wrong."
Why are girls always so optimistic about this shit? Or is it just naive? We may look like a normal couple now. But there's no disputing the fact that I knocked her up, didn't even know about it for months, then swooped back in and married her at city fucking hall. Oh, and then there's the part about me dating their other daughter. No way they're not going to hate me.
But then again, maybe she's right. She knows them better than me after all.
As we turn into the driveway, Shannon pulls her hand away quickly. And when I glance over at her, all my fears come rushing back.
"What?" I ask, regarding her suddenly pale face.
"Grandma."
"What?"
"She's here. I didn't know she'd be here."
Now I'm more worried than ever. She's scared of her grandmother? Who's scared of their grandmother? I never had one to speak of, but I never considered them scary. Every one I've ever met has been kinda sweet. The pinch-you-on-the-cheek-and-give-you-five-bucks kind of grandma. Clearly, whoever this woman is, she's nothing like I've encountered.
"What's the deal with your grandma?"
"She's a bitch."
It's all Shannon says before she throws open her door and gestures for me to get Ray from the back seat.
Shannon
I'm going to kill Mom for this. It's got her written all over it. When I called her and told her about Lucas and me, she didn't say much. She was too quiet, if you ask me. I expected an awkward Sunday Dinner. Forced small talk and the occasional glower in Lucas's direction until they realized he isn't who they think he is. But I never thought she'd do this. She doesn't like Grandma Carlson any more than I do. Bringing her into a moment like this can mean only one thing. Lucas is right. They're pissed. And they want me to pay.
Dinner is fairly uneventful. Apart from their looks of shock when they recognize Lucas as Sheila's old boyfriend, everything is mostly tame. But it doesn't mean I'm not worried. Not with Grandma around. She's simply biding her time. And I doubt whatever she has up her sleeve is going to be pretty.
"My goodness, look at those eyes. No wonder my granddaughter lost all her sense for a moment." Grandma sips her tea, her gaze locking with mine.
I do my best not to glare back and reach under the table to grip Lucas's hand.
Grandma takes that as a challenge.
"But wait, it wasn't for a moment was it? You got pregnant and then married your sister's former beau. Seems the insanity isn't temporary."
"Mama," Dad says. "Let's not—"
"Robert, please. You know as well as I do this is a terrible idea. It's 1992. Since when does a woman have to marry a man because she was stupid enough to open her legs? Especially when there are eligible bachelors more than willing to clean up her mess." She eyes me and I can feel Lucas's gaze on me.
His grip tightens and my chest follows suit.
"God be with the two of you," she continues in her usual demeaning drawl. "Ya'll are gonna need it."
She focuses her attention on Lucas again, cocking her head to the side. And I pray she doesn't say anything that'll have him flipping the dining room table. Lord knows she's capable.
She clucks her tongue, takes another sip of her tea and rests it back on the saucer, pushing it in Mom's direction. "More sugar, dear. I'm not an animal."
Mom silently complies. And though I'd normally feel bad for her, I'm enjoying watching her take marching orders this time around. She brought it on herself, inviting this woman here.
"Forgive me for prying," Grandma begins and I force myself not to scoff. "But you look awfully familiar, young man."
Lucas and I exchange glances and Grandma laughs. "Oh, not because of the rock and roll thing." She snorts, then puts up a hand, just in time to stop Mom from adding a third sugar cube. "It's something else." She leans forward slightly, then takes her glasses that are hanging on the string around her neck and perches them on her nose. "You're related to someone I know."
"I doubt it," Lucas responds.
"Oh, don't ever doubt me, dear. I'm right nearly a hundred percent of the time."
Inwardly, I'm rolling my eyes.
Grandma sips her tea, then turns to glare at Mom before picking up a spoon and stirring it once. She sips it again, seemingly satisfied this time.
Then as casually as if there was never a break in the conversation, she says. "You look exactly like that girl," she glances at Mom. "What was her name? Your friend's sister. The promiscuous one."
Mom frowns, then shrugs.
"I think she means Ellie," Dad speaks up.
Mom's gaze snaps back to Lucas and his body goes rigid. And in that moment, it's like she sees him in a whole new light. First shock then a deeper sense of disapproval washes over her face. "Are you related to Ellie Rogers?"
Lucas shakes his head and pulls his hand away from mine. "I don't know any Ellie Rogers."
"Well she's not a Rogers anymore," Grandma says, her tone cold. "She married that dreadful boy from Seattle. The jazz player. Roscoe something."
"Black?" The name leaves my mouth before I can stop it.
I glance over at Lucas and the muscles in his jaw are so tight, I know it's only a matter of time before he's had enough. I reach for his hand again, but he pulls it away.
"Black," Grandma says. "That's right. Ross Black. He was a high school dropout from what I remember. Played the trumpet. Got himself into a whole lot of trouble in the city and landed here with his grandfather. I'll be honest, I had an ounce of sympathy for him back then. Heard his father used to beat him something awful...and, god help her, his mother too. Don't think she quite survived his wrath. But his grandfather was a good man. A god-fearing man. All he ever tried to do was save that boy. In vain," she adds. "Turned out to be quite the swindler, if I ever saw one."
Her gaze zeroes in on Lucas as though she's waiting for something to snap. Seconds later, it does.
"Actually he owns a restaurant in Lewiston," he says and all eyes turn on him. "And a big ass house."
Mom sits up straight. "You're Ellie's son."
Luke doesn't respond.
"How is Ellie these days?" Grandma asks with a devious grin.
Unbelievable.
"Like you don't know, Grandma," I cut. She jerks in surprise. "What is wrong with you?" I keep my glare fixed on her, as I get up from my seat. "We're leaving."
"Shannon," Dad says. "Sit down."
"I will not. I brought my family here because I wanted us to get to know each other. To figure out a way through these changes. But if all you can do is sit over there and judge him then forget it. You can all come find me when you're ready!"
I snatch up Ray from the baby swing and hand him to Lucas as we make our way to the front door. I feel completely stupid. What was I thinking? That this would be a lovely dinner? That they'd welcome him as their son-in-law with open arms? I should have known better. I knew better. He tried to tell me for godssakes. And instead of listening, I let them humiliate him.
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea she was going to be here." I let out a frustrated sigh as I click my seatbelt. "I can't believe she ambushed you like that. I'm so, so sorry."
Luke shakes his head. "It's not her. That's not why I'm mad. I told you I didn't expect this to go well."
"What is it then?"
"It's because of him. I stood up for him. Tried to make him look like he was worth something. And for what? After everything he did? He is a swindler, just like that catty old lady said. Yet, I open my mouth to try and defend him. What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"Nothing," I say. "Lucas, look at me." I cup his cheek
in my hand and turn him to face me. "He's your father. And Anne Carlson is a master manipulator. She probably looked you up before she got here, just to have something to attack you with. We're not going back there, ever. Okay? That was...it was horrible and uncalled for and I will never make you go through anything like that again. If my parents want to see me, if they want to see Ray, it'll be on our turf. End of story."
He sighs, his eyes closing half way. I lean over and kiss his nose and press my forehead to his. "It's you and me," I say. "Forget them. They either come around or they don't. But I'm here, no matter what."
New York, New York
Sheila
It's been exactly thirty days since my ex-boyfriend rode off into the sunset with my sister. That's what it felt like anyway. A lot worse than I expected. I didn't think I cared that much about him. I mean I liked him. I enjoyed being around him. He made me laugh, made me feel special—comfortable. But it also freaked me out a little. I'm young. The idea of giving myself to some guy completely is so far in the future, I don't even want to think about it. But with Luke, I did. I thought about it a lot.
And now that it's not even an option, it hurts more than I ever thought it would.
Thick fingers dig into my sides and I squirm, letting out a squeal, then quickly covering my mouth.
"Oh, my god, Ross. Seriously?" I shove him away and glance around the room.
We're at an industry party. And I'm bored out of my mind. If Luke were here he'd be telling jokes or mocking the various people in the room, trying to guess what superficial conversation they're having. Then we'd drink as much champagne as we could hold, stumble back to our rooms and have crazy hot sex.
I shiver at the thought. I'm going to miss the sex. So bad.
"Why are you standing over here by yourself?" Roscoe nudges me again. "You should be out there, mingling with your counterparts."