by Jennifer Ann
Evelyn, Charlie, and his sister Katie, gather in a huddle with James and their uncle. It hurts my heart to see my friend in so much pain, but knowing her husband refuses to leave her side and make her go through this alone lessens the pain to a manageable degree.
James is an entirely different story. Beautiful face hard and lined with stress, body drawn tight, he’s in the same state he was the night we discovered him in the boxing ring. Angry and cold. Hardened inside and out with a steel gate around his heart. The weight he’s carrying on his shoulders makes him appear decades beyond his 24 years. His chocolaty eyes drift across the room, from sibling to sibling, like he’s taking stock of their well-being. Their mighty protector.
I’m struck with the urge to run to him and wrap as much of his massive body I’m able to in my arms, wanting to absorb a bit of his worry. My body vibrates with the memory of him touching me until I had reached the highest of highs in my sexual conquests. Whatever transpired between us was unshakable and I yearn for another opportunity to feel his beautiful lips on my skin.
Once again I swear he can sense that I’m ogling him like a nutter when his complex gaze finds me. His body appears to tense so tightly that it’s a miracle the chords in his neck don’t burst from all the pressure. Something dark flickers inside the depths of those brown orbs—I haven’t the faintest idea if it’s repressed anger or something more convoluted he’s projecting across the room. All I know is the ferocity of it all sends delicious tingles down my spine.
Though no one is paying any attention to the strange British girl, I excuse myself from the table and stumble out to the hallway. Suspecting James regrets our tryst the other night along with grieving the unexplained loss of a great man has my noggin spinning. Rubbing at my temples, I stare out a window onto the barren landscape of the cold, blustery afternoon.
“Don’t worry, this will be over before long, and we’ll be heading uptown for drinks,” someone says from behind me.
I spin around, thinking it’s the voice of James, only I’m met with a strikingly similar version. Though I’d only spoken briefly with Hunter at the wedding and hugged him in the reception line after the memorial service, I’d be able to spot their differences a hundred miles from afar. Not only is Hunter giving me a smart look that I’ve never seen cross through James’s expression, but his body language is relaxed. And then there's his notably smaller, lanky frame, clearly indicating he’s not one to express his anger with his fists all hours of the day. But most telling is the lack of unimaginable torture reflected in his beautiful brown eyes.
“Alcohol does have the power to make everything hurt a bit less,” I agree. Wrapping my arms around myself, I offer him a smile. “How’re you holding up?”
“I’ve had better days,” he answers, shrugging. His splayed fingers pass through his thick hair. “Nothing could’ve prepared my family for this kind of shit.”
“It’s unimaginable. You have my deepest sympathies, all of you. I just wish there was more I could do for your lot. I imagine the ongoing investigation will wear you down over time.”
“You want to know what I think?” He steps closer, encasing me in a musky, sandalwood scent. It’s lovely, but it does nothing for me the way the sweaty, raw scent of James did. Head titled to the side, Hunter’s eyes dance when he flashes a dimpled smile. “You’ve already done plenty.”
I fall back a step. “I beg your pardon?”
“Ev said you’re the first person she’s ever seen talk James down from one of his moods. When your name comes up or he catches Braden flirting with you, he gets surlier than usual. And last night when I asked Katie if you were single, he said he was going to Cupp’s and stormed out of the room.” Closing the distance between us, he laughs and shakes his head about. “I’ve never seen anything like it. My brother’s a hard nut to crack. You must’ve cast some kind of spell on him because I’ve never seen him act this way before.”
As I’m wracking my brain for some sort of a reply, deciding if I should tell him to bugger off or delve more into his brother’s history, his eyes flash to something over my shoulder and he laughs. “Speak of the devil, here he is!”
First I hear the dull thud of footsteps on the outdated linoleum floor, then James is suddenly at my side, casting a colossal shadow of severity. It’s difficult to ignore how fit the dark gray suit, crisp oxford, and black tie make him. Jaw freshly shaven and hair neatly combed down, I have to remind myself the poor bloke just finished burying his dad, so I won’t leap into his arms. Yet there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop the longing from climbing up into my throat, making my body heady for more of James Kendall. I’m unable to miss the flash of jealousy that flickers through his stormy gaze when he glances between me and his twin.
“Everything alright?” he asks.
“Just taking a moment to sort out the differences between you and your other half,” I say, reaching up to stroke his thick arm. He withdraws a little beneath my touch. Whether it’s because he’s angry, confused, regretful, or whatever the reason, I don’t care. Knowing he needs someone to show him that he doesn’t have to carry everyone else’s burdens as his own, I wrap my arm around his waist and nestle myself against his hard frame in a way that hopefully appears nothing more than friendly to anyone watching. “Have you had anything to eat or drink since this morning?”
The thick tongue that had me soaking my knickers days ago appears to wet his dry lips. Though he becomes notably less rigid, the tempest in his eyes refuses to clear. “Don’t worry about me.”
“The girl clearly wants to worry about you, bro,” Hunter tells him, snickering. “No one ever said you had to be the guardian of the family.” He claps his brother on the arm and steps away. “I’m off to gather the guys and head out. We’ll meet you up at the bar.”
Looking up into James’s hardened gaze, my heart staggers with unsteady beats. I regret not stepping forward the past couple of days and forcing him to let me in past his stony exterior straightaway. He’s merely lost in the chaos that followed after having his family’s cornerstone unceremoniously ripped from their lives. He simply needs a gentle reminder that it’s okay not to be in control of everything, that it’s okay to let go and feel the raw burn of pain every once in awhile.
“Your somewhat skewed mirror image is absolutely right,” I say once we’re alone. “Let down the fortress you’ve built around yourself and let me storm the castle while I’m here. What can I do for you, James? How can I make it hurt a little less?”
When his eyebrows draw together, I’m struck with a nagging desire to curl up inside his embrace and make the rest of the world disappear. There isn’t a thing I wouldn't give to see the rare, rather bashful smile I’ve been given the privilege of seeing only a few times before.
The tension is palpable when he bends his head down and nudges my chin back with his hand. I stutter on a sharp breath, anticipating what’s to come as I steady myself on his thick hip. The intoxicating scent of clean-shaven James surrounds me with a cloud of lust.
I close my eyes when his warm, thick lips brush over the skin below my ear. “The things you can do for me can’t be done inside a church,” he whispers.
With a quiet moan, my throat and my vagina contract tightly in a move that would make synchronized swimmers envious. “Please tell me it’s possible for it to be done in a hotel room, no matter how tacky the decor may be.”
James pulls away without any sort of answer. When I open my eyes, he’s moving back toward the reception area with a hurried gait that would suggest he can’t get away soon enough. How could I have possibly misread his suggestion? A shameful pang of rejection fills me.
Then he looks over his shoulder with a dark look that takes my breath away. “Meet me by my truck in ten minutes.”
That’s more like it.
Evelyn is so caught up in everything that she doesn’t think to ask how when I let her know I’m stopping by the hotel and will meet them at the bar. Not that the town is too big no
r are my heels too high that I couldn’t walk the mile or what have you, but I believe her head’s still spinning from watching them lower her last surviving parent into the ground.
As I’m sitting beside James in his large pickup truck nearly fifteen minutes later, practically hugging the door so he won't be forced to answer any unwanted questions of anyone who spots us, I war with my conscience that reminds me he’s still in mourning. How much of what we’re doing will he come to regret later on? What’s to say he won’t storm out of the hotel room once more? Then again, why do I care? The sex was phenomenal and well worth the threat of rejection.
Following James’s lead, I don’t say a word on the short ride, nor do I open my mouth to say we should stop when we’re outside the hotel and he comes around to open my door. I don’t utter a sound until we’re inside my utterly minuscule room, surrounded once more by the dreadfully outdated patterns of cheap bedding and polyester curtains. The only logical fix to the decor would seem to be a torch and a bulldozer. I anxiously glance at the small bed, wondering how James and I could both possibly fit if he decided to stay the night.
Hearing the chain on the door, I look up to see James stalking toward me like a feral beast, shedding his suit jacket before unbuttoning his oxford along the way. I release a quiet squeal of surprise when my back hits the wall. All at once I’m made breathless by the variety of emotions swirling through his eyes as they devour me. Square jaw tense, broad shoulders straight and back, tongue wetting his thick lips, he’s ready to attack.
Bloody hell, how I adore the brusque, savage side of this man who has already shown me exactly what’s been absent from my life. When he releases his belt buckle and yanks down the zipper, letting his dress pants drop to the floor, I know I’m in for the shagging of a lifetime and can’t get my dress and undergarments off quickly enough. My knickers are still hooked on one foot and my heels are still in place when he hoists me into the air and slams me into the wall before sealing his hot mouth over mine.
I wrap myself around him and bury my fingers in his lush hair, meeting every stroke of his demanding tongue and strong lips. He tastes like the best kind of combination of danger and goodness all wrapped together in a confusing bundle of lust. Filled with his manly scent, the stale odor of the old hotel room all at once disappears. Heaven knows how on earth I’ll kiss another man again without comparing it to this moment, without remembering the way he sends an eager hand up to flick my nipple while the other digs into my bare bum like he’s claiming me as his prize. I release a gasp inside his mouth before sucking his tongue with all I’ve got.
There’s so much barbarity behind his end of the kiss that before long, my head is spinning about. Only mentally, of course. But James is relentless. He doesn’t stop, once again releasing the beast lying dormant within. I reach down between us to stroke his hard length over his boxer-briefs, finding it as strained and angry as James himself.
“Let yourself feel this,” I whisper. “Let me take on some of your burden.”
With my coaxing, it’s as if his resolve has literally broken and he loses every last bit of control. His mouth and hands are everywhere at once with no promise of being gentle or stopping any time soon. On my lips, in my hair, on my breasts, between my legs, biting my neck, bruising and hard. He even breaks the clasp on my string of pearls, sending them scattering to the floor. It’s the most erotic moment of my lifetime. So much that I swear my skin is literally consumed in fire, singeing against my bones.
Before I can process anything, he literally growls against my mouth and enters me with a ferocity so grand that I’m unable to make a sound when I gasp for air. I’m incapable of doing anything beyond sinking my fingers into the corded muscles of his fit body and holding on for dear life while he thrusts into me again and again, fucking me senseless.
Despite the chill to the airless hotel room, our bodies become slick with sweat as they slap together and the strong musk of James amplifies my already wanton desire. The beast inside peering out from those warm, brown eyes clearly wants more than I can give, though I do my best to please and match its hunger. The grand build of pleasure is divine against my neglected clit, and I break apart like a vase thrown against a wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces beyond repair.
I’m completely dependent on his powerful arms to hold me up as I collapse, shivering against his hard chest as he continues his torturous pace, too blind with want to understand the need to become gentle. Then, finally with a deep grunt, his hips meet mine for one final thrust before his rigid body softens and he practically collapses on top of me, trapping me against the wall. The moment I feel a trickle of warmth filling me, my heart nearly gives way with a stunning realization too potent to ignore.
I haven’t bothered with birth control since I sent my ex packing.
And neither of us stopped to think about a condom.
Bloody hell.
Chapter 5
JAMES
Once I’m able to catch my breath and blink past the dark spots hovering behind my eyelids, the complexity of everything comes into focus. I’d never set my dark side loose on a woman like that. I normally reserve that shit for the ring, where it belongs. But Sharlo somehow lured it out, allowing me to transfer every misplaced feeling of aggression on her instead of letting it fester. Something about the gorgeous little blonde ball of fire makes me feel more alive and free than I’ve ever felt wearing a pair of boxing gloves. And damn it, the burn was sensational.
“Let me down,” she says, her face suddenly pale. I feel her quivering in my arms. She’s so upset she can’t even look at me. I’m a goddamned monster.
“Did I hurt you?” I ask, carefully placing her back on her feet.
She slips away to the bathroom without answering, closing the door with a soft click. I fist my hair and look down, ready to throttle myself for losing all control on someone like her. Then the sight of my half-hard dick in the wild, drizzled with cum, shoots a bolt of fear down my spine.
Motherfucker. I wasn’t seeing straight when I rammed into her like a caveman. Hearing the sound of the shower churns my stomach. The last time we were together she mentioned she wasn’t interested in having sex without a condom. What if she isn’t on birth control? I was so caught up in my own world that I didn’t once stop to think about the sweet girl I was using for my warped pleasure.
I grab a few tissues off the sink-top and clean myself before getting dressed. The sight of the clothes I wore to Dad’s funeral, rumpled in a pile on the floor has the effect of a hard blow to the stomach. I’ve managed to make the shittiest day of my life even worse, something I won’t ever be able to forget.
As I’m throwing my coat on, Sharlo comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her damp body, dry hair secured behind her head.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt. “I wasn’t thinking.”
A forced smile surfaces when she catches my weary glance. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Clearly neither of us were thinking properly.”
“But it’s my responsibility. And it still will be my responsibility if you get pregnant. I wouldn’t let you raise the kid on your own.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. This was nothing more than a good time. And it’s not a viable option to co-parent with someone who lives light-years beyond the subway route.”
Until this moment, it never occurred to me how much I want children. I figured I’d have a family eventually if I ever found the right woman and didn’t put much thought into it otherwise. The idea of her denying me the right to my kid, even if this was a fling, creates a tight band across my chest.
“We’d figure something out,” I say.
“It’s too soon for this sort of conversation, yeah? The little nugget would hardly be a living thing this early on.” She tightens the towel under her arms and pulls her shoulders back. “Please, give me a moment of privacy while I hide any evidence of what just transpired. Your sister’s a clever one and will have questions. If it’s all the same to you,
I’ve had enough drilling for one day.”
A small swell of anger surges inside my gut as I cross my arms, unwilling to sweep the subject under the rug. But she moves over to open the door, tapping her bare foot against the thin carpet, leaving no room for any more argument.
“Off you go, then. I’ll be down before long.”
I close the distance between us, unable to stop myself from caressing the smooth skin on her cheeks. Though her jaw remains hard, her eyes close and she leans into my touch. She’s far from being someone fragile in need of protection, but the constant defender in me screams that I need to take care of her all the same. And I managed to fuck that up by acting like a selfish bonehead.
When I bend down, her lips part with a silent sigh before meeting mine for a slow, meaningful kiss. My cock hardens when she reaches up to twist her fingers in my hair and pushes her soft body against mine. There’s nothing I’d like more than to make gentle love to her all night, but I’ve already done enough damage and she made it sound like what we did was meaningless to her, so I pull away. Her eyes are still closed when I mutter, “I’ll be waiting in the truck.”
As the subdued bar attempts to celebrate Dad’s life with his favorite Johnny Cash tunes blasting from the jukebox, Sharlo carries on like nothing happened between us, capturing the attention of every dick within swinging distance just by being her cheerful self. Though I’d like to knock every single one of the pricks on their ass for even giving her the time of day, I sulk behind a pitcher of beer instead, watching her from a bar stool. When the second one is gone, I tap it against the bar top.
Patsy, the bar’s long-time manager, appears with her hands on her hips. I’m grateful to see her eyes narrowed skeptically. It beats the dopey, sympathy-filled looks I’ve been getting all day. “I know you’re hurtin', hun, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you drink this much. Are you sure you don't want to take it easy?”