by Jennifer Ann
Once we’re afforded a brilliant view of the Manhattan skyline, I settle down in the grass beside my usual spot, pulling James down with our intertwined hands. His fingers leave mine, and he sighs deeply while running a hand through his mussed hair. Upon seeing him glance around with reluctance, it occurs to me how imbecile I’ve been bringing him here so soon after his dad’s death.
“Is this alright?” I ask, trying not to cringe.
His gaze settles on the skyscrapers and he nods. “The city looks so small from here.”
“I’ve always adored this view. Wish I could afford something like it. Mind-boggling how over a million people are on that island and it still stays afloat, eh? And to think there are twice as many people buried in this cemetery. It’s madness.”
James settles back on his hands, seeming to take it all in with a new appreciation when he gives the headstones surrounding us another sweeping glance.
“Take a proper look at this,” I tell him, pointing to the one nearest my side. It’s rather small and obscure, the faded letters becoming more difficult to read from the elements of nature. But I know it by heart, having read it dozens of times. “It reads ‘here lies an unknown woman. Though she was young and beautiful, her life remains a mystery. May she rest in peace.’” Looping my arms around my bent knees, I smile up at James. “When I was a student, I spent oodles of time sitting here in this very spot, pondering what it would be like to be this woman—to pass without my loved ones knowing I’d gone on to the next realm. Or possibly not having anyone who gave a shit about my existence. Before I met Nolan, I was in this rather confounding state of my life in which I was far too caught up in things that made me unhappy. My parents’ divorce, Mum moving back to England, my cheating asshole of an ex, the fact that I didn’t have a lot of mates, and the idea that I may never find a lucrative job with my art studies. I was a miserable git, unable to see past my misfortunes to celebrate the small things in life. Unable to realize there were things worth going after and worth doing no matter my small misfortunes.”
When his gaze averts to his feet, I reclaim his hand. Though he doesn’t pull away, he’s still unable to look my way. “We only have one shot at this life, James. Once it’s gone, we become nothing more than a mere name etched in stone, if we’re lucky enough to have found people to love us. Your dad was a lucky man to have so many children left to carry on his legacy. And from the size of his memorial, it would not only appear he touched many lives, but filled a respectable number of hearts as well. Though I didn’t know your dad aside from a few conversations at Ev’s wedding and the fact that he was a Fred Astaire at heart, I doubt any parent would want to see their child in so much pain rather than living their life to the fullest as they did. From what I’ve seen, you’re the thread holding your family together. As noble as that may be, I worry you’re too caught up in protecting them to focus on what makes you happy.”
His teeth clench several times before he turns to regard me, his eyes heavy with pain. “I have my reasons.”
“And I respect that, luv.” Drawing my hand up to his hard jaw, I run a thumb along its sharp line, hardly able to contain myself from ravaging his sultry lips. The ever-present intensity outpouring from somewhere deep inside his soul causes me to shiver. “It’s just that you mustn’t live your life so wrapped up in others’ that you neglect to truly live your own. I implore you to take a step back and find a way to continue to be their protector while immersing yourself in things that make you smile, because I have to say, when you do smile, those bloody lips have a way of making this world a better place for the rest of us.”
His hand covers mine, causing a bout of pleasure to course through my lady bits. “What if it’s not that easy? What if the thing that makes me happy isn't within my reach?”
From the fierce way he’s looking back at me, I’m all at once pressed for breath. While I’d like to think he’s alluding to the fact that I’m what makes him happy, I can’t presume to know bugger all about what’s going on in his fit head. “Everything’s within your reach. You simply have to want it badly enough to make it yours.”
To my utter dismay, his hand returns to his lap and his eyes dart back to the skyline. “Nothing’s that fucking easy.”
“You’ll never know until you try,” I answer.
For a moment he’s still, contemplating our conversation. Then his eyes return to mine, filled with unspoken complexity. “Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?”
Wincing quietly with the unexpected land-mine of a question, I avert my gaze. I’ve been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my period, eager to know what future the hands of fate have dealt. It seems a bit ridiculous to think I could become attached to something with characteristics akin to a kidney bean, yet there’s a strange flutter in my stomach when I think we may have created something that would bond us for life.
Offering a tight-lipped shake of my head, I turn back to meet his dark stare. “I imagine we should know if there’s reason to panic by the end of next week.”
His brilliant tongue appears to wet his lips as his gaze skips back and forth between my eyes. “Whatever happens…whatever you decide to do, I won't let you go through it alone. It won’t be easy if I’m not here, but we’ll make it work somehow. We’ll take it one day at a time. You can call the shots as long as you don’t force me out of your life.”
The ambiguous declaration is more than I can take. Is he merely saying he wants to help raise the child, or is he offering something more? When I don’t say anything in return, there’s an awkward silence that follows. I haven’t the faintest idea what I would do if I discovered that I am, in fact, pregnant. I’ve allowed myself to fall for someone who’s unavailable not only geographically, but for the most part, emotionally as well. And yet, I can't imagine giving a child away for someone else to raise. James certainly wouldn't allow it.
I’m falling hard for the gentle giant at my side. Aside from the fact that he appears to enjoy our bedroom activities, I haven’t a clue what else he could possibly want out of this relationship. I doubt whatever may be taking shape between us could survive nightly video calls and rare opportunities to see each other in the flesh when all I want to do is ravage his brilliant body 24/7.
All at once James rises to his feet and reaches for my hand. Once we’re standing so close my breasts are pressed against his rigid chest, he bends down for a sweet, unassuming kiss that’s still hot enough to blast my knickers into orbit. Then he breaks away, giving me a sultry look that makes my heart leap in my chest like one of those intolerable Jack-in-the-box contraptions.
“You're coming back with me to Ev’s place,” he says among a possessive growl.
I haven’t a single reason to protest, knowing from the desire thick in his tone that he’s planning to give me exactly what I’m craving.
Chapter 11
JAMES
The shit Sharlo said at the cemetery hit home in more ways than I’m willing to admit. No one has ever been able to glimpse inside my thoughts and put them out there on display, making me face my reality. Though her candor makes me uneasy, there’s also a strange calm that washes over me, making it seem possible that I could place my burdens on her without it being overwhelming.
But the idea of leaning on someone who’s as good and sweet as Sharlo hardens my insides. At times she reminds me of my sister Sofia before shit went down and changed her for life—hell, it changed both of us. I’d rather die than see Sharlo forced to go through the same kind of adjustment. The possibility that she’s carrying my child gives me all the more reason to protect her from the kind of shit that’s out there. Protect her from assholes like Freddie Vaughn. Even though she claimed to be fine when he was harassing her, I’m looking forward to the opportunity to rearrange his face for making her uncomfortable.
The cab ride back to my sister’s is filled with a thick intensity every time our gazes meet or Sharlo’s body brushes against mine—none of which seems to be accidental. Ever since that k
iss at the cemetery, I’ve been itching to strip her naked and take her to bed. Her vanilla scent is faint compared to usual, but every now and then I catch a whiff and it almost physically hurts not to draw her into my arms and continue that kiss. My balls are so tight by the time we’re walking up the steps to the brownstone that I swear to god they’ll burst before I make it inside.
As soon as I hear the door click behind us and she’s saying something about a text from Evelyn, I whirl around and toss her over my shoulder.
“What on earth are you doing?” she demands through a fit of giggles.
“Making my shower more interesting.”
She continues to squirm and giggle as I haul her small body up the stairway to the master bathroom. Setting her feet on the floor, I stare her down as I shed my clothes, loving the way her innocent blue eyes spark with lust once I’m buck naked. A sexy little grin that I’d fight Mike fucking Tyson for the chance to see again spreads across her lips as she quickly does the same, discarding her borrowed clothes onto a pile until every inch of her creamy skin is exposed for my eyes to drink in.
Something unhinges with the sight of Sharlo offering herself to me, no questions asked and no expectations demanded. There's no bullshit with her, no need to pretend I’m something other than myself. I don’t have a fucking clue what she sees in me or what she wants out of this thing we have. All I know is everything about her calls to my darkest desires in a way I can’t explain. When I’m deep inside of her, my worst fears are quieted and for a short time I’m able to find peace.
I grab her hand and pull her over to the shower, turning the nozzles before bending down to claim her sweet lips. A quiet hum sounds in her throat before she wraps her fingers in my hair and pushes her soft body into mine, kissing me back with full tongue. The feel of her perfect tits and warm pussy taut against my tense muscles nearly has me coming against her belly. Feeling like I’m about to lose my load, I pull back to rest my forehead on hers, breathing heavily. How the fuck am I supposed to control myself when just being around her makes me dizzier than a sucker punch to the head?
Next thing I know, she’s leading me all the way inside the shower and we’re both drenched. She releases my hand to grab a bottle of shampoo before moving behind me. “Relax, sweetheart. Let me do all the work.”
Her gentle fingers begin to massage shampoo into my hair, their sensual caress making it hard not to grab her by the hips and hurry things along. Though I can hardly take the pressure in my balls any longer, she’s setting the pace and a twisted side of me wants to know what it feels like to hand total control over to someone else. With a growling moan, I close my eyes and let her finish before she nudges my head forward to rinse underneath the warm shower spray.
Once the shampoo is gone, she grabs the body wash and spreads the gel across my back, stopping to knead my aching muscles with expert pressure from her thumbs. I know what she’s doing—taking care of me in a way she thinks I deserve, and I’m useless to stop it even if I don’t necessarily agree. It feels fucking amazing to receive her affection. If I didn't know any better, I’d say she’s touching me lovingly, something I have no idea what to do with. Love isn’t something I’ve felt for anyone outside of my family in a very long time.
She continues to spread the gel across my entire back until my body's as useless as a wet noodle and my cock is uncomfortably hard. Then she moves around to face me and begins the process on my chest, grinning when I loosely set my hands on her hips. My eyes draw down to watch the drops of warm water trail across her flawless skin, soaking her hair in darker than usual strands around her delightfully pink tits. The need to take one in my mouth is so overwhelming that a growl slips from my throat.
As her hands move down to my thighs, slowing to a deliciously taunting rhythm, I rest my hands on the shower wall behind her to restrain myself. When one of her fingers swirls around my cockhead, I snarl through my teeth. Sharlo quickly rises up to meet my mouth with hers, slipping her tongue inside and kissing me hard while her hand wraps around my impossibly strained dick to tug lightly. She comes up for air when I fist a handful of her wet hair.
“I need you, baby,” I growl out against her lips. “I need you so fuckin’ bad.”
Looking up at me from behind wet lashes, her lips quirk with a smile that seems too sad for her beautiful face. But then her hands wrap around my neck and I boost her up into my arms. I move over to a dry corner of the massive shower and lower her down until her tight pussy clenches around me, milking my release when I guide her up and down.
I stare into the clear blue eyes of the only woman who has meant more to me than I can express in words, and wonder how in the hell I’ll ever be able to leave her behind to head back home. A part of me hopes she is pregnant so there won’t ever have to be a goodbye, and we won't have any excuses not to stay in each other’s lives.
Then she’s kissing me again and my thoughts are silenced with an intense wave of pleasure crashing through my groin. Roaring, I pull her off me so quickly that her eyes widen and her mouth forms a perfect “O.” When she sees the cum shooting against her stomach, I clench my teeth and curse myself for forgetting a condom yet again. Maybe the subconscious need to keep her in my life isn’t as subconscious as I’m trying to make myself believe.
“We seem to have a knack for getting carried away,” she says playfully, nudging me back toward the shower stream. Her eyes darken when she smirks. “Looks like I’ll have to wash you down once more.”
Too spent to protest, I steady myself on her shoulder when she goes to work, not at all surprised when her touch makes me hard all over again.
Over the next thirty-some hours, when I’m not in the gym we spend every waking moment together, locked away in the brownstone. Every time I learn something new about her, my desire to stay with her grows until it’s this massive thing that’s bigger than the both of us. She’s bold and unreserved in her sexual fetishes, ready to try anything new. She doesn’t care if we’re gentle and slow or hard and fast, and it drives me insane. The way I feel about her can’t be described in words, so I try my best to show her with my body, giving her everything she wants.
When I wake on Sunday, I decide to surprise her with an outing she’ll never forget. While she sleeps quietly at my side, I use my laptop to plan our day. Once finished, I set the computer on the nightstand and decide it’s time to wake her.
“Mmmm,” she hums when I nuzzle the smooth curve of her neck. I deliver a string of soft kisses down her silky skin to her breasts, lightly scraping my teeth over a taut nipple. One of her hands twists in my hair as she leans up, gasping. “I believe I now know what heaven must be like.”
“Lay back, little butterfly,” I whisper against her firm skin, loving the way my breath makes the skin around her nipple pebble. “I plan to enjoy my breakfast before we go on an adventure.”
“An adventure, eh? What exactly do you have planned, James Kendall?”
“It’s a surprise,” I answer before taking the breast in my mouth and swirling my tongue around its little peak. She gasps again when I work my thumb over her clit. Before long, I sink two fingers into the warm wetness between her thighs. Part of me worries she’s too sore to take on any more. Another part knows my sweet girl’s naughty side will secretly cherish a little bit of pain and she’d stop me if she didn’t want it.
I finish her off with my mouth, lightly brushing her clit between my teeth before sucking on it until she’s crying my name and digging her sharp nails into my skin. I could make her come a dozen times every day and still want to do it again. The way she throws her head back and loses all control has me nearly falling off the edge right beside her. I can almost get off by just watching her lips part and her tits push up into the air whenever she utters my name at the peak of her arousal.
When she tells me it’s my turn, I chase her off to the shower, promising there will be time for that later. She’s dressed by the time I’m done showering and we’re out the door right on schedule
.
On the subway ride to the car rental company, I catch her studying me several times with a confused expression. Later, as I drive the foreign car over the East River, she holds her bottom lip between her teeth whenever she looks my way. It’s obviously driving her crazy that she doesn’t have a clue where we’re going.
“Had I known you were up to something, I could’ve arranged for a driver,” she finally says after a long break of silence. “You barely fit behind the steering wheel.”
“It was cheap,” I answer, shrugging one shoulder. Setting my right hand over hers, I wrap our fingers together and grin like a fool. I seem to be doing a lot of that these days. “My dad taught us to save our money for the important things.”
She smiles and squeezes my hand. “Sounds like your dad was a wise man. I wish I would’ve had the chance to get to know him properly.”
“I could tell at Evelyn and Charlie’s wedding that he really liked you. He normally doesn’t like to dance.”
Eyebrows shooting up, she asks, “You saw us dancing together?”
“I saw everything you did that night,” I confess. “When you danced with my cousin, I wanted to drag you away from him. When that drummer from Charlie’s band wouldn’t stop flirting with you, I wanted to throw him into a snow bank. More than anything, I wanted to take you up to my room, but I knew Evelyn would be pissed that I messed around with her friend on her wedding day.” I rub her bony wrist with my thumb as I look her in the eye. “I wish I would’ve had the balls to do it anyway.”