She twisted to look at him. “What?”
“You know, that part of Dumbo? I thought that’s what being drunk was. I thought you got nightmares.”
“Why did you think people did it then?”
“People go to horror movies. They ride roller coasters.”
Abby wanted to laugh, but she stopped herself.
Nate went on, “I remember being with you and Sindy. I remember Bryce there, too, and I wanted to hit him.”
“Why?”
“I don’t remember,” he lied. “I just wanted to hit him, and I thought for sure I would. Then I have nothing. I remember being in the woods, I think. I know there were trees around, and I was walking on leaves, but when I looked down, they were actually these… beetles.”
“Beetles?”
“Yeah. Huge. I had never seen anything like them. That’s partly why I thought it was a nightmare. They were monsters… the size of golf balls, and their shells had these designs on them.” He shrugged. “Someone else was there.”
“Me?”
He shook his head.
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Have you ever had one of those dreams where you know you can’t look around no matter how much you want to?”
She nodded. “For me, it’s like I can’t open my eyes. I’m usually lost someplace, trying to find a way out, but I can’t open my eyes all the way.”
“It was like that. I knew there was someone there, walking next to me and a little bit behind. Sounded pretty big. He stopped when I stopped and moved when I moved. He never said anything, either.”
“How did you know there was anyone there?”
“The sounds. His steps were heavier than mine, and it was like he was taking longer to step. And then there was the breathing. Deep. Heavy. He sounded huge.”
Abby shivered. Nate’s voice was utterly sincere. As much as she wanted to think he really was dreaming, she knew now that monsters were quite real. They lived all around her. She wondered if Nate would be comforted by this revelation. Probably not.
Instead, she only said, “What else?”
“I dunno. The next memory I have is somewhere really cold. I’m wet, and there’s echoes all around. I look around, and the whole sky is flashing, and there’s water all around me.”
“The person? Was the person there?”
He chuckled. “I never thought of it as a person. In my head, it was just… the thing.”
She shuddered again.
“I’m sorry, Abby. I don’t remember where you went.”
“It’s okay.”
“What are you going to do?”
She looked down at her stomach. It was flat now, but in a couple months that would change. She would become obvious to anyone with eyes. “I don’t know,” she said. She started crying again.
He gathered her into his arms and she stayed there, sobbing helplessly. Nate held her as long as she wanted to be held, stroking her hair and whispering lies that everything would be all right.
18
Back to Normal
nate stayed with her most of the night, and they hardly spoke the whole time. He stayed until he was certain his parents were about to wake up and then he biked home. He promised not to tell anyone about her pregnancy, but she didn’t need his reassurance. She knew him well enough.
At school, Abby was a wreck. School was for kids and motherhood was for adults, yet she had to deal with both of them. She was going to ruin her chance at both of them and she didn’t know how to fix it.
She was positive Bryce would ignore her. They could return to their previous non-relationship. She could admire him from afar, like Quasimodo spying on Esmerelda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. During first passing period, she was shocked to find him leaning against the wall near her locker.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” Where was he taking this?
“About yesterday. Are you…?”
“No,” she blurted, surprising herself. She hadn’t expected Bryce to ask. She hadn’t expected to lie to him, either.
He sighed in relief. “Oh, good. Glad to hear it.”
“You and me both.”
“Well, just wanted you to know you scared the hell out of me. Wanted to thank you personally for that.” He was joking. She played along.
“Any time.”
“Okay. I’m going to go recover from those heart attacks. See you at lunch?”
She nodded.
“Okay then,” he said, wandering back into the stream of students coming down the hall. He walked lightly, almost weaving, as though the news had intoxicated him.
The lie had comforted him. Maybe that wasn’t so bad. Lies were damned comforting. It would change once she started showing. She sighed. This wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. For now, at least, she could pretend to be normal. She got the rest of her books and went to class.
Sindy found Abby after fourth period. “So… Did you get a test?”
Abby nodded.
“Pretty bold, Thorndike. I’m impressed.”
“I went to Middleton.”
Sindy snorted. “I probably would have gone all the way to Boston.”
“I don’t know if Bryce would have gone for that.”
“You got Bryce to—”
“Yeah.”
“That had to be nice, at least.”
“It was, until he found the test. Then it got weird.”
“Weird how?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he thinks I’m a slut—”
“No way he thinks that. And if he does, I’ll break his nose.” She paused. “His beautiful nose.”
“Maybe… I don’t know. It was a strange night.”
“Yeah,” Sindy said, and Abby caught the same flash in her friend’s eyes.
“You okay?”
Sindy laughed, but there was very little humor in it. “Look at you, worried about me. So you took the test, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And are you?”
“No.” The lie was just as surprising the second time.
Sindy sighed sharply and put one hand over her heart like she was having trouble slowing it down. “Oh, thank God. I was really worried there.”
“Yeah,” Abby said, trying out a relieved laugh. She thought it sounded convincing enough.
“Looks like you can get back to normal, then.”
“Looking forward to it.”
Abby followed Sindy to the dining hall. What was she doing? These lies weren’t going to last. What was she going to say when people found out the truth?
19
Halloween in Arkham
every Halloween, Hester and Constance Thorndike hosted a huge party for the Daughters of Arkham. Only the Daughters were allowed to attend. It had been a tradition in Harwich Hall since Abby was old enough to be aware of it. As a kid, she had spent every one of her Halloweens trick-or-treating with her babysitter. When people began to shut off their porch lights, her babysitter would drop her off at a sleepover at a friend’s house, usually Nate’s. Abby liked it. Her mother and grandmother had their tradition, and she and Nate had theirs. As they grew older, they cared less about comparing their trick-or-treat loot and more about cheesy horror movie marathons.
Nate’s little sister Veronica was at the tail end of her trick-or-treating career. She worshipped Abby and did everything she could to impress her. Veronica was small, like her brother, with the same dark hair and eyes. She was cute, though strangers would never call her beautiful. She was just as smart as Nate—he privately admitted she was probably smarter—and she would doubtless follow in his footsteps to the Academy. Abby wasn’t sure where they had inherited their smarts. It wasn’t like Arnold and Lana Baxter were stupid, far from it… but both of their children routinely broke intelligence tests and wrecked grade curves.
Abby liked Veronica. She was the sister Abby never had and always wanted. Though Abby had lost interest in the ritual of trick-or-treating, she enjoyed it thr
ough Veronica. She was looking forward to seeing the girl’s costume.
As Abby got ready to go over to Nate’s house, she realized this was the final year they would be doing this. She was due to be inducted in the Daughters of Arkham. When she was a Daughter, she would have to attend the party at Harwich Hall with her mother and grandmother. She wondered if Nate realized this. Probably. Knowing him, he’d deny it until it actually happened.
Abby had put on a black dress. She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup—also black—when there was a knock at the door. “Abby?”
“Come in.”
The door opened. Constance paused in the doorway, and Abby would swear that she posed. She stretched one fair arm outward and one leg forward, emphasizing the elegant lines of her long ivory gown. Abby couldn’t decide whether she wanted to look like her mother or whether she wanted to burst out laughing.
“Are you going to Nate’s?”
“Yeah, I was just about to leave.”
“Have fun. We should be finished just after midnight, but if you want to stay over, that’s fine.”
“Thanks, Mom.” It was the one time of year Abby had freedom. There was a silver lining to every cloud.
Constance swept over to her and brushed a kiss across her daughter’s forehead. “Have fun, dear.”
With that, she was gone. Abby chuckled to herself and then checked her reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t decide if she looked sufficiently witchy, and it was strange to see herself without her glasses. Tonight, she’d suffered through the squeamish horror of putting her contacts in. Her outfit wasn’t quite a costume, but it straddled the line and you couldn’t reasonably claim that you were a witch if you wore glasses. Nate and the kids would buy that it was a costume. If anyone else looked at her funny, she could protest that it was just a dress and some seasonal makeup.
Her phone buzzed. She picked it up, unlocking the screen. Nate’s contact photo stared back at her. In the picture, he was using his best ‘boy-band’ smolder: head down, eyes big, staring just a little too hard. It always made her chuckle. She answered the call. “What’s up?”
“Coming over?”
“Yeah. Give me a minute, and I’ll head on over.”
“All right. I downloaded Pumpkinhead, The Blob, and Dead Snow.”
“I don’t know what any of those are.”
“You will by the time this evening’s over!”
“If you don’t add The Great Pumpkin to that list, I’ll slug you, Charlie Brown!”
Nate laughed and hung up. Abby couldn’t help but smile. Nate hadn’t mentioned the pregnancy since she’d told him about it. He was acting like everything was normal.
Her phone buzzed again, and she picked it up without looking. “Chill out, I said I’m going to be right there.”
“You did? Why didn’t I remember that?”
It was Bryce.
“Oh. Hi. I thought this was someone else.”
“Well, lucky him.”
“It’s not a… let’s start over. Hi, Bryce. What’s up?”
“My mother is going to your place for that big party, and I thought to myself, why should the adults have all the fun? Party at my place as soon as the sun goes down. You in?”
“Yes! I mean, yeah. Sure. I’ll be there.”
“Good. I’ll see you.”
Abby ended the call, glowing. Not only a party, but one that Bryce felt compelled to specifically invite her to. Definitive proof he at least wanted her around. And a chance to spend more time with him alone, maybe. She was giddy with butterflies.
Wait.
Nate. She’d just screwed Nate over. This was their tradition. He looked forward to it. He’d been incessantly dithering over which about movies they would watch for weeks now. And, honestly, she looked forward to it, too. She liked passing out candy with Nate. She liked seeing all the cute local kids in their costumes. She liked hearing their shrieks of delight when she and Nate tried to scare them. She liked all of the awful movies they watched.
But this was Bryce. He had called her. Specifically.
She stared at her phone, then she bit her lip.
She dialed Nate’s number.
“On your way?” he asked.
“No… Nate, I’m really sorry, but I’m feeling kind of sick.”
“I thought you were okay?”
“It’s been all day, but I figured it would go away. It hasn’t.”
“Oh.” The crushing finality of his disappointment made her want to tell him she was kidding.
Instead, she made it worse. “It’s probably, you know.” She didn’t want to say ‘the pregnancy,’ not only because she didn’t want someone to hear her, but because she wanted to be able to lie to herself, too. She wasn’t using it as an excuse. Not really.
“Oh! Oh, yeah. I’ve heard that can happen. It’s okay, Abby. Just feel better, okay? Get some rest.”
“We can watch those movies some other time.”
“They’ll still be here.”
“Thanks for being so cool.”
“That’s me. Cool.”
She ended the call and felt awful. Nate had been the one person she hadn’t lied to, and she’d felt proud of that. Now she didn’t even have that to hang onto. What was she becoming? More importantly, who was she becoming?
20
Home Remedy
as Nate Baxter put his phone down, it looked like he was setting something much heavier on the bed. The way his head hung and his shoulders slumped suggested that he was laboring under an invisible load that was liable to crush him. He stood in his tiny bedroom on the bare patch of floor between his bed, desk, and door, and he tried to collect himself.
It was stupid feeling this way, and he knew it. Abby was sick. She was pregnant, and pregnant women got sick. He had accepted her pregnancy the way he accepted any of the other harsh truths around him. When his parents had to tell him that they were actually employees of his best friend’s family and that was the only reason they’d ever met, he’d accepted it. Whenever they explained there wasn’t the money for something he wanted, he’d accepted it. He understood already that life wasn’t what you wanted it to be. Anything he gained would be through hard work. Abby’s pregnancy was an unpleasant surprise, but wasn’t like it changed who she was or how he felt about her. It was simply something he had to accept and help her through. Whatever she needed, he would be there.
A slow smile spread over his lips and brightened his eyes. She did need something. If she was sick, there was one thing guaranteed to make her feel better.
When they were eight years old, Abby had been hit with a particularly virulent flu that was going around. Nate had dodged it, but that wasn’t really a surprise. He had always been blessed with an incredible immune system. One look at him as the school geek, and most people assumed he was wracked with allergies, seasonal flus, and head colds but the truth was he hardly ever got sick. Maybe it was all the hard work he did in the fresh air alongside his dad, or maybe it was a quirk of genetics, but if the Black Death ever came to American shores, it would find its doom in Nate Baxter’s white blood cells.
Abby had been dealing with the worst sore throat of her life, and Nate couldn’t handle seeing his friend suffer. He did some research and learned that one of the most reliable ways to kill a sore throat was with marshmallows. He read that ancient Egyptians had used the marshmallow root to fight sore throats. People said that modern marshmallows still worked, though they didn’t have any of the actual marshmallow plant in them.
Eight-year-old Nate made a batch of Fluffernutters—though instead of marshmallow fluff, he used mini-marshmallows, as he couldn’t be certain the fluff would have the same effect. They seemed like the ideal food. She needed some nutrition and nuts were high in protein. Peanut butter for energy; marshmallows for her throat. He biked them over to Abby’s place, and got past Bertram by claiming he had Abby’s school assignments.
He had delivered his sandwiches to Abby. Remembering it
now, he had never seen her so pale. Considering that all of the Thorndikes were as pale as it was possible to be, that was saying something. Abby had watched him dubiously while he explained what he’d learned about marshmallows. She hadn’t said anything; her throat hurt too much to allow her to speak. Eventually, she relented and tried one because she trusted him. It took a while for her to get through it. He’d been clever enough to consider robust sources of protein and Egyptian folk cures; he hadn’t thought about how she’d wash the sandwich down.
“I can talk,” she had croaked after the first one. She looked impossibly relieved. “Give me another one.”
He had never felt so much joy or pride as he did then. Since that time, whenever Abby got sick, it was Nate’s unspoken duty to bike over to her house with a basket full of Flutternutters. He brought them over for any symptom and invariably—and Nate understood that this was the placebo effect in action—she felt better.
She probably wasn’t expecting him that night, since she knew how important Halloween was, but that was just going to make this even better. This was the one time she wasn’t expecting him to come through and he would. He thought of that look of relief on her face when she was eight and resolved to see it again.
He left his room, and his sister’s door sprang open. She burst out into the hallway. She was dressed haphazardly and she had red spray dye in her hair. “Is Abby here yet?”
“Who are you supposed to be?”
“I’m Foxface!” She held her arms out as though that explained it. “From The Hunger Games.”
“Doesn’t she die?”
“Peeta poisons her because he’s a monster,” Veronica said, nodding like this was some kind of statement of immutable fact.
“That’s horrible,” Nate said. He headed for the kitchen. He wanted to end the conversation as soon as he could. Veronica followed on his heels.
“So where’s Abby?”
“She’s not coming.”
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