"Of what? That's what I don't understand."
"I know. There are some things I need to tell you that will help you understand." Nodding my head toward the room, Jackson pushes off the railing and walks past me.
Taking a seat next to him on the bed, I prepare myself to talk about Him. I don't even like to think about Him, let alone talk about what happened. Maybe this will give me closure? More than likely, I'll break down in tears.
"I haven't dated anyone since college," I say. "The last guy I was with seemed like Mr. Perfect. He treated me like a princess. I thought he was ‘the one’. In fact, I was thinking he was going to propose after I graduated. Instead, I walked in on him with another girl on our bed, the one we shared in the apartment we had been living together in for almost a year.
"Needless to say, I was shocked. He was drunk when I found him, even though it was the middle of the afternoon. I thought maybe I could forgive him. He slipped up. I found out later that night, once he was sober and I was willing to talk, that he had been with Her for almost as long as we had been together. She knew all about me, yet I knew nothing about her.
"After that, I stopped trusting people. We lived together, and I had been completely oblivious to what was going on. I didn't understand how I could have been so blind."
Feeling the tears threatening their appearance, I pause and take a deep breath. I'm almost done. It's almost over. I can do this.
"Anyway," I say as Jackson begins running his hand up and down my back for support. "I kicked him out, focused on graduating from grad school, and moved on with my life. For about a month, things were fine. I picked up the pieces of me that were left and started over. That's when I started to get sick. I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant, about four months pregnant.
"He was the only person I had been with in years, so I knew it was his. Knowing I had options, I weighed them heavily and decided to call him. He was on his honeymoon. He married her, less than two months after I kicked him out. If Amber hadn't been by my side when I called, I probably would have lost it completely. I said some things I can't take back. I told him about the baby, told him my plans, and hung up on him.
"He tried contacting me for weeks to stop me. I had to change my phone number to avoid him, but he was persistent. He started stalking Amber until she finally told him the truth. I was so mad at her. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. I wanted him to believe that I killed his baby. He would have found out the truth eventually, but he would have been destroyed in the meantime. He deserved it for what he put me through."
"Jessa–"
"No. There's more. Let me finish, please," I beg. I'm so close to being done with it. When he doesn't say anything else, I take that as my cue to continue.
"My parents are amazing. You asked me if I had siblings yesterday, and I lied to you. I didn't have any growing up, but I do now. My parents, knowing that I wasn't ready to take care of a child on my own, adopted my son. He lives with them, they're raising him as their own. He doesn't know he's my son. One day, I plan to tell him when the time is right. Jeff, my ex, isn't in the picture. He knows I had the baby, but he doesn't know anything beyond that.
"So, when I say I'm scared, that's why, or a part of it anyway. I've been hurt, scared, alone, and emotionally destroyed. I have no idea how much I have left to give. What I do know is that I like you, I enjoy your company, and even though I'm scared, I want you on this trip with me. After the last few days, I can't imagine leaving here without you. If we can do this one day at a time, I'm in."
Breathing a deep sigh of relief, I let every painful memory go the best I can. The situation with Jeff will always leave a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn't mean every relationship will end like that. It doesn't mean I can't trust anyone. Jackson, he's different. I trust him already, I just needed to admit it to myself.
"Jessa, we can take this as slowly as you want. I'm honored you're giving me a chance. Even though I know you don't want to hear this, I'm going to say it anyway. That douche bag made a huge mistake, cheating on you and letting you go, but I'm glad he did. If he hadn't, we wouldn't be here right now. I would never have met you. I feel like I need to call him and thank him for being such an asshole."
Shaking my head, a laugh escapes. Leave it to Jackson to make light of everything. Only he could make me laugh at my own fucked-up history. He does have a good point. If I hadn't been cheated on, we never would have met. For that, I'll be forever thankful to the asshole.
"I do have one question, though." Jackson seems hesitant.
"Only one?" I ask, trying to make light of things. The room still feels like there's a dark cloud hanging over it.
"Can I meet your son?"
Oh shit! I was not expecting that.
"Um, maybe someday."
"I'd really like that," he says, pulling me into his side and kissing me on the top of my head. "Now, we need to get to the airport. I'm ready for some sunshine. We need to see about an earlier flight."
"What if we can't get an earlier flight? Are we just going to hang out at the airport all day?"
"I'm sure they have a bar. We'll get drunk and add to your list."
"My list is getting long enough as it is. I've added three things to it since we've been here."
"Fine, we won't put sex at the airport on the list."
Knowing he's serious, I push against his chest and roll on top of him when his back hits the mattress. "Why don't we take care of the sex thing now and forgo the risk of being put in jail?"
"I'm good with that."
#14 Fly first class
“Sure, you can change your flight,” they said. “You're going to have to upgrade your tickets, though. We only have first class available.” I heard what they didn’t say. “Would you like to pay an extra few hundred dollars?”
No. No, I didn't. I need to manage my money as tightly as possible. As nice as those seats looked, I didn't want to spend that much for a few extra inches of space and comfort.
"That's fine," Jackson replied before I could say anything.
Normally, I'm opposed to anyone paying for anything for me. I have money. I'm actually very good at saving and managing my own money. For this trip, I set aside a certain amount I could spend every day. Of course, I set it low so I could have backup funds in case something happens. This is not something I planned to spend my money on. I'll pay Jackson back, somehow, without him knowing I'm doing it. I tried already and he brushed me off.
I will say, first class is pretty damn amazing, though. I was right, the seats are bigger. We have our own flight attendant. Drinks are complimentary. If I could afford it, I would only fly this way from now on. Going back to coach for the next leg of our trip is going to be brutal now that I know what I'll be missing.
The weather is perfect when we step off the plane. When the pilot announced our arrival, he said the weather was sunny and seventy-three degrees. I hope it stays this way for the next few weeks. I'll be in heaven. I'm not going to miss the chill of New York City.
#2 Relax in the Bahamas
That's two things off my original list. Not to mention, I've added four things to the list as well.
"What should we do first?" Jackson asks as the shuttle pulls away from the resort. It looks magical and we haven't even gone inside yet.
"How about we check in, drop our bags, then grab some dinner and a drink," I suggest, knowing that the nap I took on the plane is going to keep me up until well after midnight.
Instead of leaving close to nine o'clock, we left just after three o'clock. The flight was less than three hours long, and the ride to the hotel wasn't even thirty minutes. By the time we get checked in and settled, it'll probably be a little after eight. Plenty of time for a night of drinking and fun.
Our room is magnificent. I don't remember booking a suite when I made the reservations, but that's what they had on file. I'm not complaining. Our bedroom has a great view of the water. We have a direct access to everything from the patio, i
ncluding the pool and the bar.
The bathroom is bigger than my bedroom was growing up. The bathtub is calling my name. I will make it a point to crawl in there at least once while we're here. It has jets and plenty of room for two. I wonder if Jackson likes relaxing in the bathtub as much as I do. He strikes me as more of a shower kind of guy.
"What are you doing in there, Jessa?" Jackson hollers.
"Standing here in awe. This is by far the biggest bathroom I've ever seen."
"You weren't kidding," he says, his voice closer than I was expecting.
"I could live in here," I say.
"You would die of starvation. Kind of like I'm dying right now," he says, dramatically.
"You're not dying, but I am kind of hungry, too."
"Let's go then. Something smelled amazing when I was checking out the view. My stomach's talking to me now."
Changing quickly, Jackson and I head to find the source of the amazing smell. He wasn't kidding either. As soon as I stepped out onto the patio, my senses were assaulted and my stomach growled in anticipation.
The poolside bar is our first stop. Jackson orders us each a beer and asks for directions to the restaurant. We were headed in the right direction, but it's at the other end of the resort. Charging the drinks to our room, I grab Jackson's hand and tug him away from the conversation he's started with the bartender.
I'm full. So full, in fact, that I'm leaning back in a lounge chair by the pool and my stomach still feels like it's being compressed. The restaurant was offering a seafood buffet tonight. Trying something new, because why not, I indulged in a little bit of everything. Lobster, crab, scallops, oysters. Everything was amazing. Top that off with a bottle of wine split between the two of us, and Jackson forced me to call it quits. He practically had to drag me out of the restaurant so I wouldn't go back for another round. Right now, I'm thankful he did. I don't think my body would like me too much if he hadn't.
"So, two weeks, right?" he asks from beside me.
"Yep."
"Why so long?"
"Why not? The weather here is perfect this time of year. Plus, I'm not in a rush. I never spent much time at the breach growing up, so I want to be able to enjoy it now that I can."
"You've never been to the beach before?" He doesn't bother to hide the shock in his voice.
"I grew up in the middle of nowhere, Jackson, a long way away from the beach."
"And where is that exactly?"
"Abilene, Kansas. The closest 'real' beach to us is on Lake Michigan. We went once. It took us about eight hours to get there."
"Damn. That's a trip."
"Where is home for you?"
"Michigan, actually. Outside of Detroit."
"So, a quick trip to the beach, then."
"Yeah. I spent a lot of time on Lake Huron in the summers. My parents have a cabin up north, too. Near the Mackinac bridge. If we were up there, we'd spend time on Lake Michigan."
"So why Kansas City, then? How did you end up there?"
"College. I went to Kansas City University. Once I graduated, I found a job and decided to stay. Then I stumbled across a vacant building one day while I was running and decided to open the fitness center. The rest is history. What about you?"
"When I finished Grad School at Northwestern, I came down here to visit Amber and hunt for a job. Her husband is from Kansas City, so they relocated here after she graduated. I wanted to be close to her and close to my parents, too. You know, because of... Anyway, I found a job. It was only a few hours from home, so I could visit as often as my schedule allowed."
"Which wasn't much until now."
"Basically. There was more travel than I thought there would be, but I still made time."
The conversation fades as does the remaining sliver of the sun that had been hanging on since we sat down. Jackson waves at the bartender, who brings us two more beers. Not sure that I have room, I set mine on the table beside me.
"So," Jackson begins, "I was thinking that tomorrow we should rent bikes and ride around the island, check things out, and figure out what we want to do for the next two weeks."
"That sounds fun, but you know I would be perfectly content sitting here for two weeks, right?"
"That's not going to happen. This place is beautiful. Look around you, Jessa. The sky is clear, the stars shining brightly. The water is calm, barely making a sound as it crashes against the beach. This place is magical. I plan to take full advantage of our time here. You should, too."
"I will. I just want a few days where we do nothing. And, we have to sleep out on the beach one night."
"I already thought of that. It's on your list."
"Yep."
"Not tonight, though," he says, standing and extending his hand to me. "Tonight, we are going to sleep inside. Well, maybe not sleep, but we're going to stay inside."
Biting my bottom lip, I imagine all the dirty things Jackson is going to do to me as I reach up and grab his hand. He pulls me directly into his body, wrapping his arms around me, holding me close. A naughty grin spreads across his face, his eyes twinkling as the lights from the hotel behind me shine brightly on him. Oh, yeah. He's having dirty thoughts.
After just one round, I fall asleep on Jackson. After barely any sleep the night before, only a short nap on the plane, and filling my belly with food, the little bit of energy I had stored up was exerted making Jackson scream my name. It was worth it, though.
Now, I'm lying in bed, Jackson's arms and one of his legs wrapped around me. We accidentally left the curtains open last night so the sun is shining brightly into the room. I hope no one saw us last night. Actually, I don't really care. Everyone deserves a free show once in their lifetime, and we put on a good one if they were watching.
Jackson begins to stir, releasing his hold on my body. I take the opportunity and slip out of bed. Picking up his t-shirt off the floor, I slip it over my head and head out onto the patio. There are a few people around the pool already and a few down on the beach. The sun warms my chilly toes instantly, and then Jackson is behind me, warming the rest of my body with his own.
"We should grab a bite to eat and figure out where we can rent those bikes," he whispers in my ear before kissing the side of my neck. If he keeps that up, I'm not going to want to leave anytime soon.
"I want to shower first. Care to join me?"
"I thought you'd never ask," he purrs, turning me around quickly, his lips capturing mine.
Making sure to pull the curtains closed behind us this time, Jackson and I disappear into our room for rounds two and three before finally making it to the shower.
Chapter 5
The island of Nassau is breathtaking. We ride for hours, stopping and checking out everything we see. From little shops to different beaches, we take in the sights and culture of the island. Jackson makes a list of all the things he wants us to do while we're here. So far, he wants to swim with dolphins, go to the conservation center, check out the distillery, and go snorkeling.
He's picked up brochures on all of these things and plenty of others. Me? I want to check out the art museum and a casino that I overheard a couple talking about when we stopped for lunch.
By the time we head back to the hotel, we're both exhausted from the ride. I suggest a nap, one where we actually sleep, and some relaxing pool time. He doesn't know it yet, but I plan to get in that bathtub at some point tonight, and he's going to join me. While we were browsing a gift shop this afternoon, I picked up some bath salts that smell like lilacs. My favorite.
Waking just after dinnertime, I feel refreshed. I knew I was tired; I just didn't realize how tired I was. Even if I hadn't been, this bed is so incredibly comfortable, I could fall asleep anytime. I'm pretty sure Jackson feels the same way. He's still snoring lightly next to me.
Closing my eyes again, I breathe in deep, enjoying the smell of the ocean. There's a breeze coming in through the open door. It's both salty and sweet. I’ve never smelled anything so lovely.
"You ready to check out the nightlife?" Jackson asks, stretching his arms above his head.
"I thought we decided to relax by the pool tonight."
"What fun is that? We should go out, see what the island has to offer."
Turning my body toward him, I prop my head in my hand, sticking my lip out at him. Maybe he'll fall for my puppy dog pouty face. No one else does, but maybe he will.
"What is this? Are you pouting at me?"
"What's it look like?"
"It looks like your constipated," he laughs.
No wonder it never works.
"Well, that's not what I was going for. Can we please stay in?" I beg.
"We can do whatever you want, Jessa. We have plenty of time to do everything."
"Good, because I wanna grab a drink and then relax in the pool."
"In the pool?"
"Yeah, why?"
"As in, you, in a swimsuit, barely covered?"
"How do you know what my suit looks like?"
"I finished packing your bag in New York. I may have peeked at the clothes you brought."
"You perv. Did you sniff my undies too?"
"Only the dirty ones," he says, smirking at me. He has to be joking.
"Is my suit a problem? I just bought it."
"I hope you didn't pay a lot. There's not much to it."
"It covers plenty, thank you very much."
"If you say so. You can't blame me if I can't keep my hands to myself, though."
"You can show restraint. I believe in you,” I say, pushing off the bed. I dig my suit out of my luggage and head into the bathroom to change.
Walking back into the room, I catch sight of Jackson just as he's pulling his swim trunks on. Now I need to find a way to show my own restraint. As many times as I've seen him naked, I would think it wouldn't affect me anymore. Nope. That's not the case at all. Just a little glimpse and I'm turned on.
"See, that's going to be a problem for me."
"What?" I ask, innocently. My tiny breasts and my ass are both fully covered. I have a long torso, though, so there's still plenty of skin showing, but nothing inappropriate.
Chasing Fate Page 4