by Joan Jonker
Maggie had gone to bed when Eileen got back, and as she emptied the box to show Bill what she’d got, Eileen told him about Milly’s husband coming home. ‘She’s been an absolute angel to me. We’d ’ave been in queer street without ’er.’
‘They’re a nice couple.’ Bill fingered one of the chocolate animals. ‘Are you putting these on the tree now? If you do, you’ll be lucky if there’s any left by Christmas day. You know what the girls are like, they’d have them eaten in no time.’
Eileen was already hanging them on the branches of the tree. ‘Oh, no they won’t! I’ll cut their hands off if they so much as touch them.’
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Bill’s face was serious, ‘I might go along to the doctor’s one day this week, for a check-up. It’s about time I started thinking about getting a job and I’d like him to give me the all clear.’
Eileen turned. ‘D’yer feel up to goin’ to work? There’s no hurry, yer know. Better wait till yer feel a hundred per cent.’
‘I’m as well as I’ll ever be,’ Bill answered. ‘I’ve got to make the effort some time, I’ve sat on me backside long enough.’
‘Well, it’s up to you, Bill. Only you know ’ow yer feel.’
‘Would you come to the doctor’s with me? I don’t know the new doctor that’s there now, and I’d feel better if you came along.’
‘Yer don’t need me to ’old yer ’and, Bill! Doctor Greenfield would wonder what was up if I went with yer.’
‘I’d like you to come for some moral support, chick.’
While Eileen transferred a chocolate elephant from one branch to another, her mind was whirling. It might be a good idea for her to go along and have a word with Doctor Greenfield herself. He was a very easy man to talk to, and being young he would understand her need and her frustration. He might even be able to help. It was worth a try, anyway. Anything was worth it to be put out of her misery. ‘Okay, if yer want me to go with yer, I’ll go. But can we leave it until we get Christmas over? I’ll be workin’ till Christmas Eve and I won’t ’ave much chance.’
‘That’s all right with me, as long as you promise, chick.’
‘I promise, love.’
Chapter Twenty-One
‘Mam! Can we go down now?’
Eileen felt herself being shaken urgently by the shoulder and struggled to sit up. It was pitch dark in the room but in the dim light coming from the next bedroom, she could make out the shapes of her two daughters. ‘What time is it?’
Edna whispered, ‘We don’t know what time it is, but can we go down for our presents now?’
Bill, roused from a deep sleep, glanced sideways at the illuminated face of the alarm clock and groaned, ‘It’s only half past five!’
‘Be good girls,’ Eileen pleaded, ‘and go back to bed for another hour.’
‘Ah, ay, Mam! It’s Christmas day!’ Edna sat down on the side of the bed. ‘You needn’t get up, we can go down on our own.’
‘Not on yer life, yer won’t!’ Eileen nudged Bill. ‘You stay in bed and I’ll go down with them.’ She lowered her voice, ‘I want to see their faces when they open their presents.’
‘No, I’ll get up.’ Bill swung his legs over the side of the bed. ‘You two wait on the landing until me and your mam are ready.’
Hugging her old red woollen dressing gown around her, Eileen opened the bedroom door to find the two girls, with Billy and Maggie, filling the small space of the landing. ‘Oh, my God, they’ve woken the whole ’ouse!’
‘I’ve been awake for hours,’ Maggie told her, dryly. ‘I can’t wait to see what Father Christmas has brought me.’
‘They woke me up, the daft things,’ Billy said gruffly, hoping to sound too grown up to be excited about Christmas presents. ‘They’re like a couple of babies.’
Keeping her face straight, Eileen said, ‘You can go back to bed if yer want to.’
‘Nah! I’m awake now, so I might as well stay up.’
‘Then out of the way an’ let me get past.’ Eileen looked over their heads to Bill. ‘Come on, love, you come with me.’
The laughter and shouting erupted as the children dived for their presents and emptied the stockings hanging either side of the black-leaded fire place. But it was to young Billy, Eileen looked. His face when he saw the grown-up shirt and tie was a study in pride and pleasure. ‘D’yer like it, son?’
‘Ooh, yeah! They’re magic! Ta, Mam an’ Dad!’ Billy held the dark blue tie against the pale blue of the shirt. ‘I’ll wear them temorrer night for Jacko’s party.’
‘If yer don’t get a click in them, son, yer’ll never get one.’ Eileen smiled at him before going to the sideboard and bringing out two parcels wrapped in bright red and green paper. ‘Here y’are, Mam, ’ere’s your present, and this is for you, Bill.’
‘Put it on the chair while I fetch yours.’ Bill disappeared into the kitchen to reappear seconds later with two small wrapped parcels. He planted a kiss on Maggie’s cheek before handing her one of the parcels, then turned to Eileen. ‘Merry Christmas, chick.’
‘Open yours first.’ Eileen was bubbling with excitement. To see her family so happy was like a tonic to her. Her eyes waited expectantly as Maggie lifted the pale blue jumper from its wrappings. ‘D’yer like it, Mam?’
‘It’s beautiful.’ Maggie held it up against herself and preened. ‘Don’t I look the gear? Thanks, love.’
A bright smile was Eileen’s reward for Bill’s light fawn pullover. ‘Just the job, chick! Keep the old bones nice and warm.’ He pointed to the parcel on Eileen’s knee. ‘Open yours now, chick.’
Eileen tore at the paper to reveal a small jeweller’s box. Inside, bedded on a satin covered pad, was an attractive gold plated watch with an expanding strap. It was the most glamorous present Eileen had ever had in her life, and for seconds she was speechless. Then she jumped up and threw her arms round Bill’s neck. ‘Oh, it’s beautiful, Bill! The nicest present I’ve ever ’ad!’
Bill put his arm round her waist and held her tight. Then a strange feeling came over him. He could feel a stirring in his loins and it frightened him. He moved away from Eileen and forced a smile to his face. ‘I’m glad you like it, chick.’ He sat down, confused. It was the first time he’d felt any feelings of passion, and he didn’t know how to cope. It had been so long, he was beginning to think he’d never again feel desire grow within him, or be able to make love.
Bill smiled at the children but his thoughts were on Eileen. She was a warm, passionate woman who enjoyed the sexual side of married life. Before the war, she’d think nothing of waiting till the children were out playing or in bed, then taking him by the hand and leading him up the stairs to satisfy the need they both had. She was loving and generous, and their marriage was the better for it. And he knew how she must be suffering now. He longed to talk to her about it, but how could he explain something he didn’t understand himself? Holding her in his arms just now, he’d felt the old familiar urge to hold her close and prove his love for her. But what if he tried and failed? Another disappointment for Eileen, and for himself humiliation and shame. He couldn’t take that chance, a failure would strip him of his manhood completely.
‘Here y’are, Bill!’ Bill looked up to see Maggie holding out a parcel.
‘Happy Christmas, son.’
‘Thanks, Ma!’ Bill took out the socks and handkerchieves and smiled. ‘Just what I wanted.’
‘My brooch is lovely.’ Maggie fingered the filigree brooch in the shape of a leaf, pinned to her dress. ‘Thanks, son.’
‘Look what me mam bought me.’ Eileen held a link of imitation pearls across her palm. ‘I’ll be a proper swank with me new watch and pearls. When the neighbours see me all dolled up, they’ll think we’ve come into money.’
It was two o’clock, the turkey was done to a turn, the carrots and turnips mashed ready, and the roast potatoes browning nicely.
‘What time did our Rene say they’d be ’ere?’ Eileen raised her wrist to look at
the time on her new watch. The pearls around her throat showed above the neck of the new dress, and for once her hair was under control, having been rolled in dinkie curlers for a few hours.
‘Around two.’ Maggie ran her eyes over her daughter. She was getting very worried about her. Eileen used to have a marvellous appetite, but now she just picked at the food on her plate, making stupid excuses like she’d had a sandwich earlier and wasn’t hungry. But she couldn’t fool Maggie. You only had to look at how much weight she’d lost to know there was something wrong. Not that she couldn’t afford to lose some of her fat, but starving herself to do it was asking for trouble.
Maggie sighed. As soon as the holiday was over she’d have a good talk with her daughter. And if that didn’t do the trick, whether Eileen liked it or not, she’d tell Bill. She wasn’t going to stand by and watch her daughter fade away before her eyes and do nothing about it. But today was a day for rejoicing, so Maggie pushed her worries to the back of her mind for the time being, and smiled. ‘You look very smart, love.’
Young Billy agreed. ‘Yeah, that dress looks nice on yer, Mam! It doesn’t ’alf make yer look thinner.’
Eileen glanced down at the plain, dark blue dress she’d bought. No more spots or stripes for her! ‘Thanks, son.’
God love him, he means well, Eileen thought. But even though the label on the back of her dress said it was outsize, instead of the usual extra outsize, it wasn’t much consolation after practically starving herself to death for the last month or so. How she’d resisted all the temptations she’d never know. Only one crispy roast potato instead of the usual six, one slice of bread with half a dozen chips replaced the doorstep, dockers sandwiches she used to eat, and not one square of her favourite Cadbury’s milk chocolate had crossed her lips.
Eileen looked to where Bill was lighting a cigarette. If you only knew what I was going through, Bill Gillmoss, just so you’ll fancy me. Please God, don’t let me be wasting my time, ’cos I don’t know what else to do.
Edna had been standing at the front door waiting for their visitors, now she shouted, ‘They’re ’ere!’
‘My, my, aren’t we looking grand!’ Rene grinned. ‘Christmas presents, are they?’
Eileen nodded. ‘Watch from Bill, and pearls from me mam.’
‘Did you hear that, Alan?’ Rene asked in mock indignation. ‘Where’s your imagination? All I got was the money to buy meself something.’
‘You’re so difficult to buy for,’ Alan laughed. ‘Whenever I buy you anything, you take it back to the shop the next day and exchange it.’
It was a noisy, happy Christmas dinner, with everyone wearing the paper hats found in the Christmas crackers. And when the meal was over and the girls wanted to go to their bedroom, Victoria followed them, clutching her new dolly, already christened Shirley after Shirley Temple.
The grown-ups sat around, their tummies full, to relax and unwind after a hectic day. There were loud protests when Eileen brought a bottle of port out, but not one refused the wine. And Eileen, ignoring the warning glances from her husband, gave Billy his first alcoholic drink. He pulled a face at the first sip of wine, but persevered, telling himself he was grown up now. Then he got to like the taste, and when Eileen went round re-filling the glasses, he held his glass out for more. He felt a nice warm glow run through his body, as he talked and giggled. Then the wine started to take effect and his head became hazy. The room seemed to be spinning around, the light hanging from the ceiling kept changing shape, and the voices in the room sounded as though they were coming through a long tunnel. He remembered nothing after that until he woke in bed with a splitting headache and feeling sick.
‘Thanks for everything.’ Rene kissed her mother and Eileen. ‘I hope young Billy’s all right.’
Alan chuckled. ‘If he feels anything like I did after my first drink, he won’t know what’s hit him tomorrow.’
‘Well, with a bit of luck, it might put ’im off drinkin’ for life.’ Eileen patted Victoria’s head. ‘Yer tired, aren’t yer, sweetheart? I think we’re all ready for some shut eye.’
‘Ta, ra!’ Maggie and Eileen stood with their arms around each other waving them off. ‘Give our best wishes to Alan’s parents.’
As she was shutting the front door, Eileen whispered to her mother, ‘I think I’m in for a tellin’ off for givin’ our Billy that drink.’
‘Well he is only fourteen,’ Maggie whispered back. ‘You should have had more sense.’
‘Since when did I ever do anythin’ because it was sensible, Mam? He was sittin’ there, lookin’ all grown up, I couldn’t leave ’im out.’
‘Oh, well, now you can suffer the consequences.’
But Bill never mentioned it when they went back in, and he hadn’t mentioned it by the time Maggie went to bed, worn out with the work and excitement. She looked in on Billy to see if he was all right and found him snoring loudly. Smiling to herself, Maggie crept into the room she shared with the girls. It had been a perfect Christmas Day, the best since before the war. It made all the difference having Bill home again.
Bill brought Eileen a cup of tea up to bed. ‘You have a lie in, chick, I’ll see to the breakfasts.’
Eileen stretched her arms above her head and yawned. ‘Ooh, I could sleep for a week, I’m that tired. It was a long day, yesterday.’
When Eileen lowered her arms the neck of her nightdress opened to reveal the valley between her breasts, and the breath caught in Bill’s throat. His head flooded with memories of the times he’d found comfort and joy in the warmth and softness of Eileen’s body.
‘Here y’are, drink the tea before it gets cold,’ Bill said abruptly, then turned to leave the room, away from temptation. Memories were fine, but if you tried to recapture them, and failed, it could cause a lot of misery and pain.
Bill had reached the door when Eileen asked, ‘Where are the girls?’
‘Playing shop downstairs,’ Bill said. ‘They’ve ransacked all the cupboards and drawers looking for buttons to use as money.’
‘Ah, happy days! I can remember gettin’ a sweet shop for Christmas meself and cadgin’ a ha’penny off me mam every day to buy dolly mixtures to fill the bottles up.’ Then Eileen’s mind clicked. ‘Where’s our Billy?’
‘In bed with a hangover.’ Bill twisted the door knob back and forth. ‘He was up half a dozen times in the night, running to the lavatory to be sick. Didn’t you hear him?’
‘Bill, I was out for the count last night. A bomb wouldn’t ’ave woke me up.’
‘Then make the most of it while you can,’ Bill told her. ‘I’ve got the fire going, and I’ll see to the breakfast, so you stay where you are for a few hours.’
‘Hang on a minute.’ Eileen drained the cup and held it out. ‘Take this down with yer, love, and I’ll do as you say. I don’t ’ave to worry about dinner because there was enough left over from yesterday for a fry up.’
Bill took the cup. ‘I’ll give you a shout at dinner time.’ He was at the door again when Eileen spoke, and he turned.
‘I forgot to tell yer, I asked Milly Knight and her ’usband to come tonight. Milly said she’d ask Jack, but with ’im only comin’ ’ome on Monday, he might not feel like it.’
Bill walked back to the end of the bed. ‘Where d’you think you’re going to put everybody? That makes nine adults and about seven children.’
‘Uh, uh! Mary’s got her neighbour, Doris, to mind Emma and Tony. And Vera’s two lads won’t want to come to a grown-up party. They’re old enough to look after themselves, anyway. An’ our Billy’s goin’ out, so there’ll only be our two, and Carol. And if it comes to the push,’ Eileen snuggled down in the bed, ‘we can always sit on each other’s knees.’
Bill was shaking his head as he left the room and closed the door behind him.
‘Well, this is a surprise!’ Eileen looked startled when she saw Arthur with his two sons. She gave a quick glance at the clock that told her it was two o’clock. Arthur was supposed to be
coming, on his own, at seven.
Recovering quickly, Eileen grinned at the two wide-eyed boys. ‘Now, which one is which?’
Arthur squeezed the shoulder of his taller son. ‘This is David, and this little shrimp is Gordon.’
Eileen kissed the two boys before turning and taking two chocolate figures off the Christmas tree. ‘Merry Christmas, boys! Did yez like yer fire engine and police car?’
‘Yes, thank you.’
Eileen looked up at Arthur, a question in her eyes. ‘I didn’t expect to see you this afternoon.’
Arthur nodded in the direction of the kitchen. ‘Can I speak to you for a minute?’
Eileen closed the kitchen door. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Sylvia’s going out tonight, so I won’t be able to make it. I can’t leave the boys on their own.’
‘Couldn’t she ’ave stayed in for once? God knows, yer entitled to go out once in a while.’
‘Eileen, she didn’t even stay in last night! Even on Christmas day she wasn’t going to miss seeing her so-called friends. Honestly, Eileen, I don’t know how I kept me hands off her yesterday. She didn’t even want to get up to see the boys open their presents, I had to practically drag her down the stairs.’
Eileen’s face was sad. ‘What the hell’s wrong with the woman? Two lovely children like that, and a good ’usband, the woman either wants ’er bumps feelin’, or a bloody good hidin’!’
Arthur let out a deep sigh. ‘I thought I’d better come and let you know. I was looking forward to tonight, as well, but it can’t be helped.’
‘Let’s see if we can sort something out.’ Eileen had her hand on the knob when she heard Arthur say, softly, ‘Don’t say anything in front of the boys, Eileen. She is their mother and I don’t want to turn them against her.’
Eileen could feel a lump in her throat. Any normal woman would be proud to have a husband like Arthur. ‘I won’t say anything in front of them, I’m not that daft. But I think your Sylvia must be stark staring mad not to know a good thing when she’s got it.’