‘That’s a point,’ he says. ‘We probably shouldn’t leave the car out here overnight. It’s too cold. The frost will damage the―’
‘Already thought of that,’ I say. ‘One of the lads is driving it home in a minute. It’ll soon be back in our nice, cosy garage. You can tuck her up later.’
‘Brains and beauty?’ He smiles. ‘I lucked out.’
I give him a wink. And I have another surprise for my husband as we re-enter the bistro. While we were outside in the car park, the waiting staff have moved the tables and chairs against the walls, and a top London DJ has set up by the bar. The lights have been dimmed further, and the chilled restaurant music has been replaced by a loud, low beat.
‘This is so cool,’ Will says. ‘Best birthday ever. Did I tell you lately that I love you?’
‘Um, maybe once or twice,’ I reply. ‘Happy birthday. Here’s to an awesome night.’ I tilt my head up to kiss him again, but we’re interrupted by someone clearing their throat.
‘Right, then.’
I look up to see Will’s dad hovering beside us.
‘I’m off now,’ he says. ‘Leave you youngsters to it.’
‘You don’t have to go, Steve,’ I say. ‘Stay. Have a dance.’
‘Thanks, Anna,’ he replies, patting my shoulder. ‘I’ve had a great night but I need to be up early. Got to get to the quay by seven if I’ve any chance of getting some decent fish for tomorrow’s specials board.’
‘Why don’t you ask Paul to go to the quay,’ Will says, knowing very well that his dad will never ask his chef to go in his place. Steve loves gossiping with the fishermen down there. It’s part of his daily routine.
‘No, I’m off. Have fun,’ Steve says shaking his head, ignoring our pleas.
‘Thanks, Dad. That Mustang . . . Thank you. It’s―’
‘I already told Anna I’m first in line to borrow it.’
‘Any time, Dad. Just, maybe not this week.’
‘Hmm.’ Steve ruffles his son’s hair. Then he leans across to kiss my cheek.
Will and I watch him for a moment as he goes to say his goodbyes, working his way around the room. It will probably take him half an hour at least.
‘Hey, guys, come and dance!’ My best friend Sian bounces over. She scooches in between me and Will, loops her arms through ours and drags us into the middle of the room. Remy joins us, body popping for our amusement. We’re drunk enough to not mind being the first ones on the dance floor.
Pretty soon, the floor is packed with our friends, and Will and I are at the centre of it all. It reminds me of our wedding a little over a year ago, only now I know Will’s friends so much better. They’re my friends, too.
After twenty minutes or so, I wriggle out of Will’s arms and make my way over to the bar for some water to dilute the alcohol in my bloodstream. Glass in hand, I make a quick detour to check the message I received earlier. My phone’s in my bag, still hanging off my chair.
Tugging at my dress which I now realise has ridden up my thighs to an almost indecent length, I sit and open my message folder. It’s from an unknown number. Probably just junk mail. My head is nicely fuzzy and I hum along tunelessly to Bruno Mars. Gulping down some more water, I tap the message to open it and an image pops up on the screen.
Oh my God.
It must be junk mail. It’s sick. The photo of a dead woman. My head swims with the faint traces of nausea. She’s youngish. Her face smashed in on one side. Why the hell would anyone send me an image like that? Talk about an instant buzz kill. My finger goes straight to the delete icon. But then I pause, suddenly noticing the line of text above the photo.
My blood turns to ice as I read it.
Hello Anna. Your turn next x
Chapter Three
June 2007
‘Put your tongue back in,’ Sian said with a smirk.
‘Hm?’ I watched as Fin threw his board up and down the tiny wave, getting the most out of the short ride. He was definitely the best surfer out there. No one else was catching anything. Just bobbing up and down on their boards like forlorn black seals waiting for fish.
‘You’ve got drool on your chin, Anna.’
‘What!’ Mortified, I wiped my mouth and chin with the back of my hand before I realised Sian was teasing me. Now, she was doubled over laughing. ‘Cow,’ I said, grinning.
Being the first warmish day of the year, the beach was crowded. A group of us had come down after school to swim, surf and get away from our parents for a few more hours. We always hung out at the same spot – just east of Boscombe Pier because it was usually the best place for decent surf. Sian and I weren’t really “in” with the rest of the group, so we sat slightly apart. It wasn’t that they didn’t like us or anything, just that we weren’t into the same things – drinking, smoking, pushing the boundaries. Sian and I were too square.
‘You like him, don’t you?’ she asked.
‘Who?’
‘Shut up, you know who I mean.’
‘Don’t know what you’re talking about.’ I looked away so she wouldn’t see my cheeks turn scarlet.
‘Fin Chambers,’ she needled. ‘You like him.’
I didn’t reply. Tried to think of something to change the subject, but my mind came up blank.
‘Come on, Anna. Admit it. You like him. I tell you all my dirty secrets so it’s only fair you tell me yours.’
Fin held court over everyone. You could see it in the set of his shoulders and the tilt of his chin. He would accept no dissenters. All the boys wanted to be him, and all the girls wanted him. Including me. As usual, my best friend was spot on. Trouble was, I didn’t stand a chance so I was reluctant to add my name to the ever-growing list of the Fin Chambers fan club.
‘He’s okay,’ I said.
‘Okay?’ Sian raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s bloody gorgeous is what he is.’
I tilted my head in acknowledgement.
‘Look . . .’ Sian crossed her legs and faced me, adopting a more serious tone. ‘You’re hands down the hottest girl in our school. I know we’re not part of Leah’s little gang, but Fin would have to be mad or blind not to want to go out with you.’
My heart gave a skip. ‘Do you think?’
‘Duh.’
We laughed.
‘You’re prettier,’ I said. ‘You’ve got cool hair and your eyes are really unusual – grey and sexy.’
She grinned and shook her head. ‘Ha! Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I can’t compete with that natural blonde-haired, blue-eyed Swedish thing you’ve got going on.’
‘Back in Stockholm, I’m just normal. Like everyone else. Nothing special.’ I’d moved to the UK from Sweden with my family two years earlier.
‘Well here you look like a goddess or something, so you better get used to it.’
I’m not sure I believed her, but it was nice to be complimented. Sian and I had bonded last year in PE over shared hysteria during a “country dancing” lesson where we’d almost wet ourselves laughing at the lame music and the moves. She’d been a bit of a loner before that, having nothing in common with the other girls who were either totally nerdy or into getting wasted all the time. So, I guess it was inevitable that she and I would become friends.
‘Want to go for a swim?’ I asked. We’d already put our bikinis on under our uniforms before we left school, but it had turned out too chilly to sunbathe.
‘No way,’ Sian replied, looking at me like I was crazy for suggesting such a thing. ‘It’s freezing.’
‘Come on. I don’t want to go on my own.’ I had spent every summer previously with my family at our dilapidated forest cottage in central Sweden. Part of our daily ritual had been to sweat in the sauna, followed by a flamboyant leap off the crumbling wooden jetty into the icy lake. So, the cold English Channel didn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I loved it at any time of the year.
I noticed the already pathetic wave swell was diminishing down even further to almost nothing. Pretty soon the se
a would be a millpond. Perfect for swimming. Fin was coming out of the water, his broad-shouldered walk almost a swagger as he headed towards our scattered group, pushing his wet, blond hair back off his face. I wondered if he’d look my way or even if I might get to talk to him. Of course, we’d spoken the odd word before, but always in a group, never alone. I peeled off my school uniform and stood up, feeling mildly self-conscious in my bikini.
‘Watch my stuff. I won’t be long.’
‘Nutter,’ Sian replied, blowing me a kiss when I turned to go.
As Fin walked up the beach, I made sure our paths didn’t cross, keeping twenty yards or so to his right, and avoiding eye contact. I didn’t want him to think I was purposely trying to talk to him. My heart hammered just to be in such close proximity. I was usually confident around boys, but something about him made my knees go soft. I focused straight ahead on the ocean. I’d have to go in far enough away from the surfers that they wouldn’t collide with me. The tide was still pretty far out so it was quite a trek to the shoreline. As I walked, I enjoyed the faint warmth of the sun on my shoulders.
‘Hey, Anna.’ Fin appeared by my side. He must have altered his course to talk to me.
‘Hey. Hi,’ I replied, my voice coming out like a strangled croak.
‘Going for a swim?’ he asked.
‘Yeah.’
‘It’s cold out there – and I’m wearing a wetsuit.’
‘I don’t mind the cold.’
‘Let me dump my board with the others and I’ll come and join you,’ he said.
‘Oh. Okay.’ My voice sounded less than enthusiastic, but inside my heart raced.
‘Only if you want?’ he asked, less confident.
‘Yeah, sure. That’d be cool.’
He tipped his head to the side and bashed at his ear with the heel of his hand, his fair curls spraying droplets everywhere. ‘Water in my ear,’ he explained. ‘Annoying.’
I nodded.
‘Okay, see you in a sec,’ he said.
‘Okay.’ I nodded again and continued my walk to the ocean. Fin Chambers was coming swimming with me, Anna Karlsson. He’d purposely come over and asked if he could join me. Did this mean anything? Was this the start of something? Or simply an innocent swim? I glanced up the beach to see Sian grinning. Then she pretended to snog the back of her hand. Heat flooded my face and I transferred my glance to Fin, praying he hadn’t seen my friend trying to embarrass me. But he was talking to his mates, thank God. I pulled a face at Sian and then jogged the rest of the way down to the sea.
The only way to enter cold water is to fully submerse yourself instantly. Otherwise, it becomes a long, tortuous process of inching down bit by painful bit. The only problem being that the bay here was so shallow I had to take a run at it and part-dive, part-belly-flop. As I launched myself in, I felt someone else splash in beside me. Fin must have sprinted back down. He rolled onto his back and gazed at me as I emerged and stumbled upright. The sea still only came up to our chests.
‘Want to race out to the buoy?’ I said impetuously.
‘It’s pretty far,’ he replied.
‘We don’t have to . . .’
‘Three, two, one, go!’ He rose up and dove into the water like a porpoise before I could finish my sentence. I took a breath, diving after him.
I caught Fin up easily, realising it would have been no effort to overtake him. But I had the feeling it wouldn’t go down too well if I beat him, so I fell back a couple of metres. I watched as he triumphantly grabbed the buoy, waiting for me to arrive. We both bobbed there for a moment, catching our breath and grinning at one another. The water lapped around us, a few curious gulls surveying us from a safe distance.
‘You’re fast,’ he said. ‘I thought you were going to overtake me at one point.’
‘You were too quick,’ I lied.
He tipped his head in acknowledgement. ‘I swim a lot.’
‘Saw you catch some waves earlier,’ I said. The instant I’d spoken, I realised he’d now know I’d been watching him.
‘Ugh, the surf was crap today.’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘I can’t wait until they build that artificial reef. Next year apparently.’
‘My parents don’t think it will work,’ I said.
He raised an eyebrow.
Why did I say that? Talking about my parents wasn’t the coolest start.
‘How do your parents know if it’ll work or not?’
‘Apparently, the company building it, they’ve built two reefs before and neither of those worked, so . . .’
‘Really?’ His expression darkened, but I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed with me or with the news I’d given him. ‘So why don’t the council get someone else to build it?’
‘Money,’ I replied. ‘This company were the cheapest.’
‘Typical.’
I nodded in agreement.
‘We’re going into town to get a burger after this,’ he said, brightening. ‘Want to come?’
I thought about saying yes, but my parents were expecting me home by seven. And there was no point asking to stay out later because I knew what their answer would be: No. You’re fifteen, Anna. England isn’t like Sweden. Blah, blah.
‘Sorry, I can’t,’ I replied.
‘No problem,’ he said with a shrug. ‘Some other time, yeah?’
‘Sure.’
He turned and launched himself off the buoy, heading back to shore with a splash.
I followed behind, my heart pounding with possibilities.
Chapter Four
January 2017
The noise from the party recedes, and everything shrinks down to these five stark words on the screen. They blur out of focus and suddenly I’m back there, in that cold, one-bedroom flat, where I once thought I was so happy. But now, the thought of that place makes me cringe. The memories of that time are ones I’ve tried to bury, but it looks like they’re about to bubble to the surface. I only hope they don’t pull me under.
I shudder, blink, try to push the memories away. It has to be a joke, surely. He can’t possibly have . . . He can’t possibly think . . . I thought all that was over and done with.
‘Anna!’
I look up, startled, suddenly remembering where I am. Will stands in front of me. I shove my phone into my handbag and plaster a smile on my face.
‘Everything okay?’ His eyebrows quirk upwards. ‘You looked freaked out for a minute there.’
‘What? No, everything’s great. Come on let’s boogie.’ I let him pull me to my feet and we return to the dance floor, but everything has changed. My champagne buzz has gone. The music is no longer a happy celebration. It’s manic. Too loud. The beat is a war drum. Our friends’ laughter is brittle, harsh, distant, like hyenas closing in.
Will throws his arms around me and pulls me close, his hands on my lower back, his mouth nuzzling my ear, his comforting presence already a fading dream. I cling onto him like I’m drowning and he’s my life raft, wishing it was just the two of us, far away, somewhere safe, insulated from the rest of the world. But the image of the dead woman has imprinted itself on my retinas. I’m going to throw up, and I know I won’t reach the ladies’ in time.
I pull away from my husband, claw through the other dancers and barge my way outside onto the pavement. The cold air hits me, but it’s not enough to stop me vomiting into the icy gutter by the wheels of someone’s brand new Audi TT.
‘Ew, gross.’ Women’s voices behind me, their footsteps echoing away down the street. But I have too much on my mind to feel ashamed or embarrassed.
‘Hey.’ I feel a hand at my back. ‘You okay?’ It’s Will.
‘Too much champagne,’ I gasp.
‘That’s not like you,’ he says gently. ‘You can normally drink me under the table.’
I retch again.
‘Shall I get you some water?’
‘No.’ I cough and wipe my mouth with the side of my hand, straightening up. I look him in the eye. ‘Don’t leave me.’
/>
‘Never,’ he replies, pulling me into his arms.
I hug him back. Tighter. Scared to let go.
‘Feeling any better now?’
I nod, although my whole body is shivering, my teeth chattering.
‘Maybe you’re coming down with something.’ He rubs my arms, trying to warm me up.
‘Sorry, Will. I’m ruining your party.’
‘No.’ He smiles. ‘Don’t worry. Think of it as a funny story we can tell our friends.’ He’s trying to make me feel better, cheer me up.
‘Ugh. I think they might already know.’ I see Sian and Remy’s faces pressed up against the glass, looking at us.
Will turns and gives them a wave. They shrug and frown, probably wondering what we’re doing out here.
‘Do you feel up to going back in, or shall I take you home?’
‘You’re not taking me home! It’s your birthday. Honestly, I feel much better now. Let’s go inside.’
‘Sure? We can get a taxi now. No one will notice.’ His voice is so soft, so full of concern, it rips at my heart.
‘Yes, totally sure. I’m fine.’
He takes my hand and leads me back inside, his hand already like a stranger’s. Luckily, no one saw me throwing up and Will tells them we were just getting some fresh air. I somehow manage to fake happiness for the rest of the night, to pretend I’m still just Anna Blackwell, Will’s beautiful wife. But inside, my stomach churns and my heart is twisting and shrivelling. Aching with the knowledge of what that text means.
Chapter Five
June 2007
I kept my eyes down on the worn linoleum and headed past a row of battered lockers towards Mr Williams’ History class, the pungent aroma of sweaty socks and bleach making me hold my breath and wrinkle my nose. I hadn’t been targeted by any of the older girls yet, but it was a rough school compared to the one back home, and Sian said I was as likely to get my head kicked in for being too pretty and from a foreign country (even though I had no trace of an accent anymore), as I was for being too fat, or too weird, or whatever else the school bullies thought deserved their attention. But today fear wasn’t the thing that had me preoccupied. No. History was the first lesson of the day that I shared with Fin. My stomach turned over at the thought of seeing him. Would he acknowledge me after our swim last Friday?
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