by Lucy Clark
‘It’s worse than I thought,’ Hayden mumbled to Annie as the stretcher was manoeuvred into the back of the SES vehicle, which was decked out to handle a medical stretcher. Gordon’s mother was now crying hysterically and Kelly was doing her best to calm the situation.
‘At least he’s in better shape to be anaesthetised than he was an hour ago,’ Annie added.
‘True. I think he’ll need to go to Melbourne for microsurgery.’
‘Let’s get him back to Bright hospital first.’ One of the SES workers drove them back to the hospital, passing the ambulance from Wangaratta on their way. ‘At least we know Leo will soon be on his way,’ she murmured.
Pulling into the hospital car park, two staff members helped them get Gordon inside. Hayden and Annie introduced themselves to the anaesthetist and the rest of the staff as they hurried towards Theatre.
Hayden gave a brief summary of Gordon’s situation, letting the anaesthetist know Matt had administered morphine before the anaesthetist set to work. Annie and Hayden scrubbed side by side, talking over techniques and possibilities.
‘He’ll need to be transferred to Melbourne once he’s stabilised,’ Hayden told the theatre sister. ‘Let’s get to work Dr Beresford.’
Gordon’s legs were in a bad way and their initial guess that the femoral artery in each leg had been damaged was confirmed. Hayden repaired them before calling for X-rays. As this was a small hospital, they didn’t have a portable machine, so Gordon was wheeled over to another room for the radiographs to be taken.
‘Three-dimensional scans would be preferable,’ he mumbled, as he held the processed film up to the light. ‘But for now these will do just fine.’
After the theatre was set up again, and Annie and Hayden had scrubbed once more, they set to work. With the femur being a long bone, there were several pieces which had been badly crushed beneath the tractor.
‘What I wouldn’t give for a vascular surgeon on tap,’ Annie said. She shook her head as they debrided the wound and stabilised the fracture with a G. and K. nail, as well as fixing the smaller fragments of bone back into place with wires, plates and screws. ‘It’s like a jig-saw puzzle.’
Once one leg was done, they started on the other. Both the tibia and fibula in Gordon’s left leg were also badly broken, but amazingly the lower bones of his right leg weren’t as severely damaged.
Kelly came into Theatre and was able to assist, reporting that Leo had been transferred to Wangaratta hospital and was being seen by both the neuro and spinal surgeons.
‘How are their parents?’
‘Gordon’s mother is in the waiting room and has settled down. Rhea’s gone to Wangaratta with Leo’s parents, and Matt’s stayed to help the SES guys get everything sorted out.’
‘What about the police?’ Hayden asked as they continued with their work.
‘Joe—that’s Rhea’s husband—is on his way out there now. He just had to wait for my in-laws to get back from their trip to Wodonga before he could leave the children. I’m not complaining because he was minding my children as well as his own.’
When the operation was over, Annie sat down in the small kitchenette and put her feet up on the chair opposite. The sun had well and truly set but at least Gordon was in a better position for recovery. When she’d first seen the damage to his left leg in particular, she’d been appalled. In fact, she’d wondered whether she and Hayden could actually save the leg, it was that bad. Thankfully, though, with Kelly’s assistance, Gordon was definitely doing much better.
‘Tired?’ Hayden asked as he sat down beside her, putting his feet up on the same chair as hers.
‘Exhausted, but feeling good.’
‘Me, too.’ He took her hand in his, turning it over as though he was searching carefully for something. He frowned in concentration and Annie felt a sense of foreboding. ‘You make me think, Annie.’ The words were said slowly and carefully. ‘You make me feel—and that’s something I haven’t honestly allowed myself to do for years with anyone not directly related to me.’
‘Ready for your party?’ Kelly bounced into the room, her tight red curls springing everywhere. Hayden dropped Annie’s hand and stood up, walking over to the bench. ‘The kids have decorated the house just for you, Annie, so dredge up some energy from somewhere and let’s get moving. Your patient is stable and, apart from some paperwork to cover the fact that you’ve operated as visiting surgeons at our hospital, you’re all done here.’ When neither of them moved, she added temptingly, ‘We have real coffee ready and waiting at home.’
Hayden turned and smiled at her. ‘Well, why didn’t you say so? Come on, Annie. Up and at ’em.’
As Hayden drove his Jaguar to Kelly’s and Matt’s house, Annie glanced surreptitiously at him, wondering if he was going to continue with their earlier conversation. She made him feel. Well, surely that was a good thing, wasn’t it?
The problem was that the drive from the hospital to her friends’ house was over and done with in a matter of minutes and soon they were inside, Annie being enveloped by the excited children. They all sang a rousing chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’, making Annie feel very loved and very special.
‘Blow out your candles, Annie,’ Lisa, Kelly’s eldest, squealed excitedly. ‘I counted them myself. There’s forty candles on there and they’re all just for you.’
Hayden laughed beside her and she turned to glare at him. ‘What are you laughing at? Hmm? You’re already forty.’
‘Forty-one,’ he clarified.
‘Well, there you go so keep quiet, old man.’ She turned her attention back to the abundant blaze before her. ‘I think I’m going to need some help.’
‘Great,’ Matt muttered good-naturedly. ‘Cake with spit.’
With help from the children around her, Annie blew out the candles on her cake, and when the little wax sticks had been removed, she laughed. ‘I don’t think there’s a part of this cake that doesn’t have a hole in it.’
An hour later fatigue was definitely starting to set in and she sat back in her chair and yawned.
‘Why don’t you stay the night?’ Kelly offered.
Annie smiled but shook her head. ‘We have a pelvic fracture operation tomorrow so we’d better get back.’
‘I like him, Annie.’
‘But?’ Annie could tell Kelly had something more to add.
‘But he seems to have a lot of issues to work through.’
‘He does.’ She watched Hayden talking to Matt on the other side of the room, glad both men were getting along.
‘I just don’t want to see you hurt again.’
‘It’s too late,’ Annie whispered.
Kelly gasped. ‘You’re in love with him?’
Annie nodded. ‘So, in fighting for Hayden, I have everything to gain and everything to lose.’
Kelly smiled at her friend. ‘True love always triumphs in the end.’
‘I sincerely hope so.’
During their late evening drive from Bright back to Geelong, Hayden didn’t say anything personal relating to himself or Annie. She forced herself to ignore it, thinking that surely it was a good thing she had made him feel again.
Instead, they talked quietly about an eclectic range of topics, enjoying the opinions expressed and once or twice agreeing to disagree. When they arrived back at their apartments Hayden stood like a statue outside his door, and after a brief pause offered Annie his hand.
Slowly, she placed hers in his and stared into his mesmerising blue eyes. ‘Thank you for a lovely weekend, Hayden.’
‘Thank you for protecting me from my family.’
She laughed. ‘I seriously doubt you needed protecting at all. Personally, I think you had a lot of unanswered questions about me, and that was your main motive for inviting me.’
Hayden smiled. ‘You did protect me, believe me you did.’
But at what cost? she thought, her heart bubbling over with love for him. ‘If you ever need protecting again…’ She took a small step clos
er, the atmosphere between them changing in that one instant. ‘You know where to find me.’
Hayden slowly nodded his head. With a muffled groan he tugged her into his embrace. His arms enfolded her to him and he bent his head to kiss her. His mouth was hungry and possessive against her own and she welcomed the invasion, desperately hoping he’d feel how much he meant to her.
She put everything into this kiss, knowing it would have to last her for quite a while. The closer they’d got to Geelong, the faster he’d started to withdraw. The weekend was over and it was definitely time to get back to reality. The problem Annie faced was that he was her reality.
His happiness, his tenderness, his vulnerability. Everything about Hayden was very real to her, and the more she got to know him, the stronger her love became. She was starting to need him the same way she needed air to breathe. Never had she felt this way. Never in all her forty years had she felt such an all-encompassing, soul-consuming love as she did for Hayden.
She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding his head firmly in place, never wanting him to leave her. The touch of his warm hands on her back, the way his thumbs moved in little circles, enticing her, bringing her entire body to life, were enough to make her forget all her sensibilities and throw caution to the wind.
Her body was on fire and as he groaned with agonising passion against her mouth, she knew he felt the same way.
‘How?’ He broke free and held her, placing small kisses against her neck. ‘How is it possible you make me forget myself? I can’t seem to get enough of you, Annie. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m never touching you again, I just can’t seem to stick to it.’
His breathing was harsh, his words raspy with desire. ‘I want you, Annie. So much that it’s starting to affect my logical reasoning.’
Annie couldn’t help it. A bubble of laughter rose up and she wasn’t able to clamp down on it. ‘Heaven forbid I interfere with your logical reasoning,’ she teased.
Hayden pulled back to look at her, desire still smouldering in his eyes. She reached up and kissed him on the lips. ‘You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet with pretty words.’
‘You’re laughing at me?’
‘No, Hayden. I’m laughing at the situation.’ She smoothed his hair back with her fingers. ‘You’re such a thoughtful man and I can see how you’d be struggling at the moment to try and figure out exactly what it is you feel for me. You like me, you want me…you need me.’ She knew she was pressing him but the time felt right and she’d learnt the hard way to follow her instincts so there was no way she was ignoring it this time around. Her future happiness depended on it.
‘The problem is that you need to have your emotions wrapped up into a nice little bundle with a label on it, and that’s understandable because you’ve been hurt in the past. So have I, but this time, Hayden, this time you need to let them flow.’
‘Why?’
He was withdrawing. If not physically, then mentally.
‘Because otherwise you risk lying to yourself.’ Annie broke the contact first and stepped away from him. ‘You were so relaxed in Sydney, more…yourself.’
Hayden took two steps back and shoved his hand impatiently through his hair. ‘I was allowed to kiss you in Sydney.’
Annie laughed. ‘True.’ She took a deep breath and plunged in. ‘So why don’t we try it?’
‘What? Kissing?’
‘Dating,’ she replied patiently. ‘That way you can kiss me whenever you like.’
Hayden took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. ‘Dating.’ He nodded. ‘You’re right. It would have its benefits…’
‘But?’ she prompted.
‘I don’t know, Annie. I don’t know whether I’m up or down, hot or cold. You’ve…you’ve turned my life upside down and inside out and I…’ He placed his hands on his hips. ‘I didn’t ask for that.’
‘Neither did I.’
Hayden looked over his shoulder, as though realising they were still standing in the corridor outside their apartments. ‘I don’t think this is the time or the place,’ he mumbled, picking up his bag.
‘OK.’ She’d lost him. She swallowed over the lump in her throat and dug deep in her handbag for her keys. ‘Sleep well and I’ll…’ She glanced down, desperate to get control over her emotions. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ She forced a smile and, after finding her keys, unlocked her door, hefted up her bag and walked through. Instinct made her turn to see Hayden still standing in the corridor, watching her. ‘I had a really great time and thank you again for my birthday present.’ With that, she closed the door.
She leaned against it, fantasizing he would come to her, but even before she heard the sounds of him moving about in his apartment, she knew it was almost over. She hoped the pain would be swift and of short duration but look where hope had got her so far.
On wooden legs she walked to the phone and sat down in a chair while punching in Natasha’s phone number.
‘Sorry to call so late,’ she said, when her friend picked up the phone.
‘That’s OK, I was expecting it. Kelly called and told me about the emergency.’
‘Oh.’
‘She also told me you’ve fallen in love with Hayden.’
‘Yup.’ Annie closed her eyes, feeling the tears well up. ‘How stupid was that.’
Natasha’s chuckle turned into a sigh. ‘Pretty stupid, but take heart, Annie. It happens to the best of us.’ They talked a bit more about the weekend before Natasha asked, ‘So what’s next?’
‘I honestly don’t know.’ Annie’s breath hiccuped as she breathed in. ‘OK. I’m going to go to bed now.’
‘Hang in there, sweetie. Remember—we love you.’
Annie rang off but stayed where she was, unable to force her dejected body to move. He couldn’t kiss her like that and not feel anything—could he? He’d said that she made him feel, so she’d be almost willing to bet that he was either in the process of falling in love with her or, like herself, was already there.
How? How could she convince him this was the real deal and it was worth taking a chance? Forcing her legs to move, she picked up her bag and took it into her room. She unpacked, checking pockets for tissues and bits of paper before putting her clothes in the laundry basket.
If it turned out that Hayden wouldn’t come around, she had to have a plan to save her heart. She would have to transfer from the hospital because there was no way she could cope with working with him everyday, loving him as she did. She would have to find a different place to live because there was no way she could cope with living next door to him, loving him as she did.
She would pick up the pieces of her life, she would rely on her close friends to see her through and she would not only survive without him but she would succeed.
She had to. She just had to.
Otherwise…she was afraid she’d shrivel up and die inside.
He needed to concentrate.
He was due to be in Theatre fixing Mr Bouchard’s pelvic fracture with Annie standing across the table from him for the next four hours and he needed to concentrate. Yet every time he saw her, every time she looked at him, every time she walked by, her perfume would linger and entwine itself around him so completely he had trouble breathing.
‘You all right?’
Hayden’s eyes snapped open and he glanced at the woman who had put him in this quandary in the first place. ‘Yes.’
‘Didn’t sleep well?’
‘No.’ He continued scrubbing his hands and arms, preparing for the operation. How could he possibly escape Annie when he was so conscious of everything she did? They needed to talk. They needed to sort things out, but now was definitely not the time.
‘OK. I’m done.’ She elbowed off the taps and turned to the scrub nurse who would help her gown. The two women chatted idly while Hayden finished scrubbing. Annie appeared to be in good spirits so she obviously didn’t harbour any grudges against what he’d said…or more correctly hadn’t
said last night.
She was different, really different from the women he’d dated in the past—and the opposite of Lonnie, which he’d soon come to realise. Now…Annie wanted to be with him. His first thought had been to jump at the chance. To be able to spend time with her without having to think up an excuse first. To be able to continue their amazing conversations. To be able to take her in his arms and kiss her.. any time he felt like it. Yes, he wanted to date her. Of course he wanted to date her, but he knew where she wanted it to end, and that was the problem.
He frowned, forcing all thoughts of Annie to the back of his mind. He shoved them into a box and firmly shut the lid. Compartmentalised. He walked into Theatre with the pelvic fracture surgery firmly in mind.
‘Could I have the X-rays up?’ he snapped, surprising more than the sister he spoke to.
‘Certainly, Hayden.’
He studied them before walking to the table. He got the nod from the anaesthetist and addressed his staff. ‘Mr Bouchard, a thirty-two-year-old male, received several fractures, including a left innominate and acetabular fracture, which is what we’re going to concentrate on today. I’ll be using open reduction and internal fixation, using two separate approaches—Kocher-Langebeck and ilio-inguinal. This will ensure we fix both the anterior and posterior bones of the pelvis. As none of you have performed this particular operation with me before, I suggest that if you have any questions, you ask instead of guessing.’
He forced his gaze to meet Annie’s. ‘I’m presuming you’ve assisted with pelvic fractures before?’
‘Yes, but feel free to talk me through it if you’d prefer.’
She was all business and he was glad to see it. It helped him keep everything in focus. ‘Right. I’ll be making an incision along the anterior two thirds of the iliac crest, continuing down to the midline only two fingerbreadths above the symphysis pubis.’ He held out his hand. ‘Scalpel.’
‘Scalpel,’ Annie repeated as she firmly placed the instrument into Hayden’s outstretched hand.
The anterior abdominal muscles were also incised from the iliac origin and the fracture exposed. ‘Stabilising with a three-hole plate and two-millimetre screws.’ Hayden held out his hand for the drill.