It sounded heavenly, and she was very tempted, until she remembered she was expected at Kate’s for the evening. Without realizing it, she groaned.
“It can’t be that bad,” Garrett called to her.
If only you knew, she thought. But that could be disastrous. Usually having a brother who was an attorney was a good thing. In this case, it might be just the opposite. When she was in the right, it was all good. Only this time she wasn’t. Not that she’d have Garrett handle any medical case for her. That wasn’t his area of law. But he’d always been a good sounding board for general questions.
Her feet and her heart felt like lead as she returned to the living room. “Girls’ night out,” she announced, trying her best to sound chipper. At least it was at Kate’s and she didn’t have to worry about Tucker passing by as she said something she shouldn’t.
“So call and tell them you can’t make it,” he suggested. “They’ll understand, right?”
Nodding, she considered it. Jules, Kate and Trish understood how stressful her job could sometimes be. She couldn’t ask for a better staff, and she blessed Doc Priller for his wisdom in hiring the people he’d hired. But what it all came down to, now that she was the doctor, was that the clinic was her. That’s the way people in Desperation—or anywhere else—saw it.
And she’d foolishly risked everything she’d worked for since she was in high school. Even worse, she couldn’t talk with anyone about it. Not Jules, Kate or Trish. Not Garrett. And Tucker would never understand. He was accustomed to taking risks.
Realizing she was on the verge of panic, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then slowly released it. She wasn’t one to jump into bed with any man. But Tucker wasn’t any man. He wasn’t the type to report her. Maybe she was hoping for too much. Disregarding what had happened between them, she was feeling things she shouldn’t. Just how much of a fool was she for falling for him, when she had no idea if he was capable of the same thing?
Feeling only slightly better now, she knew deep down that spending time with her friends would make her feel normal. With them, she wasn’t a doctor or the town caretaker, she was a woman. If she didn’t spend the evening with them today, it might be a month before they were together again. She needed them.
“I think I should go,” she finally stated.
Garrett smiled. “Whatever you think is best.”
“What about you?” she asked. Her brother was as busy as she was, much of the time.
Shrugging, he sat on the sofa and spread his arms along the back, looking completely relaxed. “I think I’ll go down to Lou’s Place and grab a bite. There’s always a good crowd on Saturday nights, and I haven’t been there for a while.”
She felt better and decided to put what had happened that afternoon behind her, at least for the evening. “Then we’re both guaranteed a good time.”
After a quick shower, she dried her hair and found something comfortable to wear, including a new pair of sandals she’d forgotten she’d bought one weekend while shopping in Oklahoma City with her friends. At Kate’s, Trish noticed them immediately.
Leaning forward in her chair on the patio, Trish pointed to Paige’s shoes. “Are they as comfy as we thought they’d be?”
“Light as a feather,” Paige replied, sticking her feet out and wiggling them.
“And so pretty, too,” Jules remarked. “I knew I should have bought the blue pair.”
“Maybe we should plan a trip into the city just for that,” Kate suggested, passing out glasses of lemonade to the others.
Jules sighed as she took the glass Kate offered. “If only there was time. With graduation only ten days away—”
“So soon?” Trish cried, and then shook her head. “I can’t believe Shawn is graduating and will be gone soon, off on his trip with Ryan.”
“Not much of a trip,” Jules said, laughing.
“Where is it again that they’re going?” Paige asked. “He told me, but sometimes there’s so much going on with patients, I forget what’s happening with friends.” Not to mention that she’d been so focused on Shawn’s dad… The thought made her lean back in her chair and wish she could disappear. Thank goodness no one could read her mind.
“They’re headed to California first,” Jules answered. “I’m not sure anymore what their agenda is after that, but they’re expected in Arizona by the middle of June.”
Paige suddenly remembered what Shawn had told her. “That’s right. They have that summer internship.”
Jules nodded. “Once it’s over, there’ll be less than a week before college classes start.”
“He’s going to OU?”
“For a year. Both he and Ryan decided to stick closer to home, at least for now. I think Shawn’s especially glad he did, now that Tucker is back.”
At the mention of Tucker’s name, images of him in the whirlpool, his skin damp from the water and heat, of him standing in front of her, a towel slung low on his hips, drifted through her mind, and she pressed her lips together. Would this be her punishment for overstepping the bounds? To have these images and memories invading her mind when she least expected or needed them? She was a grown woman, not a hormone-driven sixteen-year-old girl! But, oh, how little shocks had skipped through her when he’d touched her, and she’d needed—
“…coconut lemon cake.”
Paige blinked, and her surroundings returned to normal. Maybe staying home and enjoying that long bath would have been a better choice.
“Sounds heavenly,” Trish said, sighing. She turned to Jules. “Have you heard from Nikki? She’ll be home for graduation, won’t she?”
“She called just before I left home,” Jules answered. “They’re leaving Mac’s parents’ home tomorrow and hope to be here in a couple of days.”
Trish’s eyes twinkled with mischief when she smiled. “They’ve been gone almost two months. That’s one long honeymoon.”
They all laughed, and Jules shook her head. “If it hadn’t been for the opportunity to visit so many EAP facilities around the country, she never would’ve agreed to leave.”
“Does she have her certification?” Kate asked.
Jules nodded and smiled. “It didn’t take her long to get it. They had a wonderful time, but she’s looking forward to getting home, not only to be back at the Bent Tree with the boys, but to have the chance to spend some time with Tucker. They barely had a chance to speak when he showed up at her wedding reception.”
Paige remembered the day well. Nikki and Mac were getting ready to leave on their honeymoon, when Tucker came walking up the O’Briens’ drive, after having disappeared almost twenty years before. Or so she’d heard later, because as soon as the family realized he was there, chaos had erupted. And now he was causing chaos in her life, even though he didn’t mean to, she was sure.
When dinner was over, the four of them began clearing the table. While the others chatted about their children, Paige’s thoughts wandered to earlier that day, even though she tried hard to concentrate on what the others were saying. Guilt and worry invaded her thoughts as memories of earlier that afternoon kept playing through her mind.
How had she allowed herself to fall for him? And she had. Hard. No matter how wrong she knew it was, it had happened, and now she had to find a way to deal with the fallout. His injuries were healing, and his knee and leg were stronger. It might be wise if she called a halt to her part in his physical therapy. Except to make sure that he didn’t reinjure anything, she wasn’t needed. He was able to do the necessary exercises on his own. He’d come a long way in the weeks since he’d first come to her office. He could do it on his own. Maybe that would be the best thing for both of them.
“You’re awfully quiet tonight,” Jules said. Kate and Trish had returned to the patio, leaving Paige and Jules to follow. “Is something bothering you?”
When she felt her cheeks heat, Paige turned away, hoping her friend didn’t notice. “I’m a little tired, that’s all. Some days are busier than ot
hers.” Thank goodness Jules had no idea just how busy the day had been and what had gone on.
“I suspect you’ve been working some extra hours, too.”
Paige turned back, wondering what Jules might be talking about. “Am I supposed to know what that cryptic remark means?” she asked, adding a smile.
“We haven’t missed the fact that a month ago Tucker could barely walk, even with the help of a cane,” Jules answered simply. “And now only someone who knew about his injuries would guess what it was like before. I know he isn’t driving to the VA for therapy.”
Cornered, Paige wasn’t sure what to say, and so she shrugged and remained silent.
“You’re not going to admit you’ve been helping him, are you?” Jules asked.
“I’m not. Not officially.”
Jules smiled. “I see. This is off the books, right?”
Paige had a feeling she might as well be as honest as possible. “I’ve been overseeing his therapy, suggesting exercises and monitoring his progress, nothing more.” Except for falling for him and wishing she could do more.
But it wasn’t his physical injuries she worried most about now. It was his mental state. He still held himself away from others, even her, in spite of what had taken place between them that afternoon. She was too close to him emotionally and her heart, unfortunately, was involved, so she didn’t believe she was the person to help. Besides, she didn’t have the training for it. Jules, on the other hand, did.
“Do you know anything about what happened in Somalia?” she asked Jules.
Leaning back against the sink, Jules crossed her arms and shook her head. “He still keeps all that bottled up. It’s not healthy. Has he told you anything?”
“No. Getting him physically healthy was my goal.”
“Just how did you talk him into the therapy? He was totally against it when any of us brought it up.”
“He came to me after I’d tried and failed to talk him into getting some help with his knee.” The surprise on Jules’s face prompted Paige to explain what had happened before Shawn’s baseball game, when Tucker had nearly fallen.
“Shawn mentioned something, but didn’t go into details. He worries about his dad. I’m not surprised he was the one who made the difference to Tucker,” Jules admitted. “If it wasn’t for Shawn…”
“I know,” Paige agreed, nodding, but considering everything, she didn’t know of any way now that she could help him.
Chapter Nine
“There you are.”
Tucker looked toward the big double doors at the far end of the barn and saw his sister walking toward him. Nikki and their grandmother had been the only family members he’d seen after he’d left the Rocking O, and Nikki hadn’t even known who he was.
From what he’d learned, Nikki had arrived at the Rocking O the previous fall, looking for a job at the Bent Tree Boys Ranch, Jules’s ranch for disadvantaged boys. Nikki had been certain Tanner was her brother, but even after Jules hired her, she didn’t reveal who she really was. When Tanner learned her identity, he wasn’t willing to accept her, but as he discovered secrets neither he nor Tucker had been aware of when they were boys, he soon welcomed her into the family.
Smiling at him, she came to a stop near where Tucker sat with an old saddle from his childhood in his lap. “Still wearing that frown, I see.”
Ignoring her jab, he turned to look at her. In the briefest of time they’d had before she and her new husband left on their honeymoon, he’d felt a bond with her that he couldn’t explain. “Were the boys happy to see you?”
“Oh, they tried not to show it,” she answered, laughing, “but they didn’t succeed very well.”
“What about Kirby?” Tucker asked. Kirby was the young boy she and her new husband—the head wrangler of the boys’ ranch—were adopting. “How’s he doing?”
“Mac’s with him, explaining how we’re going to be a real family now, with a house and everything.”
“He’s a great kid.”
“True,” she said with a sassy smile. “But why are you just sitting there? Saddle up and let’s go for a ride.” When he hesitated, she grabbed his arm and pulled. “Come on, it’ll do us both good.”
Realizing she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, he got to his feet. Fifteen minutes later, they rode their saddled horses out of the corral and toward the pastures.
“You know,” she said, as they left the ranch proper behind, “it’s really going to be nice to have the whole O’Brien clan here together. I never dreamed it would be possible.”
But Tucker didn’t want to talk. Not about the future. Not about the present. And definitely not about the past. Not now. He also didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t plan on staying after Shawn’s graduation. “I’m happy it’s working out for you.”
Riding next to him, she tipped her head to the side and studied him. “That’s a strange thing to say. It’s working out for all of us, isn’t it?” When he didn’t answer, she moved her horse closer. “What’s bothering you, Tucker? Can’t you see how great everything is going to be?”
He stared at the leather reins in his hand. “Is it?”
“What do you mean? After all these years, you’re home again. Can’t you see how much that means to all of us?”
He shook his head, unable to put his feelings into words. When he’d called his grandmother from the VA hospital, she’d told him he was the father of an eighteen-year-old boy, and he’d worked harder, making plans to leave as soon as possible. Later she’d called to say that Nikki was also at the Rocking O and getting married in only a few days. He’d gone not only to meet his son, but also to wish her well and let his family know that he was still around. He’d given in to his family’s requests to stay, so he could get to know his son, but that was it.
And then Paige had come along and healed his body, changing everything. Now he might actually be able to do something with his life. But what?
“Tucker?” Nikki said, jerking him from his thoughts. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t know,” he answered, more to himself than her. “I don’t know that I want to stay here. I never planned to.”
He could feel her staring at him when she replied, and wished he hadn’t even hinted that he might be going away.
“But there’s no reason you can’t stay, is there?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure. “Tanner and I don’t get along,” he admitted. “We probably never will, so staying might not be such a good idea.”
“But—”
“And that’s my fault.”
“I don’t see what makes it your fault.”
He turned his head to look at her. “I left. Just like Sally.”
“Sounds like a cop-out to me,” she answered. “You can’t blame her for everything.”
“I don’t! I blame myself.”
They rode along in silence for some time, before Nikki spoke again. “Race you to the creek.”
He barely had time to react before she was yards ahead of him. Urging his horse into a gallop, he took off after her, thinking about the mother he barely remembered. He’d overheard people whisper about her and her wanderlust, and he realized that he had the same. Throughout his life, he’d never been able to stay in one place. He’d never had a relationship that had lasted any length of time and had learned to avoid them.
“I’ve failed, Nikki,” he admitted, when he finally caught up with her at the creek, where she’d already dismounted. “With my family and everyone I’ve ever been close to.” And now he’d fail with Paige, too.
“That’s in the past, Tucker,” she told him. She waited until he was off his own horse and had looped the reins over a nearby bush to continue. “It’s time to stop looking backward, enjoy the now and look forward to a better future.”
“Is it?” he asked, hope fading as he thought about what his future would be. If he’d ever had what was needed to be part of a relationship, including a family, he’d lost it, long ago.
Nikki reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. “You have a son,” she reminded him. “Now that he’s found you, I’m sure he wants you to be a part of his life.”
Tucker tried to think of what a future might be, but Shawn was grown and no longer needed him. Tanner had provided the guidance Shawn had needed when he was young. Tanner had been the father Tucker should have been. He was tempted to tell Nikki that he was leaving, but he was certain she’d tell Jules or Tanner, so he didn’t say anything.
Nikki pulled her hand away and sighed. “I wish I’d known you when we were young.”
“I do, too. I guess I made the wrong choices.”
“Sometimes we do, but that’s how we learn.”
“I suppose some people can,” Tucker agreed. “But things are different with me.”
Sighing again, Nikki walked to her horse and mounted. “Only if you want them to be.”
He untied his own horse and climbed onto the saddle. He didn’t want to disappoint her, but he didn’t know what else to do. She hadn’t lived his life. She hadn’t had to make the choices he’d made. She hadn’t experienced what he had.
In a week, Shawn would graduate. A few days after that, he and Ryan would leave for the coast and then their internship in Arizona. Tucker had missed all of his son’s childhood except for these last few weeks. There wasn’t a way to recapture any of it. He only hoped Shawn would understand.
He returned to the barn and discovered Nikki had already put her horse away. But the things she’d said echoed in his mind. Was it possible to correct the wrongs so many years later? Could he turn those bad choices around, forget what needed to be forgotten and make his life something to be proud of?
Could his family forgive him?
Could he forgive himself?
BEING STUBBORN COULD sometimes be a good thing, Paige decided. She’d been determined to put “the incident at the high school,” as she now referred to it, out of her mind. Anytime her thoughts wandered to the “incident,” she quickly turned them to something else. It was working. Most of the time.
Closing the door behind her after another long day at the clinic, she kicked off her shoes, crossed the living room to the sofa and collapsed. She was exhausted. The problem with not thinking about the “incident” was that all this ignoring wore her out. And if she was really honest with herself, the more she tried not to think of it, the more those tiny memories—the sensation of his touch, of how his kisses took her breath away—battered at her. She might be occasionally winning the battles, but she was afraid she was losing the war. And it had only been four days!
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