What was Tucker doing back in Desperation? And why was he at her house?
Her first instinct was to slam on the brakes and high-tail it out of there before he had a chance to see her. But she couldn’t lift her foot from the accelerator to do it. Her second thought was to keep driving, past her house, around the next corner and out of town, if needed. She didn’t want to talk to him. It had taken all of the weekend to get her emotions under control as it was.
Neither happened, and when she approached her driveway, she slowed down and turned in, as she always did. Only this time her heart was racing like a thorough-bred waiting in the gate at Churchill Downs.
Tucker, leaning against the passenger side of his vehicle, raised his hand in greeting. Heart still pounding, Paige opened her car door and slid out.
“I thought you left Desperation.” She hadn’t meant to sound so accusing, but that’s the way it came out.
Tucker’s smile was slow as he shrugged. “Let’s just say I had second thoughts.”
Paige’s heart continued to clippity-clop. “How nice for your family.” She didn’t sound the least bit friendly, even to her own ears, but she chalked that up to not feeling friendly. Not after the cold brush-off he’d given her just days before.
He pushed away from the side of the SUV and opened the passenger door. “Get in.”
Was he crazy? Had he completely lost his mind? She didn’t even bother to answer as she turned and started for the house.
“Paige?”
Not meaning to, she looked back over her shoulder as she started up the porch steps. Even from that far away she could see fear in his eyes and a hint of insecurity. She couldn’t ignore him. Her heart wouldn’t let her. Her self-preservation, however, was a different story. “What do you want, Tucker?” she asked, regretting the impatience in her voice.
“I—” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I’d like to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“I’d like to tell you something.”
A million responses popped into her mind, most of them insensitive, but she settled on one that wouldn’t hurt quite so much. “I’m listening.”
He glanced around as if looking for someone. “Well, it’s kind of…”
She waited, wondering how he was going to manage to hurt her again, and then scolded herself for thinking that. “I’m sorry, Tucker, but I’m not going anywhere with you, nor will I get in your SUV or ask you into my home. If you have something to say, you’ll just have to say it.”
He hesitated for a moment, before nodding. “Okay. I guess I can’t blame you for feeling that way.”
There was nothing she could say, so she remained silent, waiting.
Stepping away from the SUV, he moved in her direction, but he stopped after only a few steps. “I’ve never told anyone the things I’m going to tell you,” he said. “Maybe I should have. Maybe I will someday soon.” When she nodded, he continued. “I’d just turned eighteen when I decided to join the Marine Corps. I thought it would be easy, but they wanted high school graduates, and I’d never finished high school. I went to my grandmother and asked if she knew a way I could get a diploma, as if she had some kind of magic or kept a few up her sleeve, just in case.” When she didn’t smile, he shrugged and continued. “She sent me to her friend, the head of a school in Tahlequah, who put me through three days of intense testing. When we finished, I’d earned a high school diploma and was eligible to serve my country, as they say.”
“Why not a GED?”
“Because I wanted a real diploma from a real school. And I earned every drop of ink on it.”
His pride was palpable, and Paige tried not to smile. Tucker had obviously been as stubborn then as he was now. “So you joined the marines.”
“Don’t let anyone tell you it’s easy. I know guys who couldn’t make it through boot camp. Of those who did, there were a few who sustained injuries early on, before we ever saw combat.” He shrugged and looked past her, as if seeing it all in the distance. “I’d been in for about seven years when I decided to try to get into Special Forces training. When I was finally selected—and it’s not something just anybody would want to do—I worked hard. I liked being a marine, maybe because of the structure and discipline.” Then something came over his face as he said, “I thought everything was good, until…”
“What happened, Tucker?” she asked in a whisper. Her anger was gone, and even her hurt didn’t matter at the moment. He would either tell her this or he wouldn’t. It wasn’t nearly as important that she know as it was for him to put into words and then let go of.
“I don’t know,” he answered, still staring off at the early evening sky. “It was a rescue mission, like others we’d done. Five of us were dropped into an area deemed safe enough to get the chopper in and out of, and we, along with the aid workers we were to free, were to meet it at another location.”
“And the workers were rescued?”
He nodded, but deep frown lines appeared between his eyes. “That went fine. We made it to the pick-up point, and then—” He shook his head this time, his breathing quickening. “I don’t know. Shots were fired at us, but we managed to get the hostages onto the helicopter, and three of our guys made it on behind them. I remember holding on to the edge of the chopper, Smithson beside me as we lifted off. He took two shots from the rebels, and when I reached out to grab him to keep him from falling, my hand slipped from the helicopter. We hit the ground in a heap, and I guess that’s where my knee twisted.”
“The helicopter couldn’t wait?”
“Not with all the enemy fire. By that time there were dozens of rebels. The mission was to rescue the aid workers, whatever it took. Smithson and I tried to find a safe place to wait it out.” His laugh was dry and completely humorless. “We were in an area where there were some mountains and were able to find a place to hide. I did what I could for Smithson’s wounds, but it wasn’t long before they found us. At one point, I tried to run, but I was run down. That’s when my leg was crushed. I guess I was lucky that’s all it was.”
She’d read the medical report from the VA, so very little of this was new to her. At some point after he’d been rescued, he must have told someone what had happened. “You spent how much time as a prisoner?”
“Nearly nine months.”
“And your wounds weren’t treated?”
“No. They put us in a cell, if that’s what you want to call it, fed us once a day, although most people wouldn’t call what we ate food, and that was it. Except for asking questions we had no answers to.”
“And Smithson?”
Tucker stopped looking at that faraway point he’d found, and he stared at the ground. “He didn’t last a month. They refused to treat his gunshot wounds.” For a moment, he was silent. “It was probably a blessing he didn’t. I don’t know if he could’ve been saved, even if we’d been found immediately.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Tucker.”
He turned to look at her. “My mind has always told me that, but my heart—” He shook his head.
Understanding that she wasn’t trained to give him the help he needed, she moved on. “But you were eventually rescued. How?”
“I don’t know. There was this girl… If it hadn’t been for her, I might never have lived long enough to have been rescued.”
“How old was she?” Paige asked.
“Twelve, maybe? I don’t know. She brought the food and water each day, but she would sometimes sneak in late at night and bring extra. She even tried to clean off some of the mud and— I don’t know if she had anything to do with my rescue, but it’s possible, I guess. She disappeared a few weeks before that.”
“So you don’t know what happened to her?”
He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I asked when they picked me up, but no one knew anything. After that, I didn’t ask again. I just have a feeling…”
Paige didn’t want to go any further with the story. She’d heard all
she needed and understood a part of why he was the way he was. Counseling would help, she knew, but she also knew Tucker wasn’t interested in giving it a try.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “I can imagine how difficult it is for you to talk about it.”
“I wanted you to know.”
He was watching her closely now, as if pinning her to the spot. Her heart had ceased its rapid racing while he told his story, but once again it was back up to speeding along.
“There’s just one more thing,” he said.
Swallowing was difficult. “What’s that?”
“If you’ll get in,” he said, moving to his vehicle and opening the door, “I’ll show you.”
She was afraid. She had enough hurt in the past few days and didn’t think she could handle any more. “Can’t we just—”
“No.” His sigh was deep and his voice strained with emotion. “Please, Paige. This is important to me.”
How could she deny him? She hadn’t stopped loving him, no matter how much she’d told herself it was useless. “All right.”
TUCKER WASN’T CONVINCED this was going to work, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. After driving back early that morning from Edmond, he’d been busy. But at least he had something to show for it, and it was Paige he wanted to show it to. She might not be ready to accept what he had to offer, but even if she didn’t, he wouldn’t give up.
Bringing his SUV to a stop on a road that ran along a little known area at the edge of Desperation, he turned off the engine. Ready to put his plan in action, he stepped out and started around to open the passenger door.
“Where is this?” she asked, climbing out before he could help.
He stopped in front of her when her feet hit the ground. “You don’t recognize it?”
“No, I—” She studied the area just off the road, and then looked at him, her head tilted to one side. “The orchard?”
Nodding, he smiled. “What’s called the backside.”
He shut the door when she stepped away. Shading her eyes with her hands, she checked out their surroundings. “I’m not familiar with this,” she admitted. “Help me get my bearings.”
“The Commune is over there,” he said, pointing ahead and to the left.
“Yes, I think I see it. And the barn, too, I think.”
She was standing in front of him, close enough that he could reach out and touch her. And he could smell her perfume. But instead of touching her, he took a step back. “Probably. There’s a clearing between here and there. Can you see it?”
“I think so,” she answered, sounding doubtful. “Wait! Yes, I see it.”
“We used to pitch a tent there, when we were kids,” he explained. “We were never allowed to stay overnight, although I never knew why, but there were half a dozen of us, sometimes more, who would stay from early morning until nearly dark, past the time we should’ve been home.”
She turned, looked up at him and smiled. “And you probably all were in trouble.”
“I don’t remember very many times that we weren’t, to be honest.” Seeing her standing there, her smile soft and welcoming, it was hard not to touch her, to take her in his arms. But he couldn’t. At least not for the time being. He needed to stick to his plan.
When she turned back around, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. “I spent the last couple of days in Edmond,” he told her. “In fact, I was headed north, early this morning.”
She looked over her shoulder at him. “But you’re here.”
“I suppose you could say I had an epiphany.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?” she said and smiled, as if it was a joke.
“I spent time trying not to think about the things you said to me before I left on Saturday. Not exactly what I’d planned to do, and I never did succeed. And just so you know how close I was to heading north this morning, there were people honking and going around me on the ramp to the interstate.”
She’d turned around completely. “So what is it you’re saying, Tucker?”
“I’m making some changes in my life,” he said simply.
She shook her head. “I guess I don’t understand why you’re telling me this. You made it clear on Saturday that you were leaving. Has something changed?”
“Lots of things,” he said, taking a step closer to her.
But she took a step back. “I’m afraid you’ll have to explain, Tucker.”
Taking a deep breath, he nodded, realizing she didn’t know where he was coming from. He’d blindsided her on Saturday. She’d expected him to stay for Shawn’s graduation, and instead, he’d told her he was taking off for parts unknown.
“I talked to Jules early this morning,” he said. When she nodded, but said nothing, he continued. “She’s found me a therapist at the VA who can help me deal with not only my experiences in Somalia, but my childhood and all the rest. I start seeing him on Thursday.”
Her smile was soft and he could almost feel her relief. “That’s good, Tucker. Are you moving to Oklahoma City to be closer to the VA?”
He’d had it all planned how he was going to tell her his news, but for some reason, it wasn’t coming out the way he’d planned. “No, I’ll be staying here.”
“At the ranch?”
He shook his head. “Right here. Well, in a few months.”
“Here? In Desperation, you mean?”
“That and…well, here. Right here.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
Of course she didn’t, and he didn’t expect her to. “You see, I need to live in town. For my new job.”
“Job?”
He didn’t try to hide his smile. “If I pass the exams and the city council approves, I’ll be the new sheriff’s deputy.”
Her brown eyes grew round with surprise. “How— That’s—that’s wonderful!”
“Thanks go to Morgan for that.”
She nodded, but it didn’t cover her excitement…or her confusion. “You have been busy. I don’t know what to say, except…are you sure about all this? I mean, you were so set on leaving, just days ago.”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Pretty much everything, I guess,” he answered, not sure what else he could say. But it wasn’t the time to explain, even if he could. Pointing to the clearing, he asked, “Can you see the flags?”
“Flags?” she asked, turning around to look.
He laughed when she’d echoed his words again. “Yes. And the strings and stakes.”
“Oh! Yes, I can see them.”
“The clearing and the land around it is mine. Hettie sold it to me.”
“That’s fantastic,” Paige said.
He looked at the area, and his heart swelled with pride and memories of a happy time. “It took some talking,” he admitted. “She really didn’t want to sell any of it. It’s been in her family for generations. But when I explained what it meant to me, she relented. Not without dragging a promise from me though.”
“What kind of promise?” Paige asked.
Tucker was silent for a moment. He wasn’t quite ready to tell her. There was more he needed to say, but his old fears were snaking around him. Since he’d turned his SUV around and headed back to Desperation, his courage had grown. Just talking to Jules that morning had forced him to take a hard look at himself, something he’d needed to do for a long time. He hoped that in time he could be the man he should be. Being a loner had suited him when he was younger, but it wasn’t what he wanted now. Now he wanted the things he’d never had, never allowed himself to have because he didn’t think he deserved them and would ruin anything he got close to. He wanted a family. He wanted love.
That’s what he’d realized as he sat at the ramp leading to the interstate, away from the people he cared about and who cared about him. He finally knew that.
“I can’t tell you everything Hettie said,” he finally explained. “Not yet, anyway.” Sticking his hand in the pocket of his
jeans, he pulled out a small, velvet box. “But it involves you.”
When he opened the box and held out the emerald-and-diamond ring, she gasped. Looking up at him, he saw that her eyes were glittering with tears. He just wasn’t sure if it was happiness or because she was sad. “I’ve never said this to anyone, but I love you, Paige, and my road to recovery includes you,” he told her. “I just don’t know how long it’ll take me to be the kind of man you deserve.”
“Oh, Tucker—”
“You have to be quiet,” he said, his voice shaky as he pressed a finger to her lips. “I don’t know when my nerve is going to run out here, so let me talk, okay?” When she nodded, he took the ring out of the box and held it. “I was told that emeralds are the symbol of hope, and I guess that’s what I have right now.” He looked up at her and couldn’t read her expression. Not knowing what to think, he ducked his head, ready to say what needed to be said. “I bought it today and planned to ask you to marry me—”
“Tucker—”
“—but then I thought it might be too soon for you to even think about that—”
“If you’d—”
“—so I thought it might be better as a gift of what the future—” He didn’t know what was happening when she put her hand over his mouth, but he stopped talking and stared at her.
“Will you hush?” she said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I love you, Tucker. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, but you won’t be quiet long enough—” She let out a deep sigh and shook her head, her hand still across his mouth. “For a man who had little to say when we first met, you sure are talking too much right now. But if you just can’t be quiet, would you please—”
Tucker gently moved her hand from his mouth. “Paige, will you marry me?”
THE ROCKING O Ranch was lit up like a birthday cake, welcoming family, friends and neighbors, who had come to share in the celebration of Shawn’s graduation from high school. The patio at the back of the house was filled with people, and so were the family room and kitchen.
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