Kate turned and smiled at Joseph who lifted her heavy suitcases over his shoulders then walked down the steps as if they were nothing but flat ground.
He stashed both of her suitcases on his boat, and then helped her aboard. Once she was seated, he revved the engine and pulled away from the dock. Kate kept telling herself not to look, to keep her eyes forward. But she took one last look at the beautiful island where she’d fallen in love with Talal. So many memories, she thought. So much time in bed with him, exploring his incredible body, and learning about her own sexuality. He’d taught her so much, including how not to trust a man. Not to trust love.
When the island was nothing more than a smudge on the horizon, she faced forward and let the wind dry her tears. It was over, she told herself. Time to move on. Talal was in her past and she had to figure out how to move forward.
Chapter 4
Kate needed to move her bathroom closer to her bed.
Or maybe it made more sense to move her bed closer to the toilet.
Kate opened her eyes and looked out at the beautiful, sunny day…then threw her legs over the side of her bed and raced to the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach.
Four days in a row, she thought as she leaned against the cool tiles of her shower. Four mornings of throwing up, being sick and feeling miserable until well after lunch. Once the afternoon arrived, she was fine. Exhilarated even.
Kate knew what was happening. She also knew that she couldn’t hide from the truth.
She was pregnant.
Looking up at the ceiling, she counted back the days since her last period. Sure enough, it had been two months. She hadn’t had a period the entire month she was in Altair and now, a month later, she was throwing up. Good grief, how could she be so oblivious? How could she have missed the signs?
Because she’d been trying to get over the man, not thinking about what had happened between them during their time together.
Her phone rang and she pushed herself off the floor, grabbing her phone with a grunt. “Hello?”
There was a slight pause before Mark, her manager, spoke. “Kate? What in the world is wrong with your voice?”
Kate couldn’t tell him that she’d just been throwing up and her throat was raw from the ravages of morning sickness. “I just got out of bed,” she told him, which wasn’t completely a lie.
Another long pause followed that admission and Kate imagined Mark’s confused expression. “I thought you were a morning person.”
She settled into her big, comfy chair and stared out at the valley. “I am. I was.” She shook her head and pushed her hair out of her eyes, grouchy because it was another sunny day. It was always sunny in Los Angeles. She needed snow, she thought. Snow, rain, thunder, and…just something other than sunshine!
“Well, get dressed and all dolled up, honey. You’re meeting me for lunch. Don’t even try to get out of it, we need to talk.”
Kate stifled a groan. She didn’t want to go out into the world. She wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend that it was snowing. Somewhere in the world it was snowing. She should just get on a plane to that place and…crawl into bed there.
“No. I’m not meeting you for lunch or anything else,” she told him, about to hang up.
Unfortunately, Mark knew her too well and spoke before she could disconnect. “Yes, you are. If you don’t, then I’m coming over to your place to find out what’s going on and I promise to be truly annoying in my attempts to find out what’s wrong with you. At least if we’re out in public, I’ll have to behave. You know that’s best.”
Kate laughed because yes, Mark was the ultimate manager and would do anything for his clients, including making a fool of himself. “Fine!” she gave in with a laugh. “Tell me where and when. Just make it a late lunch, okay?”
“Is there any other kind?” he asked. “Sandra Lee’s. If you don’t show up, I’m coming over so put your sparkle on and be there at one thirty.”
Kate hung up and tossed her phone on the bed. She didn’t want to go out. She didn’t want to shower and ‘put her sparkle on’ as Mark put it. She wanted to…
“Enough!” she snapped, disgusted with herself. She had to get out of the house. She needed to rejoin the world.
And she needed to find a doctor.
Several hours later, she entered the restaurant, even arriving five minutes early. Kate was immediately shown to the table while the waiter gushed over her, offering white wine or any other cocktail that sparked her imagination. Kate realized that she couldn’t drink alcohol. Not for a long time!
“I’ll just have sparkling water,” she told him. She actually preferred regular tap water, but no one in Los Angeles drank water out of the tap. It simply ‘wasn’t done’, she’d learned. There were so many small things she’d learned over the last few years. But none of her lessons in being a part of the movie world could prepare her for her next adventure. Motherhood. Looming motherhood scared the bejeezus out of her!
And excited her. Yeah, fear was the overwhelming sensation, she thought as she munched on a breadstick to ease the nausea in her stomach, which was considering whether to misbehave again. But the more she thought about it, the more excited she was. A baby! Talal’s baby!
Wow! Kate’s childhood had been miserable and lonely. Her parents had died in a car crash and her uncle had been focused more on his research than raising a lonely little girl. She’d been invisible during her childhood. Acting meant she wasn’t invisible.
Now, she had a chance to change things, to raise her own child with all the love and care that she never received during her younger years. She’d do it right.
Or she hoped to, she thought.
Smiling, she thought about a little boy or girl with Talal’s dark eyes and smile that had never failed to make her stomach tighten with anticipation. What would that smile look like on a child? The very thought made her almost laugh out loud with joy.
She didn’t. Looking around, she realized that people were noticing her and she hid her sudden happiness behind a façade that she hoped looked cool and composed, not wanting anyone to snap a photo of her laughing like a lunatic while sitting alone in a restaurant. It was always like this when she ventured out into public. People recognized her, whispered behind their hands, and even interrupted her conversations to ask for an autograph…whatever they wanted, thinking that it was okay.
Today, she wasn’t going to let them get her down. She was pregnant! Wow, just thinking those words made her feel giddy. And scared! But so happy. Now that she was out of the house, Kate felt better. Mark was right, getting back out into the world was a good thing. She was able to put things into perspective more easily. Hiding had been wrong, she realized now, but it had also been right. Her hand floated to her stomach and she wondered what her tiny baby looked like right now. Probably nothing but a bunch of cells but still…a baby!
This morning, in between bouts of nibbling on gingersnaps and trying to keep food down, she’d made some decisions about her life. She was no longer going to mope about Talal. She had to take care of herself and, starting now, she was going to eat better, sleep better, and get over the man! She was done trying to hide and recuperate.
She was pregnant! Kate rested her hand on her tummy and wondered what it will be like to be hugely pregnant with Talal’s baby. For so much of her life, she’d monitored her weight, maintaining a certain size so that she could get the movie roles she wanted.
Goodness, that was now a thing of the past! Not only could she eat more, it was a requirement of pregnancy! She had to eat enough to nourish her growing child!
“Damn, you look good!” Mark announced when he came around the corner and Kate quickly pulled her hand away from her tummy. He gave her the requisite air kisses, and sat down across from her. “I’d take two months off if I came back looking as good as you!”
The waiter arrived at their table immediately, recognizing Mark and his importance in the Los Angeles social and business hierarch
y. “Gin martini, two olives.” The waiter, used to the abrupt orders of the clients at this particular restaurant, nodded and walked away to put in the order.
Mark glanced down at her drink. “What? You stopped your white wine lunches?”
Kate laughed, feeling better now that she’d accepted her reality. Not to mention, Mark’s blatantly annoying presence was a balm to her ego. When Mark spoke to someone, his whole focus was on the conversation. He really listened and noticed details that others might miss. “I’m not drinking today.”
He waved his hand in the air as if that was fine as long as he didn’t have to join her. Then he clasped his hands together in front of him, ignoring the menu as he looked across the table at her. “Okay, so I have this new script and it is perfect for you. I’ve already spoken to the director and she wants you as the leading lady. It’s a prime…” he stopped and frowned at her. “Why are you shaking your head? You haven’t even heard the best part!”
Kate smiled gently, knowing that her manager was only looking out for her best interests. And yes, her initial intention had been to jump right back into work, to find a good script, and lose herself in another role. But now that she knew she was pregnant, taking on another movie just wasn’t possible. Her soon-to-be burgeoning stomach would be a pretty major obstacle to her wardrobe. Not to mention, waddling around might not look as sexy. “Mark, I’m taking a bit more time off.”
He stared at her in horror, as if she’d just announced that she was going to the moon. “Taking more time off? Why would you do that? You’re a hot commodity after your last movie, not to mention last year’s awards! You could have any part you want, any time you want. If you say the word, any director in the industry would hire you!”
Kate leaned forward and put her hand over Mark’s, trying to soothe him. “Mark, I know all of this.”
He sputtered at her calm attitude. “So….”
“I’m pregnant,” she announced, and clapped a hand over her mouth, hoping no one else had heard that statement. Thankfully, the patrons at the other tables seemed to be more involved in their own meals and conversations, only a few people glancing surreptitiously in her direction.
Looking back across the table, she noticed that Mark was frozen. “Say something,” she groaned, but the waiter arrived with his martini and she held up her hand to stop Mark from speaking. “Wait.”
They gave the waiter their food order and he disappeared once more, thankfully a savvy waiter who knew when to appear and disappear. She opened her mouth, but Mark lifted his hand, stalling her while he took a long sip of his martini. Then another. And then another. When the glass was about half empty, he nodded his head, then leaned closer. “Okay, spill it. What happened?”
Kate shrugged as if the explanation should be obvious. “I had an affair,” she explained succinctly, not giving him any names or details. “And now I’m pregnant. I’m going to go off and have the baby and I’m going to raise her or him as if he were a normal person.”
He gasped. “You’re leaving Los Angeles?” He shook his head. “But honey, there isn’t anything worth seeing or doing outside of LA!”
Kate laughed at his horrified expression. “There are lovely places to live and plenty of things to do outside of LA. And my child is going to experience all of them.”
He blinked, still staring at her. His expression indicated that she might have turned into a purple alien. “So…you’re done with acting?”
She shook her head as she sipped her water. “Absolutely not. You know me. I can’t give up acting completely.”
He rested a hand on his chest, shaking his head back and forth. “Thank goodness!” he gushed. “You’re a natural! No one can pull the tears from a viewer’s soul like you can. And none can deliver a funny or sarcastic line like you! So, why would you leave?”
Kate glanced around at the restaurant patrons who were still furtively watching her. It was like being in a fish bowl. Every moment of her life, every action, every gesture would be reported tomorrow in the gossip rags. If she took too big of a bite or ate too many calories during lunch, it would be the headlines. Just as she’d predicted, her disappearance to Altair had spurred rumors of her rehab although the range of drugs suggested was almost humorous.
She looked Mark directly in the eye, letting him know that she was dead serious about her intentions. “Because I don’t plan to raise my child amidst this chaos. I’m going to find a nice, quiet place to live and raise a child. You’ll send me scripts when you find one that is really good and I’ll come back occasionally.”
Her assurance that she would still act, still consider possible roles, seemed to soothe him and he nodded, the tension and horror around his eyes easing. “Where are you going to live? What will you do?”
“I don’t know where I’m going to live,” she admitted. She’d been playing with an idea since his call. But with his question, the idea solidified in her mind. “Right now, I’m going to pack a bag, get in my car, and start driving until I find a town that I like. Then I’m going to buy a house there and have this baby.”
The horror was back and she laughed. “But…outside of LA? That’s just not right!”
Kate rolled her eyes. “As I mentioned before, there is life outside of Los Angeles.”
He scoffed at the possibility. “Nothing worth living, dear,” he told her with absolute conviction. He looked at her carefully. “You’re serious about this?”
Being able to come back to Los Angeles to work on a movie occasionally, while raising her child some place safe sounded divine! She beamed across the table at Mark, thinking that she’d finally found a solution to her aching loneliness after Talal’s abrupt departure. “Absolutely! I can’t wait!”
He shook his head and downed the rest of his martini. “I think you’re nuts, but as long as you keep acting, I don’t care where you live. So, when is the baby due?”
For the rest of the meal, they discussed details and Kate relaxed under his superficial humor. He was a horrible gossip, but not about his clients. Their details were kept in secret, which was one of the reasons he was such an excellent manager.
When the waiter cleared their plates away, she sighed with renewed purpose. “I have to go,” she told him, kissing him again as she grabbed her purse, letting him pay the check, which she knew he would bill her for anyway. “I’ll call you when I get settled, okay?”
“You’d better, honey,” he said, giving her a tight hug. “And you let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, okay?”
Kate walked out of the restaurant, feeling better than she had in weeks. She had a plan. She was going on a great adventure. Touching her stomach lightly, she looked down. “Just you and me, kid,” she murmured.
Chapter 5
She couldn’t do it.
Kate ran a hand over the manuscript, her fingers shaking as she considered the words, the emotions…the incredible challenge of doing this movie. It was possibly one of the best scripts she’d ever read, heart-rending, funny, enticing, political…it was Oscar worthy!
But she couldn’t do it.
Kate glanced over at the infant sleeping peacefully in the basinet beside her. He was so sweet, so precious, barely four months old and as perfect as any human being could possibly be. Kate had never felt so intense a love for another human being. She’d named him Jaffri and he was truly the love of her life.
Glancing at the script on her lap, she took a deep breath, trying to convince herself that she shouldn’t take the part. The scenes had already been scoped out and there would be two weeks in Altair.
No, she couldn’t go back there. She couldn’t return to the place where she’d met Talal or revisit the memories she had of the beautiful country. Jaffri was her priority. He was so perfect and wonderful. She couldn’t leave him for the amount of time it would take to film the movie. She didn’t need the money, so she should just ignore the script and continue on with her life. She’d invested wisely over the past few years and didn’t
live extravagantly. She lived in a tiny house in Wyoming, far away from the intensity of Los Angeles, so her expenses were minimal. Living like this, she’d never have to work another day in her life and she still wouldn’t be able to spend all of her money.
So, why was she even considering the movie despite her avowal that she couldn’t do it?
Because it was a challenge! It was her dream script! The intensity of the scenes, the challenge of switching from tears to laughter to anger all in the same scene compelled her, lured her.
The phone ringing startled her and she dove for the phone so that it wouldn’t wake up her napping son. But it didn’t help. The noise startled him awake.
“Hello?” she answered, but most of her attention was on the little man who was rolling over in his bassinet. Kate barely heard the person speaking as she smiled down at her little man as he blinked himself awake and a slow, goofy smile appeared. Almost instantly, his arms and legs started wiggling and she laughed at his enthusiasm.
“Kate, pay attention!” Mark yelled through the phone.
“I’m here, Mark. What’s up?” she asked as she tucked the phone against her ear while picking Jaffri up.
“What do you think of the script?” Mark asked.
“It’s wonderful. The best I’ve ever read!”
He laughed, obviously agreeing with her. “So, you’re going to do it, right?”
Kate grabbed a bottle out of the fridge and stuck it into the pot of water, turning on the flames underneath. The whole time, Jaffri bounced up and down, eager for his post-nap snack.
“No. I can’t.”
There was silence for a long moment, but Kate knew her manager well enough. He wasn’t going to let this go.
Sure enough, with her rejection, the negotiating began. “They want you, Kate. They really want you. Tell me what you need in order to take the job. Double the salary? I could go back to them for that.”
Kate laughed. “Don’t you dare! They are already offering a disgusting amount of money.”
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