“Don’t touch you?” he asked gently. “Remember how you would throw yourself into my arms when I came back?”
She shook her head to clear the rush of memories. “Yes. I remember how I would be so excited to see you that I threw caution to the wind. Every time you vanished without warning, without a note…just to reappear as if it was nothing.”
There was a long pause. She couldn’t look at him. Even now, the memories of that morning, waking up alone yet again, hurt too much to hide. That didn’t mean she wanted to see his indifference though. So she continued to pretend to sip her champagne and stared straight ahead, not daring to look at him.
“I didn’t know that I’d hurt you, Kate.”
Blinking rapidly, she shifted away, like she was trying to block out his surprise, as well as the re-surfacing pain. Almost as if it were an open wound once again.
Taking shallow breaths, she tried to ease the tightness in her throat. “Every time you left me, every time you disappeared without a word, without any warning or explanation, I felt as if I’d done something wrong. I felt as if you’d rejected me and rejected what we’d shared.” She looked away, blinking furiously so the tears wouldn’t fall. It would mess up her makeup and everyone would see.
“I didn’t know,” he murmured, his voice deep and soothing. But then he touched her arm and she almost leaned into the touch, almost revealed how deeply she still needed this man. She couldn’t do that. Not to herself or to Jaffri. She had to protect both of them this time because she couldn’t be weak. Nope. That was no longer an option in her life. Her world revolved around Jaffri now, and what he needed.
“You never took the time to care either,” she told him and stepped back, out of reach.
“I had…”
“It doesn’t matter,” she interrupted and took a deep breath, trying for the thousandth time to release the past.
“I think it matters a great deal.”
She shook her head. “No. That was in the past. I won’t allow you to hurt me again, Your Highness,” she asserted firmly, refusing to use his given name even though he’d ‘honored’ her with permission to use it. She didn’t want the privilege. She just wanted to get back to Jaffri, to hold him and feel his little arms hug her back.
“If I promise never to leave you, would that ease your concerns about being with me?”
Kate heard his question and closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly so that she might somehow block out the delicious hope. When she opened them again, she shook her head. “No. First of all, I don’t think you can make that promise. And secondly, even if you were willing to, I wouldn’t believe you. I don’t trust you anymore.”
There was a long silence while she waited for him to promise her something else. But instead, he said, “You’ve changed, Kate. You never were this hard, this uncompromising.”
Turning back to him, she looked at the middle of his chest, unable to look into his dark eyes again. “You’re right. I’m no longer the stupid fool who waited in vain for a man who had no respect for me. You hurt me, Your Highness. I’m asking you to not do that again. Please, for my sake, don’t hurt me.”
She walked away at that point, bracing herself for him to grab her arm. Thankfully, he didn’t touch her or even call her back. As she walked out the door, she told herself firmly she no longer loved this man. But the tears that finally escaped told a different story. She cursed the man for being so….everything! Everything except…in love with her.
A sob burst out of her and she covered her mouth with her hand even as she sped up, desperate for a little privacy. The doors to the palace were just ahead of her and she raced to them, ignoring the startled looks from the security guards and other palace staff. All she focused on was getting away.
What was worse, she’d allowed him to hurt her! Every time he’d disappeared eighteen months ago, she’d vowed that she wouldn’t welcome him back, she would contain her exuberance at his return and tell him that she wasn’t going to forgive him this time. Unfortunately, her determination was repeatedly overridden by her joy at seeing him. So, by the time she’d remembered that she wasn’t going to throw herself into his arms again, they were halfway to her bedroom, his hands and mouth distracting her to the point that she’d never managed to tell him how upset she’d been. And once the passion had abated for the moment, she’d remember that their time together was short, so she hadn’t wanted to ruin their precious moments with an argument. She’d just gone along with everything.
She’d been a doormat eighteen months ago. A stupid, young, inexperienced doormat.
No longer! She was stronger now, and knew how her behavior and his callous treatment of her had wounded her so deeply that she hadn’t allowed another man to touch her since.
Not that she’d put herself out there in the dating world. First, she’d been too upset to even look at another man. She’d left Altair after that last time and gone home only to find that her home had become a prison. She hadn’t wanted to step outside because her tear ravaged features would have announced to the world that she was upset, then the horrible paparazzi would start digging. They wouldn’t stop until they’d discovered why she was so upset. Either that, or they’d simply make something up. Something horrible that would hurt her reputation and damage her career.
When she burst out of the palace, she stopped, blinking in the still-bright evening sunshine. Kate looked around, trying to figure out what to do, where to go. The limousine drivers were huddling around the pavilion outside of the palace gates, but one of them hurried over to her. “Do you need anything, Ms. Childress?” he asked politely.
Kate angrily wiped a tear. “Would you mind taking me back to the hotel, please?”
The man quickly dug the keys out of his pocket. “Of course, ma’am,” he told her with a slight bow. He moved to his limousine and opened the back door for her.
Kate dove into the backseat, huddling in the corner while the driver took her back to the hotel. She didn’t see the amazing skyline or the lights of the city. She was focused on the past, on the last time she’d raced through the streets of Altair. That time, she’d gone directly to the airport, sunglasses hiding her eyes, no makeup and a huge, grungy hat hiding her signature dark locks. She’d worn cargo pants, a worn out pair of boots, and a jacket that had looked so rumpled, no one looked twice at her. Thankfully, her manager had given her credit cards with a business name on them, so purchasing things, including plane tickets, was relatively easy. Her boarding pass had her name because she couldn’t forge a passport, but no connection was made eighteen months ago because…well, she hadn’t looked like anyone important.
Now, however, she was in a designer dress, no sunglasses to hide her tears, and her hair was on vivid display…all because she hadn’t been prepared to run into Talal tonight. Darn it! He should have warned her! He should have told her years ago that he was a prince or an under-sheik or whatever his title had been. And he darn well should have contacted her before tonight and warned her that he was inviting the whole cast to dinner! He’d blindsided her!
Darn him! He wasn’t playing fair.
But then again, Talal had never played fair. She almost smiled, thinking of that first night together. She’d been so naïve, thinking to seduce a man like Talal. After stepping onto that ship the next day, she understood that he wasn’t the kind of man who would allow himself to be seduced. Not by someone as inexperienced as she’d been back then. Goodness, she’d been so stupid! So young, stupid, innocent, and gullible!
“Could you drop me off at the back entrance?” she asked. “I don’t want to go through the lobby like this.”
She saw the driver’s eyes flash in the rear view mirror. “Absolutely, Ms. Childress.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, hoping he heard her because she couldn’t say the words any louder since a fresh wave of pain hit her.
When the limousine pulled up outside of the employee entrance, she smiled her gratitude towards the driver, waving him off w
hen he jumped out of the vehicle to open her door. “Thank you so much for your help tonight,” she told him before hurrying into the hotel. She found one of the hotel staff and asked for directions to the elevators, then hurried along the hallways, praying she wouldn’t run into anyone that might recognize her. That would be the ultimate humiliation on top of an absolutely miserable night!
But she reached her room without running into another person. As soon as she reached her suite, she rushed into the room she shared with Jaffri. Looking down into his crib, she beamed through her tears. This little guy, lying on his back with his arms spread above his head, was the only good thing that had come from meeting Talal. Jaffri was sweet and charming, laughed at her goofy faces and loved when she danced with him. And what was better, she had at least sixteen and a half years before he had to leave her for college!
With a sigh of happiness, she ran a hand over his dark curls. To her, Jaffri looked so much like Talal that it was shocking, but that was mostly because she could see the similarities.
Now that she’d spent the evening in Talal’s presence, the similarities were even more pronounced. The strong jawline came through even though Jaffri’s jaw was softened by childhood chubbiness. His eyes had taken on her light blue color versus his father’s darker eyes, although how that had happened, she wasn’t sure since dark eyes were a dominant trait. And his lips were wide and strong, even in sleep. Just like Talal’s mouth.
With a sigh, she caressed Jaffri’ soft hair one more time, then tip toed off to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Seeing herself in the mirror was a bit of a shock, but she tied her hair back and washed away the mascara that had smeared her cheeks. Slipping on a tee shirt, she thought back to her nights with Talal. He’d laughed the first time she’d pulled on something to sleep in. With a shake of his head, he’d simply pulled it over her head and tossed it onto the floor, then proceeded to make love to her again.
Staring up at the ceiling, she wondered what would have happened if she’d been more assertive last time. If she’d stood up for herself and stopped seeing Talal. Or maybe, if after the first time he’d disappeared and reappeared, she’d stood her ground and told him that she wasn’t going to put up with it? Would he have just dismissed her? Would she have lost her time with him? Would she have been as hurt when she’d finally had enough? Kate couldn’t imagine a life without Jaffri now, and she wasn’t sure exactly when she’d gotten pregnant. She and Talal had only been together for a month, but it could have been any time during those short days when they’d been together.
When the clock clicked over to three am, Kate flopped onto her stomach, punching her pillow and accepted that she could create all sorts of ‘what if’ scenarios, but she’d never find the answers.
By five o’clock, she was cried out and resentful that Talal had taken another night away from her. The bastard hadn’t even respected her enough to send her a note, warning her of his presence at the palace. He’d known exactly who she was, so there was no reason he couldn’t have contacted her at any point. And yet, she hadn’t known who he was. Not really. Oh, she knew the basic things, like how he shaved and his coffee preferences, she knew that he disliked tomatoes and broccoli, but loved asparagus and green beans. And she knew that he’d laughed at her silly jokes. He’d secretly watch her dance around in socks and one of his shirts to music when she’d thought she was alone – until he’d laugh at one of her ridiculous moves.
Jaffri rolled over and she looked at the clock once more. It was a quarter to six. Kate knew she had only about five or ten minutes before Jaffri was fully alert and ready to eat. Her hands automatically moved to her breasts, thinking about those first mornings when she’d nursed him. He’d been so hungry all the time. Those first few months, she’d breast-feed him every forty-five minutes during the day and she’d get maybe two hours of sleep during the night. Thankfully, she’d had the financial means to hire help – someone to cook and clean for her so all she’d had to do was sleep and feed Jaffri.
Oh, those had been some hard nights, she thought. And yeah, it would have been really nice to have a husband to help out.
But such was not the case. She’d cried about that too. As much as she loved Jaffri, there had been many nights when she’d been so tired, she didn’t think she’d be able to keep going. Those were the nights that Mark had somehow called in the morning, somehow sensing that she needed help and would send over a nanny for the day.
Thank goodness for Mark, she thought gratefully, for stepping in and keeping her pregnancy out of the press. That had kept Jaffri safe from all of the curious fans…and given her the space to deal with her pregnancy and Jaffri’s birth.
But things were easier now. It was nice to know that Joan was here with Jaffri, showing him around, taking him to the playground and to the pool, keeping his mind stimulated. She was wonderful and Jaffri seemed to be handling the change extremely well.
Speaking of her little man…she smiled and pulled on a silk robe when she saw her son start kicking and waving his tiny hands around. “You’re ready to go, aren’t you, little man?” she cooed, laughing when he wiggled his legs again in his crib, reaching for her.
“Hungry?” she asked.
In response, he nuzzled his face into her breasts. Thankfully, it had been more than twelve hours since she’d fed him last, so she was more than ready to nurse him this morning. No need to supplement with formula in the mornings.
She settled down into one of the comfortable chairs in the living room and stared down at him as he nursed, feeling the suction as well as the pressure ease from her full breasts. It was amazing how much he looked like Talal.
Was she being silly? Could an infant have the same expressions as his father?
Kate wasn’t sure and was probably only seeing things. But in her mind, the two were so similar in too many ways. She was actually nervous about giving him real food, fearful that he wouldn’t like tomatoes or broccoli. That would just seal the deal.
Not that the deal wasn’t already sealed, Kate thought as she shifted Jaffri to her other breast. “Goodness, you’re getting bigger, aren’t you?” she asked.
Joan came out of the kitchen area, startling Kate. The nanny was already up and dressed. She’d even ordered breakfast and gotten Jaffri’s rice cereal ready for him.
“Wow, you’re wonderful!” Kate sighed as she accepted a cup of hot, decaffeinated coffee and took a long sip. “Oh my, I miss real coffee,” she sighed, balancing Jaffri in her arms as he quickly finished nursing on the other breast.
Joan put down her own half-finished cup of coffee and smiled. “How about if I give this guy cereal while you get dressed? You look exhausted. I heard you come in relatively early last night. Was the dinner that bad? I would have thought that dinner at the palace would be fabulous!”
Kate handed Jaffri off and leaned back in her chair. She really should jump in the shower. She had an early call this morning, needing to be on set in less than an hour for makeup and hair. Thankfully, all she needed to do was shower and show up.
The ringing doorbell interrupted her contemplation of how she was going to get through the day on no sleep and no caffeine. Her makeup artist was going to be furious at the dark circles under her eyes, but that couldn’t be helped.
Assuming it was room service, Kate walked over to the door as she smoothed her robe. But when she opened the door, it was Talal standing in the doorway and he looked furious.
“Where have you been all night?” he demanded, pushing the door fully open and stepping through, not waiting for her to invite him inside. Probably because she wouldn’t have issued the invitation and he knew it.
Clutching her robe closed over her tee shirt, she stared up at him, trying not to spill her coffee.
“I don’t think that my whereabouts last night, or any night for that matter, are any concern of yours. Get out of my room,” she told him.
“My men were sent to watch you after you left the palace last night. B
ut they reported to me that you never arrived.” He leaned closer to her, his fury a living, breathing thing. “So explain to me where you were!”
Kate was never one to be intimidated, which was probably one of the major reasons she’d been able to thrive in such a brutal industry. And after a sleepless night, she wasn’t feeling very cooperative.
“No!”
Talal’s eyes widened ever so briefly and glanced behind her. “You have someone here?” he demanded.
He watched her carefully, noted the increased pace of her pulse at the base of her neck. He’d hit on something she didn’t want him to know about. But did this slender beauty realize the peril she was in with his fury? Not at all! Or if she did, Kate didn’t care.
“None of your business,” she snapped with a slight shift of her shoulders.
Was she preparing to fight him? If he weren’t so furious, he might be amused by her defiance.
“Kate, I don’t think you fully understand the position you’re in.”
“I’m not afraid of you. And I seriously doubt that you want to know who is in this hotel suite with me right now.”
“Yes, I want to know!”
“Fine! It is none of your business, but yes, there was a very handsome man in my room last night.” She leaned in. “All night long! In fact, he was waiting for me when I got back to the hotel last night. And when he woke up this morning, I took him into my arms.”
Talal gritted his teeth, unable to deal with the image of his woman with another man. He noted the dark circles under her eyes and the fatigue straining the muscles around her mouth. She was exhausted. Because she’d been making love all night?
He wanted to pound something. He wanted to hurt this other man. He wanted to…
But…if she loved him, if this other man made her happy then…
“Do you love him?” he blurted, startling himself. He noted the surprise in her eyes as well.
“Yes,” she replied without hesitation.
He could see the sincerity glowing in her beautiful blue eyes… but then she looked away. She was telling him the truth, but…there was something else. Something…important. Kate, his beautiful, sexy, enchanting and amazing Kate, was hiding something from him.
Her Secret Page 10