by Megan Smith
“No,” I shake my head. “I get it. It’s not what you think, honestly.” At least I hope not. “I’m married to Alex’s mom, Chloe, the one who I was with this morning.” I reach up to grab the back of my neck. “Look, I went out last weekend, I was drinking—”
“Dad,” Alex yells from the other side of the truck.
“Hang on, bud. I’ll be there in a second.” I shut the truck door so he can’t hear us. “Anyway, what I was saying was, I went out drinking to blow off some steam from a fight we had. I had a little too much to drink and the rest of the night is a little spotty, but I’m happily married.” Or at least I was but she doesn’t need to know that.
Aubrey huffs out a laugh. “Sounds like my sister sunk her claws into you.”
“What’s that mean?”
She looks down to the ground and toes a rock with her heel. “She’s a heavy drinker. Knowing Ally, she probably bet you that she could out drink you and from the sound of it she won.” Her eyes soften a bit. “I got a call sometime around three in the morning, she was crying begging me to come and get her, said she was in trouble.”
“Trouble?”
Aubrey shrugs her shoulder. “When we got there she was in your truck with you. Keith grabbed you out of the truck and slammed you back against the truck about ready to send his fist into your face. Ally started screaming and crying to stop. When Keith demanded that he know what was going on she said it was taken care of already and she just wanted to go home.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose letting that little bit of information sink in. Now come to think of it I do remember Ally crying. I don’t remember why or if I even asked.
“You really don’t remember anything from the other night?” Aubrey asks looking a little hopeful.
I let out an aggravated sigh, “Nothing really aside from sitting and talking to Manny, the bartender, walking away from the bar and the cab ride. It’s still all a little hazy.”
Aubrey attempts to smile. “Well, at least you blocked out a terrible night I’m sure. My sister on the other hand is being tight lipped. I think maybe the guy she broke up with had something to do with it.”
I know I should ask her to have Ally call me and maybe I could ask her what happened since I was there when she called her sister for help. Maybe she’d be willing to fill in the blanks for me. There is just no way I can ask that though. If Chloe was ever around when she called how in the world would I explain things? ‘Oh, Ally’s just some girl I met at the bar, we were drinking together apparently and somehow her purse was left in my truck.’ Yeah, that shit’s not going to fly. Would I ever believe Chloe if the roles were reversed? Probably not.
“Well, I need to get back to work. I have some lesson plans I need to tackle.”
Rocking back and forth on my feet I nod. “Sure.”
I stand there as she takes a few steps away. “Jackson?”
“Yeah?”
“This will be our little secret, okay?”
I nod. “Thanks.”
“Go enjoy your son and forget all about my sister.”
She turns back around and doesn’t look back. Once the door to the school closes behind her I jump into the driver’s seat to head home already hating the guilt that is settling in. Maybe I should just be upfront with Chloe and tell her. I think she might actually listen and understand but then again, maybe not.
Alex darts right into the house as soon as his little feet hit the ground. I hear him calling for Chloe the second the front door opens. Out of the corner of my eye I catch my sister’s car parked in the street. Fabulous, not what I wanted to come home to.
“Come on. Let’s go grab a few toys to bring to my house.” I hear my sister say as I open the front door and step in.
“Hey, Kenzie.” My sister turns her ice cold blue eyes at me. “What?”
“I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
“Whatever.” She’s always so quick to judge people sometimes. If Chloe hadn’t run over to my mom’s she wouldn’t have even known that we had a fight. I feel like at times that she treats Chloe better then she treats her own blood.
Kenzie and Alex go on upstairs. I walk back towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and find Chloe to see what crawled up my sister’s ass.
Chloe is sitting at the kitchen table with two phones sitting in front of her. One of those phones is mine, I think. I pat my pockets, sure enough, I don’t have my phone. She hasn’t looked up to greet me yet, it’s causing my stomach to do little flips.
“Chloe?”
She holds up a hand stopping me from saying anything more. A few seconds later I hear MacKenzie call out, “I’ll see you later, Chloe. Come on, Alex.” And then the front door slams shut.
“Chloe, what’s going on?”
She looks up; her eyes are red, bloodshot. “I need you to be completely honest with me, Jackson. No bullshitting, no lies,” she spits. “Who’s Ally?”
Everything on the inside of me clams up, a lump forms in my throat. “Who?” I finally manage after a couple of seconds.
“You fucking heard me, Jackson. Who. Is. Ally?” Her face is flushed with anger and I know she’s pushed past her limit because Chloe rarely cusses unless she’s been pushed too far or has had too much to drink.
I nervously twist my wedding ring. “I’m not sure I’m following you.” Oh fuck, what am I doing? Just tell her the truth.
Chloe slams her fist down on the table. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re not.” She laughs bitterly.
I hold my hands up. “I can explain.”
She juts her chin out. “I have got to hear this but Jackson I’m warning you right now. Don’t you fucking lie, I don’t deserve that, our son doesn’t deserve this.”
I run a hand through my hair then take a seat at the table across from Chloe. I’m stalling and she knows it. I just have to come clean, I know I have to, but I’m afraid she isn’t going to believe me. Plus, what could she possibly know from just a phone call with Ally? Would she have told Chloe things about the night out at the bar?
“Let me help you out since you seem to be stalling. Ally called about ten minutes ago looking for her purse that she claims is in your truck.” She drums her fingers on the table. “I went through your phone; you called her the other night while Alex and I were at your mom’s after our fight.”
I look down to my hands in my lap. “I need you to listen to me when I explain, okay? I know it is going to sound like bullshit but it’s not.” She doesn’t reply so I glance back up meeting her eyes. I need her to look into them as I say what I’m about to say next. “Ally’s purse was in my truck when I went to go and get it from Oceans. I found it, dug through it and found her phone. I called the last number and left a message letting them know I wanted to return it to Ally.”
“And…”
“And that’s it.” I stare directly into her eyes not blinking. “I know it sounds like bullshit but it’s the truth.”
I decide not to tell her that I now know how I got back to Cooper’s thanks to Aubrey and her husband. I don’t want to embarrass either one of them, especially not Chloe.
“How did it get in your truck?”
“I don’t know, honestly.”
Chloe holds my stare for a few moments before muttering, “I don’t believe you.” She shoves her chair back, the legs scraping against the tile floor. “I’m going to go pick up our son and go back to your parents’ house until I can figure out what I’m going to do.”
My hand shoots out but I yank it back when she flinches. “No, just…stay here. I’ll go to my mom and dad’s.”
Chloe shakes her head. “No, this is your house. You stay here; I won’t be at your parents’ long anyway.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I’m not going to freeload off your parents. I’ll figure something out.”
She steps around the table but I block her path. “I’m not letting you leave and this is just as much your house as it is mine.”
&nb
sp; Chloe turns her head and whispers, “You don’t have a choice.” She shoulders her way past me and before I can even turn to grab her she’s running down the hallway.
I take off after her, wishing like hell now that I parked behind her so she couldn’t leave. I reach for the door handle of her car before she backs out but it’s locked. “Chloe, don’t do this!”
She guns the gas backing out into the street. I run after her not caring how ridiculous this all looks to the neighbors. She puts the car in drive, glances over at me with eyes filled with tears. Her left hand comes up to place it against the driver side window. I step forward to place mine over top of hers for a half a second before she pulls away taking my heart, my life, my soul with her.
I should have just told her from the beginning.
Chloe
“Mommy,” a little elbow rubs against my ribs. “Mommy?”
“Hmm,” I roll the opposite way hoping to go back to my dream. At least this one is of happier times, not one where I wake up drenched in sweat and tears from seeing this Ally girl holding hands with Jackson as they walk up to the house I share with Jackson.
“Mommy, why were you calling Daddy’s name?” Alex’s sleepy little voice asks.
My eyes fly open mortified that I was calling out Jackson’s name. “I must have been dreaming.”
It’s quiet for a few minutes and I hope that means that Alex has fallen back to sleep. I don’t want to get up just yet if he’s not because he’ll never go back to sleep. After a little while I roll back over to reach across Alex to grab my phone to see what time it is. It’s a little after three in the morning. I place my cell phone on my stomach. I can’t sleep but a couple hours at a time. It’s been a week since I left Jackson again and I think this might be the final time. Between him saying all that shit to me and him lying about this Ally girl I just don’t see how we could ever get back what we used to have.
I squeeze my eyes shut holding the tears at bay. I cried that first night after I left but I refuse to cry anymore. I’ve barely spoken to anyone since. Elle has tried to figure out what’s going on and I heard Andrew talking with Jackson. MacKenzie is the only one who knows, but she doesn’t know all the details. Yesterday morning Hailey and Jaylinn stopped over with the kids while Mason and Cooper were at the gym. We sat out on the back porch and avoided the big ass elephant in the room. They didn’t ask and I didn’t tell. I’ll admit though it was nice to have to company.
Elle and Andrew want to talk tonight. I don’t know if they’re going to tell me I have to go or what, but I can’t live like this. I can’t believe I allowed myself to be solely dependent upon Jackson. How stupid of me, so very stupid. I’m going to make changes to fix that and I’m doing it as quickly as possible.
I’ve got an interview set up at a law office this morning for a legal assistant position as soon as I drop Alex off at school. I’m excited and extremely nervous. Turns out, when I called about the position yesterday I went to high school with one of the girls, Renee, who spoke with me about the job. She’s a legal secretary there now and said it’s a great firm to work for. Renee explained that she was lucky to get a foot in the door right out of high school being a file clerk while she went to school. Now, she’s going out on maternity leave so they need to hire additional help while one of the other ladies picks up her work. She’s planning on coming back in a few weeks after the baby is born so that’ll be nice to have a friend there if I’m still around.
For the next few hours I doze in and out, toss and turn in a fitful sleep. Around six-thirty I drag my tired ass out of bed to hop into the shower. When I’m finished getting ready I wake Alex up to get him ready for school. The two of us go downstairs when we’re done to find that it’s empty and quiet. It’s eerie and weird; Elle is always up with breakfast ready.
“Where’s grandma?” Alex whispers.
I shrug my shoulder. “I’m not sure. Let me get you something quick to eat and then off to school.”
I place my heels, Alex’s book bag, lunch and my purse on an empty chair. “Let’s see,” I walk over to the cabinet where the cereal is to open it. “There is Lucky Charms or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” I shake my head to myself. She always has the best cereal.
“Or donuts.”
I jump, my hand coming up to my chest. “Damn it,” I say under my breath.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to bring breakfast. Mom mentioned that she had an appointment this morning. I know she cooks you two breakfast every morning,” Jackson shrugs. “I thought I’d drop something off so you didn’t have to worry about it.”
Alex steps out from behind me. “Hey, Dad.” He’s acting shy around his dad and I absolutely hate that. There is no reason for Alex to act like that. It’s my fault that I haven’t let Jackson see Alex. I was trying to punish him and it looks like I was punishing Alex too.
Jackson kneels down and waves Alex over. “Hey, bud.” Alex steps up to Jackson and wraps his arms around his neck like he always does.
I turn my head. I can’t watch them together, it’ll make me weak when it comes to Jackson and that can’t and won’t happen. “I’ll be back in a second.” I call over my shoulder as I walk away.
I take the steps two at a top holding my breath the whole time. I can’t believe by just seeing him and hearing his voice how bad I miss him. It’s not fair that he looks completely put together and all it took was me just looking at him and I’m immediately unruffled. I step into the bedroom, close the door and slide down it. My palms resting on each side of me as I take a few calming breaths. I’m wrinkling the shit out of my skirt but I don’t care right this second.
Jackson and I need to talk, I know this. I’m just not ready yet and I’m not sure when I will be. I need to concentrate on me first before worrying about my marriage with Jackson. I need to feel like an equal when I do and not the person I am right now. It feels like in the blink of an eye my whole life fell apart. Last Christmas I thought we were starting to reconnect. New Year’s we wrote on a balloon like we do every year for wishes that we want to come true. This year Jackson and I wrote the same thing…to have another baby. This was our year to make that happen. After those first few months of getting help and getting nothing in return our dreams soured. Maybe that was the tip of the iceberg, I just don’t know. I was bitchy and pissed at the world. Why was it so hard for us to have another baby? Now that I sit here and think back to it…maybe this is the reason why. I’ll admit, I stopped paying attention to my husband. The only thing I cared about was having another baby. It was the only thing I thought about morning, noon, and night. I was taking medicine that was supposed to help, but it also gave me bad mood swings. Sex became a chore rather than a connection for us. “Ugh.” My head hits the back of the door with a thud.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly climb to my feet and smooth the wrinkles from my skirt.
“Chloe?”
“What do you want, Jackson?” I say behind the still closed door.
“Can you open the door, please?”
I sigh then compose myself before opening the door.
“Alex is eating a donut and chocolate milk.” I nod. “Do you mind if I take him to school this morning?”
That would be awesome so that I can get to my interview a little early but I don’t want him to think I need help because I don’t. “Nah, it’s alright. I’ll take him.”
“Chloe,” I look up to meet Jackson’s eyes. “You can’t stop me from seeing Alex. I get that you’re pissed at me but he’s my son too.”
“You actually have time for him?” It’s a dirty jab, I know this, but don’t give a shit.
Jackson bites down on his bottom lip while nodding his head. “I deserved that.” He continues to nod. “It doesn’t change the fact that he’s my son. I’m taking him to school.” He turns on his heels and walks back down the hallway.
When he reaches the stairs he glances back at me. “We still need to talk but I can see that you’re still too pissed off.” Then he goes down the stairs and I hear him tell Alex to go give his mom a kiss goodbye.
I finally release the death grip I had my fist in, just as I’m about to storm downstairs to tell Jackson he isn’t going to come in here and tell me what he is or isn’t doing, Alex comes running up them.
“Dad’s taking me to school.” Alex hugs me around the hips.
I lean down to kiss him on top of his head. “I heard.” I kneel down so I’m eye level with him. “Have a good day at school. Maybe later after your homework is done I’ll take you out for ice cream.”
“Yes!” He throws a little fist into the air.
“I love you, bud.”
“Love you too, Mom.” Alex runs back towards the stairs.
“Don’t forget your lunch!” I yell down hoping Alex or Jackson heard me.
A few seconds later the front door shuts and I’m left all alone in the big, quiet house with only my thoughts. And those are thoughts I don’t need to be having right now so I need to grab my shit and get the hell out of here.
I arrive for my interview about fifteen minutes early. I hit some heavy traffic caused by an overturned tractor trailer. I’m actually thankful that Jackson took Alex to school because if not I would have been late and I hate being late for anything. It’s a pet peeve I have that drives Jackson insane since he’s always late.
As I’m filling out the application, Renee sticks her head out into the reception area. “Chloe?”
I look up smiling. She looks even prettier now than I remember her back in high school. I stand, place the clip board on the empty seat next to me and walk over to her. I hold my hands out for a hug. “How have you been?”
Renee leans forward to hug me then glances down to her bulging belly. “I’m doing great.”
Envy quickly washes over me because if Jackson and I had gotten pregnant in the beginning of the year I might have had a belly like hers. “I can see.”