“Or?”
“You can trust me to tell you as much as I can.”
“Trust?” A master spy? She laughed.
“You know that I have your best interest—”
“Bull shit. You’ll always put the mission first. So don’t even try to tell me that you care about me.”
A cloud of hurt crossed his eyes for a second before he hardened them. “I do care.”
Shit. More silence.
“I could have gotten killed when you sent me after Bakari the first time, with only half a deck of cards. You could have told me more.” She fought the tears of anger that the memory brought back to her.
He steepled his hands on his desk. “I’ve already apologized for that. It was a bad call, but one that wasn’t mine.”
She’d figured as much. “So why should I trust you, or them.” She waved her hand in the air to include the whole building.
“Sadie.” His eyes softened like a con man’s.
Her back firmed. “Don’t sweet talk me. Your southern charm won’t cut it this time.”
He smiled. “I can only promise to do my best. You know me well enough to know that I will do that.”
“I’ll walk if it happens again.”
“Understood.”
She rose to leave the room, ready to sign the endless forms in the stuffy office down the hall, but his voice stopped her.
“Now, I have one condition.”
One? “Shoot.”
“Get rid of the Dutch guy.”
She leaned over his desk. “Fuck you.”
“Sadie, sit down and listen to me.”
“I’ll stand, thank you.” She crossed her arms in front of her.
“Sebastian Wilde is dangerous.”
“But…”
He put his hand up to stop her from saying more. “Hear me out. The man is a wild card. He keeps turning up at the worst times. I know he saved your life this time, but the two of you might not be so lucky the next time. Sooner or later, his interest in you will interfere with your mission and put you both in danger.”
“I love him.”
Jeremiah sighed. “Go meet him in Venice, then, just as you planned. Spend time together. Let yourself enjoy being in love. Then end it.” He shook his head as she opened her mouth to speak. “You know it’s the best thing for both of you.”
Her knees trembled. The last thing she wanted was to put Sebastian in danger. She’d find a way to keep him away from her work. “Jeremiah…”
As if he read her thoughts, he shook his head. “Spies fall in love with civilians, but they don’t stay in love.”
48
Chapter Forty-Eight
Back in Venice
Two weeks later
Sadie leaned her back against the hull of the yacht as Sebastian steered them down the Grand Canal. Sated from a week of the best sex—ever—she’d run out of words. She looked out at the canal. How lucky could she be?
The morning light reflected off the water, accentuating its unique aqua color, a Caribbean blue interwoven with dark-navy tendrils of waves from the north. It teamed with energy. The sun danced on the top of the waves like magic. The breeze off the Adriatic Sea blew through her hair. She inhaled deeply. The air smelt fresh and sweet. Could life get any better?
The gondolas moored at the sides of the canals waited for the day to truly begin, to take lovers under the Bridge of Sighs, past historic castles, three centuries old. Venice was a city of secrets and mystery, but it was also a place of love.
A vaporetto chugged past them filled with commuters and tourists. A woman holding a baby in her arms smiled at Sadie, the smile of contentment, of knowing who you are and what you are meant to do. That’s exactly how Sadie felt. Everything in her life had happened for a reason, and it all led to this moment. She felt more truly herself than ever before. She was both a spy and a woman. The two parts of her were woven too tightly together to be pulled apart. She would live a double life as long as she lived.
In one hour, her train would leave for Paris. It was time to end things with Sebastian. She let that thought wash over her.
During their time together she’d stolen moments to think about their relationship, but then he’d kiss her, or tickle her, or… jump her. It was impossible to think about breaking up with Sebastian when she lay by his side. But she couldn’t send him a Dear John letter either. He deserved better.
Their attraction wasn’t just physical. Though he was an amazing lover. Memories of her second wish, which he granted two hours ago, lingered in her mind. She could still feel his strong arms holding her close, whispering in her ear, “I love you.”
No it wasn’t all physical. Never had she met such a wonderful man, honest, trusting, caring and fun-loving. He looked tough, but he had a big heart and he had opened it wide to her, only to her. He’d do anything for her. He had killed for her. What more could she want?
Safety. Safety for herself and for him.
The world of espionage called her. She loved the excitement, the thrill of the chase, and knowing that she could make a difference in this fucked-up world. That knowledge ran in her blood. She had to continue working for the CIA. Her skills were needed. It sounded cheesy when she said it out loud, but in her heart she knew it to be the truth. The world could so easily fall into barbarism. She would do whatever she could to prevent that.
Jeremiah’s words echoed in her ears. “Spies don’t stay in love.” Her gut wrenched.
Sebastian steered the boat into the docking area of the train station. He threw the bow-line to a man standing on the dock. He turned to look at her, but she couldn’t meet his eyes. She didn’t want him to see that there were tears in hers. He jumped onto the dock. She scrambled up without help and stood beside him.
They walked towards the station together. Sebastian rolled her luggage. It made a whirring sound as it rolled on the hard surface. They didn’t speak. During the whole week they’d avoided speaking about their relationship. She’d asked him to use condoms and they didn’t discuss why. They’d both said the love word many times, but neither had mentioned the future. Now it was time to part. They had to say something about their future.
But how could she? Could she tell him how much she loved him and how much she would miss him? Maybe love was more a curse than a blessing after all.
They walked side by side. Inside the station they checked the schedule. The train was still running on time. A good thing. They stood their looking at the large wall of information as if it held some secret message. She swallowed. “Sebastian?”
He took her hands in his and pulled her close. Resting his forehead on hers, he spoke softly. “I love you, Sadie.”
“I’m a spook.”
“I know.” Sadness laced his tense voice.
“I can’t give up my double life. Not even for you.” A tear spilled from her eye.
“Maybe not now, but…”
“Sebastian, I know myself. I will always be a spy.”
“And I will always love you.”
Her tears fell freely now. “I don’t want us to end.” Where did the words come from? She didn’t mean to say them. They spilled out.
He let go of her hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks with tender fingers. His blue than blue eyes caressed hers. “Mijn liefje, you will never lose me.”
“But we can’t continue like this.” The thought of endless goodbyes in train stations around the world felt wrong.
“I agree.”
Her gut wrenched. This felt all wrong.
“I want you to move in with me.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
He laughed. “Possibly, but it’s the best idea I can come up with.”
“In Amsterdam?” The image of his well-appointed flat on the top of a canal house on the Herengracht came to mind, cozy, convenient and seductive.
“When you’re working in Europe, my place in Amsterdam can be our base. I have my friend Seamus upgrading the security system ri
ght now. I asked him to make it fit for the queen of spies.” Seamus McPherson worked at Interpol and would do a good job. “When you’re working in the states, I figured your apartment in New York could be our base. As long as we don’t put my cat with your dog, we can make this work.”
For one glorious moment she thought they could, but then all her fears rushed back. “Sebastian, I can’t put you in danger.”
“I don’t mind being in danger, as long as I get to be with you.” His fingers traced the side of her cheek. “And yes, I do like puppies.”
His love echoed through every cell of her body. How could she refuse? “It won’t be easy.”
“Nothing about you is easy. All I ask is that you’re straight with me. Tell me where you are. Don’t hold back.”
Right. Spies have secrets. She’d never be able to tell him everything, but then, what sane woman tells her man everything? She’d just have a few more secrets than the average woman. “I can only promise to try.”
He reached into the pocket of his jacket and brought out a small white velvet jewelry box tied with a blue satin ribbon. “The night the assassin tried to kill you I’d planned to ask you to live with me. And if you said yes, I planned to give you this present to commemorate our new beginning.”
A new beginning. Is that what they needed? She pulled on the ribbon and opened the lid. A beautiful sapphire and diamond bracelet lay inside. She sighed. How could she make this work? Looking into his eyes, she said, “It’s gorgeous.” She opened the catch and put it around her wrist. The gems glistened in the morning light. Her heart danced. Such a perfect gift. She touched his face. “I love you with all my heart, Sebastian—”
He put a finger to her mouth to stop her saying more. “I love you, Sadie.”
His words echoed through her body. Her shoulders relaxed. What was the point in fighting her feelings? She touched his chest wanting to get closer to him. Quirking a brow, she asked, “Does this mean I get my third wish?”
That heated look returned to his pale blue eyes, the one that put her libido on extra high. His full, sensual lips turned into his killer smile, making her knees wobbly. He leaned closer and, in a low, husky voice, said, “Want to tell it to me again.”
Her body rippled with expectation. Oh my, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. “The two of us, alone…”
He kissed her neck in her sweet spot and she lost her words.
“I need details,” he said. “Lots and lots of details.” He kissed her again this time on her mouth.
She did like details. Could she have two lives, and one true love? Sadie would find a way.
Her life was complicated.
∞
The End
A Letter From Jo-Ann
Dear Readers,
Welcome to the world of the modern Mata Hari. If you enjoyed reading Sadie’s story, please help me spread the word about her series. Tell your friends about the book and if you have time, please, please, please write a review (on Amazon or Goodreads – but preferably on Amazon, because that’s where I find most of my readers). Word of mouth and written reviews are pure gold for budding writers, like me.
You can learn about my latest publications from my newsletter ( sign up here). Want to connect? My home on the Internet is my Web Site. On it you can find all my social media links.
To send me a personal note, you can email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the story.
On the next few pages you’ll find information about the other books in the Mata Hari Series, and you can read the first chapter of the next novel in the series, Ancient Danger.
Again, thank you for reading my story.
hugs,
Jo-Ann
Also by Jo-Ann Carson
A Ghost & Abby Series
Midnight Magic
I Messed Up Christmas
Death by Seance
* * *
The Gambling Ghosts Series
A Highland Ghost for Christmas
A Viking Ghost for Valentine’s Day
Confessions of a Pirate Ghost
The Biker Ghost Meets His Match
* * *
The Vancouver Blues Series (Danger waits in the alley …)
Steamy Romantic Suspense:
Black Cat Blues
Ain’t Misbehavin’
* * *
Mata Hari Series (A single woman ~ A double life)
Steamy Romantic Suspense:
Covert Danger
Ancient Danger
Lovin’ Danger
* * *
Writing as Doomsday Carson
Bête Noire
About the Author
Jo-Ann Carson has lived most of her life on islands off the west coast of Canada, surrounded by snow covered mountains, lush rain forests and pristine beaches.
Growing up, she dreamed of traveling the world like James Bond, searching for relics like Indiana Jones, and finding true love, so it’s no surprise that in her Mata Hari Series she combines elements of adventure, danger and steamy romance.
Excerpt from Lovin' Danger
CHAPTER ONE
New York City, Wednesday April 1st, 2015
Sadie woke gasping for air, her body covered in sweat, her nerves trembling. Damn dreams. They always haunted her before something really bad happened. She glanced at her radio clock, 8a.m., too early to face the day. Settling her head back into her soft pillow she reminded herself premonitions were useless superstitions. That’s when she heard a knocking on her front door. Grabbing her Glock 36 resting on the bedside table, she listened for more sounds. Her senses sharpened as the world slid into slow motion. More knocking, harder this time. She shook her hair out of her face as she moved towards the sound.
Releasing the safety on her gun, she looked through the security lens. A soon as Sadie recognized her visitor, the tension in her body eased and she drew a long, deep breath. Not an assassin this time. She put the safety back on the gun and placed it on the entrance table, then released three deadbolt locks and cracked the door open. After taking a good look around, she opened it wider to greet her friend.
Wearing a pink, sweat suit and smelling of peppermints, her neighbor Beatrice pushed past Sadie and strode into the room. She had the awkward gait of a woman determined to be three steps ahead of her body, but held back by an arthritic hip. A fluffy labradoodle puppy, Casanova, followed at her heels. His tail wagged like an out-of-control metronome. Bee took a quick look around the apartment, then turned and fixed her eyes on Sadie.
Sadie closed the door and stood in front of the table where she had placed her gun. Beatrice knew she lived a dangerous life, but didn’t need to know how dangerous.
Beatrice looked her up and down as if Sadie hid secrets in her belly button. “Took you long enough to answer the damn door.”
Sadie shrugged and stared back at her. Curlers with bristles held the woman’s blond hair in neat rows on the right side of her head, while her hair fell loose on the other side. It didn’t take a Sherlock to know the woman had rushed over. “Do you know what time it is?”
“I need a favor,” Beatrice began.
So they talked and talked. The banter flowed back and forth like a tennis rally for five minutes and then stopped at the net. They stood facing each other in an uncomfortable silence.
Beatrice looked over her pearl rimmed glasses, perched near the bottom of her long nose. “Cheekbones, ya only live once.” Her tobacco-worn voice made her words sound prophetic and sometimes Sadie thought they actually were, but not today.
Sadie had things to do. The spook part of her wanted to rest after spending a late night sleuthing around a gala event at the Met Opera. The model part of her wanted to soak her aching feet, currently holding at a nine on her ten-point, blister scale. Standing for hours on stilettos never got easy. And the girly-girl part of her wanted to phone her lover, Sebastian, and have a good, long chat. Well, maybe a dirty-chat.
She sighed at that thought. There was so much
for her do in her hectic life and not enough time to savor the best parts. And on top of that, not being able to succeed at her new goal—to find balance in her life—frustrated the heck out of her. No one wrote, “How to Find Balance,” articles for spies. No one espoused instant remedies for the chaos created by what life threw at spooks. She had to figure it out on her own.
Beatrice raised a brow.
Sadie’s eyes slid down to the ground. Casanova, a chocolate labradoodle they shared, sat between them, his leather lead in his mouth. He looked from one woman to the other with hope in his gorgeous eyes. Drool foamed at the right edge of his mouth. As if he understood they neared a decision, he let out one long, pathetic groan.
“Okay, you got me,” Sadie said. Cassy had clinched the deal.
***
Four hours later, Sadie looked around Bryant Park in mid-town Manhattan checking out the scene. It’s natural for people to enjoy spring, a time of fertility, energy and growth; but this one, coming on the heels of a wicked winter, created an unprecedented thawing-out excitement in the city that hung in the air like a delicious contagion, infecting everyone with joie de vivre. A hundred people flowed through the small park. Groups gathered sipping coffee and chatting as if they hadn’t seen each other for a decade. Old men played chess with young men. Lovers held hands. A lone musician played a Stradivarius violin. Laughing children skipped along the path. And they all smiled as they shared in the warmth of the sun. Sadie breathed it all in. Maybe an afternoon in the park would help her with her balance goal.
As if he heard her thoughts, Cassy nudged her thigh. The heat of the sun sizzled on Sadie’s skin. The day seemed perfect. Almost too perfect. That creepy-cold-as-ice feeling tip toed up her spine. Was she imagining it? Had to be. Premonitions aren’t real.
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