by Meghan March
“I didn’t ask him to go!”
“Trust me, I know all about it. It was his choice. And he picked you.”
“It’s not always a matter of someone not choosing you. You’re a grown man. You make your own goddamn choices. Clearly, because you chose to cut me loose the second things got hard.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he protested.
“No? Then what was it like?”
“I wasn’t going to let you tear yourself apart over this. I was trying to make it easier for you.”
“Don’t do me any favors.”
“Jesus, Ro. No matter what I do, I can’t do right by you.”
“You didn’t even try.”
Head and heart pounding relentlessly, Ro couldn’t handle another minute of this conversation. She didn’t want it to deteriorate into saying hurtful things she didn’t mean. And she would not let him see her cry. She pushed away from the chair and didn’t look back when she said, “Have a nice life, Graham.”
Graham clenched his fists and fought the urge to explode. The woman was infuriating. She tossed off words without thought, not realizing they ripped through him like the bullet that had creased his side. What was he supposed to do? Turn his back on the home he’d been given and all of the people who counted on him? The fact that Zach had been able to do it still stunned him. It was inconceivable. Impossible. Out of the question.
She hadn’t even asked him to leave with them.
That was the harshest truth to face. His split second decision to spare her emotional turmoil had spiraled out of control, wreaking havoc on his carefully ordered life. She’d leave, and everything would go back to normal. Except Zach would be gone. And Graham was pretty sure he’d have missed out on his one shot at happiness. After all this, he couldn’t figure any way that he deserved a second shot.
The food Allison prepared for the farewell dinner was excellent, Ro thought, if you could chew through the thick layer of awkwardness that pervaded the whole affair. Even the five year old picked up on the tension. “Mommy, why is everyone so quiet? I thought this was a party?”
Graham was a no-show. He’d volunteered to take a command post shift instead, freeing up Jonah to attend. Ro didn’t hear what Allison said to Grace, but the little girl didn’t ask any more questions that highlighted the too-sober nature of the evening. Ro wanted to hide under the table, or better yet, run away. The self-doubt was beating her down, and she couldn’t manage to do more than push her food around on her plate. The barbecued pulled pork should have smelled delicious, but Ro’s stomach was churning too much to eat more than a few tiny forkfuls. She didn’t even bother picking up the sandwich.
“Babe, aren’t you hungry?” Zach’s expression was concerned. He offered her a homemade French fry from his plate. “Want one?”
Ro smiled weakly and wanted to kick her own ass for being so obviously miserable. But she couldn’t fake happiness. Being disingenuous … wasn’t her forte.
“I’m just tired,” she said, not mentioning that her boobs hurt, and she was starting to freak the fuck out about what that might mean.
Jonah stood, drawing the attention of all in the room. He raised his water glass and said, “I want to propose a toast. To the Callahan family: it’s been a pleasure to know all of you, and I hope you’ll always feel like you have a place here, if you need it. And if you don’t, may your stores be bountiful, your ammo dry and plentiful, and your lives happy. Take care of our boy; he’s one of the best of us.”
Everyone clinked their water glasses and finished dinner without further fanfare. The guys each stopped to slap Zach on the back and give her a hug. None of them said much more than, “Take care of yourselves.” Ro’s guilt grew exponentially.
“All right, see you bright and early,” her dad called, heading for the door. “This train is leaving at oh-six-hundred.”
Erica grumbled about getting up so early, but moved to the kitchen to help Allison and Lia clean up. Ro didn’t have the energy to offer, even for politeness sake. She wanted her bed and for the next twenty-four hours to be over.
Zach walked her back to her cabin and kissed her softly on the forehead. “I’ll be by in the morning to get you.” He plucked a peanut butter Power Bar from his pocket. “Just in case you get hungry. Don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t eat a damn thing for dinner.”
She buried her head in his chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a drag, I just ...”
He kissed her forehead again. “I know, babe. This isn’t easy for me either.”
“Then why are you doing it?” she whispered.
“Sometimes you have to make the hard choice, because it’s the right choice.” He stepped away. “Now get some sleep. I love you.”
The door cracked against the wall, and Graham instinctively reached for his gun. Seeing Zach stalk into the command post brought on a sick feeling of déjà vu. The last conversation that had started this way hadn’t ended well. He forced himself to relax and reached for the half-empty bottle of Jack on the desk. Zach studied him as he poured the shot and tossed it back. Graham welcomed the burn of the whiskey streaking from his throat to his gut. He’d never been drunk while on duty, but this seemed like an appropriate occasion. He flicked a glance at Zach’s aggressive posture.
“She’s miserable. And it’s your fault.”
“That so?” Graham decided the mention of Rowan merited another generous shot. He sloshed the amber liquid into the glass and lifted it to Zach in a toast before downing it. The crack of the shot glass connecting with the table echoed like a gunshot in the small room. “Pull up a chair. I’ll even find you a fucking glass. We can toast your new future.” Graham had tried to avoid watching them celebrate tonight. Tried to stay out of the way and not color it with his bitterness, but he should’ve known Zach wouldn’t let it go.
Zach paced.
“Cut the shit, Graham. I know you, and this has to be ripping you up. But you walk around like it’s just another fucking day. We’re leaving. Tomorrow. There’s a chance you’ll never see Ro or me again. How can you fucking act like it doesn’t matter?”
Graham jolted up. The screech of the metal on concrete was as discordant as his thoughts. Fuck this shit. He grabbed the shot glass from the desk and hurled it at the wall. “You see that?” He pointed to the shattered glass. “That’s how I fucking feel about this. But what the hell am I supposed to do? Beg her to stay? Because I’m not going to put her through that.”
Zach reached for the whiskey. “Did you ever think about coming with us?” He paused to take a swig from the bottle before looking at Graham. “Did the possibility ever even occur to you?”
Graham yanked the bottle out of Zach’s grip and barely held back from heaving it at the wall. “Of course it fucking occurred to me. But you tell me how the hell I’m supposed to turn my back on everything and everyone here? How do I do that? Because I sure as shit don’t know how.”
Zach stood, face lined with strain and shoulders slumped in defeat. He walked to the door and paused at the threshold. “You just choose her.” He met Graham’s gaze. “I’m gonna miss you, brother.”
Graham was left alone, clutching the whiskey bottle with Zach’s words ricocheting through his brain.
Ro watched as her dad rearranged the gear in the bed of the truck before stowing her own backpack in the cab. The truck was parked alongside the armory for easy loading. Apparently, Graham had offered her father more firepower to ensure they had a safe trip to their undisclosed location. The gesture was a little too much, “Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?” to Ro.
“You coming to get some grub?” her dad asked.
Allison had cooked up an extra-early breakfast, but Ro’s stomach was too knotted up to consider eating.
“I’m good.”
“I’ll be back in a few, and then we’re heading out.” Her dad sauntered off to what was likely their last home-cooked meal for a while, and Ro caught sight of Zach. He was weighed down with two sea b
ags and a backpack. He dropped them to the ground near the tailgate with a thump. Ro pushed off the side of the truck, gathered her courage, and intercepted him as he started to shove them inside.
She laid a shaky hand on his arm. “I can’t let you do this.”
Zach jerked backward like he’d been slapped. “Please tell me you’re talking about my packing skills. Tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”
Ro squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears that were poised to fall. “I can’t be the reason you throw away a friendship that means everything to you. I can’t be the reason that you turn your back on everything that matters to you.”
“Ro—”
“No, listen to me.” Ro forced back the sob that was trying to claw its way out of her throat. “This is a mistake, and you know it. You’re going to resent the hell out of me as soon as we drive out those gates, and it’s going to kill anything we could have together. Graham may not be with us, but he would be hanging between us at every moment. Some part of you has to know I’m right.” She lost the battle with her tears, and they streamed down her face.
Before she could swipe them away, Zach cradled her face with his big hand. “Why are you doing this?” His thumb skimmed across her cheek, catching her tears.
“Because I’m making the hard choice. The right choice. The only choice I can live with.”
“Don’t I get a say?”
She just shook her head.
“Don’t do this, Ro. I love you.” It broke her to see tears gathering in his eyes.
“I know,” she said, barely able to get out the words. “I love you, and I love Graham, too. But it’s all or nothing for us. Anything less is going to destroy at least one of us, and I can’t let that happen. Not if I can stop it.”
“Rowan, I swear to God, woman,” Zach started, his features twisted with anguish.
“Please,” she whispered. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.” She leaned up on her tiptoes to press one last kiss to his cheek. She pulled away from his grip and lunged into the backseat, shutting and locking the door. Burying her face in the arms her bulky gray sweatshirt, she sobbed.
From his position inside the doorway of the command post, Graham could hear and see everything that was taking place next to the Callahan truck. And what he was hearing and seeing gutted him. Why would she do it?
Rick Callahan’s rangy stride carried him out of the mess hall. His youngest daughter followed, dressed in camo pants and a black sweatshirt, her trademark dew rag covering the top of her head. Rick paused as they neared the truck, spying Zach bent at the waist as if he’d just been sucker punched. Zach straightened slowly before shouldering his bags. They exchanged a few words, but Graham couldn’t hear them. By the look on Erica’s face, it was safe to say Zach had just informed them of Rowan’s unilateral change in plans. Rick shook his hand and slipped him a piece of paper. Zach walked away, staring down at the scrap of paper in his hand. Rick tapped on the window, and after a beat, Rick and Erica climbed into the cab of the truck, and the engine roared to life. The truck shifted into gear and started to pull away, circling the armory and command post to head for the gate.
Graham jerked away from the door, as if shocked from his stupor by the growl of the diesel engine. He jogged toward Zach, cutting him off and stopping directly in his path.
“What the fuck, man?”
“I was wrong. I thought I could watch her leave, but this shit isn’t working for me. You were right—she’s it. She’s everything. And we can’t let her leave. Not without us.” He held out his radio. “Tell Ty to stall them at the gate. I need to grab my stuff.”
Zach looked incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me? Now? You decide now that you can’t live without her? You wait until she breaks my fucking heart? What the hell is wrong with you?” Graham didn’t even try to dodge Zach’s fist as it connected with his jaw. He staggered back a step and stared at his friend.
“You done? Or you need another?”
“You’re such a prick, G. If I had more time, I’d beat you into the fucking ground.”
“So, we good?” Graham held out a hand.
Zach clasped it. “Yeah, fucker. We’re good. Now get your shit so we can go get our girl. I’m not letting her get away. No matter what she thinks is the right choice.”
Graham took off running toward their cabin as Zach radioed Ty with instructions to stall the Callahans. He spotted Beau leaving the clinic, a black civilian backpack slung over one shoulder.
“Where you headed?”
“Going after our girl.”
“Shit. They already leave?”
“Yeah, but we’re holding them up at the gate. They’re missing a couple passengers.”
Beau looked confused. “Little Rambo Girl miss the train?”
“No, man. Me and Zach.”
“But I thought—”
“Can’t explain. Gotta hurry.”
“Well, then just give this to Ro.” Beau tossed him the backpack. Graham slipped it over his shoulder without asking about the contents. He was already running down the list of things he needed.
Ro stared out the window. The farther away they got from the walls, the harder the tears fell. Her fingers tangled in her hair as she silently promised herself that once they'd crossed through the gate, she'd stop crying. It made her feel better to believe her own lie.
The main gate was in sight, and Ty appeared to be fiddling with the lock. Her dad braked and cranked down the window.
“What’s the problem, son?”
Ty rounded the hood and poked his head in the window. “Grabbed the wrong set of keys for the padlock. But don’t you worry, one of the guys is bringing ‘em out. It’ll just be a few minutes.”
They waited. And waited. Ten minutes later, Ro’s dad said, “We’ll just go back and get the keys.”
“No need,” replied Ty. “Here they come.”
They? Ro’s head snapped around, and she saw Graham and Zach stalking toward the truck, loaded down with gear, determined looks on their faces.
What the hell?
“Now what’s this about?”
“Not my place to say.”
As if synchronized, Graham and Zach threw open the back doors of the cab. Ro looked from one man to the other, dumbfounded.
Zach leaned on the doorframe closest to Ro, and said, “Move over, babe. You ain’t leavin’ without me. No way, no how. Don’t care what you say.”
Mouth hanging open, Ro looked to where Graham was shoving gear under the bench seat.
“What … what are you doing?” Ro asked him.
Graham looked up. “You were right. It’s all or nothing for us. And nothing isn’t something we can live with.” He’d heard that?
“But the ranch … your team … I thought—”
“I was dead wrong to think I could let you go. You’re more important than the ranch. They’ll be fine. It’s Zach and me who won’t be fine if we let you leave without us.”
Ro was still processing his statement when he tossed her an unfamiliar black backpack. “That’s from Beau.”
“What is it?”
“No clue, babe. Didn’t take the time to check. Was in a little bit of a hurry.”
Erica leaned over the seat and snatched the bag from Ro before she could unzip it. Rowan didn’t argue, because Graham and Zach had finished stowing their gear and were climbing into the back seat, sandwiching her between them. Where she belonged. The warmth of that thought chased away any lingering confusion.
Ty smiled. “Sorry for the hold up, folks. It turns out I do have the right key. It’ll be just a minute.”
“What the hell is all this?” Erica said. She held up two white rectangular boxes and a fat pill bottle. “Is there something you aren’t telling us?”
The main gate swung open, but Rick didn’t put the truck in gear. He was staring at the bottle and whatever else Erica was holding. Graham nabbed the bottle just as Rick grabbed one of the
boxes and opened it.
“Rowan Elizabeth Callahan, why am I holding a pregnancy test?”
“Umm …” Ro mumbled.
Graham read the label on the bottle out loud. “Prenatal vitamins.” He turned and stared at Ro and then met Zach’s gaze over her shoulder. “You know about this?”
“One of them knocked you up?” Erica asked.
“No! I mean, I don’t know. Nothing’s for sure. The last test was negative. Beau is just being overly cautious.”
“You were going to leave and not say anything about the fact that you could be carrying our baby?” Graham demanded.
Ty, sensing something was wrong, closed the main gate.
An uneasy silence settled over the inhabitants of the truck. Graham figured they were all waiting for Rowan to speak. He sure as hell was. Her dad broke the silence first.
“This changes things.”
“Fucking changes everything,” Zach said. “I can’t ... I don’t even ... Why didn’t you tell us?”
“There’s nothing to tell!”
“Yet,” Zach challenged.
“When will you know for sure?” Graham asked.
“I don’t know, another few days. Maybe a week?”
Rick put the truck in reverse and then proceeded to make a three-point turn and started driving back in the direction of the walls.
“What are you doing?”
“Rowan, your mother almost died giving birth to both of you girls. There’s no way I’m taking you away from the only doctor we have available if you’re pregnant.”
“And if I’m not? What then? We’re packing back up and leaving because you’re so damn sure this place has a target on it?”
“If you’re not, well, I guess we’ll see then. But after this morning, I can’t imagine trying to separate you from these two boys. They’re willing to give up everything for you, and a man doesn’t do that unless he’s either crazy or in love. But you better believe, if you’re pregnant, I will stand by with a shotgun until one of them marries you.”