by J. L. Ostle
My whole body is shaking.
I still want her.
But I know she is no good for me.
I am ordering six shots of tequila when I notice Hilary and Lewis walk up to me in the corner of my eye, I put on a smile facing them.
“I love tequila,” Hilary says and I pass them two each.
“Me too.” I skip the salt and lime and just down them, right after the other.
“Wow, I couldn’t do that.” I watch as they both do their salt, shot and lemon.
“Depends on what mood I’m in.” I give her a wink and I see her blush again.
“Well, Hil was telling me about what you like doing behind closed doors,” Lewis says before clearing his throat. I look to Hilary who is watching me.
“Yeah, I didn’t mean to be forward, she asked me a question and I answered.”
“No, it's fine, it’s just um.” He rubs the back of his neck. “We have wanted to spice up our love life and because you just watch.” He pauses looking at her. “We would like you to watch us if that’s okay with you?”
I look to them both and they look a little unsure. I want my couples to want to do it. Each of them. “I want you both to want it. It won’t work if you both aren’t one hundred percent sure.”
“We are,” Hilary says confidently.
“Okay. Shall we go now?” They look to one another and nod. Hilary takes my hand as Lewis takes the other. We head outside and I could feel eyes on me, I turn to see Hope watching us. I quickly look away and shake her out of my head.
She can’t give me what I want.
Not anymore.
I walk with them as we head to a cab and when we get inside the whole trip is filled with silence. I don’t say a word as I know a thousand thoughts will be running through their heads.
When we get to their place, we all take a seat in the spacious living room. I look around the space, seeing how clean and well-kept the place is. Walls full with photos of them, flowers on the window sills. It’s very homey.
“What now?” Hilary asks shakily.
“We go upstairs, I will sit in the far corner and you both pretend I’m not there.” She nods and then stands, I stand with her. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I am, just a little nervous.”
“Don’t be.” I give her hand a squeeze and I step back as I watch them head up the stairs, I follow close behind until we reach their room. They head to the bed while I grab a seat near the desk taking it to the far corner. They both look at me and then to the other.
They start off by kissing, which I know is a comfortable move. People kiss in public all the time, so I know this will be easier for them both. He cups her cheeks, then his hands leave her face as he starts to lift up her green and white summer dress, once off leaving her in her white bra and panties he continues to kiss her once again.
Her hands fumble with his trouser buttons until they fall around his ankles and he steps out of them, his lips never leaving hers. Her hands go around his neck pulling him towards her. I can hear their breathing coming in faster.
I try and stay quiet, watching each movement they make.
Lewis undoes her bra and helps her slip it off her arms before taking one of her nipples into his mouth. Her body arching into him. He slowly starts pulling her panties down, his mouth still sucking on her breast, until she is completely naked. He releases her to pull his shirt over his head and pull his own boxers down, freeing his dick.
They both look towards me but I made sure to stay in the shadows, they can see my silhouette but not my facial features.
He lays her softly on the bed and hovers above her, kissing her neck, to her breasts, down her stomach missing her pussy causing her to whimper. He plants little kisses on her thighs, teasing her. When his mouth does reach her wet folds, she arches off the bed, her hands fisting the sheets.
I watch as he sucks and licks her, hearing her moaning out his name is making that ache between my thighs stronger. When she releases her orgasm, he continues sucking on her clit for a minute before kissing her lips once again.
He places his cock at her entrance but not fully entering her. He glides himself between her sex-lips, taunting her. Her fingers dig into his upper arms causing him to groan into her neck.
Lewis rotates his hips so the end of his cock stimulates her clit, causing her to beg to him. She tries arching her bottom half but he pulls back, I see him smirk at her attempts. Her body shaking with want and need.
He finally thrusts inside her making her scream out his name in pleasure. He starts off slow but soon starts to build up a rhythm, thrusting harder inside of her, the bed banging against the wall. I place my hand on my thighs lifting my dress until I reach my own pussy, entering three fingers, my head falls back a moment in my own pleasure. I am soaking wet and feel very swollen.
It has been too long.
I notice them both turn towards the noise. They must know what I’m doing and they continue once again. Him thrusting even harder inside her, her groaning and begging for more. With all of our noises echoing around the room, it makes my release so much closer.
He steps back from Hilary grabbing her hips flipping her around so she is on her hands and knees and enters her once again but this time they are facing me, even though they can hardly see me, I am sure they can see my own movements.
What I am doing. What they are doing to me.
“Harder, please” Hilary begs Lewis and he starts pounding into her. Both of them still facing me as I face them. I start stroking my clit harder, pinching the sensitivity of it. I spread my legs out wider, the wetness dripping down my thighs and soon I scream out my release when I hear Hilary scream out hers at the same time Lewis groans out his.
I place my dress back in place and stand, leaving the room, heading back downstairs grabbing my bag. I like to know once we all come I make an easy retreat. I am opening the door when I hear my name being called, I turn to see Hilary running to me in her dressing gown.
“You don’t need to leave.” She says in her soft voice.
“It’s easier if I leave this way,” I tell her, I watch as she bites her lip. “Don’t be embarrassed about what happened. Trust me it will be something you will always remember and feel proud that you took enough courage to do.”
“It’s not that. I am happy I did it. The sex was so literally out of this world.” We both laugh. “With you there, it made it, even more, sexier somehow.”
“I get it. I do.” I turn, but she stops me.
“Will we see you again?” Her fingers entwined with mine.
“I’m sure you will.” I give her a warm smile.
“Can I ask one favour before you go?”
“Okay,” I say questionly.
“I never kissed a girl before, I was wondering whilst tonight is a night of firsts if I could kiss you. To say that I have. In case I never see you again.” I hesitate for a moment as the last person who kissed my lips was Hope, but this beautiful girl in front of me is asking and how could I say no?
I step towards her, placing my hands on her hips, bringing her into me as my lips touch hers. I kiss her slowly, my tongue stroking along her bottom lip before she opens her mouth giving me entry to massage my tongue with hers.
I pull her a little more so our bodies are tightly touching when I start to pick up speed, kissing her harder. I want her kiss with a girl to be a memorable one. I feel her hands go into my hair, kissing me back just as hard.
Then I pull away both of us panting. “Wow.” She says, her fingers touching where my lips have been.
“Thank you.” I laugh a little.
“That was some kiss.” Her fingers stay put on her mouth as she looks at me in what I can guess as wonderment.
“I wanted your first kiss with a woman to be a pleasant one.”
“And it was. I have to see you again.” She says eagerly and I know that we can’t. She is already starting to have an emotional attachment, mixing feelings up to something else.
>
“We shall see. Goodbye Hilary.” I kiss her once more, gently, before walking out the door, not looking behind me as I know I can still feel her eyes on me.
“So come on tell me, how were they?” Hannah asks me in her giddy voice as she lays on my bed. I finish up rereading my final draft before saving and shutting down my laptop.
“You know I can’t tell you the details, it’s like confidentiality or something, you know this.” I stand up walking over, sitting next to her on my bed.
“But you told me every detail when it first happened.” She pouts.
“Because it’s like when you lose your virginity, you tell your best friend everything. I had to tell you, besides I didn’t think it would happen again.” I try to explain to her.
“But it has, you are like a druggie, so maybe you talking about it is a step towards recovery.” I laugh at her logic.
“We both know that me spilling about my sex life isn’t going to make me want to do it less. It’s not like there are AA meetings.”
“I know, but I will say anything for you to tell me.” She pouts “Your sex life is so interesting and it sounds hot.” She waggles her eyebrows at me.
“I wouldn’t even call it a sex life, I don’t have sex.” I sigh.
“But you get yourself off though.”
“I can’t believe how comfortable you are in talking about this. Your best friend watches strangers have sex and touches herself as they do. Don’t you think it’s weird? Shouldn’t you want to avoid talking about this?” I look to her.
“No, people do worse things. I read a book where a girl had sex with a dog, now that is fucked up.” I look at her in disgust.
“That is just sick.” Who the hell would write about that?
“What you are doing isn’t. The couples consent, you all have a good time so why not? But have you ever wanted to get involved?” I think about it, but I have to say that I haven’t.
“Not really. Since Hope, I would just rather watch.” I pause. “Besides I saw her last night.” Hannah sits up grabbing hold of my arm.
“Oh my God and you're just telling me this now? What happened?”
“She said she missed me, she lured me in, then I ended up kissing her.”
“Where did you kiss her?”
“The club toilets.”
“Wow, classy.” I give her a look. “What did you say after she kissed you?”
“I didn’t say anything until she said she knew that I still wanted her. I found out that Darryl broke up with her, he really got into being watched and having threesomes, and it didn’t always have to include her.”
“It kind of serves her right really. She broke your heart blaming you for Darryl only wanting sex if he was being watched and if someone joins. It’s just what he’s into and he can’t help it like you can’t help only getting turned on by watching. If she didn’t get rid of you, she would still have you both.”
“I don’t want her to want me only to keep her guy. I’m better than that. Besides, I used to be sick of men but I’m getting sick of women now and I haven’t even been in a relationship with a woman.” I laugh.
“What you had with Darryl and Hope that was kind of a relationship. It lasted for a couple of months, you hung out, you went for meals. You were dating them both.”
“But I never slept with him.” I defend myself.
“You don’t need to sleep with someone to be in a relationship with them. That’s why you were hurt after because you got attached.”
“I told myself I wouldn’t do it again.”
“But you can’t always be on your own. You will need someone to love you.”
“You love me.”
“I love you but I wouldn’t let you watch me and Drew have sex, now that’s fucked up.” I scrunch up my face.
“I wouldn’t want to. You two are like family to me.”
“Least we have that cleared up.” We both laugh when I hear my phone indicating a message and I see it’s the couple from Tinder.
“Who’s that?” Hannah looks over my shoulder.
“My newest couple.” I show her a picture of them but their heads are turned so I can’t see what they actually look like. But they are hugging one another topless.
“Cute, their bodies look really hot. What do they want?” I read over the message.
“They want me to join them in their home type place like a sleepover type thing with other open-minded people.” I look at the message confused. “They have booked out a hotel where they get people with kink interests to join in with other people who show same interests.”
“So this couple looks for people who are into kinky shit?”
I shrug. “I guess so.”
“Are you going to go?” I think it over. It would be nice to meet other people who enjoy watching others have sex. Maybe I can ask questions and explore it more. Why message me to join them? Is it to just find people and let them find their own interests at the meetup?
“I think I am. It will be an experience and I am so intrigued.”
“So am I, I just want to go to see what shit people are into. You have to tell me everything.” I don’t have a chance to respond when another message comes through with rules and conditions. There is also a questionnaire on what I like, don’t like, have tried and haven’t tried.
This really is the real thing.
Why do I feel like Ana from Fifty Shades right now?
“Maybe if you get enough inspiration from this, you could turn it into a book. Some books are based on real life, just names and places are changed. I would read a book about this sort of thing.”
“Too bad you only like to read about it and not actually do it.” I tease her.
“I am not as adventurous as you. I don’t mind reading about people being whipped, or peed on, but it’s not my cup of tea. I will stick to boring vanilla sex with an odd spanking here and there.” We both burst out laughing. “So when do you go?” I skim over the words.
“In five days.”
“Well, you better get reading the rules and filling in the questions.” I lay back on my headboard as I read out loud the rules and conditions.
I am not allowed to take pictures, which I agree. I don’t want people knowing what I get up to. I’m not ashamed but people do judge. You say the word red when you want to stop anything at any time and everyone has to respect that. If you are leaving the grounds you have to tell the hosts or receptionist for safety reasons.
The rules seem reasonable, as I glance at the questions some I am shocked in reading.
Have you ever had any sort of food product inside you sexually? I wouldn’t even think about doing that. That’s what vibrators and dildos are made for.
Have you opened your bowels on someone or vice versa? Hell no.
“See people are into that. People like being actually shit on.” That is just wrong.
“I can’t believe some of these questions. Have you ever been fisted? If not would you? Like hell, I would let that happen to me. With each question I read, I wondered what kind of people are actually coming to this gathering.” I scroll further down.
“Just answer them honestly, they won’t let you be with anyone that doesn’t fit your needs.”
“I guess I’m more nervous now after reading this.”
“Don’t be. If you get uncomfortable, you can leave at any time.” That is true.
“Okay.” I copy and paste the questions and start answering each one and once I reread what I’ve written I hit send and look at my phone not believing that this is actually happening.
“Feels a little like fifty shades when she had to go through the contract.” Hannah laughs. That was what I was actually thinking.
“Yeah but I am happy to watch, no one is going to be hitting me with any cane or whip,” I say matter of factly.
“I know, but it’s interesting to know that there are people actually out there who like this sort of thing. They could be bankers, teachers, even our dentists. They
could be getting up to all sorts behind closed doors.”
“I guess so. My readers and friends, well apart from you don’t even know what I’m into behind closed doors. So I guess we never really know a person.” My head starts to hurt by all this thinking. I sigh heavily when I hear my phone ring once again and only an address is given with orders to dress formally.
“Looks like you’re in.” Yeah, but is it a place I want to go into?
The days flew by, with writing notes for my next book filling up my spare time, before I knew it I was showered, looking in the mirror at my long black gown that hugs my curves. I love this dress on me as it also accentuates my cleavage.
I kept my hair straight flowing down my back. Entering the taxi, I read off the address I was given and I watch the scenery whilst my stomach fills up with butterflies. It has been a long time since I last felt like this.
I have got more confident over the months but I guess going to unknown territory, I feel the nerves kicking in.
Pulling up to what looks like a mansion, I pay the driver and walk up the clean white path until I reach the double doors where two security men are standing. Why are there security men? They both look very muscular in their tight suits. They look like they could wrap their arms around me and squeeze the life out of me. With shaved heads and tattoos peeking out of their collars on their necks. They look a little scary.
I walk slowly towards them when they both look in my direction. “Name?” I answer weakly and they look down at their clipboards and nod. “Go on in, the receptionist will give you the information you will need. Enjoy.” They face forward, away from me.
I wonder if they know what is happening inside. Do they know what kind of people are attending? I want to ask them questions but I know they probably won’t answer as they did mention the receptionist will give me information.
I walk in and my mouth hangs open in an O shape. This place is massive. High ceilings, chandeliers hanging beautifully. The walls and furnishing are either white, black or grey. I see a few people hanging around. Seeing beautiful women in their dresses, that I’m guessing are designer by just looking at them. Men are in tuxes or suits. A few do scream money. I walk further in and a few look my way, it’s like they are appraising me.