by S. H. Kolee
"Sarah, just sit down. It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters. They didn't just put placecards on the seats for fun. It's to show people where they're supposed to sit. And Cara is sitting here." Sarah flung her hand at the placecard of the seat that Grant was trying to make her sit in.
"She can sit in your seat."
"I most certainly will not." Cara appeared, looking cross and annoyed. "Are you trying to pawn my seat off to someone else, Grant? Since when did you ever mind sitting next to me?" She looked at Grant suggestively and for some reason that made Grant even madder.
"Yes, why are you trying to pawn off her seat?" Sarah said, in a sickeningly sweet voice. I heard the pain behind it. I wondered if Grant did. Sarah smiled falsely at them. "Have a wonderful dinner."
She walked away, and I looked up at Simon who nodded his head in understanding. I followed Sarah and grabbed her arm. Sarah whirled around, her eyes sparking with fury, but it was extinguished when she saw that it was me.
"Oh, Caitlin," she said sadly and quietly. "Why did I think this trip was a good idea?"
"What's happening, Sarah?" I asked. "What's going on between you and Grant?"
She sighed heavily, watching people settling down for dinner. Fortunately, people were mingling as they took their time to find their seats, so we didn't look out of place still standing.
"Grant told me tonight that he has feelings for me."
"That's wonderful! Isn't that what you wanted?"
Sarah shook her head. "He told me he has feelings for me, but that he promised Cara he wouldn't date anyone without telling her first. He thought I should know because that was the reason he had to wait until he had a chance to talk to her before pursuing anything."
"What?!" I was shocked and disgusted. What the hell was wrong with Grant? How could he be so stupid? And why would he have to tell Cara who he was dating? What kind of sick codependency did they have?
"I know. I told him his feelings weren't strong enough if they were based on how Cara would react. He kept telling me that he wanted to explain why, but I don't care. I've wasted enough of my time hoping that he might give me the time of day. I've realized that it's not enough. I've had enough."
"Oh, Sarah." I wrapped my arms around her, unmindful of the formal dresses we were wearing or the setting we were in. All I knew was that she was in pain. "Do you want to leave? We can sneak upstairs. Or I can ask Simon if we can use his car to go somewhere. I'm sure he won't mind." I gave her a small smile. "I'm sure we can find a place with margaritas."
"No, I'm not running away. I'm here for Kendra's birthday party."
"Why don't I sit next to you then?"
Sarah shook her head. "I saw my seat assignment. It's down the table." She forced a smile. "And I see some good looking guys sitting nearby. I guess they knew what they were doing with the seating arrangement."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I'm okay, Caitlin. Please just go enjoy your night. I'll feel even worse if I ruin it for you. You and Simon look so happy together. It makes this night somewhat manageable."
"Okay," I said, hesitatingly. "But if you change your mind, just come over and grab me."
"I will." Sarah squeezed my arm in thanks and headed to her seat. I walked back to Simon and he was looking at me with questioning eyes. I shook my head, not wanting to explain. Grant was sitting pretty close to us, and I was afraid if I told Simon what happened, my anger would be reignited and I would take my shoe and throw it at Grant's head.
The dinner itself was amazing. Course after course came out until I thought I would pop. I didn't even know what half the things on the plates were, but it was all delicious. Conversation was light and easy, with Kendra talking about all the fabulous things she had received. I wasn't sure when she had actually received all these presents because I hadn't seen anyone show up with one. Maybe rich people did these things discreetly.
Sarah and I had gotten Kendra a gift together and had given it to her earlier during lunch. It had been a pair of earrings and a necklace we had bought in a small boutique back in Rochester, where a woman sold handmade jewelry. Kendra had squealed with delight and proclaimed that she loved them. She had been beside herself when Simon had given her his present. A plane ticket to Rochester right before Thanksgiving.
I periodically checked on Sarah, glancing at her to see if she was okay. Every time I looked over, she seemed to be laughing and talking to the people seated around her. And she was right. Many of them were good looking guys her age.
Grant's expression seemed to darken with every minute. Cara chattered on beside him but I couldn't hear what she was saying. Grant barely seemed to be paying attention as he spent more time throwing back drinks than eating his dinner.
"What's going on with Grant and Cara?" I asked Simon quietly. I wondered if he knew about the deal Grant had with Cara.
Simon grimaced. "Their relationship is complicated. Too complicated for me to get into now."
I nodded. It really wasn't my business anyways. Now that Sarah had moved on, or least put on the guise of moving on, Cara was no longer in the realm of things I cared about.
Near the end of dinner, Mr. Crewe stood to make a toast to his daughter. "Thank you everyone for joining us tonight for Kendra's birthday celebration." He turned to Kendra. "Happy Birthday, Kendra. Sixteen years ago, my life changed forever when the doctor put a baby in my arms and said it was a girl. I can't imagine having a daughter more loving or spirited as you. Your mother and I couldn't be any prouder of the young woman you've turned out to be."
He turned back to the table, his eyes glassy with emotion and Mrs. Crewe grasped his hand from her seat, smiling at him lovingly. "Everybody, please join me in wishing Kendra a Happy Birthday."
Everyone cheered and raised their glasses. For all the differences that Mr. Crewe had with his children, it was obvious he loved them wholeheartedly, and he didn't seem afraid to show it. I didn't let myself think about my own father and my sixteenth birthday. The one where he had told me he regretted having a daughter instead of a son.
After dinner, they had a band playing in the next room and guests drifted over to continue the night dancing and drinking. Simon stood and held out one hand gallantly. "May I have this dance?"
I laughed at Simon's formality. "Luckily, I have one spot left on my dance card."
Simon and I made our way to the dance floor, where the singer was crooning a slow love song. Simon placed his hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, fitting together as if we had danced together for ages. "You should have played at Kendra's birthday party. She would have loved it."
"Has she been getting to you?" Simon asked. "She was bugging me about singing earlier."
"You should! That would be awesome."
Simon smiled slyly. "Maybe if you join me. I heard from a credible source that you're a great singer."
I looked at him aghast. "Are you kidding me? I can't get up and sing in front of all these people!"
Simon gave a mock sigh of sadness. "Poor Kendra. Deprived of a birthday song because you won't sing in front of people."
"Ha," I scoffed. "You're her brother. You get up there and sing on your own. You're used to it. Just pretend these are all your adoring groupies that hang on your every word at the East End."
Simon smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Jealous, are we?"
I shook my head vehemently. "I just feel bad for them. I don't think they realize that you're a mere man and not a god."
Simon gave a sharp bark of laughter as he pulled me closer. "Okay, I'll let you out of it this time. You just have to promise to sing with me one day."
"Maybe," I muttered, but I was enjoying being close to him too much to really be disgruntled.
We danced for several songs until I announced that I either had to take a break or go barefoot. My heels that had been comfortable before were now making their presence known with a vengeance. We relaxed at one of the tables surrounding the dance floor and wa
tched other couples dancing. I noticed that Sarah seemed to have an endless supply of eager partners.
Grant stood on the outskirts of the dance floor, nursing a drink and watching Sarah intently. Cara was nowhere to be seen. I decided not to ask Simon about Grant and Cara tonight. It was too perfect of a night and I didn't want to sully it with whatever they had between them.
Simon and I spent the rest of the night dancing interspersed with people-watching. He described all the different guests and there seemed to be a lot of CEOs and congressmen in the mix. I wondered if Kendra enjoyed having a party with so many of her parents' friends. When I asked Simon about this, he said Kendra hadn't cared, as long as her friends were there. Plus, he said that his parents had given Kendra her birthday gift earlier in the week. After she had received her BMW she had been on cloud nine.
Sarah hung out with us for most of the night, unless she was whirling around on the dance floor with one of her many partners. Grant had stalked out of the room during one of her dances, and I didn't see him again. I knew better than to ask Sarah about it.
Before I knew it, people started heading out. I checked the clock and saw that it was past midnight. "How did it get so late?"
Simon smiled, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Time always seems to go by quickly when I'm with you."
I rolled my eyes but smiled. "Did you take a class for this stuff, or do those lines just come naturally?"
Simon grinned, pulling me close to his side. "You just bring out the cheesy in me."
Sarah came up to us, stifling a yawn. "I'm beat. It's time to hang up my dancing shoes. I'll see you guys in the morning."
"I'll come up with you," I said. As much as I was tempted to invite Simon to my room, I knew that it was better to wait until I had a better grasp of what was going on. And that wouldn't happen until I met with my aunt.
I turned to Simon. "I'll see you in the morning."
"What time do you want to go to your aunt's?"
"Eleven?"
"Sounds good." Simon gave me a quick peck on the lips and gave Sarah a smile. "See you ladies tomorrow."
We made our way up the stairs and I stopped in front of Sarah's room. "Want me to come in? We can talk about what happened tonight."
Sarah shook her head. "I'm exhausted. And I can't think about Grant anymore tonight. I just want to get through tomorrow and then go back to school and forget that tonight ever happened. I'm ready to move on. I don't want to dwell on it anymore."
"Okay. But what about tomorrow? I assume you're not going over to Grant's."
"I told Grant that I was just staying here tomorrow. He tried to argue with me, but he really has no say in it."
I hesitated, wondering if I should invite her to come with me tomorrow to see my aunt. I was worried that she would try to come inside with me, since I hadn't told her everything. But I couldn't let her wallow here on her own. "Why don't you come with me tomorrow to see my aunt?"
"No, it's okay. I don't want to ruin the first time you meet your aunt with my gloom and doom. I seriously just want to hang out around the house. Kendra said she'd hang out with me. We're going to eat ice cream and watch movies all day."
I silently thanked Kendra for her kindness, having a feeling that as young as she was, she was perceptive enough to figure out what was going on between Grant and Sarah.
"Okay, but if you need to talk or anything tonight, just come over and wake me up. Any time."
Sarah gave me a small smile. "I will. But with the amount of wine I drank tonight, I have a feeling I'm going to pass out right away."
After Sarah had closed the door behind her, I made my way into my room. I changed out of my dress and washed the makeup off my face until the regular Caitlin was staring back at me. I looked at myself critically in the mirror. Maybe the regular Caitlin was okay. Simon certainly seemed to think so.
I turned off the light and snuggled under the comforter. I wondered when Simon would go to bed. I wished that he was here with me. I had felt so safe in his arms the night before. That was my last thought as I drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
His eyes widened in fear and shock, bulging out as he struggled against his assailant. Bubbles were streaming out of his mouth as he reached up, pushing and scratching. His face was red from the strain and looked distorted in the water.
I screamed but no sound came out. No, no, this couldn't be happening. Not to Simon.
The sound of water sloshing out of the bathtub as Simon struggled was the only thing I heard. I tried to put myself in the scene, to have my body materialize in the bathroom to try and help him, but unlike the vision with Claudia, I was just a spectator again, watching a horror movie.
His hands tried to grasp something to pull himself up out of the water. One hand grasped the side of the tub and the veins in his neck throbbed and strained with the effort to pull himself out, but the hands pushing down on his chest were too strong.
I could see him fading, see his effort to fight weakening.
Nooooo, I screamed in my head. Hold on, Simon! Hold on!!
Simon's hand faltered and he made one last weak attempt to save himself. His hand grasped the shower curtain, but it couldn't take his weight and tumbled down next to him with the force of his pull.
That's when I noticed the design of the shower curtain. It was full of puppies playing together, their faces scrunched up in different expressions. It was the shower curtain I had picked out with Simon.
But it couldn't be. This hadn't been part of my vision before.
No, no, no, no, no, I moaned, not understanding what was happening. Please let me wake up. Please let me wake up...
I opened my eyes with a shudder, feeling hands on me. I instinctively pushed back against the headboard, scurrying away from the hands.
"Caitlin, it's me," Simon said, holding his hands out to show he meant no harm.
I tried to take a deep breath, but my heart was pounding too furiously. Seeing Simon seconds after seeing his face contorted in my vision, gasping for air that wouldn't come and slowly dying, was too much for me. I felt like fleeing from the room but my limbs were too weak with fear for me to do anything, let alone run.
"Caitlin?" Simon asked urgently, reaching out to touch me but I instinctively flinched. He dropped his hand awkwardly and I just stared at him mutely, as images of the vision rushed over me.
The vision had been the same, except for one small important detail. I hadn't seen that shower curtain in the vision before. I had seen Simon being drowned, pushed down underwater in the tub as he desperately flailed against his assailant. Now I knew it was his vardoger. The horror of his face must have been not only from being drowned, but from being drowned by someone who looked just like him. How could someone process being killed by themselves?
But Simon had never grabbed the shower curtain. He had just slowly drifted away in the earlier vision until he fought no more, his body still. But this time I had clearly seen him grab the shower curtain. The shower curtain we had bought together. What did this mean? Did it mean anything? My mind frantically tried to make sense of what was happening.
I looked up and noticed for the first time that Simon was looking at me warily. He was looking at me in a way I had never seen from him before. Like he didn't know what to say and just wanted to back away.
My heart stopped. I had seen that look before. On Sarah's face. My hand scrambled to my neck but I knew what I wouldn't find there. The iridium charm. I had taken it off since it didn't look right with my dress and, with my fatigue, I had forgotten to put it back on before I went to bed.
Stupid stupid stupid! How could I forget? One night of happiness with Simon and all thoughts of danger evaporated. I had to be honest with myself. It wasn't just this one night. Simon had been taking up most of my thoughts since I had met him, when I should be concentrating on the fact that there were things out there killing people. And instead I was too busy mooning over a boy to take that seriously.
&nbs
p; Despite this realization, the look on Simon's face killed me. I didn't want him looking at me like that. Like he didn't know what to do with me.
I was afraid to ask but I forced myself to. "Did...did I say anything in my sleep?" My voice croaked from lack of use, since it was the first thing I said to him since he had woken me up.
He hesitated and then answered. "Yes."
"What did I say?"
Simon shook his head. "It was weird. It didn't really even sound like you. I mean, it did...but it didn't sound like you. Your eyes were open but I wasn't really sure if you were awake."
"Simon, what did I say?"
His words came out in a rush. "You said that you had just been pretending to care about me. That you really thought I was a joke. I should have stuck with law and Yale and never come to Maxwell. You said that you wanted me to leave you alone. That you...that you didn't love me."
I bit my lip, feeling tears rush into my eyes. I wanted to scream and yell that this wasn't true. That I loved him and believed in him. But the words stuck in my throat. Because what would that change? I had been stupid to think I could have a future with Simon. Did I really think I could have a normal life? Pretty soon I had to decide if I would spend my life killing shadows. Where exactly did Simon fit in that picture? Would he wait at home for me with dinner prepared while I went out killing things I couldn't even see? How exactly was this fair to Simon? How was this fair to myself? I was getting my hopes up needlessly. My only thoughts should be about saving the people who were being hunted by their vardogers, including Simon. I realized the less time I spent figuring out how to exterminate the vardogers, the more danger I put Simon in.
So I kept silent. Maybe this was what we needed to break us apart. To have Simon give up on me. I wasn't worth the risk.
"Caitlin," Simon said when I didn't say anything. "What was your nightmare about? Did it have something to do with me? Is that why you said...those things?"
That hit a little too close to home but I just shook my head.
"I know you didn't mean those things, Caitlin. I know you were dreaming. You were just talking in your sleep, probably scared with whatever was happening in your nightmare."