“Almost there, Mindy. Keep moving.”
As she opened the panel that would lead to a short hallway to her father’s library, blood from her jeans dripped down to the floor. She threw open the heavy doors to the library.
Mrs. Patton jerked to her feet, rushing in their direction with an open mouth and wide eyes.
Tanya brushed past her mother, pushing Mindy forward into Mrs. Patton’s waiting arms.
The words, “Daddy hurt Tanya again. Mama saw it,” were the last things Tanya heard before her world turned black and she crumbled in a soft, bloody heap onto the Persian rug.
♥♥♥
Brandi Spencer touched Tanya’s hand, jolting her out of the past.
Tanya took a deep breath, turned on the water and allowed it to spill over her hands. She splashed some onto her face, welcoming the cool jolt back to the present—back to safety.
“Are you all right?”
Tanya nodded, but she felt nothing close to all right.
Brandi gripped her shoulders, brought her into the living room, and made her sit on the sofa.
“We’re doing things the same way that Vernon did it to us,” Tanya said softly. “And you’re right—I’ve just become so used to having men take care of me that challenging myself to take up where I left off in school seems too tough to handle. I wasn’t bred to work hard, and that’s all my life has been about—trying to have the life I was born to—being a woman kept by men.”
Tanya shared her past abuse with Brandi, and Brandi slowly recounted her own rape the day she turned thirteen. By the time they were through, both women were in tears and had another chain in their unusual bond.
“I’ve never realized that we had so much in common,” Tanya said, her eyes glued on pictures of the girls on the end table. “What happened to me should never happen to any woman or child, but the more I listen, the more I sense that it’s already touched the lives of most women I know.” She gazed out of the window. “I struggle hard not to blame outside sources for my pain, especially since the people closest to me hurt me the most. Me by my parents; you by that nasty old man who raped you, and a husband who gave us both a one-two punch. That’s not a white or a Black thing.”
Brandi looked out as the sun slipped out from behind the clouds. “Sometimes I believe what anyone else does to us outside of our own race doesn’t quite match up. So while we’re looking the other way, pointing the finger at everyone else, our own are slipping in and doing more damage than anyone. That hurts more because we don’t expect them to hurt us. I’m tired of letting that time in my life keep me fearful and unwilling to move forward in life.”
“So what do we do about that?” Tanya asked in a voice that was just above a whisper.
“We take control and move our lives forward.” Brandi reached out for Tanya’s hand. “I go to counseling on Wednesday. Sesvalah’s also a sexual abuse counselor and family therapist. Do you want to come?”
Tanya cautiously placed her hand inside Brandi’s. “Thanks. I’d like that.”
CHAPTER Thirty-Nine
Five weeks later, having completed their first series of separate counseling sessions, Tanya and Brandi were still working with two books: Speak It Into Existence and Radical Forgiveness while completing the worksheets that went with it. Sesvalah had them bring their work in for every session and so far the results were great. Both women had done at least two “forgiveness” sheets on their situations with Vernon.
Tanya dropped down on the love seat in the corner of Brandi’s office. “We’ve got a problem.”
Brandi tore her gaze away from the papers in front of her to look at Tanya. “Oh?”
Tanya crossed one leg over the other. “I’m horny.”
Brandi paused a moment, blinking twice as she took that in. Then she leaned over, laughing her ass off. “Can’t help you there, dear, I’m horny, too.”
“Well something’s gotta be done.”
“Then order some,” she said, still laughing. “And make it a large at medium charge.” Suddenly her tone changed. “Wait a minute. I thought you were done with men.”
Tanya shook her head. “I said I didn’t want to take another man for a test-drive. Right now most of them are rentals instead of being for sale as advertised. I thought maybe a professional lover would put a different spin on things.” She let out a small sigh. “Oh, for the days before AIDS.”
Brandi laughed even harder. “Yeah, ’cause that stopped me from getting buck wild. That’s why I wanted to get married. I wanted mine in-house and on standby. Or is that stand up?”
Tanya chuckled. “And I’m done with relationships, not sex. If I don’t get some real soon, even your mood swings will look mild.” Then her red lips spread out into a wide smile. “You don’t want that one drop of Black blood I might have to come out.”
“Damn!”
Tanya covered her mouth to stifle a small yawn. CNBC played silently on the TV screen.
“Okay, I’ll purchase you some Doc Johnson products. They make real good ones.”
“Like that Sword of Love under your mattress?”
Brandi nodded. “How do you keep finding that thing!”
“I clean this place, remember?” Tanya said with a laugh. “And for the life of me, I can’t see why you keep it on your side of the mattress, must be a dreadful night’s sleep.” Then her gaze narrowed. “I don’t suppose they come with a living, breathing human being on the other end?”
“No, that’s the up side, it’s all galvanized rubber and pure imagination,” Brandi said, lifting her chin a little. “Works for me.”
“Then you’re a different breed of woman, ’cause just like every woman needs a wife, every wife needs some good sex.”
Brandi leaned back in her leather chair watching Tanya from hooded eyes. “So what do you propose?”
“I don’t know.” Then she paused for a moment. “You know, speaking of dick, I met this guy at the grocery store, but something doesn’t seem right about him. He’s too persistent and it’s almost like he’s been coached or something—knows all the right things to say and do. It’s weird.”
“So how did you manage to spend time with him?” Brandi leaned forward.
“Well, after you and the girls are down for the night, I sneak off, but nothing’s happened because it doesn’t feel right.”
“So that’s where you’ve been,” Brandi said, letting out a long sigh of relief. “I thought you were meeting Vernon. He’s missing in action around the same time you are. A quick call to my mother-in-law gives me that info. I figured you’d slip up sooner or later and I could tack on a few more months to the contract,” she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Believe it or not, it’s been…strange having you here, but it’s also been…” Brandi shrugged, trying to come up with a term that seemed to escape her. “Kinda nice.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me sleeping with Vernon again. I wouldn’t screw him if it would get me off life support.”
“Don’t get drastic,” Brandi said with a sly grin. “If sex could keep you alive, take him up on it. Doesn’t make a difference to me.”
“Yes it does,” Tanya shot back. “I wouldn’t be here if it didn’t.”
“You’d be here because it’d be in your best interest, so get off it.”
Tanya blushed a little and dipped her head sheepishly. “The woman knows me too well. I don’t want to bring a man into this house or anywhere around the children,” she added softly.
“I appreciate it. Since my husband is still vying to return, I’m keeping the option open. Until our lives are decided—stay separated, divorce, or get back together. I’m not sure if I want to tackle anyone else.”
Tanya grinned. “Even Michael?”
Brandi thought it over for a moment. “Even him. How did you know about him?”
“When you take your little catnaps on the couch, you call his name in your sleep. You must be having wet dreams, but you mess it up toward the end when you
call out for Vernon. What a nightmare.”
Brandi chuckled, propping her legs up on the edge of her glass desk, a duplicate to the one in her office at The Perfect Match. “I’m feeling something for Michael, but I’m not ready to move on to another man until this thing with Vernon is decided. I respect the vows I made. I can’t do the things he has.”
Tanya leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Well, I have a solution to my problem, but I’ll need at least two weeks vacation. And that’s one thing that’s not in the contract.”
“Two weeks? Woman, you haven’t made it past the probation period and you’re asking for a vacation already?” She sighed, but Tanya didn’t miss the smirk on her lips. “Boy, good help sure is hard to find.” Then her light brown eyes narrowed to slits. “And just where do you think you’re going for two whole weeks?”
“Belize.”
“Why there?”
“They love fleshy women with big breasts,” Tanya said, giving her a sly grin.
“Really?” Brandi perked up. “Just like Jamaican men, huh?”
“No, they’re just using the sex to get us to bring them here. Belize men aren’t trying to leave their country, they love who we are—wide hips, full breasts…”
“Book two tickets.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Tanya practically skipped from the room.
Brandi would never admit to Tanya that she already had her backup lined up. Vernon had called and asked to see her at his mother’s house. That could only mean one of two things: He was either gonna try for some toe-curling sex or another round of explanations.
Like Tanya, if she didn’t get some live stuff soon, mood swings would be the least of everyone’s worries.
“What’s it like?” Tanya asked, coming back into the room with her gaze locked on the picture of the girls.
Brandi followed her gaze. “You mean having children?” She turned back as Tanya nodded. “It wasn’t as painful as everyone makes it out to be,” she said softly. “And motherhood—as Craig would put it—ain’t no punk.” Brandi folded her hands under her chin. “Simone was an easy delivery, but when it was Sierra’s turn, it was cold enough to grow our own frozen vegetables.
“Vernon had been stalling about getting the car in the shop to have it worked on, but finally he had no choice. Wouldn’t you know it—little Miss Sierra decided to make a half-ass entrance into the world. And I only say half because though I was in labor twenty-six hours, her little tail was asleep the entire time so they had to come in and shake my stomach every thirty minutes. And I wanted her out—out—out! The girl was interrupting my love affair with a good meal.”
Tanya leaned forward soaking up every word.
“Anyway, we had to borrow the next door neighbor’s car to get to the hospital in the first place—an old rusted-out Cutlass that had see-through spots on the back floors. We had a perfect view of the great outdoors.”
Tanya perked up. “Mr. Dishman had a car like that? I can’t see him driving anything less than a Mercedes.”
“No, this was from our first house. We haven’t always lived here. We used to live close to my mom’s place in Jeffrey Manor.”
Tanya frowned trying to take that in.
“When Vernon married me his father cut him off and we had to start from scratch—literally.”
“Seems like something he would do.”
“Girl, you don’t know the half of it,” Brandi replied in a dry tone. Then she perked up. “Okay, okay, back to the story. I had to ride all the way to the hospital with my legs hoisted up in the back seat and watching the snow scene on the floor. Then the car choked on the first five turnovers. I thought we were going to have to start the damn thing Fred Flintstone-style.”
“You mean sticking your feet out of the bottom then peddling like crazy?”
“Exactly! And the fact that it was so slippery and the tires were more than bald—they needed rubber Rogaine just to grip the ground—”
Tanya bent over, giggling like a little girl.
“—we could only drive ten miles an hour. Then to top it off, I ended up in a teaching hospital, which meant a rotating group of interns and residents—doctors and would-be doctors—came around every half an hour to check under the hood. At one point I told them, ‘I’m going to charge admission.’ But then the main doctor grinned and said, ‘But we’re not going inside to watch the show.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, but you’re hanging out in the lobby and it’s all the same to me. Pay up, buster.’ They didn’t visit again until Sierra was ready to come into the world. But when she came looking like her sister, she was just as precious, a tiny thing with all of the same parts we had condensed into a tiny little bundle. I thought it was the most spectacular thing in the world.”
“I could only wish that I could experience it,” Tanya said in a small voice.
♥♥♥
Unfortunately, Tanya would never know the joys of motherhood. She had been rushed from the floor of her father’s library straight to Walton Medical Center. For a few days they kept her under police watch.
Unfortunately, Margaret Jaunal had other ideas.
She waited in the stairwell for hours watching the flutter of activity and people going in and out of her daughter’s room. In the middle of the night, as Officer Goodman nodded off at his post, she slipped by with a big burly man in tow. Tanya jolted awake only long enough to see the white cloth coming toward her.
She awoke later as the man placed her on what looked to be a kitchen table.
“We don’t have time for anesthetics.” Margaret Jaunal’s cold voice snapped Tanya out of her stupor. “Just get it over with.”
Tanya scanned her surroundings and realized she wasn’t in the hospital. “You can’t do this to me,” she said, voice cracking with each word
“You’re not having this child!”
The burly man gripped Tanya’s arm. A hard sting on her face took a minute to register. Her mother had slapped her; she’d never done that before.
Then reality struck like lightening: they were supposed to take a sample of the amniotic fluid to confirm the baby’s paternity, absolute proof of her father’s crime. Unfortunately, the doctor wanted to stabilize Tanya before worrying about proving paternity. If this man performed an abortion there would be no proof and Wilbur Jaunal would be free.
Her mother and the quack tied her hands to the handmade stirrups and yanked her pants down. The moment she lashed out with her feet and connected with the “doctor’s” face, she felt a hard blow to her own. Blood splattered across his already stained lab coat. “Girl, you do that shit again, and I’ll kill ya,” he growled.
The heavyset man’s beady green eyes and cold stare showed he meant every word.
The butcher tied her feet to the cold metal stirrups. He didn’t even clean the instrument before letting it hover over her face. Fear stabbed the center of her gut as a grin spread over his meaty face. In that moment she knew two things: This man would enjoy hurting her, and she would probably not live to tell about this.
She was right in one case.
Her screams rent the air as pain worse than anything her father had caused tore through her insides as though someone had split her in half—from the middle up. Her throat dried and constricted, but more hoarse screams still came through.
“Shut her up,” he growled, wiggling a long silver instrument inside her, followed by a suctioning sound.
Margaret smacked her again—hard. “Is it done?”
“No! I just opened her up,” he said, struggling to keep Tanya in place. “I have to scrape the kid out, then it’s done.”
“And scrape out everything else, too.”
The man paused and looked up. “I’m not trained to do that!”
Margaret glared at him. “And you’re not licensed to perform abortions, either. But you know something about the female body and where all the working parts are,” she said through clenched teeth. “There can’t be any evidence of DNA from this child left
behind.”
The man paused, staring open mouthed at the cold woman standing near Tanya’s head. He said, “You owe me big-time.”
“Just handle it.”
“I know one way you can pay me,” he said.
Margaret Jaunal leveled a steely ice-blue gaze on the man.
He nodded in Tanya’s direction.
“When?”
He grinned, slick black hair falling into his face. “Right after I’m done.”
“You sick bastard,” she spat, inhaling sharply.
“Nothing like fresh clean pussy,” he said with a leer. “And you can’t talk much. You’re covering up for that redneck you married. People in glass houses—”
“Get this shit over with!” Margaret snapped. “I’ll settle up with you later.”
The moment the cold steel touched her skin, Tanya flinched.
Moments later God did Tanya a favor by allowing her to pass out.
When Tanya regained consciousness Margaret’s face loomed above her. “Hurry up,” she said to the quack. “I want to be able to tell Wilbur it’s all done.”
“Finished.” Then man rubbed his hands together as though he had just prepared a seven course meal.
“Come on,” she said, glaring at Tanya.
“But what about—but I wanted—” the man sputtered, but instantly paused with an icy glare from Margaret.
“I said later!”
Tanya lowered her legs from the stirrups the moment the “doctor” untied her shaking feet. The world swam out of focus, and when it came back, she saw stars, stripes, and colors she never knew were in the rainbow.
The second her feet touched the ground, the pain was back—worse than before. Blood flooded the makeshift pad the man had stuffed between her thighs and would soon soak her jeans. If she didn’t get some real help soon, she would die.
Margaret didn’t bother taking Tanya home. She dropped her off at a rarely used Greyhound bus stop and didn’t look back as the wheels of her silver Rolls Royce tore away from the curb.
But little did Margaret know that while she and the “doctor” were outside the room having another argument over his desire to have sex with Tanya, while Tanya was supposed to be getting dressed, the girl had stolen a portion of her baby from the little metal basin the “doctor” had carelessly left sitting there.
Every Woman Needs a Wife Page 27