by Knupp, Amy
He watched her make her way up the driveway, keeping his eyes on her until she disappeared around the corner of the house.
He sat for a moment longer, closing his eyes and trying to regain control of himself. Between fatigue and excitement, his head felt full of...fuzz.
So much for his big doctor’s vocabulary.
He shook his head as he backed out and headed to his parents’ place, where he’d be sleeping for a few more nights. He tried not to let his mind wander to kissing Katie. Tried but failed.
He crept into his parents’ dark house and went directly to his bedroom, not turning on a light until he’d closed his door.
He took off his shoes and sat on the bed, still warmed by the rush contact with Katie had given him.
The rush.
He looked at his nightstand, contemplating the stack of back issues of Rush magazine that he’d found at the office. The top one was opened to another eyewitness article by Katie. The primary photo was of her and several others white-water rafting. It didn’t take a great imagination to picture her knocking her head on one of the huge boulders, becoming unconscious and being washed down the river.
His warm buzz vanished and the too-familiar panic set in. The pain in his neck overwhelmed him, as if he’d just suffered whiplash. Sweat beaded on his forehead.
Leah had gone rafting, too. He’d been chilled when she’d told him all about it, but his reaction now was stronger. He knew he’d been gun-shy since her death. Knew he couldn’t handle another woman remotely like Leah.
So what on earth was he doing?
Noah had kissed plenty of women before. He’d been serious with only a few, but even in med school he’d made time for dates here and there. He knew with absolute certainty that kissing Katie was on the explosive cardiac-arrest end of the spectrum. He’d never experienced anything like that before, not even with Leah.
That realization frightened him like a mile-wide tornado couldn’t.
* * *
KATIE LET HERSELF into Savannah’s house. Thanks to her impromptu tryst with Noah, she was now full of an entirely different kind of restless energy than she’d had when she left the house. And she was even further from being able to sleep.
She went through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, and into the living room, hoping to raid Savannah’s bookshelf, which was full of paperbacks. Just as she was about to flip on the lamp, she realized someone was on the couch. Instantly, she recognized Savannah’s hair falling over the end of it, thanks to the moonlight that was shining in.
Her sister didn’t stir. Katie backed out of the room, feeling as if she’d walked in on a big secret. Why wasn’t Savannah sleeping with Michael in their room?
She knew, at once, that the vibes she’d picked up between the two of them at dinner were not just the signs of a single bad day. Katie closed her eyes and leaned against the doorjamb. If Savannah and Michael were no longer sharing a bed, things were serious. This looked like a major problem. Katie couldn’t wrap her brain around it.
Michael was one of the most laid-back, caring, gentle people she knew. It took a lot to get to him. Had he kicked Savannah out of their bed or was she on the couch by choice? Was it just for tonight or did she sleep there all the time? Either way, it didn’t look good for them.
Katie slowly headed down the stairs, concerned about her sister, worried about Logan and Allie, and, yes, worried about the brother-in-law she’d grown to love.
The darker side of love could tear people apart and she hoped that wasn’t about to happen here.
Remembering Savannah’s offer that Katie could stay as long as she wanted to, she began to rethink her plans to leave in the morning. Maybe she should stick around and find out if her sister was okay. There was nothing she could do herself to help their marriage, but if there was trouble, at least she could be there for Savannah.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“I THOUGHT YOU were leaving town,” Noah said when he opened his door the next evening. After a day given over to hardcore regret for kissing her, Katie wasn’t the person Noah most wanted to see. Even if she did look extremely pretty with her hair pulled back and stray tendrils framing her face.
“That’s not the best way to greet someone who’s volunteering to help you paint,” Katie said. “And...I brought provisions.” She held up two tall paper cups.
“You make it hard for a man to say no.” He backed up so that she could come inside and then shut the door. “Aren’t you supposed to be back in St. Louis?”
“Turns out my sister wanted me to stay longer.”
Noah nodded, barely registering what she said. She walked into the kitchen and he followed her, trying to decide if he should ask her to leave. The fact was, he really needed the help she was offering. But after last night, he also knew he needed to keep sufficient distance to avoid touching her, purposely or otherwise.
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather spend your time with your sister?” he asked.
A frown formed on Katie’s lips. “Yeah, I’m sure. Plus, I thought maybe if I actually helped you transform this place, it’d be easier for me to let go of it. And of course there’s the benefit to you that you won’t be here until after midnight again.”
“Of course. Shakes?” he asked, gesturing toward the cups. She knew his weak points. But so far, she’d kept it pretty impersonal, with no sign of trying to start something more intimate again.
“Of course.” She put down her purse, then peeled off the straw wrappers and stuck one in each cup. “Strawberry marshmallow or chocolate-covered cherry. Which do you want?”
“Do I get to try both?”
She shrugged and held up one cup for him. “You don’t like to just jump, do you?”
He shook his head. “I prefer to know all my options and weigh them carefully before deciding.” She held the drink closer to him and he took a sip. “Strawberry marshmallow?”
She nodded.
“Not bad.”
Then she held the other up and he tried it. He swallowed and thought for a moment, comparing the tastes. “I’ll take B. Chocolate-covered cherry. Both are excellent options, though.”
“Glad you approve.”
She handed him the milkshake and took a long sip of her own. Then she looked at the kitchen walls, which he’d barely started painting. He had, however, taped all the cabinets and molding.
“Green?”
“Not green.” He groped around for the paint sample, then held it up. “Misty sage.”
She squinted at the small patch of wall that already had the new color on it. “Ah, yes. I see it now. Misty sage all the way.”
“I only have one paint tray,” he said. “But I do have an extra roller.” He took another long drink of his shake, then rummaged in a bag from the hardware store and dug out a second roller.
“Lucky for me.” She held out her hand.
“You’re serious about helping?” he asked.
“I didn’t wear old ratty clothing for nothing.” Her shorts were faded cutoffs and her bright blue T had lavender splatters on it.
“And here I thought you were just trying to impress me.”
The look she gave him was flirty and mischievous, and Noah reminded himself he needed to be careful. Had to watch what he said, because he didn’t have any intention of initiating anything here.
“Where do you want me to start?” she asked, to his relief.
“The big wall.” He indicated the wall opposite the one he was working on. Call him a coward, but the farther away he stayed, the better. One whiff of her feminine scent and he’d begin to think about those alluring lips...
Okay, he knew it was a terrible idea for him to accept her help, but this room was a big job and he needed to get more sleep than he’d ended up with last night. He
’d barely made it through the day today. He would ignore his attraction to her and just worry about getting the room painted.
Yeah. So he was a sucker. At least he’d try to be a strong one.
They worked in silence for several minutes, the only sound the squish squish of their rollers going up and down on the walls. Noah focused on the surface in front of him, making sure every last speck of it was covered with green paint. He attempted not to notice the shapely length of Katie’s legs, which was a challenge because of the denim shorts that revealed so much of them. He glanced behind him again and took in how cute she looked in her splattered T-shirt, one arm still in a cast. He turned back and forced out thoughts that would only get him into trouble.
“This color’s nice,” Katie said, after she’d covered most of her wall. “My mom would’ve liked it, too. She loved color. That’s why none of the rooms were white.”
Noah wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so he didn’t. He poured more paint into the tray, and as Katie walked over to redrench her roller she glanced down at him.
“Yes, I know I’m hung up on my mom.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You gave me a look. I’m sorry. I’ll try to shut up about her.”
“You don’t need to do that. Do whatever helps.”
“I like to talk about her. The rest of my family would rather avoid the subject most of the time.”
As for Noah, he would rather think about anything other than Leah. Avoidance could do wonders. “Has anyone ever told you you’re an odd duck?”
“A few times. Usually my sisters. They don’t like getting emotional.”
“Do you?”
She shrugged, rolling more paint over the wall. “I wouldn’t say I like it, but it’s part of living, you know?”
“You and this ‘living’ thing.” He tried to make the words light, but failed. “I’m not sure I understand it.”
She stood back to survey her work and, apparently satisfied she hadn’t missed any spots, laid the roller across the tray and headed for her shake and a paintbrush to use on the corners. He turned back to his painting.
“It’s something you figure out when someone dies,” she said, and he had to remind himself that she didn’t know much about his loss. Probably didn’t remember he’d told her the woman he’d been engaged to had died. “Or at least I did. You think you’ve got unlimited time to do everything, feel everything, say everything. But you don’t, necessarily. My mom didn’t.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, his back still toward her, caught completely off guard by the pain her words triggered.
He heard her sip her shake, set it down and then walk closer to him. He sucked in air and tried to compose himself.
“When my mom died, I was so struck by that notion. So worried about what she’d never gotten to do in her life. She always said she wanted to learn to ice-skate. Every time we saw ice-skating on TV, she’d wonder how it felt to speed over the ice so fast. She thought maybe it was like flying, but she never once got to try.”
Her eyes teared up and Noah looked around for a tissue, but all he had was a roll of paper towels. He swallowed hard on the emotion that was rising in his throat.
“During the funeral, that was all I could think about. She’d never get to ice-skate.” Katie tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a sob.
Noah touched her arm, thinking her tears would start spilling over any moment. But when she met his gaze, she smiled sadly. He could still feel her sorrow and it made his chest ache.
She picked up the paint can and went back to her side of the room to finish the narrow edges.
“The thing is, I learned. I never assume anything about the future, because who knows what will happen.”
Noah nodded, understanding all too well what she meant. “So that’s where all this talk about living comes from.” He hoped she didn’t notice the slight quaver in his voice.
“I don’t know if she died with regrets, but I don’t want to. I want to jam pack everything in, every day.”
Noah started on a new wall.
He did get her, at least in theory. What they differed over was how to live life to the fullest. “Has it ever occurred to you that there are other ways of living besides tempting serious injury?” He said this before he’d thought it through.
“Like what? What do you consider living, oh, wise master?”
He sighed. “We’re probably better off not going down that road again.”
“Yep. We’ll never agree, until you decide that maybe jumping out of a plane is cool.”
He thought he detected a note of kidding in her voice, but he shuddered all the same.
“But without arguing, what do you like to do? Do you just work and run?”
He hated to admit how close to the truth that was. “I’m going to start fishing.”
“That’s a step in the right direction, I guess.”
“Have you ever gone fishing?”
“No. I think it’d make me batty. Sitting still and being quiet?”
He nodded, knowing she was probably right, thinking that this was yet another way in which they were incompatible.
“But it’s good you’re doing something for fun.”
The very word fun took him right back to the night before, to the embarrassment he felt now. The regret.
Neither of them spoke for quite some time. Noah was determined to finish the rest of this job as quickly as possible and get out of here.
It was just after eleven when they finished the final wall—one that was largely covered by cabinets. Katie jumped down from the countertop with a loud grunt. “At last. Looks good. Don’t you think?”
He tried to concentrate on the question, nodding distractedly in response. His sense of unease was growing and he knew he had to say something to her about what had happened between them, to make sure nothing similar happened tonight.
He took her brush and washed both of them in the sink, while she pulled masking tape away from the trim. They finished the cleanup quickly, in silence.
“Katie,” he said finally, as she was washing her hands. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”
Not that, Katie thought. She should’ve known he’d turn it into a big deal. Some men couldn’t just kiss, enjoy it and not think it to death. If there was one thing she couldn’t stomach, it was “talking” about a relationship or for that matter, a simple kiss.
She tore off a paper towel and dried her hands. “What’s there to talk about?”
“Mind if we sit out on the steps? I could use some fume-free air.”
“Fine.” She followed him out the front door and sat on the top step, leaving a good foot between them.
“What happened last night... It shouldn’t have. It can’t happen again.”
That wasn’t what she’d expected at all. “O-kay. Mind telling me why? It seemed like you were pretty into it at the time.”
“Don’t get me wrong, it was good. It was more than good.” He glanced at her lips and she could tell by the look on his face that he meant it. “You’re right. I was ‘pretty into it.’”
She would’ve called him a liar if he’d tried to deny it. She was quite sure she’d never had a kiss that compared, and if she was feeling that way about it, chances were he was, too.
“So, then, what’s the problem?” she asked.
He hesitated. “Remember I told you I’d lost someone I cared about?”
“Yeah?”
“You remind me of her. Far too much.”
“I remind you of a dead woman?”
“No, you remind me of her when she was very much alive. She was reckless and impulsive. Loved high-risk activities. Took some dangerous chances and ended up losing her life because of it.”
“Okay. So we can paint together but no kissing. Is that right?”
“I don’t know.” He buried his head in his hands. “I don’t exactly know what I’m trying to say, other than getting involved with you... It scares the life out of me.”
Several half thoughts swam through Katie’s head. The one in the forefront was that he didn’t want her around, so she wasn’t going to stay here trying to convince him he was wrong. That was nuts. It was only a kiss, a few kisses—granted, they were kisses that had turned her inside out—but it wasn’t worth arguing about.
“I’m leaving,” she said, standing.
“Katie...”
She walked down the concrete steps toward her Jeep. “Good night, Noah.”
Noah watched her leave. It bothered him more than he would have guessed. He’d had no doubt he was messed up, but this made him think he was in worse shape than he’d suspected. The plan had been to walk away from her and everything would work out okay. He’d distance himself from the state of cold panic that descended anytime he thought about the risks Katie put herself in and everything would return to normal.
He hadn’t expected to feel any sadness watching her leave, knowing he’d hurt her on some level even if she was a strong woman who would never let a man break her down. Especially one she didn’t even have a relationship with.
Yeah, he was messed up.
But it was done. He’d just scared Katie away from him for good. Which was what he’d set out to do. Wasn’t it?
CHAPTER TWELVE
KATIE NEARLY FELL off her lawn chair when Noah strolled out of her dad’s new house and onto the deck. Today. For her birthday dinner.
Judging by Noah’s look when he was faced with Katie’s entire family, he’d been left in the dark, too. Which made perfect sense, since he wanted nothing to do with her.