by Emma Vikes
I wanted to wait for her outside the restaurant to see if she made an early exit and tell her ‘I told you so’. It seemed like a lot of effort but I knew it would irritate her even more and that was my usual goal…to get on her nerves.
Then a part of me wondered if she would enjoy the date and the thought that she would didn’t sit well with me.
“I was curious,” I said after a while, deciding to go with the truth rather than make up some lame excuse I knew she would see through, “and I think it was a good thing I came. You looked like you were about to dig a hole through the ground like a mole rat, just so you could escape him.”
At this statement, Kate chuckled, a playful smile on her pink lips. “God, I’ve never encountered someone so boring. He wouldn’t stop talking about bones!”
She made an emphasis on the word and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh no, he’s one of those doctors who’s gone crazy for their specialty. There was this one guy I interned with at San Diego. In his spare time, he kept drawing hearts randomly. The fucking drawings were in every chart we had!”
“Peter wouldn’t stop talking about Lydia.” Kate was grinning.
I furrowed my brows and shook my head. “Why would he talk about another girl during a date? That’s like, number one in the DON’T’s section of the rulebook of dating.”
Kate bit her lip and the way she did it, the way her upper teeth sank on her plump pink bottom lip, made my heart skip a beat and it made me pause. What the fuck, Ryan?
Kate didn’t seem to notice my reaction. “Oh, no. Lydia’s not a girl he used to date. Lydia’s the name of the skeleton he has in his office. He wouldn’t stop talking about how he felt bad that she was a Jane Doe and he said she deserved to be christened with a new name during this new life she has…as a skeleton he uses as the basis.”
I closed my eyes, my shoulders shaking in laughter. I understood that orthopedic surgeons had skeletons in their office and sometimes even in their home office. They needed to use it as a basis to prepare for surgery. It also wasn’t uncommon for them to name the skeleton but it was amusing how he didn’t mind sharing it during a blind date. “Oh dear god, on behalf of him, I apologize as a doctor. Maybe he hasn’t been on that many dates,” I said after I finally recovered from laughing. “And I’m sorry that you had to sit through all that. I’m sure it was a scarring conversation.”
Kate cracked a smile and sighed, looking into the boulevard. “But it was nice though.”
“It was nice to have that kind of conversation when you looked like someone who wanted to run the moment he turned away.”
She rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee, holding it with both hands like a little kid would hold her hot cocoa. “I didn’t mean that. I meant… it was just nice to meet someone for dinner and talk. Even when I didn’t get a chance to speak and he was kind of insulting.”
“At which statement did you take offense?”
Kate eyed me. “Were you listening in on our conversation?”
I smiled at her sheepishly but shook my head. “I didn’t overhear the whole Lydia story but I did hear him ask about why you didn’t become a doctor like Andrew and how you were prettier on-screen anyway which is a total lie, so I hope it doesn’t get into your head.”
Kate ignored the last comment. “Is that why you butted in?”
I didn’t want to answer her question so I turned away, focusing my eyes on the ocean again, drinking my coffee in silence. I could still feel Kate’s gaze on me and with a sigh, I finally gave her an answer, “The question made me uncomfortable and although, he meant his follow-up statement to be a compliment, it sort of painted you out to be this incapable person who decided to just do YouTube to earn your living, because it was easier.”
It was never in my intention to crash their date but I sat a few tables from theirs and it wasn’t too hard to eavesdrop. When Peter made his comment, I saw the look on Kate’s face and remembered all the times she had to go through the same questioning, the moment Andrew decided to be a doctor.
When Kate looked at me, I noted how her blue eyes softened and the small smile playing on her lips seemed to be the only thing I could fix my attention on. Like her face became the sole painting filled with bright colors amidst a monochrome wall.
“So I take it you crashed the date because you didn’t like how he was treating me? Aww! I didn’t think you cared, Ryan.”
The moment those words left her mouth, I took a small step closer to her. “I may tease you a lot and bully you often but it never meant I didn’t care, Katie.”
There was a flicker of emotion in Kate’s eyes after the words slipped past my lips. She stared at me, blue eyes intent on my green ones and I couldn’t help but reach out a hand and touch her. I lifted a hand and pushed aside her blonde hair as my eyes fell on her pink and plump lips.
I wanted to kiss her.
The thought was so sudden and alarming that I immediately took a step back. Pulling my hand away from her, it was as if she was a current of electricity that suddenly electrocuted me like a bolt of lightning would.
Kate let out a shaky breath and then turned away from me, her eyes resting on the view of the water instead of my face.
It took me a moment to compose myself, to remind myself of who she was. She was Andrew’s little sister, the girl I sort of grew up with, the one I loved to tease and bully before, the one I never got along with until now. The thought was so sudden and striking that I couldn’t even begin to grasp where and why it occurred to me. The thought left a familiar longing, something I hadn’t felt in so long coming back to the surface of my heart, seeming to resuscitate a part of it that had long been dead.
Kate cleared her throat and I anticipated her telling me she should head home now, but she asked me something else, “Why’d you bring me here? I mean, I get your point about how you asked me for coffee and didn’t specify where. But why here?”
I paused, unsure if I should give her the truth. The boulevard held a special spot in my heart, a spot that despite all the sad things that happened to my family, the bitterness of what happened couldn’t ruin the memory.
Kate continued to stare at me, waiting for me to say something.
I finally sighed, turning away from her because I didn’t want to see her reaction. “When I was about four or five years old, my parents used to bring me here often, just for a walk. Mom loved the ocean breeze but hated having sand between her toes and Dad thought this was the best compromise.”
A cool breeze blew over our hair and we involuntarily moved closer to each other, seeking warmth.
I felt our shoulders brush and it happened again, a sudden surge of current that seemed to come from nowhere. I cleared my throat and let out a small sigh, reliving the only good memory I had of my parents. “It was the only time my Dad genuinely compromised with her. Not the kind of compromise that was for my sake, the kind that made me think that even for a little while, maybe he did love her.” The moment those words left my lips, I instantly felt regretful for having said it out loud. I’d grown used to keeping my family issues to myself. The Shaw family knew the basics: my parents at odds with each other that no matter how much they tried, it just stopped working and led to our family’s downfall and their divorce.
But no one knew what I felt about it and I wanted to keep it that way. No one needed to know how their separation affected me and changed my perspective about the world, dating, marriage, and love. For everyone else, I was simply a victim of a broken family who’d managed to push through life and get his shit together, despite everything.
“I’ve never heard you speak about your parents before.”
My eyebrows rose and I shrugged, acting nonchalant. “What are you talking about? I used to complain about them to your parents.”
Kate kept studying me intently as if she could see through all the walls I’d successfully built through the years. “They say that the more you speak about something that hurt you, the more you’re trying to hide ho
w hurt you are about it.”
I turned away from her again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. My parents divorced when I was a teen. My dad cheated on my mom too many times and she finally got fed up about it. They tried resolving the matter for a while but it just didn’t work. I’ve acknowledged all of that.”
Kate continued to stare at me and then she let out a small chuckle. “Acknowledging what happened doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve acknowledged how you feel about it. It’s okay to still be hurt over what happened with your family, Ryan. No one’s gonna judge you for hurting.”
Her words made me look at her. “Are you saying that you’re still hurt that Adam didn’t choose to stand up with you and raise Faith?” I knew I’d just crossed a line while changing the topic and placing her in the hot seat too, just so I could spare myself.
Kate didn’t seem to mind. She didn’t even seem as if it bothered her at all. Instead, she turned away from me and let out a small sigh. “I’m hurt over the fact that my daughter could’ve grown up with a father by her side had Adam had enough balls to man up,” she said quietly, her gaze focused on the ocean, “and I was hurt when he turned away from me and chose to break up with me. I’ve acknowledged that pain, I hope you’ll acknowledge yours too.”
“Why are you so adamant that I’m in pain because of what happened to my parents?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted an answer.
Without looking at me still, Kate gave me a nonchalant answer, “There has to be a reason why you’re a player and a heartbreaker, Ryan. There has to be a reason why you’re so keen that love won’t work out for you.”
I couldn’t help but scoff as I remembered the conversation we once had. I could feel the familiar surge of annoyance. Kate sounded so sure, as if she was certain the reason why I chose the bachelor's life was that I didn’t want to end up like my parents.
She was right but I didn’t want her to know that—I didn’t need anyone to know it.
“Didn’t you tell me that love does the choosing, shortcake?”
Kate fixed her blue eyes on me.
A chill went down my spine and I felt like I was a prisoner to her gaze. A moment ago, I felt annoyed by her— now, I was captive.
Her blue eyes looked like the ocean under daylight, glistening with sunlight as the waves lazily crashed down on you, drenching you. I felt like I was drowning in the sea of her eyes and I didn’t want to come back to the surface.
“When love chooses you, Ryan, will you let your fear decide for you?”
9
Kate
“How was the date?” Vanessa asked me the moment she walked through the front door the next morning, the brightest smile on her face.
I could hear the excitement in her tone and knew she’d been meaning to ask me that question since last night had she not been in such a hurry to get home. I sat in the kitchen, organizing the ingredients needed for the breakfast burrito video we were going to shoot for the day. I was honestly thankful Vanessa didn’t force me to talk about the date last night. I was still reeling from the conversation I had with Ryan after I came home from the boulevard.
God, I could still remember the look on his face when I asked him the question: When love chooses you, Ryan, will you let your fear decide for you?
Ryan had looked at me with such intensity in his green eyes as he’d taken a step closer to me.
He stood so close that I could easily smell his masculine scent, the mix of sweet instant coffee and Old Spice. He’d tilted his head to the side before answering, the moonlight basking him in a cool, silver glow, “I guess we’ll have to wait and see if love ever does choose me.”
I knew his answer echoed the previous conversation we had when I’d said that love was the one calling the shots and not us, so maybe I did deserve to get served with that statement.
Right after that, he told me I could head back home while he lingered at the boulevard for a little while.
All the while, I kept wondering if I’d offended him with everything I said but before I went to bed last night, Ryan sent me a text. He informed me that he came home safe which was surprising because I didn’t need an update for him. Yet, it still relieved me from the gnawing anxiety of offending him.
Which didn’t make any sense, because I used to not care whether or not I offended Ryan Bell.
“So if I judge by your lack of enthusiasm to tell me about your date, is it safe for me to assume that it didn’t work out well?”
My eyes fell on Vanessa who now sat on a counter stool right across from me. I let out a shaky exhale and flashed her a small smile. “The dinner was fine, Ness.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “So the dinner was fine but that doesn’t technically say anything much about the date.”
I wanted to tell her how Ryan crashed the date and made it better, made the dinner tolerable but I didn’t want Vanessa to think the date had only gotten better because of Ryan. Even if technically, it did. I just didn’t want her to make a big deal about it. “He talked a lot about his work. He’s very passionate about it.” I chewed on the bottom lip, wondering if I should comment further.
Vanessa continued to stare at me expectantly.
I could feel her wanting me to say more. “He seems to love his work a little too much and looks down on those who didn’t take the practical road.”
Vanessa’s eyes widened, sensing the annoyance in my tone. “Oh, no. He said something wrong, didn’t he?”
“Something along the lines that it was okay that I didn’t follow Andrew’s footsteps, because I looked prettier on screen anyway.”
Vanessa gasped loudly, quickly pulled out a notepad and pen from her bag then almost violently crossed something out on top of a list.
I quickly snatched the list and scoffed at the names written in her scrawny handwriting. “What the hell?”
Quick to snatch the list from me, Vanessa held it away from my reach. She sounded defensive when she said, “We have a lot of options, okay! There are so many potential guys that you could date out there and we could only pick three.”
“Yeah, well, your first choice sucked.”
Before Vanessa could defend or respond to my statement, my phone buzzed and I was quick to pick it up before she could see who was calling since I already saw the name. Ryan. “Hello?”
“Hey, shortcake!” He sounded like he was in a good mood.
This fact made me wonder why he called. “What do you want?”
I could just imagine him rolling his eyes and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself, quickly turning around so Vanessa wouldn’t see.
“Are you running on a short fuse?” he quipped. “You sound like we didn’t just spend the night together.”
I couldn’t help but let out a small sound of annoyance which made him laugh. I glanced at Vanessa.
She kept eyeing me with curious eyes.
“Why did you call?” I asked him again.
Ryan whistled lowly. “I missed you.”
Although I knew he was only teasing, for some strange reason, the three words made my heart skip a beat. I swallowed, feeling my face heat up and thanked God we were only talking on the phone. “You haven’t answered my question.”
“Geez, you can’t lighten up with a little teasing,” he responded lightly, “but to answer your question, I was wondering if it was okay to meet you and Faith at the park? I promised her when we had dinner earlier this week that I would take her to the park on Friday and let her bike around there.”
I could feel a small smile tug on my lips, but I tried to hide it. “We can meet you there right after I pick her up from school. How does four sound?”
“That’s great. I’ll have time to get us something to snack on. I’ll see you then.”
When I ended the call, I turned around and actually met Vanessa face to face, so I jumped back in surprise. “Oh god, you scared me!”
Vanessa stared at me suspiciously. “Who called you?” She then peered down at my phone.
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I swiftly slipped it inside my pocket and turned to the ingredients I had on the counter, acting nonchalant. “It was just Ryan. He asked if he could meet Faith and me at the park, so he could take her out biking. You want to come?” I knew inviting her would dampen any thoughts she had but then again, it wasn’t like anything was going on between Ryan and me.
“Then why are you acting all suspicious if it was just Ryan? You were acting like you were secretly dating someone but it was just Ryan. Why did you act so secretive?”
I blinked, thinking of what would be the best response to her queries, “I wasn’t.”
The suspicion was still clear in Vanessa’s eyes but I sighed in relief when she dropped the subject and said that we should just start shooting the video already.
We finished the video around lunchtime and ended up eating the ‘breakfast burritos’ I made as our lunch which kind of destroyed the purpose of it being a breakfast burrito.
At around 2 PM, I began to get ready to pick up Faith and our trip to the park with Ryan.
Vanessa lounged around the living room answering my emails for me and rescheduling appointments I had for the afternoon.
When I came back downstairs, Vanessa was playing on her Switch. “You’re coming with?” I asked her as I looked for a small bag I could pack snacks in. I had half an hour to kill and maybe I could bring something we could snack on while Faith rode her bike. I also wanted to read a book I’d been planning to finish but I had the feeling it would be useless since Ryan was a little too talkative for reading.
Not that I minded.
Vanessa didn’t even look up at me from her game. “I don’t want to ruin the family vibe.”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand what you mean?”