by Emma Vikes
“Kate…” Ryan spoke my name quietly, his eyes showing how he was slowly sobering down from his anger. “It wasn’t like that.”
“If you left because you had an emergency, I would’ve understood had you called to tell me just that. I didn’t even get a call or a text from you, Ryan. I’m not saying that I thought it would be different with me.” I hated how I sounded…desperate, needy, and hurt. It reminded me of the time I told Adam I was pregnant. “I just thought that you would’ve had the consideration to not be an ass to me.”
Ryan licked his lips and looked down at his feet. “I came here to talk about it, shortcake.”
“You made it clear to me by disappearing that there’s nothing to talk about. So please, Ryan, just go.”
Turning my back on him, I approached the door to open it when it suddenly swung wide open and Faith tumbled out. “Ryan!”
I watched as Faith ran straight to him and he gladly picked her up, spun her a bit, and kissed the side of her head.
The smile on my daughter’s face tugged at my heart. She was always so happy whenever Ryan was around.
“I thought I heard you! Aunt Vanessa wouldn’t believe me!” Faith exclaimed, putting her small hands-on Ryan’s face. “Why didn’t you come inside?”
Ryan glanced at me and then he put her down gently. “I was talking with your mom.”
She made a face and then held his hand, tugging him towards the door. “C’mon! Aunt Vanessa and I bought ice cream!”
Uncertain, he glanced at me again, as if asking for permission to come inside.
I didn’t want to burst my daughter’s bubble. I knew she’d missed him. They had a bond I never wanted to severe, so I gave him a small nod.
He only offered me a small, grateful smile.
I followed them inside, a little hesitant to have him in but not wanting to upset Faith.
God, how am I supposed to handle this mess?
15
Ryan
“I can’t believe that I have so many surgeries lined up,” Andrew grumbled as he dropped a brown bag in front of me. It had been more than a week since Andrew and Mila had gotten back from their honeymoon trip. Since then, Andrew had been complaining about the fact that there were surgeries lined up for him to do. “It’s not like there aren’t any other general surgeons in the hospital,” he muttered under his breath, taking out a Ziploc that contained a burrito then handing it to me. “What about you? I don’t see you stressed out like I am.”
I pulled the burrito out and took a bite. “I’m a neurosurgeon, Andrew. It’s not like there are a lot of people in Tampa needing brain surgery.”
“Well, how’s your research coming along?”
I didn’t have an answer to that because I’d barely been doing work on my research. I was doing well with the research before the whole thing with Kate happened. Since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was supposed to do with the whole situation.
One minute, I wanted to go for it. The next I wasn’t sure. Something just ate at me. But what remained unclear to me. I didn’t want Kate to think that all I wanted was sex and for us to become fuck buddies. Then there was this whole idea of diving into a relationship with her. An idea I kept toying with, an idea that seemed like the most concrete solution to the situation.
I liked her. It didn’t happen like a normal liking. Just waking up one day and realizing I liked Kate. It was more like a gradual realization. A coming to terms with all these scattered feelings I seemed to have for her. Like the way she made me feel; my inclination to crash her dates. How I stayed up late at night, thinking about her. I’d never been the type to think about women for overly long. To me, they were always just a sexual partner to have, to keep me warm and up at night. With Kate, she didn’t just warm me physically.
She was the warmth that my cold and lonely soul had been longing for.
But then again, warm nights with her seemed to be unlikely, given how last night turned out.
“I didn’t let you stay, so you can talk to me,” Kate said the moment I’d closed Faith’s door after tucking her in bed.
Vanessa had left a little while earlier and I knew she sensed the tension between Kate and me. At least, she didn’t ask questions and make the whole thing even more awkward.
I sighed and stuffed my hands in my pocket as we walked down the stairs. “We can’t just ignore what happened, Kate.”
She gave me a pointed look. “Really? Because you’ve been doing an awfully good job of that.”
We reached the landing of the stairs and were only a couple of feet from the front door. “I was confused. I know you are too. It’s not a situation I’ve been in before or know how to handle, Kate. I needed time to think.”
“And you’ve given me time to think too, Ryan,” Kate stated quietly, looking down at her feet then raising her head to stare into my eyes. Her blue eyes looked a little reluctant when they held my gaze. She took in a deep breath and said, “I think it’s better if we forget what happened between the two of us. We were two adults unable to resist the desire swirling within us that we needed to release. If it were up to me, I would rather have you out of my life. But Faith adores you and you are my brother’s best friend, so you will solely be just that. No lines to be crossed.”
“Ryan?”
It took me a moment to remember Andrew sat in front of me, expecting a response. I ran my fingers through my hair and shrugged. “It’s going as well as it can be. I’ve barely had time to work on it this week because I had to move.”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “It’s not as if you had a lot of things, Ry. You only had your suitcase and the house you’ve leased is already furnished.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say.
He shrugged and shook his head at me. “By the way, I have surgery at three, so I can’t make it to Faith’s soccer game.”
I felt surprised at this. I vaguely remember Faith telling me about a game last night. She said it in passing, right when I was about to tuck her in bed but I didn’t mind it much. I was too focused on how I could talk to her mother at that time. “She’s gonna be upset if you can’t come,” I replied, taking a big bite out of the burrito Mila had made for me. Since they came back from their honeymoon, Mila made lunch for me too, whenever she made Andrew’s. He would text me in the morning, so we could have lunch together. It felt like college again, but it felt nice to have people that cared.
Andrew sighed and leaned back in his chair, pouting a bit. “I know. As much as I can, I always want to make sure that she has a male figure cheering her on. Kate never asks me to do it but it just makes me feel bad that she’s growing up without a dad.”
He had mentioned this to me a couple of times, even when we were still in medical school. “She has us.” It felt a little weird to count me in.
Andrew didn’t seem to notice or mind that I did so. “I thought that she would find a decent guy out of the three we had her meet. I mean, Mila told me how the dates went and she was weirded out with Peter. Connor was an ass. But this morning, Mila told me that Kate seemed to have a good time with Elliot.”
The last part made my eyebrows rise. Last night, I’d shoved the guy out of her face because he was going to kiss her and I didn’t like it. I’d been waiting in my car for Kate to arrive from her date. The only reason I found out about it was that Andrew had casually mentioned it over the phone.
When I arrived at her place, the lights weren’t on but her car sat parked in the driveway. Ten minutes later, Vanessa arrived with Faith. I could’ve gone inside but then that meant explaining to Vanessa why I was there so late. I opted on waiting for Kate to come back instead. I intended to wait until her date left but I saw how ‘close’ they seemed to be.
I saw the kiss coming before he even leaned in, so I rushed out of my car to stop it.
“So you mean to say that there might be another date?” I made sure I sounded nonchalant. The last thing I needed was for Andrew to be suspicious
.
He shook his head.
At this, my shoulders sagged in relief.
“I’m not sure,” he replied. “The only thing Mila said was that Kate had a good time. It didn’t mean they had another date planned but it could happen.”
I faltered a bit. “Oh. So there’s a possibility for another one? Was he such a good guy for her to consider it?”
“According to what Mila told me, Kate did mention Elliot didn’t seem to mind that she had Faith. He was respectful to the kind of job she has and didn’t drone on and on about his. It seems to me like he’s a sincere guy. Exactly the kind of guy I’d want for her to date.”
I pursed my lips, considering asking for Andrew’s blessing to date Kate. Part of me knew that if I did so, he would probably beat the crap out of me. He of all people was well-aware of how I’d treated women and it probably wouldn’t matter how much I promised that I wouldn’t treat Kate the same way, he wouldn’t believe me.
Instead of asking him, I simply nodded my head. We finished our lunches and went back to our departments. I shared an office with another neurosurgeon in the hospital but he wasn’t in because he had a lecture at a university. I tried working on my research for a while but an hour later, I thought about Kate again.
At three, Andrew told me he was heading to the operating room for his scheduled surgery. By then, I was allowed to leave the hospital if there wasn’t anything left to do. I could’ve grabbed a pack of beer, went home, and mulled over my situation with Kate.
Then, I decided to go to Faith’s school and watch her game instead.
I knew where Faith’s school was and I could only hope the venue for her soccer game would be there too. I parked my rental car in the school parking lot and made my way to the field. A crowd had already gathered and I heard a blow of a whistle, signaling the game.
Jogging to the field, I took a seat in the stands and looked for Faith. I spotted her, wearing the number eight and called out loudly, “Let’s go, Faith!”
I cheered her so loudly that she turned and spotted me. Her eyes widened and she waved at me excitedly.
I couldn’t help but wave back at her. When she turned her back to focus on the game, I searched for Kate. She sat in the front row, blue eyes fixed on me. Our gazes locked and she was the first to turn away, shaking her head.
Climbing down from my seat, I moved to where she sat.
Kate didn’t even bother to look at me. “What are you doing here?” Her eyes were focused on the game, intently fixed on her daughter.
I wasn’t sure if she wanted to see Faith make a score or make sure she didn’t injure herself doing so. “Andrew mentioned Faith had a game. She mentioned it last night. I wanted to watch it.”
Kate took in a deep breath and then turned to look at me. She looked like she intended to say something but refrained from doing so.
We sat side by side, cheering Faith on loudly whenever she scored.
When the coach of the other team called for a time-out, Faith ran directly to where we were and jumped on me.
I stood up and spun her in circles, putting her down, and kissing the top of her head. “You’re doing amazing, Faith.”
She beamed, smiling at me brightly. “Will you watch until the game finishes and we win?”
Patting her head gently, I nodded. “I’ll even take you out for pizza and milkshake right after.”
Cheering, she kissed me on the cheek before dashing off to join her team.
I smiled brightly as I stood beside Kate, unbothered by the other parents whispering around us.
She jabbed me on the side with her elbow and shot me a look. “What are you doing?” she hissed, leaning closer to me.
Eyebrows furrowed with confusion, I turned to her. “Taking your daughter out for dinner after the game. Whether they win or not, she’s doing well. She deserves a reward.”
Kate narrowed her eyes at me.
I could sense that again, she wanted to say something but chose not to.
We continued to cheer on Faith and cheered louder when she scored the winning goal. We even rushed to her to congratulate her and I picked her up, lifting her to my shoulders. Her team was cheering her name and I felt a surge of pride for the kid.
“We should celebrate their win!” a parent said.
I put Faith down.
She looked up to me, as if remembering my promise to her. Celebrating with the rest of her team meant I couldn’t treat her to pizza and milkshakes.
“How about Flavoroso?” I suggested, putting my hand on Faith’s shoulder. “I’m sure the kids would love a good pizza and have some milkshakes.”
Everyone agreed with me and we carpooled to the place, Faith riding with me. Kate let her, allowing her to spend some alone time with me. She had mentioned last night that Faith adored me. Letting Faith come with me was her way of tolerating my presence in her life.
“Did you have a treehouse when you were younger, Ryan?” Faith randomly asked me. We were still on our way to the diner.
I glanced at her after stopping at a stop sign. “I didn’t but I built one with your Uncle Andrew when we were about fourteen.”
“Weren’t you too old for a treehouse at that age?”
Chuckling, I made a right. We were a couple of blocks away from the diner. “We were, but it didn’t take the fun out of it. Why do you ask?”
“I kind of want to build one,” Faith said shyly, refusing to look at me by fixing her gaze on the window. “But Grandpa’s too old to do it with me and Uncle Andrew gets busy sometimes.”
We finally arrived at the diner and I parked the car, Faith clicked off her seatbelt but I put a hand on her shoulder.
She looked at me with those beautiful eyes of hers.
“I can build it with you if you’d like.”
Faith blinked and she tried to blink back tears before wrapping her small arms around me.
Something inside of me surged with an emotion that I couldn’t quite understand. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed the top of her head.
Kate was waiting for us at the entrance and Faith reached for her hand. She was holding onto both of us when we entered and all eyes were on us. I could sense it made Kate uncomfortable but I couldn’t understand why. We were seated beside each other and Faith was enjoying the whole thing with her teammates.
At some point, I was finally asked if I was her father.
Faith was too busy with her friends to hear the question.
Kate was the one who answered it though. She smiled politely at the person who asked us. “No, he’s not. He’s my brother’s best friend and Faith’s close to him.”
I nodded my head in agreement, although I felt a pang in my heart. I realized I wanted to have an actual role in Faith’s life. I didn’t just want to be Andrew’s best friend. I wanted to be more than that and not just with Faith, but with Kate too.
But wanting it meant committing in a way that I never did before.
The subject seemed closed, but they did ask me what I did for a living and evidently, the conversation shifted to careers. I couldn’t relate to them when they started talking about parenting but I sat through it.
When it came time to go home, Faith still opted to ride with me, begging her mom to let her.
Kate didn’t seem entirely inclined to allow it. I knew it was because it meant I would stop by their place. But then again, Kate couldn’t say no to her daughter. When we arrived at their house, Faith was pulling me to the backyard.
“What treehouse are you talking about?” Kate asked, following us curiously.
Faith ‒ already looking tired ‒ smiled at her mother with a big, toothy grin. “Ryan said he’ll help me build a treehouse!”
Kate’s gaze turned to me.
I shrugged, flashing her my smile. “She wanted one. I have experience and unlike Andrew, I’m not as busy.”
She stared at me then at her daughter, but allowed Faith and I to check out the tree.
I wanted to make sure
it was sturdy enough to hold a treehouse. It was fun to have Faith act like she was all grown up, using her hands to help me picture out what she wanted. Then she yawned and stretched her arms, looking up at me sleepily.
“And now I think it’s best if you take a bath,” I told her, picking her up and taking her inside. I could hear Kate running a bath for her upstairs, so I climbed up while carrying her in my arms. “Our team player is ready for her bath!”
Faith giggled at my announcement and I caught a small smile hovering on Kate’s lips.
Before closing the door though, Faith called me, “Can you tuck me in bed, Ryan?” Her honey-colored eyes were pleading.
One day, she would figure out that all she needed to do was to look at me like this and I would give her the world. “Is it okay if I make myself a cup of coffee while I wait for you to finish your bath?”
The question was intended for Kate.
She seemed hesitant once again, but nodded her head slowly.
Admittedly, her hesitation was slightly unclear to me. She’d been hesitant to have me around all day. I knew she tolerated my presence because of Faith.
But she had been the one who drew the line and made it clear it was not to be crossed. She’d made it clear to me that I was merely Andrew’s best friend and someone Faith adored.
A flicker of something in her eyes made me think otherwise though. It made me believe her hesitation seemed to stem from something else.
I brewed coffee in the kitchen and just as I was sipping my cup, I heard Kate’s footsteps.
She stood at the edge of the kitchen entryway, leaning against the wall. “She’s ready to be tucked in.”
“She doesn’t need a bedtime story, right?” I asked, downing the coffee and giving the cup a quick wash.
“Ryan.”
I was already near the stairs when I paused. Without turning around to face her, I waited for her to say more.
“The last thing I want to happen is for Faith’s heart to be broken.”