by J. M. Page
Celine gave him another watery laugh and a vehement nod. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m a fool. I just… I always dreamed of… I mean, I never actually thought I’d…” She shook her head and squeezed his hand, electricity shooting between them.
“What I’m trying to say is thank you.”
For a moment that seemed to stretch on and on, they were locked together. Eyes searching, Ben lost, drowning in her. He leaned forward, closing the distance between them, holding his breath for fear of spooking her.
He wondered if her lips were as soft and sweet as he imagined. If she would respond to him the way he dreamt. They were so close, he could feel her shallow breaths on his lips.
And then she pulled away, her attention once again glued to the scenery.
“They really do twinkle,” she said. “I never believed it.”
Ben smiled, trying his best to hide the deflated disappointment gnawing inside him. He didn’t want her to feel guilty… or pressured. Maybe he’d read the whole thing wrong. Maybe his suspicions were way off base.
“Only for the next couple of miles,” he said. “Once we’re past the atmosphere they won’t twinkle, but I promise they’re just as pretty.”
Celine sighed happily and leaned back in her seat, content to watch the sky as they rushed toward it.
Ben did the same, sighing with a smile before he relaxed into his seat, content to watch the captivating woman at his side.
He didn’t think he was wrong. He was positive she was the girl that saved him. What were the odds of another woman coming from the Wastelands with those same eyes? With that soft voice that was somehow familiar? And the soft touch that made his heart race?
It had to be her.
He didn’t know what to do with the memories of her mechanical arm, or the fact that she didn’t want to be forthcoming with him. Something was amiss, but he wasn’t able to put a finger on it.
Was there something he should be worried about? Should he be concerned that she lied about where she was from, who she was, and where she wanted to go? Was she running from something?
He’d protect her if she was. He just needed to know.
Ben’s instincts told him that Celine had a good reason to be vague, but his time in the Space Force taught him to consider every possibility. And never underestimate anyone.
He’d have to learn more about her to assess her potential risk. That’s what he told himself. It certainly wasn’t an excuse to spend more time with her. It wasn’t a justification to get to know everything about her and spend every waking moment with her.
No, he was just assessing risk. That was the story he was going to stick with.
“Look down,” he said, leveling the craft as they reached the outer limits of the atmosphere. From so far up, the curvature of the planet was discernable. Clouds covered every bit of the planet, churning and writhing in great swirling patterns.
Celine looked down, her expression unreadable. “It actually looks kind of pretty from way up here,” she said.
Ben nodded, seeing the tiniest opening. It wasn’t much, but he had to take it.
“Not so pretty down there, though,” he said.
Celine shook her head. “No, it doesn’t look like much of anything from down there. Just dust everywhere.”
Ben nodded again, thinking he’d managed to corner her.
“It must’ve been hard, growing up in that environment. The Wastelands, I mean,” he said.
She turned to him, eyebrows raised, lips slightly parted with a refusal on the tip of her tongue. Her cheeks flushed warm and pink and Ben wondered if she was embarrassed he called her out, or angry that he wouldn’t play along with her charade anymore.
But Ben didn’t care either way. He had to know the truth. He needed answers. He needed to know what he was getting himself into with this girl. The way she pulled him in like a gravitational field was alarming, but even more so because he didn’t know anything about her.
She could be dangerous. If not to his kingdom, then to his heart at the very least. He braced himself for her argument, for another lame excuse or story.
Finally she sighed, and surprised him with what she said. “That obvious, huh?”
Ben felt like a twenty-ton weight was lifted from his shoulders and he nodded. “Why did you lie about the crash? About where you’re from?”
Celine shrugged, looking down at her hands clasped in her lap. “I was always told that city dwellers hated m— ...us.”
M—? What had she started to say? Modders? Was it possible? Were his dying hallucinations reality after all? He tried to keep calm even though his heart raced and his forehead dampened with sweat.
“Mus?” he teased, trying to keep the mood light even though she could very well deliver an earth-shattering revelation.
Ben just wanted the truth. He wanted his suspicions confirmed. To know that she was the girl that saved him and that he wasn’t completely crazy for feeling this weird connection with her.
She shook her head. “Us, people out in the Wastelands. We’re told you’re dangerous. You’ll shoot on sight.”
He frowned, both because he answer wasn’t what he wanted and because it painted his people in an unflattering light.
“We didn’t even know anyone was out there. Didn’t think it was possible for anyone to survive… How do you survive?”
It was Celine’s turn to frown as she seemed to weigh her options. He saw the conflict behind her eyes, whether she should tell him this thing or not. What did she have to be so afraid of? Were they really so convinced Terrans wanted to exterminate them all? It made him a little queasy.
She shook her head again. “What does it matter? We do.”
Her terse response made Ben realize that he’d pushed her too far. He needed to back off now before she shut him out completely.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just…” He blew out a heavy exhale, trying to find the right words to make up for his epic failure in conversation. “I want to know more about you. Where you’re from, what your life is like… I can’t help but feel like…” he stopped, realizing he was close to saying more than he wanted.
What was it about this girl that made him so at ease? Made him want to speak so freely even when he knew he shouldn’t?
“Like what?” she asked, her tone interested now as she leaned forward towards him. He glanced up, ensnared again in her verdant eyes. She saw more of him than he wanted. She saw him exposed and vulnerable as much as if he were completely naked.
He didn’t know if he could trust her with that yet.
He sighed and shook his head, unable to look right at her anymore. He was afraid another minute of looking into those eyes would have him spilling his heart and soul out.
“Nothing,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”
Her expression fell, her mouth opening to say something. She closed it again, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips as she looked off into the distance.
Leaving the planet’s atmosphere, the ship moved more freely, still locked by gravitational pull, but free to explore the cosmos.
Letting the craft drift, Ben wondered if this was a mistake. Everything felt weird now. He’d made it weird with his insatiable questioning. He shouldn’t have said anything. Now he may have ruined all his chances.
His stomach tied itself into knots and he wracked his brain for the right thing to say. To recover from the mess he’d made of this whole thing. He was too busy cursing himself to notice that Celine wasn’t just looking off into the distance anymore. She’d spotted something.
“What is that?” she asked.
Ben looked, a sense of dread coming over him before he did. That could be any number of things, from a distant star to an incoming ship. He followed her finger, pointing off to the distant glowing orb that slowly came into view as they orbited the planet.
He sighed with a surprised chuckle. “That… That’s the moon,” he said.
Celine whirled around, genuine awe written
on her face. “We have a moon?”
He realized again just how cut off from everything she must have been her whole life. She’d never seen the sky or the stars. She didn’t even know they had a moon. What other new discoveries would she find out of the Wastelands?
It was hard to think this woman had any sort of ulterior motives for him or his kingdom, by the way she stared with reverence.
“That’s where customs is. Anyone coming in has to go through there.”
She gave him a strange look. “Or what?” Her eyes drifted down toward their home planet before locking onto the moon again.
“Well… The Space Force would try to intervene. If someone bypassed customs they’d direct them back. If the ship is unresponsive… they’ll take it out.” Saying it out loud seemed to make it sound barbaric, but it was the way things had to be.
“The boys in grey?” she asked. It took Ben a moment to remember what General Pao had said at lunch.
He nodded.
“Because of the Grounding?” she asked.
Ben shrugged. “Yes and no. It’s to keep the city safe, too. Terranys is a closed ecosystem, we can’t have people bringing in unapproved animals, or plants, or diseases, you know? We have to be careful. There’s not anywhere for us to go if the city is compromised.”
Celine nodded like she understood, but Ben still felt a weirdness between them. Something that hadn’t been there before the flight. It clawed at him and made him uneasy. It wasn’t natural, this rift between them. Not when everything in him wanted to be closer to her.
“You wanna try it?” he asked, a thought springing to life.
“Try what?”
“Flying,” Ben offered, sending the control panel to her side of the cockpit.
Celine muttered something unintelligible and shook her head. “I wouldn’t have any idea how to…”
“Nonsense. I’ve seen the way you look at it. You say your father’s an engineer, but I think you are at heart, too. You like to know how things work. Am I right?”
She didn’t say anything, but she nodded.
“What better way to learn than hands on?” Ben left his seat and moved to stand behind her, one arm on either side of her, his palms on the dash, leaning forward.
She stiffened ever-so-slightly, caged by his body, and swallowed thickly. Ben had to resist the urge to dip in and kiss the side of her neck, just inches from his lips. He longed for contact with her, craved it like nothing else, but he couldn’t bring himself to act on it yet. Not without knowing if she felt the same.
He covered her hands with his on the controls, and guided her gently, murmuring instructions to her. Celine leveled the craft out and inky blackness spread out before them, pinpricks of distant light filling their field of vision.
Celine took in another sharp breath, still seemingly in awe of the dazzling display.
He knew he might regret it, but he saw another chance. His gut bubbled and boiled with nervousness. He might regret saying something, but he definitely would regret saying nothing.
Ben took a deep breath, settling his hands on the dash again, giving her full control of the craft.
“Celine, I know this is strange, but I can’t help but feel like we’ve met before,” he said, gathering all the courage he could muster.
Her shoulders stiffened and her grip on the controls tightened as she tensed at his words. Without saying anything, she turned the ship so that the moon was back in view, the dust-covered planet off to their side, though still distant. Soon, they’d be beyond the reach of the planet’s gravity, though Ben wasn’t sure how much further they’d really go. The little ship he’d pilfered wasn’t really built for interstellar travel.
Celine said nothing, and Ben frowned, wondering how to best attack the subject. There was more that she wouldn’t say and he wanted — no needed — to know.
After a brief debate, he decided the only course of action left was bluntness.
“Have we?”
She nearly jumped out of her seat at the sound of his voice, refusing to look away from the moon. She shook her head, her mouth set in a grim line. “How could we?”
He let out a long breath. She wasn’t going to make this easy on him. That was for sure.
“I went to the Wastelands once, you know. Not too long ago.”
He watched her clench her hands tighter, wringing the controls.
“I was stupid and reckless, but I took a ship past the wall. A ship that wasn’t at all equipped for the journey, and I crashed.”
He looked for any sign of surprise, but there was none.
“My instruments were toast, I didn’t know how to get back to the city… I’m pretty sure I would have died out there.”
Still, she didn’t react.
“Someone saved me. They carried me back to the wall to safety, a stranger. I owe her a great deal,” he said, gratitude pouring through his voice.
Celine’s jaw was tight when she answered. “I’m sure whoever she is just didn’t want to see any harm come to you.”
“I would like to thank her,” he said, his voice warming.
“A good deed can be thanks enough in its own right.”
Ben clenched his teeth together. Why did she insist on being so difficult? He knew it was her. Why did she still deny it?
He hovered behind her, pretending to examine the controls. He let his fingertips trail down one bare arm, the one he remembered being different. His touch skirted over her soft skin, and he saw goosebumps rise to her flesh in response.
“I suppose. But I can’t help these memories I have,” he said, tracing lazy circles up and down her arm while Celine fought to maintain her stern look of concentration.
“M-me-memories?” she stuttered, still not looking at him.
Ben nodded. “Yes. She was different than anyone I ever met… Eyes so vivid I’ll never forget, and…” His fingers raked up her arm again and she shivered.
“And?”
Ben let out a huff of air, shaking his head. “Nothing, you’d probably think I’m crazy.”
Celine let go of the controls long enough to wipe her palms on her lap before she picked up her death grip again.
“Why do you say that?”
Ben hesitated. To say it or not to say it? There’d be no going back after this. They tip-toed around it long enough and it needed to be out in the open. He took a deep breath in preparation, watching her for the tiniest, most minute tell. Any flinch, tense, or jerk that revealed the truth of his words, he’d see it. He’d trained to see those things.
“Because,” he said, slipping his fingertips down over her soft skin again, “the woman that rescued me had a robotic arm.”
Though Ben was finely tuned to her, looking for the smallest change in behavior, it wasn’t necessary. The moment he said it, Celine jumped, jerking the controls to one side, sending them both careening into the opposite side of the cockpit as the ship lurched in response.
They tumbled together, slamming into the far wall as random debris rained down. Ben was disoriented for a moment, but then his arms found Celine and wrapped around her, holding her in place.
With quick, precise movements, he ran his hands over her body, checking for injuries. Normally, he’d be thrilled at the chance to touch her, but he keep it clinical and detached, just wanting reassurance that she was okay.
“I… I… I’m so sorry,” she said, verging on the brink of hysteria by the sounds of it. She tried to pull away from him, but Ben held her firm.
“Celine,” he said, a plea in his tone, “tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me what I saw was real. Tell me you’re her. You’re the woman that saved me. The woman I’ve been looking for.”
He searched her eyes for answers and found only a war behind them. She fought with herself internally and Ben wanted to growl and drag it out of her. Whatever it was. He didn’t lose his temper, though. That wouldn’t get him anywhere.
“Ben… I…” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled, un
able to meet his gaze.
Finally, she lifted both hands in front of his face and turned them over. “How could I be?”
His stomach plummeted at her denial. He wasn’t satisfied, not by a long shot, but what could he do? He couldn’t force her to tell him the truth. He couldn’t plead with her. He couldn’t even trick it out of her.
He just had to accept that she didn’t want to tell him. At least not yet.
Before he could say anything, the ship rattled and trembled beneath them, causing them both to look up in alarm, Celine’s eyes wide with fear as they locked onto his.
“What was that?”
There was no time to answer her. Ben knew that sensation. He hopped to his feet, pushing her from his lap, and jumped behind the controls.
Gravity had a lock on them and Celine’s jerk of the controls sent them diving straight back into the atmosphere — fast.
Ben wrestled with the controls, fighting to steady the craft. The ship turned, banking, and soon they were in a spiral. Ben’s worst fear.
Celine muttered a string of incoherent apologies, her voice distant, still in shock he was sure. He didn’t have time to comfort her or reassure her this time. Ben thrust a finger to the seat next to him. “Sit down and strap in.”
Chapter Nine
Celine
Without a word of protest, Celine did as she was told. She slumped into the seat next to Ben and fumbled with the restraints, hands trembling and uncoordinated. He nearly found her out and her arm reacted in its own way, spasming of its own volition.
She knew he’d already pieced together the puzzle, but she hadn’t confirmed his suspicions. She couldn’t.
The buckle of the restraint missed another time, hands too shaky, before she was able to jam the two parts together.
Just in the nick of time, too, as the ship took a harsh lurch to the side, alarm bells blaring and a calm robotic voice saying ‘Warning’ over and over again.
The atmosphere hurtled toward them and Celine gripped her armrests, bracing herself for certain death. Part of her wanted to look over at Ben, to see if he was as sure of their demise as she was.