He let go of her hand and it dropped to her side. ‘I can’t do this, Lexi.’ He turned to go, started to walk away from her, but she wasn’t ready to let him do that just yet.
‘Coby!’
He swung back around, his eyes staring right into hers. ‘This club, it’s my life…’
‘And you don’t think it’s my life, too? You think I know anything other than this?’
He waited a second or two before speaking again, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘It’s my whole fucking life, Lexi. And I’m not prepared to lose that over you. You’re just not worth it, kid.’
‘Oh, really?’
He walked back over to her, grabbing her wrist again, his eyes boring so deep into hers it sent a wave of fear shooting right through her. ‘I will fuck you, Lexi. Is that what you want to hear? Then believe it, darlin’, because it will happen. A man doesn’t come inside you and forget that ever happened… Jesus! How the hell can I? You’re a part of this club, but you belong to me, do you hear? What we did, what happened… you belong to me. So I will fuck you. So hard it’ll make that beautiful head of yours spin. In fact, I’m gonna make you so crazy that the only thing keeping you sane will be the thought of me inside you. We’re playing this my way now, do you understand?’
He pulled her forward, his mouth covering hers in a hard, almost violent kiss, his arm holding her naked body against him, and the only feeling registering in her mixed-up mind now was an overwhelming urge to let him take her, right there. To remind her of everything they’d shared – everything they’d fucked-up.
He let go of her, his hand trailing slowly down over her hip, his fingers running lightly over her tattoo, his eyes following their every move before they looked up, meeting her gaze. ‘When he’s fucking you tonight, Lexi – when you’re messing with his head and letting him back inside that beautiful body of yours, which you really shouldn’t be doing, you know that, don’t you? When you feel him come, when you’re screaming out his name and your legs are wrapped around his waist you think of me, you got that? You think of me. And how you wish it was me fucking you.’
‘Coby…’
‘You wish it was me.’
She watched him leave, pulling a t-shirt out of the drawer beside her and slipping it on over her nakedness, hugging herself tightly as the door closed behind him. And all Lexi could do was close her eyes, and wish so many things had been different.
Eight
‘Everything all right, sugar?’
Lexi looked up as her mother placed a plate of pancakes in front of her.
‘Your favourites.’
Lexi couldn’t help but smile. ‘When I was eight.’
‘Eat up, come on. You’ve lost far too much weight since you been out of my sight. Don’t know what your daddy was thinking of, letting you get so thin.’
‘Jesus, Mum, I’m thirty-five years old.’
‘I’m well aware of how old you are, darlin’. Now, come on. Eat up. I thought you could help out around here today. Most of the boys are gonna be out on runs or working in the garage, so that gives us some girl time.’
Lexi frowned. ‘Girl time?’ She sat back in her seat, swinging her legs up on to the table. ‘I don’t get it. I mean, I walk back in here after eight years away and you’re acting as if I’ve been on nothing more than a two week holiday. I was away for eight years, Mum.’
‘I know how long you were away, Lexi.’ Angie stood up, walking back over to the bar to fetch some coffee, filling up her mug. ‘I just don’t want to dwell on the past. I think it’s best for everyone if we look to the future now, don’t you?’
Lexi sat up, clasping her hands in front of her. ‘Can I ask you a question?’
Angie sat back down. ‘Sure you can, honey.’
‘When Coby was in England, just before Shane died… why was it all such a huge secret? Why could nobody else know about it?’
Angie felt the colour drain from her face. ‘You… you knew he was over there?’
Lexi ignored her mother’s question, because the answer was obvious. ‘Only you, Tay, Dad and Maggie… only you four knew he was over in the UK. He couldn’t even come into the compound because none of the other guys could know he was there. Why was that?’
Angie looked down into her mug of coffee. ‘How did you…? How did you find out?’
‘I was supposed to be away. But you already know that. That’s why you chose that time for him to come over, wasn’t it? Dad thought I was going on holiday with a couple of friends, but at the last minute I changed my mind. I just didn’t feel like it. Shane and me, we’d not long split up, and it was supposed to be a holiday for me to get my head straight, you know? Not that that was ever gonna happen…’ She started playing with a coaster that was lying on the table, twirling it round and round between her fingers, staring at it as she did so. ‘I’d gone over to Dad’s, to tell him the holiday was off and that I’d be free to work in the office or the garage, if he needed me to, and that’s when I saw him. Coby. Sitting there in Dad’s living room like he’d just popped over for a chat. I hadn’t seen him in so long, seen anyone from Paradise for so long…’
‘Did he tell you why he was over there?’ Angie asked, taking a quick sip of coffee, grasping the mug tightly in her hand.
Lexi shook her head, standing up and pushing her chair back. ‘I’m gonna go get a shower.’
‘Did you ask him?’
‘Later, Mum.’
‘Lexi! You think this conversation is over?’
Lexi turned around and smiled at her mother. She’d forgotten how much fun it was to fuck with her head. ‘Oh, I know it’s not over. Not yet. Believe me, Mum, this hasn’t even started.’
She turned back to head off down the corridor that led to the apartment, bumping into Jesse on her way. ‘You’d gone before I was awake,’ he said, backing up against the wall.
She turned to face him, folding her arms against herself. ‘Look, Jesse, this – whatever it is – it really isn’t fair on you. Or me.’ She looked right at him, searching his face, hoping he understood all of this. She really hoped he was able to do that. Because this needed to end, before she hurt him all over again. Something she really didn’t want to repeat. ‘It’s got to stop, sleeping together for the hell of it.’
He reached out to touch her, but she backed away, his expression immediately turning to confusion. ‘It’s not as if we’re hurting anyone, is it?’
‘It’s stopping, Jesse. Right now. It has to. For both our sakes.’
‘I’m not seeing a problem here, Lexi.’
She turned her head, locking eyes with Coby for a few, brief seconds as he talked to Tay over by the bar.
‘Deena’s out of the picture now,’ Jesse continued. ‘You’re not with anybody. We’re just having some fun, no strings attached. Isn’t that what you wanted?’
‘I don’t think I know what I want,’ she said quietly, her eyes still on Coby, although he’d looked away now. ‘And that isn’t fair on you.’
‘Come on, baby. It’ll be good for us. Maybe we both need something like this, you know? No commitment, no ties… I know the score here, Lex.’
She looked at him, reaching out to touch his cheek, his hand instantly covering hers, holding it tight. ‘I wish I did.’ She leant forward, resting her forehead against his. ‘I don’t want to keep going round in circles, Jesse. We can’t do that, it’s not good for either of us.’ She closed her eyes for a second, her heart starting to beat faster as he kissed her gently, and she responded, snaking a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down.
‘I really don’t see a problem,’ he whispered.
She closed her eyes again, clinging on to his hand, remembering how happy she’d once been with this man. But also how terrified she’d felt every time something kicked off, when that very real fear that she could lose him would take over. Yet now, if she wanted him, she could have him back. He was here, willing to give her another chance, even after all the shit she’d put him th
rough. But everything had changed. Everything. And she could never go back now, even if she wanted to. Which she wasn’t sure she did. ‘I’m really sorry, baby.’
‘Jesus, Lexi,’ Jesse sighed, throwing back his head, letting go of her. ‘Just… if you need me, okay?’
She looked at him, smiling a small smile as he walked away. Leaning back against the wall she closed her eyes again, exhaling deeply, trying to rid herself of a confusion that was going nowhere. That was evident.
‘What the hell are you doing?’
Her eyes sprung open at the sound of that low, distinctive Scottish accent. Coby was leaning back against the wall beside her, a cigarette in one hand, the other in the pocket of his battered jeans. ‘Piss off, Coby.’
He took a drag on his cigarette, chuckling quietly. ‘If I thought you really wanted that to happen…’
She turned her head to look at him, watching the way his hair fell over his eyes, and she longed to reach out and push it back off his ruggedly handsome face. ‘I can’t do this, Coby. I… I can’t. Not now.’
He moved so he was standing right in front of her, leaning in, his face close to hers. ‘You have no choice, sweetheart.’
‘There’s always a choice, Coby.’
He laughed again, leaning a little further forward, and even though he was crowding her, his stance mildly threatening, all she could think about was getting naked, making him watch while she touched herself because, whilst her ache for him grew stronger, it felt as though his need for her was diminishing. And that scared her. And excited her. It turned her on.
‘Not this time, Lexi. I… Shit!’ He pushed a hand through his hair, and Lexi couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to tuck a strand behind his ear. ‘Darlin’, you have got to stop this,’ he said, pushing her hand away. But Lexi wasn’t deterred. She was more determined.
‘Have you any idea how wet I am?’ she whispered, deliberately running her fingers over her breasts. ‘Just thinking about you.’
‘It wasn’t that long ago you were fucking that lad over there,’ he hissed, nudging his head in the direction of the pool table, where Jesse was talking to Blake.
‘And wishing it was you.’ She leant forward, her mouth once more almost touching his. ‘I closed my eyes and I wished with every beat of my heart that it was you. Just like you wanted me to.’
‘I’m not doing this, Lexi.’
‘You will fuck me, that’s what you said.’
‘Yeah, well, maybe I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.’
‘You’re lying.’
‘I’m stronger than this… I have to be. We have to be.’
‘I’m sick of being strong, Coby. I’m sick of the lies…’
He grabbed hold of her wrist, looking right into her eyes. ‘It’s the lies that are keeping us alive, darlin’.’
He dropped her arm, almost throwing it down, walking off along the corridor, and she stared after him for a few seconds, not moving from the spot. Her heart was beating so loud she could hear it, the manic thudding echoing around her head, filling her ears, a wave of confusion and a need for something she knew she shouldn’t really be chasing filling her up, taking her over.
She followed him outside into the back yard, running up behind him, moving so fast he had no chance, no way of stopping her from throwing him back against the wall, her hands clinging on to his as she pressed herself up against him, kissing him hard. And it was like someone had just found that vein, stabbed that needle into her and let the rush take over. She could feel him crawling back under her skin, all the pain slowly slipping away as he gave in to her, his mouth moving against hers, all that raw emotion flooding forward with a vengeance. In one swift movement he’d turned her around, slamming her back against the wall, his hands thrusting up and under her short denim skirt, his mouth never leaving hers, even when he ripped off her panties, literally tearing them away from her body, he was still kissing her.
He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, burying her fingers in his hair, the kiss growing harder, deeper; tongues touching, teeth biting, and when he finally pushed inside her she couldn’t help but moan quietly, her mouth still pressed against his. Wrapping her legs tighter around him she pulled him in deeper, that rush she’d felt before surging through her faster and harder. That syringe had been pushed again, and she was getting a second hit, another rush.
His mouth still hadn’t left hers, they were breathing for each other as their bodies rocked together, and she did her best to hold back, to stop him from coming too soon but there was only so much she could do, and it wasn’t enough. He was pushing harder, thrusting deeper, so deep she could feel him filling her up; he was so far inside her that when he finally came she felt every spasm he experienced. She felt every drop spill out of him, into her, a beautiful, dangerous warmth spreading through her. A brief feeling of safety. A lasting feeling of fear.
He finally pulled his mouth away from hers, bowing his head as he tried to get his breath back, resting one hand against the wall beside her head, his other arm still holding on to her. ‘Fuck!’
She raised her arms above her head, stretching out, her legs still wrapped around his hips, keeping him inside her.
‘Jesus Christ…’
‘What?’ She ran her fingers over his beard, over his slightly open mouth.
He took hold of her hand, kissing her fingers, looking up at her. ‘This shouldn’t have happened, darlin’.’
‘So why tell me it would?’
‘We can’t do this, Lexi. We really can’t.’
‘We just have,’ she whispered, her hands either side of his face now, her lips touching his, and he responded, opening his mouth as he finally pulled out of her, putting her down. ‘And we can’t take that back now.’
‘It shouldn’t have happened,’ he repeated.
‘I couldn’t play fair anymore, Coby. Because you didn’t play fair with me, did you?’
He let out a low groan. ‘This is crazy!’
She rested her forehead against his, their hands gripped tightly together against his chest as she breathed in that smell of leather and stale cigarettes. ‘I need you, Coby. Because I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I don’t know what to do. It’s all such a mess.’
He tilted up her chin, making her look at him. ‘You’re not a child anymore, Lexi. You don’t need me to fight your battles, you don’t need me to look after you, you don’t…’
‘No, I don’t, but...’ She reached out to cup his cheek in the palm of her hand. ‘I can be that tough biker chick when I want to be, you know that. But I don’t think I can do this on my own, Coby.’
‘I can’t be the support you need, darlin’.’
‘Can’t, or won’t?’
He bowed his head, breathing in deeply, his fingers curling around hers. ‘You really are gonna kill me, do you know that?’
She smiled, letting go of him, pulling her skirt back down over her thighs. ‘It’s my life’s ambition.’
He crouched down to pick up her torn panties, returning her smile as he stood up, leaning back against the wall, taking a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and pulling one out with his teeth. ‘Want these back?’
She walked over to him, taking the cigarette from his mouth and standing on tiptoes to kiss him gently. ‘They’re no good to me now. You might as well keep them.’
He stuffed the panties into the back pocket of his jeans, taking the cigarette from her and lighting it up, taking a deep drag, blowing smoke up into the air. ‘Get out of here, Lexi.’
She took a couple of steps backwards, her eyes never leaving his. But she said nothing. Then she just turned and walked away.
Back inside, there seemed to be a slight commotion coming from the main area of the clubhouse and Lexi quickened her pace slightly, curious to see what it was all about. Kick-offs weren’t exactly an unusual occurrence around the Lone Riders compound, and she only hoped this one was a peaceful one. But all of a sudden the thought that
guns or knives could be involved caused her to stop in her tracks, a part of her almost forgetting, for a few seconds, about the kind of shit that could go down in this place. But all she could hear were raised voices. And one of those was female. It just didn’t sound like Angie’s.
‘What’s all that about?’ Coby asked, walking up behind her.
Lexi shrugged. ‘No idea.’ She turned and watched as his hand rested on the gun tucked under his belt.
‘I’m not gonna use it unless I need to, Lexi.’
She raised her gaze, her eyes meeting his, another memory flashing through her mind as his grip on the gun loosened.
‘There she is! Fucking low-down bitch… whore!’
Lexi swung around to see a very pretty but crazy looking woman standing by the bar, all tight jeans and even tighter t-shirt, her long black hair flying loose around her shoulders, giving her an even wilder look. ‘I’m sorry?’ Lexi laughed, moving slowly towards her.
‘You walk back in here, after eight fucking years and just expect to pick up where you left off?’
‘For fuck’s sake, Deena…’
‘Keep out of this, Jesse.’
‘Keep out of it? You can’t come barging in here and start shouting the fucking odds, sweetheart.’
Deena swung around and stared at Jesse. ‘I can do what the fuck I like, you got that?’ She turned back to face Lexi, her eyes blazing, but Lexi was all kinds of calm.
‘Nothing happened between Jesse and me, Deena… not until after he’d dumped you, anyway.’
‘Fucking bitch!’ Deena screamed, lunging at Lexi, but Lexi was too quick for her, throwing a punch at the woman in front of her, her fist connecting with Deena’s left cheek, sending her flying.
‘Jesus Christ, Lexi!’ Jesse shouted, running over to Deena, catching her before she hit the floor.
‘I don’t have time for this shit,’ Lexi said, looking down at Jesse as he crouched beside his ex.
As she walked off she threw a glance over at Coby, his appreciative nod of approval filling her with hope. Hope that everything would work itself out? Maybe that was too much to ask. At the minute it just all seemed to be getting more and more complicated.
Revolution (The Lone Riders MC Series Book #1) Page 7