‘I’m wearing shorts.’
‘Yeah, but…’
‘But what? These are as respectable as swim gear.’
They were too. They were aged boxers. They shouldn’t be enough to make her gasp.
Every time she saw this man’s body she wanted to gasp.
‘When I packed to come here, I thought any possible audience would be cows,’ Riley told her. ‘If I’d known you were coming maybe I’d have packed my neck-to-knees. But I didn’t know, so I didn’t bring them.’ His eyes ran over her body in its not-so-demure one-piece and his smile deepened. ‘And I’m almost as decent as you are. Not as noticeably eye-candy, but almost as decent.’
Then as her colour started to mount he grinned down to Karli who, in her own cute pink bathing costume, was tentatively exploring the mud with one small toe. ‘Karli’s not shocked. My cows aren’t shocked.’ He turned again, his gaze cruising from Jenna’s toes to her face, his eyes so warm that she felt her blush extend from the toes up. ‘I’m not even shocked at what you’re wearing,’ he told her. ‘Just deeply appreciative. May I remind you, you have seen me in less. Get over it.’
Oh, great. She really needed reminding of how much of him she had seen. She was the colour of beetroot. He turned away then, thankfully, so she could get her face together again. But…
She risked another peek.
He was magnificent. His body…
Will you stop thinking like this? she told herself desperately. You’re in dangerous territory. You have to walk away from this man.
You shouldn’t have come swimming. She was talking to herself.
Of course you shouldn’t have come swimming. You shouldn’t have even come to Australia. What on earth are you doing, swimming with an almost-naked man in the middle of the Australian Outback-watched by a hundred or more cows?
She had no answer.
There was no answer.
‘Come on, Karli. Let’s leave your sister to tut-tut over my lack of dress in private.’ Riley and Karli were already at the water’s edge. Riley was holding Karli’s hand, with Karli gasping in delight as mud oozed to their ankles. The mud was surrendering each foot with a delicious slurp as the pair moved forward.
But beyond the mud there was deep water.
She was in deep water already, Jenna thought desperately. Deeper water than she’d ever been in in her life. So…
So Jenna Svenson took a deep breath. She threw caution to the wind and squelched across to the water’s edge.
The mud was disgusting, but suddenly she didn’t care at all. The water was cool and delicious. She waded in to waist-deep. It was just plain wonderful.
Who needed swimming pools?
Forget how she was feeling, she told herself. Forget Riley.
Her body knifed forward into deep water as caution was thrown away on the hot north wind.
She’d enjoy her swim. She’d block him out somehow.
And if she couldn’t?
Whatever.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE water was unbelievably cool.
Away from the edge, the dam sank to eight or nine feet-deep enough to allow Jenna’s whole body to sink. She promptly sank. She stayed under until she ran out of air, then she surfaced and promptly sank again. Karli was safely with Riley so she could concentrate on getting herself cool. On getting herself together.
‘Does she always bob up and down like this? It’s very distracting.’
He was too close. Jenna surfaced, spluttered and looked wildly round to find Riley’s face immediately behind her left shoulder. He was floating on his back, and Karli was seated happily astride his broad chest.
For the life of her she couldn’t think what to do. Or what to say.
So she sank again. She stayed under for as long as she could.
When she rose to the surface he was waiting. Riley had swung Karli onto a floating log, and as Jenna rose he caught her shoulders and held her above the surface.
‘This is very unrestful,’ he complained.
‘Unrestful for who?’ she asked breathlessly. ‘Let me go.’
‘Only if you promise not to sink again. It’s making Karli and me nervous. We keep thinking you’re being eaten by yabbies.’
‘Yabbies?’ Unconsciously Jenna’s toes lifted so she was floating with drawn-up knees.
‘Yabbies.’ Riley smiled. ‘Little lobsters.’ His face was glistening with water, and his streaming hair was plastered in curling tendrils across his forehead. He looked wickedly attractive. And his eyes were inches from hers. Too close for comfort.
Far too close.
And then suddenly he was not close enough for Jenna’s liking. There was an almost unbearable temptation to put out a hand and touch that laughing face. To push back the streaming hair. To press herself closer in the water-press herself against her man.
That was how she was thinking of Riley Jackson, she knew, with a sudden fierce realisation of how her heart was working. There was something deep inside that was telling her that Riley was her man. Her home. Whether he knew it or not.
‘I’m not scared of yabbies,’ she told him. She pulled away, and something of the way she was feeling must have come through. Riley released her and stayed treading water, his face watchful.
‘You don’t need to be scared of yabbies,’ he agreed. ‘And you don’t need to be scared of me. I won’t hurt you, Jenna,’ he said softly across the water now dividing them. ‘I have no dishonourable intentions.’
I wish you did, Jenna thought desperately. Because I certainly do.
She didn’t say it out loud. Instead she managed to smile at Karli, then gave her log a shove that had the little girl sailing across to the far side of the dam. Jenna followed, kicking hard, sending up a spray, propelling the log until she was about twenty feet from Riley. She was trying desperately to make herself relax.
‘Push me into the mud,’ Karli commanded. ‘I need to make mud pies.’
‘Certainly, my lady.’ She shoved until Karli’s craft beached itself. Karli proceeded to roll herself into waist-deep water, scoop up handfuls of mud and arrange them with care on her log-raft.
Karli had always been a self-contained child, a talent born of necessity. She’d never needed to be entertained. It worried Jenna at times, but she’d learned not to press. She didn’t press now, even though making mud pies with Karli might have lessened the tension. Instead she lay back in the water, floating with the warmth of the evening sun on her face.
It was glorious.
But all she could think of was Riley.
What if she’d stayed in his grasp? she thought. What if, instead of pulling away, she’d let herself be drawn closer?
Nothing would have happened, she told herself bitterly. How could he be attracted to her? He’d never asked her to come here. And she wasn’t exactly free. She had Karli.
She came with strings.
As far as Riley was concerned, Jenna must be a nuisance of an English girl who’d climbed off the train and demanded his help. A nuisance with a child attached who he felt sorry for. And that was it.
Like her, Riley was floating on his back, but he’d remained on the far side of the dam. There was as much distance as possible between the two of them. It was the way he obviously wanted it.
But she didn’t want distance. She desperately didn’t want distance.
What to do about it?
Nothing.
Nothing was for cowards. Nothing was…unthinkable.
Tomorrow morning he’d leave again and be gone for another interminable day. Then he’d put her in his aeroplane and take her back to civilisation. That would be that.
She’d leave here for ever, she thought bleakly. She and Karli would go back to England to her hospital bedsitter, and figure out how she could afford to keep Karli. Her life had been bleak before as she’d struggled to pay off the debts she’d incurred to get her professional qualifications. How much more bleak would it be now?
At least she’d
have Karli.
That was a good thought. It settled her. She glanced over at her little sister who was concentrating on mud-pie making as if she were performing brain surgery. Life would be better with Karli.
It’d be even better if she’d never met Riley, she thought dully. If she’d never known such a man existed.
Jenna’s eyes left Karli. She very carefully didn’t look at Riley, but she let her gaze wander everywhere else.
There were those who would say this was the bleakest place on God’s earth. The water she was swimming in was mud-brown. The dam was surrounded by a low bank of churned-up mud and there was one ancient, gnarled and very dead tree nearby. Apart from the dead tree, all that was in sight was a line of underfed cattle, staring out over the swimmers with bovine nonchalance.
Plus two small kangaroos, approaching the water with caution for an evening drink.
This place was the ends of the earth, she thought. She should welcome the thought of getting out of here. Of leaving.
Instead Jenna turned back toward Riley and knew that in leaving it’d be as if she were tearing her heart from her body.
So do something, Jenna, her inner self told her.
Show him how you feel.
Jenna froze, horrified. She couldn’t.
Could she?
But suddenly she couldn’t bear not to. After all, what did she have to lose?
Riley?
She was losing him anyway. He wasn’t hers-except in her heart.
And if, somehow, she could find the courage to show him…
So Jenna Svenson, quiet, diminutive Jenna, who’d held herself to herself for the whole of her life, whose only gambles had led to disaster, took a deep breath, counted to three-and duck-dived under the water straight towards him.
She got it right. Years of visits to unwelcoming parents in five-star resorts, stuck with bored child-minders who’d had the choice of caring for their charge in a hotel room or at the hotel pool-those years had taught both her and Karli to swim like fish. She aimed herself beautifully. There was no way Riley could see her coming.
So Riley knew nothing until Jenna surfaced right underneath him. He jerked sideways in shock. Her breasts slid up against his naked chest and her hands came out to grasp his body, as if to steady herself.
Accidentally maybe, but how carefully planned!
‘Hey.’ He jerked away and she was forced to release him. ‘A whole dam and you crash into me?’ he spluttered.
‘Sorry.’
He looked at her oddly and she gazed back with nonchalance.
He turned back to his floating.
‘You’re being incredibly lazy,’ she told him. ‘You’ve hardly swum.’
‘I’ve swum enough.’
‘You’re hardly even wet,’ she teased-and she dived straight under him. She grabbed his feet and he was so stunned that Jenna succeeded in pulling him right under. He surfaced, choking and gasping, to find Jenna laughing from two feet away.
‘You don’t hold your breath very well,’ she told him, considering. ‘Are you not a good swimmer?’
‘You little…’
She eyed him with hope. This man held himself under such rigid control. What she wanted-desperately-was for that control to snap.
‘Maybe it’s time for us to head back to the house,’ Riley said flatly and he turned away.
Was he made of iron?
One last try.
‘When you’ve had a good soaking,’ she told him. She duck-dived again, grabbing his feet and hauling him down once more, but this time instead of releasing him she clung like a limpet-holding him under so that he had to twist and grab her and haul her to the surface with him.
It was never a contest. Riley’s strength so far outweighed hers that there was no way Jenna could hold him down-but now as they surfaced he was holding her, and she wasn’t pushing away. Not when she was so close to him. Not when her body was against his and she knew that she was absolutely right to fight for this. What this man made her feel…
Even if Riley never touched her again, Jenna would remember how it was to touch him like this, she decided. There was a feeling running through her that seemed like an electric charge. But instead of pain, the current was forming colours, so that all the hues of the rainbow were swirling inside her head as Jenna clung to the man she loved as if she’d never let go.
Over and over a tiny prayer repeated itself. Please let him feel it. Please let me not be imagining this. This man is my other half. Let him recognise it. Let him want me just as much as I want him. Tomorrow can take care of itself, if only I can hold this man right now.
She looked up into his wet and streaming face-her body still huddled where he’d hauled her into his arms in self defence.
Please.
And Riley looked down into Jenna’s pleading eyes-and she saw his defences crumble absolutely.
Who could resist this? Who could hold themselves apart from this lovely wisp of a girl-this elf, who one moment was a laughing, teasing wanton-and the next a bereft and frightened girl?
Not a girl. No. The woman in his arms was every bit a woman. He felt her soft, voluptuous curves yielding to the hardness of his body and he felt a piercing of new life surging through his veins. Of hope. Of a sudden trust that life could once again hold warmth and intimacy and love.
Crazy thought. Crazy.
Yet who could doubt it? Certainly not Riley. Not here. Not now. He held her, and Jenna looked up, and he knew by her eyes that she was expecting to be pushed away.
Somewhere in his inner consciousness he knew that this was no wanton action on Jenna’s part. He knew that she would do this for no other man.
He was under no illusions. No matter how sweet love could be, it wasn’t for him. Not for ever.
But for now…
Treading water in his muddy dam, with his cattle watching in silent approval, with Karli calmly playing on the opposite bank, there was no way Riley could reject what Jenna was offering. He stared down into her lovely face and there were no defences. No defences at all.
Jenna. His love?
His love for now.
But maybe now was all that mattered. With infinite gentleness he gathered her closer, willing her body to nestle into his, and he felt her joyful submission with a shard of pure, piercing joy.
It was crazy to feel like this. Yet a man would have to be superhuman to resist-to not want her-to push away what she was offering.
He wanted her so much. He wanted her as a starving man wanted food. More. It was as if his soul had been starved for all these years, and somehow Jenna were feeding it, releasing his soul from its lonely, shrivelling self and letting it burst forth in an explosion of pure joy.
Her hands were on his shoulders, sliding round to hold his muscled body against her, and her breasts were moulding into his chest. He was totally supporting her now. If they sank, they sank together, and at one level a thought shot through him that that was just what they should do. Die now. Die happy.
Which was crazy. A hundred cattle were watching-dependent on him. His responsibility. Karli was making mud pies. Jenna’s responsibility. There could only be this one moment, snatched from reality.
But a moment was okay by him. If a moment was all they had, then so be it. He looked into Jenna’s face and found her eyes were glistening with something that wasn’t the muddy dam water. Tears? There was laughter, a boldness, echoes of the toughness that had kept her from going under for all those years as she’d fended for herself, but underneath she was soft and aching and as needful as he was.
He wasn’t needful.
Liar. Who wouldn’t be needful when this woman was in reach? When she was so close and so lovely.
He managed a fleeting glance across at Karli, almost hoping that she needed them. That she could stop what was starting to seem inevitable. But Karli had discovered the kangaroos. She was carrying one of her mud pies out of the water, as if to take it to the animals on the bank.
She was
safe and she was occupied.
Back in the water, Jenna watched him. Waiting.
There was no help for it. A man had to do what a man had to do.
‘You realise we’re playing with fire,’ he told her.
‘We’re in water. We can put any fire out.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘No,’ she admitted. ‘I’m not sure of anything. All I know is that I want you.’
‘You…’
‘Shut up, Riley,’ she said softly. ‘Just shut up and kiss me.’
So he did. Finally, tenderly, inevitably, Riley did what he had to do. He bent his face and kissed her.
He’d never known such sweetness. Never. Jenna’s lips welcomed him with joy. Her tongue came out and tasted, piercing him with a desire that filled his entire body. Her hands held, clung-wanted and wanted…
He’d tugged her out of deep water now, so they were able to stand. Their feet were sinking into mud but it left them free to concentrate on each other rather than staying afloat.
Still they kissed. There were no barriers between them now. The barricades they’d built around themselves seemed to have dissipated in the hot night air, disappearing as if they’d never been. It was as if there’d been some silent exchange of vows.
For this moment, we’re one. Pain and separation and the extensions of bleak lives are for tomorrow. For now there’s only joy, and that joy has to be taken and grasped with both hands.
Would that this moment could last for ever, Riley thought, dazed beyond belief. This perfection.
He pulled back and found Jenna watching him, her eyes still wet with tears. Was this woman weeping for him?
‘Jenna, I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘Oh, Riley.’ Jenna ran her hands through his hair and she leaned forward and kissed him again, lightly and with infinite tenderness. ‘Riley, how could you ever hurt me? I love you.’
There. It was out. He gazed at her and saw that she was expecting him to recoil. As he should recoil. But how could he?
‘I could love you, too,’ he murmured.
I could love you.
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