I hadn’t expected that. “Seriously? What if there are more reporters around? It’s not like we’re completely surrounded by police.”
He shrugged, clearly having already thought about that possibility. “You were the one who said we should do exactly what we want and not care what anyone else says or thinks. You’re proving that by choosing to be a farmer. Let’s celebrate that.” He lowered his head to mine, once more making me think he was going in for a kiss, but instead his lips went to my ear, and he was all heat. “I might have stolen a couple of the condoms that were still on the table. Not that I was hoping we’d make our way back out here or anything.”
Holy hell! I must have done something really, really good in a past life. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since this morning, and you’re not helping any.”
Harrison reared back slightly, looking at me in puzzlement. “Trying to figure out what?”
“If I’m awake or dreaming? Everything you do keeps assuring me that I am most definitely not awake. This is some hot, crazy dream.” I put my finger up between us. “Don’t you dare pinch me. I do not want to wake up until we do whatever you have planned in that glasshouse.”
He grinned. “Oh, I have some ideas, but I don’t think any of them involve pinching. Maybe a bite here or there.”
“Fuck.” I was already rock-hard at the thought of being inside him again. I grabbed his hand and started toward the building. “Let’s do it. And we can be as wild as we want. The place is going to get destroyed anyway.”
He halted so abruptly that I kept going and broke our hands’ embrace.
I turned back, startled. “What?”
Lust faded from his expression as his gaze traveled from me, over my shoulder to the glasshouse, and then back to me again. “You’re going to tear it down?”
“I wasn’t sure about it. We hadn’t even been aware it was here when we bought the land. It’s broken down and in the way. Micah thought we should keep it, for some reason.” I shook my head. “But after the other day, all the pain it’s already caused you, I decided to tear the fucker down. Although I’m glad I hadn’t started the process, so we can send it out in style now.”
He blinked and returned to staring at the glasshouse. He looked unbelievably sad.
“What is it?” I walked back to him but didn’t touch.
“I don’t know exactly.” He shrugged. “I think it’s beautiful, or at least it could be. And I know the video was an unexpected complication, but I’ll always treasure what we did there. What we started there.”
I studied him, both touched by his sentiment and trying to understand why he would feel so strongly. I discovered that there was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep that expression from being on his face. “Well, then, that settles it. It stays.”
He looked back at me, panicked. “No, I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do. Really.”
“You weren’t. But like I said, I’d been debating anyway. And Micah wants it.” I took his hand again. “If it even means the smallest thing to you, then it stays.”
Though he didn’t smile, the expression that crossed his face was like I had just given him the world.
And I discovered a second thing. I wasn’t going to stop trying to cause that look—as many times as I possibly could.
After a few more moments, I tugged on his hand once more. “Come on, let’s go tell that rundown shack that it’s off death row and throw a little naked celebration.”
“Well….” His smile returned, as did the heat in his eyes. “Maybe not so little.”
Seventeen
Harrison
Lavender Shores was Belle’s village in Beauty and the Beast. How had I not realized it before? The mid-July morning found silvery cotton clouds drifting happily over downtown. Tourists and residents alike strolled along the sidewalks, going in and out of shops and restaurants. The buildings themselves were exquisite to the most minute detail. I’d lived in the town for over a year, and it had never quite struck me before. It was a storybook village, no doubt. Across the street, glistening from the large window of Silver Bells, the Christmas shop, ornaments of muscular mermen flexed chiseled muscles in the soft light, their rainbow tails shouting their gayness even from a distance. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite the village of Beauty and the Beast. It was better.
One of the best parts? I was leaning against Sandy’s memorabilia shop on the corner of Lighthouse Road and Ocean Way, pleasantly surrounded by people, and very few of them looked my way. And not a one of them was a reporter. Not a single soul asked me a question. Things had finally calmed down. A motion caught my attention to my right, and I glanced over. A little family of quail emerged from a row of hedges and stopped the traffic, their feathered plumes bobbing on their heads as they scurried across the street to shelter in a cluster of flowering bushes.
It was all confirmation I had landed in a Disney cartoon, just a really gay one. Though it had taken a while to find my place, I was so thankful that of all the towns across the country, Jasper had settled on Lavender Shores to open his bookshop.
Almost regretting abandoning my relaxed position, I left the corner and walked to Jasper’s charming bookstore, sandwiched between a coffee shop and an art gallery. I really did feel like I was seeing it all for the first time. Both of our lives were so very different from what either of us could have predicted. I was glad.
That easy sense of contentment continued as I started to walk into Lavender Pages. The door was locked. I checked the time; I was actually running a few minutes late. Some of that easy feeling left. I considered trying the back, like I normally would’ve, but then decided to save time and simply unlock the door. I went in and relocked it behind me.
All the lights were on, clearly showing that Jasper had been down that morning. In the narrow space, it was easy to see he wasn’t there. I couldn’t explain why, but a tingle of dread crept in as I crossed to the back and made my way up the steps to the apartment.
I found Jasper the minute I entered, though he didn’t notice me. He was in his favorite spot—curled up in the bay window that overlooked the street, surrounded by his books. My heart sighed at the sight. Though our world had changed, my brother remained the same. When I thought of Jasper as a kid, that was exactly how I pictured him. Nose in a book, lost to the world.
He looked so peaceful I hated to disturb him. “Decided you were going to deprive the town from escaping into novels so you could do it all by yourself this morning?”
Proving that he truly had been captivated, he jumped and swiveled my way. “Oh, hey. Yeah, something like that.”
That sense of dread crept back in at the sound of his voice, a strange sensation with Jasper. “Everything okay? Change your mind about our breakfast date?”
He closed the book with a sigh and placed it on the cushion that covered the bench portion of the nook. “No. We can still have breakfast. But….” He swallowed, his nerves easily visible. “But I wanted to talk to you about something. Been wanting to talk to you for a bit, actually.”
“Jasper”—I crossed the apartment to sit beside him in the window—“you never have to worry about talking to me. If something’s bothering you, I wish you hadn’t waited.”
“You haven’t been here for almost two weeks, Harrison. When was I supposed to bring it up? You drop in to pick up clothes, but that’s about it.” He gestured toward my bedroom. “I looked at your closet this morning. It’s almost empty.”
Guilt washed over me. “Jasper, I’m so sorry. You’re right. I’ve been a completely shitty brother. You were there for me after the accident, and then you were my rock after the wedding. I’ve been so caught up with Adrian that I haven’t been here for you.” How had I been so selfish? “What’s going on? Neal hasn’t contacted you, has he?”
“What?” Confusion crossed his features, but he shook it off in an instant. “Oh, no. Of course not. No way to hear from him unless he breaks out of jail.”
Relief cut back in, but Jasper kept
going before I could make another guess. My brother’s stalker being back in the picture was the last thing I wanted to have to face.
“It’s you, Harrison.” Jasper straightened his shoulders and gave me a hard look. I could see he’d been talking himself up to doing this. Neither of us enjoyed confrontation, especially with each other, not that we had much practice at it. “One minute I’m worried to death about you; the next, I’m furious.”
That stung and was completely out of the blue. I struggled to bring myself back from the past. Neal wasn’t the problem, I was. “I really am sorry that I haven’t been here. I’ll do better. I don’t want you to feel forgotten.”
“Good God, Harrison. That’s not what I’m talking about.” He stood and began to pace. His voice rose slightly, reminding me of our father preparing to lecture us as children. Jasper most definitely would not appreciate the comparison. “What is going on with you? You and Will were getting married, you were actually at the altar. Now, less than a month later, you’ve practically moved in with Adrian.”
I flinched. “I haven’t moved in with Adrian.”
“Really?” He paused his pacing and cast me a skeptical glare. “Like I said, you haven’t spent one night in your bed here. Your clothes are gone. I don’t even see you during the day. You’re working on his farm or helping out at the Green Violin.”
So that was the problem. “You’re right. I can adjust my schedule, help you out here, split time between—”
“No. For crying out loud, that is not the issue. I can handle the bookshop on my own. This is not about me. It’s about you. This is not normal. You were getting married to Will, and now you’ve moved in—whether you want to admit it or not—with Adrian.”
Anger arrived, one of the last things I ever wanted to feel for my brother. “Listen, I am sorry that I humiliated you on national television. I’m sorry that you find Adrian and me embarrassing. The last thing I want to do—”
He plopped back down beside me and grasped my hands as his shoulders slumped, all anger leaving his voice. “Harrison, I don’t care about that. I don’t give a shit what anyone in the country thinks about us. I’m worried about you.”
I studied Jasper’s face, trying to understand what he was getting at. “You don’t have to be. There’s no reason to worry. I was quite literally just outside two seconds ago thinking how I’ve never been happier. I can’t even begin to tell you how good I am right now.”
His mouth worked silently for a few moments, and then he released my hands to rub his temples like I was making them ache. “You don’t get it, Harrison. It’s not about being embarrassed at what anyone else thinks, but this isn’t good. It’s not. Adrian’s an amazing guy. I love him. He’s one of my best friends here. But it’s not about him either. This is about you.”
“No, it’s not, Jasper.” I was fighting to keep my anger at bay. “I mean, yes, this is about me, but it’s also about Adrian. It’s about us. The two of us starting this new life together.”
“As a farmer?” His voice spiked. “Are you fucking kidding me? How can you even pretend that this is the life you wanted?”
I gaped at him, completely shocked. “I never expected you to judge someone for being a farmer. That’s not like you.”
“Oh my God.” He covered his eyes and forehead with his hands like he was dealing with an unruly child and he couldn’t figure out what to do. The gesture left me feeling exposed and humiliated. “Obviously, I have no problems with anyone being a farmer. Including you, if that’s what you want. But I’ve never heard you say anything about wanting to be a farmer. Nothing even close to it. Ever since your football injury, you’ve been… different. I saw it with Will, with that TV show. It’s like you’re a shell and you just do what everyone tells you to do. The one thing you’ve done in the past year that was of your own choice was running away from Will. That’s it. I think that’s the only moment you’ve been Harrison. Maybe you think you’re happy right now, but you’re not. This is just going to leave you hurting again.”
If anyone else had spoken to me that way, I probably would’ve punched them. But coming from Jasper, the person I loved more than anyone in the entire world, each word felt like he was the one delivering blow after blow to my gut. “Where is this coming from? This really isn’t like you.”
“Isn’t like me? I don’t think you are in a place to tell me what’s like me and what isn’t. You can’t even figure out who you are. You’re honestly going to go from football star to farmer and tell me it’s what you want? I know you had no choice in the injury, but come on. You can’t give up on everything you’ve worked for. There’s got to be another way to—”
“Are you seriously going to throw football in my face?”
Jasper winced at the dangerous sound of my voice. I probably did, as well.
He’d flipped a switch, and I was instantly trembling with rage. I clenched my fists and dug them into my thighs. “You are the last person who gets to judge, Jasper Getty. Everything I did. Every fucking thing I did was for you. And you know it.”
“What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t keep from sneering. “Don’t play dumb. I did everything Dad said, every single thing so his attention was off you. So he wasn’t bitching about how you were reading too much, how you liked girl things. How you weren’t man enough.”
“That was Dad’s fucked-up issue. I was barely six or seven when he said those things. He said them to you, for that matter. I remember that very clearly. So don’t try to pin this all on me. I can’t understand where you’re going with it anyway.”
“And why do you think it stopped? Why do you think Dad quit saying that shit to you?” Without being aware I’d lifted my fist, I punched the bench. Thankfully the cushion softened the blow, but it startled us both.
I shot up to distance myself from him in case I did something else I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t remember ever being truly angry at Jasper, not really. And I never would’ve believed I could feel the way I did in that moment.
“I did everything he wanted, everything. Not so he’d quit telling me I was too girly, that I was an embarrassment. But so he’d stop saying it to you. So I wouldn’t have to see you hurt and cry. Quit hearing him and Mom fight about it. I did everything he wanted so he finally got the boy he desired. He got the star athlete. He got the football player. He got the son the whole world fell in love with.” I shoved my finger in his face. “And you? What did you get?”
He just stared at me, mouth open, tears brimming.
“You got to be you, Jasper.” I shoved my finger again, barely missing his nose. “You got to be exactly whoever fucking Jasper Getty wanted to be. So don’t you fucking tell me what I am now. Don’t tell me that I’m turning my back on everything I wanted and worked for to be a farmer, to be with Adrian. The only reason you have this place is because I was that football star.”
“If you feel that way, then I’ll take out more loans, pay you back for what you invested in the shop. I don’t want you to—”
“I’m not talking about the goddamn money, Jasper.” Why couldn’t I quit yelling? “I’m talking about you getting to be the bookworm that you were, not interested in sports, not interested in anything other than hanging out with the other bookworm friends that were all girls, coloring in your coloring books, playing with all your girl toys. That boy got to become this man because I did what I had to do to make sure you could.”
Again, he sat speechless. But the tears that had been threatening finally started to fall.
Once more, at the sight, guilt returned but only stirred together with the anger, making it all worse. “I love you. And we both know I’d die for you in a second, but I’m done living my life only for you. I’m sorry if you’re embarrassed about me and Adrian, or if you find it weak or whatever. But tough shit.” More words came to my tongue, other memories of things Dad used to say to both of us, to Jasper. But thankfully, my guilt spoke louder in that moment than my anger. “Let’s f
orget about breakfast for now.”
I turned, rushed out of the apartment, out the back of the bookshop, and most definitely did not notice anything Disney-like on my way to the farm.
That was what I needed. The farm. To lose myself in working the land. Get it all out through soil and rock. And Adrian. I needed Adrian.
By the time Adrian and I arrived back downtown, I was almost where I’d been that morning. I’d been right—the farm had done exactly what I needed it to. I’d only seen Adrian for a few moments before he needed to help Micah at the Green Violin, but I stayed, assisting Moses and the others crate produce and load them into trucks. The combination of hard work, sweat, ocean breeze, and the view of the California mountains worked its magic. So much so that when Adrian and I met at the house to get ready, he couldn’t tell anything had ever been wrong.
Though anger and hurt continued to rage and flip-flop in me, I was able to keep them to a low whisper and returned to enjoying my marvelous new life.
It was, in many ways, more captivating than that morning. With the sun setting in the distance—and the pleasant buzz from Adrian’s and my quick round of sex in the shower before we cleaned up and got ready—Lavender Shores had that magical hue once again. Making sure that feeling lasted, I kept my gaze firmly away from Jasper’s bookshop. I even parked in the lot behind the Green Violin, so we wouldn’t have to walk by Lavender Pages.
I paused at the corner of Ocean Way and Bluffs Boulevard, glancing in the windows of Lavender Petals.
Adrian kept going another step, not realizing I’d stopped but then returned to my side. “See something you like?”
The Glasshouse (Lavender Shores Book 6) Page 17