Loving Enough
Book Two of the Enough Series
By
Nikole Bloom
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons is coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 Nikole Bloom
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without permission of the author constitutes unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Permission to use material from this book must be obtained by contacting the author at [email protected]. Thank you for your support.
Editor: Kate Wood
All songs, song titles, and lyrics mentioned in the novel Loving Enough are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
Table of Contents
Copyright
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Thank You!
Prologue
Austin
Ten days. That is how long I have sat on the sidelines and allowed the love of my life to blame me for her brother's accident. To be fair, she also blames herself and, most importantly, she blames love. She believes love is never enough; in fact, she believes it is downright destructive.
Rylee Ash is the most amazing, loveable, gorgeous, kind-hearted, stubborn, pain in the ass woman I have ever met. I was in awe of her from the moment she stumbled into my life. I could tell from the beginning that she was different from the others. She didn't fall at my feet or see me for my status.
I spent months holding myself back after I had to beg her to be my friend. Now I am driving back to the hospital to sit in the waiting room and hope that maybe today will be the day she chooses to acknowledge my existence. I want to see those luscious lips curl upward and bring a sparkle to her green eyes.
This is fucking ridiculous. I am Austin Black, Super Bowl MVP, and I am hanging around this girl waiting for her to throw me a bone, a scrap - hell, anything at this point. I could walk outside and find any number of girls willing to do my bidding, but, alas, it is Rylee who has me tied in knots. It is not every day a woman comes along who can keep my curiosity longer than a few days. The last girl who did, and I say girl because we were teenagers at the time, almost lost her life for loving me. Since that incident, I have been more of a good time guy; ‘never get too close’ became my motto.
I go to the hospital every day after workouts, bringing her and Bode food and clean clothes. I brought Boss up a time or two just to see her smile, if only for a second, at her lovable dog. I’ve only seen her a few times because she is always in Jeremy's room, trying to will him back to her. The bond between those two is undeniable and I admit it baffles me at times. My sister and I are close, but we do not share near the closeness Ry and J do. Rylee puts J before anyone in her life. I’m sure there is a story behind their bond, but the hell if I know what it is. All that is important right now is that he finds his way back so that she will find her way back to me.
Jeremy was in a car accident with the senior detective assigned to Rylee's stalker case. Detective Rhodes died in the accident and the authorities suspect that the man after Rylee is responsible for his death. Her stalker threatened to harm either J or myself if Rylee did not stop seeing me. It seems as though he made good on the threat. The look on Rylee's face when Detective Ruzek told her about the accident was pure fear. If I had any clue who the asshole behind this mess is I would kill him myself for putting that look on her face. I had to stand there and watch her recognize her worst fear. To see her in any kind of pain cuts me to the core, especially when I cannot help her. Heaven knows I would do anything to fix this for her. I would do anything for that woman.
J started out in a medically induced coma, but came off the heavy meds a few days ago. He still hasn't come around, leaving the doctors without any answers. J and I decided, before the accident, not to let Rylee's stalker interfere with her life; we were determined to keep her safe and happy. Now the burden falls on me and I will keep her safe. She may not be willing to let me near her, but she cannot stop me from protecting what I still consider mine. And, make no mistake, I still consider her mine. I have never wanted anything more in my life than I do Rylee. There is no limit to the lengths I will go to in order to defend her.
Taking a deep breath, I exit my truck with sandwiches in one hand and a suitcase in the other, ready to face the familiar pain of rejection again. Each day I make this trek. It is like walking on death row, hoping to be spared by the warden. Rylee is my warden, and she has yet to grant me a stay. Today's walk into the hospital and ride up to the third floor ICU is as uneventful as always until I step through the waiting room door.
Rylee is curled up in a ball on one of the cold gray chairs, sobbing into her knees. Despite her position, she is still the most beautiful thing I have seen in this world. Her silky hair is falling down around her face, providing a golden curtain for her to hide behind. My heart contracts with her noticeable grief. I hurt for her and I don't know what happened, but I suspect the worst. I look around expecting to see Bode or Eric, her friends who qualify as family and who are never more than a few feet away, but they are nowhere to be found.
Unsure of what to do, but driven by my love, I quietly walk over, drop to my knees, and crush her to me. I do not care how furious she is with me, she clearly needs someone and I am determined that person will be me. The first touch of her skin on my fingertips is like a drink of water for a parched man. She quenches every need I have just by being near. She is the only person that makes me feel whole.
To my surprise, she falls into my arms and continues her body wracking sobs. I stroke her wayward hair, trying to soothe her pain. My mind races with the what ifs of this situation. With a silent prayer, I continue to hold her and wait for her body to relax before facing the storm head on.
"What happened, Ry?"
I am terrified that her answer will be that Jeremy has left this Earth and she will never recover. Rylee is tougher than anyone in her life gives her credit for, but I have no doubt that Jeremy's death would wreck her. While she considers Eric and Bode family, t
hey do not come close to bond she has with Jeremy. He is her rock and, although I want to be the one she runs to, I certainly do not want it to be in his absence.
Instead, she looks up at me with wet lashes, tear-stained cheeks, and a slight smile. Absolutely fucking beautiful.
"He woke up. Austin, he is awake."
The sound of my name coming from her gorgeous lips reminds me why I continued to deal with her repeated rejection over the past ten days. I never knew the sound of my name could be such a turn on, but from her mouth it definitely is. It is like music to my ears.
She says it so quietly, it is as if she is afraid that voicing it will make it untrue. I brace her against me and allow her emotions to run their course.
Thank heavens he is alive. I am beyond thankful that J is awake and Rylee will not be forced to endure the insurmountable grief that would have come with burying her only brother, her only true family. Thank fuck he is still with us. That means my chances of keeping this incredible woman in my life just went up. Yes, that is a selfish reaction, but I won’t apologize. Not for loving Rylee.
The weight now lifted from my chest, I take a deep calming breath. It’s the first one possible in nearly two weeks. My body hums against her. Every part of me comes alive with the feel of her. I force myself to rein in my reaction to the news of J's recovery. I don't think sexual awakening is the go-to response when your girlfriend tells you her brother is awake and alive. My reaction to her is primal. I need to protect her, I want to feel her, I am in love with her, and I want to show her. I want her to feel what I am feeling. I want to go to that place where only she and I exist. The place where our bodies do the talking and our hearts listen.
Being this close to her and allowed to embrace her reignites the fire in my soul that was extinguished when she asked me if love is ever enough. Because I can say without a doubt that YES, it is. I will prove that to her over and over if I have to. I will never forget the look in her emerald green eyes that day questioning everything about us. It scared the life out of me. I am thankful she is letting me comfort her, no matter the fact she will likely push me away as quickly as she fell into my arms.
I bury my nose in her hair, which smells of hospital shampoo instead of her usual cherry scent, and memorize the way she feels against me. No doubt the change in smell is due to the fact she has refused to leave the hospital since the day J was admitted.
Even with the sterile change, she astounds me. She has a quiet strength that has been tested repeatedly, but she keeps fighting. I can only hope that, when J is alright, she will see fit to fight for us with the same tenacity.
I am head over heels in love with this woman, and she is probably moments from relegating me to the sidelines again. Taking advantage of my time, I run a hand down the length of her spine resting it above her perfect ass. I would love to grip it and slide her onto me but I resist relishing my current opportunity. She doesn’t realize the power she has over me. It might make me a weak little man, but I am incomplete without her. We haven’t had an easy relationship so far, but she is my world. My Rylee. My missing piece. My heart, my soul.
I will not give her up without a fight, but I also know I will need to put up one hell of a fight. She may not believe she is worth it, or that love is, but I sure as hell know better. Ry is worth everything, and I recognize I am worth more with her than without her. She doesn’t know it but she taught me how to love again when I closed off the possibility long before she did. Love is not easy, that much I know, but when you find somebody who fits into your life like the missing puzzle piece you fight like hell to keep it. Even I am smart enough to know that.
There are no words between us as I sit holding her, allowing her breathing to even out. Her body has recovered from the earth shattering sobs and is molded perfectly against me. This is how we are supposed to be. This is where she is supposed to find comfort. I am her shelter from the storm. I dreamed about the things I would say to her when this moment came, but now nothing seems more appropriate than holding her close and showing her how much I love her. If she feels a fraction of the love I am pouring into her right now maybe, she will realize how much she is worth. How much what we have is worth. Maybe, just maybe, she will help me fight for us. Because I promise there is going to be one hell of a fight.
Chapter 1
Rylee
Ten days ago…
Austin, Bode, and I sit motionless in a state of disbelief as we wait for news about J. It has been almost an hour since Bode came rushing out of the steel double doors that are beginning to remind me of a crypt keeper.
The news of J's accident hit me like a freight train, but it was nothing compared to hearing that they are fighting to keep him alive. There is a chance that I will lose the only true family I have today. I am nowhere near prepared to lose my big brother. I need him too much. I can’t even fathom my life without him. He will get through this. He has to. Maybe if I keep repeating that, it will become reality.
Austin tries to comfort me, but I cannot help thinking that if he had stayed in Houston and agreed to take a break from our relationship like I asked, none of this would be happening. J would not be fighting for his life. I would not be blaming myself. I would not be about to lose my brother, my best friend, my world. Bode wouldn't be on the verge of losing his best friend, his brother. If Austin had just stayed in Houston, maybe we wouldn't be here right now.
So yes, I am angry. I am scared. I am ready to plead for my brother's life. I will make any deal necessary to make sure that J stays on this earth with those of us who love him. Bring me an angel, bring me the Devil, or God himself, and I will gladly hand over my soul to keep my brother alive. My thoughts are irrational and I am fighting to keep myself from falling off a cliff I cannot see. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to fall into the arms of my love and let him tell me it will be OK. But, I cannot do any of that.
I have to fight. I have to be strong. I have to be there for J.
I resume pacing the lonely gray room, making eye contact with only the speckled white tile. With each desperate step, I send up another silent plea to save my big brother. My tennis shoes squeak against the floor, agitating my frayed nerves further. Bode grabs my arm, stopping my momentum as I pass him for the umpteenth time.
His nearly clear blue eyes implore me to stop my frantic movements. Pain is etched in his face around the delicate corners of his eyes and the hard line of his mouth. I throw myself into the chair next to him, causing the metal legs to screech across the floor until it comes to rest against the emotionless white wall. Every movement increases my inner turmoil. I cannot find the energy to calm myself.
Bode releases my arm and grasps my hand, intertwining our fingers as a show of silent support. He knows I am on edge because he is right there with me. The difference is that Bode is like a duck on the pond: he appears calm and collected, but beneath the surface he is churning to stay afloat. I, on the other hand, cannot keep from fidgeting. I take a deep breath, pull my legs into the chair, and lean on Bode's shoulder to continue the gut-wrenching wait. My silent chant continues. He has to pull through this.
Across the small room I see Austin raise his brow to question my closeness to Bode, but he seems to think better of it and shakes it off. I know Austin never meant for any of this to happen. He loves me. It is written all over his beautiful, worry-filled face. What Austin and I have is special. Despite my anger and denial, I know I love him … but I'm also sure that if I seek solace in his arms I will fall apart. His quiet strength would be my undoing. So, I have to continue on my own. I will summon my strength from the knowledge of his love as opposed to the feel of it.
The air in this room is stifling and the sterile smell is beginning to eat away at my sanity. I just want to know what is going on. I stand up ready to go demand some answers when Michelle, J's nurse, comes through the double doors with a doctor close behind her. The entire world slows as I take in their approach. My heartbeat speeds up and my head begins to spin. I can
hear the pounding beats in my ears as I prepare for the news that could shatter my life.
Michelle turns and directs the doctor towards us. As they approach, I brace myself against Bode because my knees feel like jelly and I am moments away from hurling. Michelle looks like she has been through hell. Her once tight ponytail is slipping and stray auburn hairs are flying about. Her clean pink scrubs are somewhat wrinkled and her eyes show her tiredness. Her calm demeanor gives me hope, but not enough that I can let go of the fear that has taken hold in my soul.
Nurse Michelle takes my hand gently and gives me a half smile as she introduces Dr. Bowen. I silently wonder whether her smile is one of condolence or reassurance. Either way, I do my best to exchange the obligatory niceties while anxiously awaiting the news. Is he alive? I he dead? Somebody please spit it out. The waiting is about to kill me.
Dr. Bowen directs us to sit, and he lifts a chair to move it over in front of us as Michelle makes her way back through the steel doors. He must be aware of the awful noise that is perpetuated by sliding these ghastly chairs across the floor.
Bode sits to my left with an arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders and Austin is to my right. I didn't even notice Austin come over, but right now I will take all the grounding forces I can get. My world is teetering on the edge of destruction. Austin holds my hand and strokes my knuckles lovingly. I meet his anxiety-riddled gaze as he silently mouths, "I love you."
I don’t respond, but not because I don’t love him. Rather it is because I cannot open my emotional can of worms right now. I am too close to the proverbial edge. I try to focus on the warmth and calmness that Austin's touch instills in my panic-stricken body.
With a composed and even tone, Dr. Bowen explains the finer points regarding J. "Miss Ash, your brother had a cardiac episode. CPR was required, and we had to shock his heart back into a normal rhythm. He is still sedated and appears to have pulled through this latest setback."
He pauses to let the news that J is still alive set in. For now, my biggest fear is avoided. Jeremy is still alive.
Loving Enough (The Enough Series Book 2) Page 1