I fight to keep focus on the road ahead as I exit the freeway and take a left towards our quiet neighborhood.
“Ry. Ry. Rylee. Can you hear me, baby?”
Austin’s voice breaks my trancelike state as I take another left to head up our street.
“Yeah, I hear you. I haven’t been in there since that night, but I told Eric I would stop by. Shit, Austin, I didn’t even think.”
“Just call him, Ry. You know he’ll understand.”
I think about that option for a moment. It would definitely be the easiest, but then again I need to face my fears too. If I don’t go now, then when? It will not get easier as time passes. The memories of that night will be forever etched on the walls of that house and in my mind.
“No, Aus, I think I need to do this. Maybe it will help with the nightmares. Just give me twenty minutes or so and I will be at your place.”
“What nightmares?” Concern laces his words before he continues. “Never mind. Just wait for me, Ry. If you are going to do this, I want to be with you. Will you wait for me? I will be there in a few minutes.”
“Sure, Austin. Thanks.”
Pulling into my driveway, panic courses through my veins to the beat of the Halestorm track blaring from the speakers. I sit staring at the front door of the house I was once so proud to call home, realizing how much has changed in my life in the past few months and days.
After taking a few calming breaths, I step out of the Jeep just as Austin comes sprinting up. Despite the apprehension living in my core, I cannot help appreciating just how gorgeous he is. Clad in a pair of dark gray workout pants, and a dark blue team t-shirt that shows off the definition of his chest and arms, he is perfection. His wet hair is unruly, adding to his devil-may-care appearance. It amazes me that he can look this good straight out of the shower.
He strides up and pulls me into him. Not wanting to get lost in the feel of him around me, I turn in his arms to face the door. The warmth of his body warms the cold shivers running down my spine.
“Well, I guess it is now or never. If Eric catches us standing out here staring at the door, he will think we’ve gone mad.”
A few steps are all that separate me from the scene of the worst night of my life, my home. I take Austin’s hand and walk the remaining steps to the door. I pause a moment to debate whether or not I should knock. It is still my house, but technically I don’t live here anymore. With a quick knock, I slowly enter my house.
Everything looks the same, but it feels worlds different. Austin has a death grip on my hand, or maybe it is me clinging to him for dear life. I am not sure.
The entire place smells of bleach and cleaning products. With a deep, steadying breath, I step into the pass-through kitchen and towards the living room.
From here, I notice that my old couch, the one with the bullet hole, has been replaced with a brown leather sofa. I stop to note all the changes to the room, then realize that, two steps into the room, I am standing in the exact spot Ryan fell to the ground. Without notice, the images of that night flash through my head and send my mind into overload.
My world stands still as I try to find my balance and rid my conscience of the crippling memories. During my inner struggle, strong arms encircle me and a voice of reason rings in my ear.
“Ry, it is over. Nothing here will hurt you. Rylee, come back to me. You’re okay, Ry.”
Austin. His voice pulls me from the thoughts and images overwhelming my soul. Leaning into his hard chest, I focus on the warm feel of him and look up to see Eric and Ruzek watching me from the open patio doors. With one last fortifying breath, I squeeze Austin’s hands, which are tightly wrapped around me, to signal my return to sanity. He releases me and I dash a few steps to the other side of the sofa, trying to further extricate myself from the memories.
With more pep than I feel, I ask, “How are you, Eric?”
He gives a slight shake of his head and looks at me with a smirk before addressing the question. “I would say I’m better than you right now. Are you all right, Ry? You don’t look too good.”
“Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken by the ghosts, you know,” I say, somewhat embarrassed by my reaction to being in this house.
“I can only imagine, Ry,” he says with complete sincerity. “I hope you don’t mind, but I replaced a few items and got rid of anything that needed it.”
Looking around the room, I realize he has actually replaced all of my old furniture and the rug.
“No, Eric. I don’t mind. In fact, thank you. I cannot imagine how hard it would have been to walk in here if everything was still the way I left it.”
Ruzek looks up at me after my last statement. “Trust me, you did not want to see it the way it was. We had a cleaning crew come in as soon as the crime scene tape came down. We replaced a few of the blood-soaked planks in the floor where you were standing. A few more need to be replaced over here, but, for now, they are hidden under the rug.”
The longer Ruzek spoke, the more unsteady he became. It is clear this affected him more than he would like to let on. I cross the room to where he and Eric are standing and pull them into a hug, with one arm around each of them.
“I cannot thank you guys enough. You certainly didn’t have to do this, but I’m glad you did. What would a girl do without awesome boys like you?”
The truth is, I don’t know what I would do without all the amazing men in my life. Which reminds me - I have a date with the most gorgeous one in the room tonight and we need to get going.
“If you guys don’t mind, I’m just going to run upstairs, grab some more clothes, and head out. I have a hot date tonight,” I say with a wink in Austin’s direction.
The smile I get in return melts my insides. Yes, it is time to get out of this house of horrors and go home with my guy.
Chapter 45
Rylee
The trip upstairs to collect my clothes is not as eventful as the trip down memory lane in the living room, but it is haunting regardless. Austin stays close and we collect a sizeable portion of my wardrobe to take to his place. The thought of ever sleeping in this room again sends a shiver down my spine. After a quick round of catch you laters, we make the short drive up the street.
I pull around the circular drive to park next to the front step. To my surprise, Austin pulls in behind me instead of going around to the garage as usual.
“Hey, why are you parking out front?” I ask, confused.
“I could ask you the same question. Why do you refuse to park in the garage?” His tone conveys a playful nature, but his body language and eyes tell me this might be a point of contention.
“I don’t know, Aus. We never really discussed any of this,” I say with a shrug.
“Well, that’s true, but you have to know that I don’t want you anywhere else. You’re not a guest. Why don’t we go inside and eat dinner? Let me tell you what I need to tell you, and then if you still want to discuss this, we will. No point in dealing with what may be a moot point later.”
He shoulders hang, cloaked by an air of gloom.
I am worried about what Austin needs to get off his chest, but I am also just ready to deal with it and move on. I cannot imagine it is as bad as he seems to believe. We need to move out from under the ever-present black cloud shading our lives.
Inside his cozy home, Austin further tenses up. The cyclical nature of doom and gloom around us is making me crazy. As if by instinct, Austin crosses the room to let Boss out before turning back.
“What do you want to do for dinner?”
Uncertainty flashes through his eyes as he watches me walk towards him, while I simultaneously remove my shoes and convey my less than pure intentions. I sling my shirt over my head, revealing my black lace bra.
His eyes say yes even as he mumbles, “Ry, come on. We need to talk.”
Ignoring his words and focusing on his body, I shimmy out of my jeans and toss them aside. As I reach him, my hands go to his chest, only to be met with mil
d resistance. He holds my wrists to prevent my exploration of his delicious body.
“Rylee, please. We need to - ”
I stop him with a well-timed kiss. He falls into rhythm with me and I feel at home when he wraps his arms around me, lifting me to him.
My legs intuitively circle around him as he moves us towards the sofa. My fingers slide down his back, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt. He stops us at the back of the couch and sets me atop it before breaking the connection I have desperately missed.
“Ry, baby, I want this more than anything, but there is something I really need to tell you.”
My frustration mounts as the throbbing in my core continues. He runs a hand through his light brown hair and I can see the trepidation in his now dark blue eyes. I know I should be more concerned with what he has to say than my overwhelming desire to take him to bed, but I need to feel our connection before another outside force enters our space. I want to know that he still loves me the way I love him. Completely.
My head falls to his chest as I try to explain my need for him. His hands run up my back in a reassuring and comforting stroke.
“I am ready to hear anything you have to say, Aus. But I need you. I need to be us for a little while. We are struggling and I want to face whatever it is with you right next to me. Can’t we put it on hold for just a little bit? I need you. I need us. Can you love me for a little while, please? Austin.”
My voice cracks and betrays my vulnerability. I hate that I need him so much, but he makes my heart beat stronger. He makes my air sweeter. He makes my life worlds better and, if I have to depend on him a little, I can.
“Shit, Ry. I am so sorry, baby. Don’t cry. I hate when you cry and it is even worse when it's my fault.”
He guides my gaze to him before wiping the stray tears from beneath my eyes.
“You are so beautiful, you know that? And to answer your question, I will love you forever.” His careful smile pulls the same from me as I stare into eyes. I am desperate to find my connection with him. I want to feel the way only he can make me feel—like I belong, loved, cherished. Like everything we have been through is worth it.
The first gentle brush of his lips to mine set my world back on its axis. The kiss begins soft and slow as he pulls me back into him before starting the trek upstairs. Desperate to feel him against me, I tug the back of his shirt up and over his head before tossing it to the ground. His hard chest against my aroused skin is like gasoline on a fire. My entire body comes to life against him.
By the time we cross the threshold to the master suite, we are in a frenzy. His mouth is making its way down my neck when he lowers me to the bed and masterfully unclasps my bra. He stands to remove his pants after I fumble with the button. Only our underwear separates us as the room lights with passion.
He guides my foot to his shoulder and kisses the instep, sending a pulse straight to my core. The kisses continue up my leg towards my sweet spot before he lightly blows against my drenched sex. The next kiss finds my clenched stomach. The next between my breasts. My entire body aches for more of him.
I claw at his shoulders as he pulls my nipple into his warm mouth. He moves towards my other pebbled nipple with a sensuous blow that sends me spiraling into need.
Leaning back, he gazes at my aroused state before slowly removing my panties. He holds my stare the entire time and in his eyes I see the connection I have missed. My love for him is reflected in his burning blue eyes. Everything I needed to feel comes rushing in and I remember why I love him so damn much. He is my world, my soul, my love.
He stalks over me as I spread my legs, giving him easy access to the place I desperately want him. He lowers himself and finds my lips with an all-consuming kiss before sliding into me. Our bodies still as we take in the feeling of completion.
Before moving a fraction, Austin kisses down my cheek to my ear and whispers, “I love you.”
My body trembles with need, anticipation, and love. Just as I begin to repeat the words to him, he moves within me, causing my words to become a garbled noise somewhere between I love you and ahh yes. My legs circle around him, bringing him deeper within me. I want him closer, if that is even possible.
Reading my unspoken need, he slides his arms under my back and holds us together as he sets a sensual pace with his thrusts. His hips circle and I near the edge when he nips at my neck, knowing it is my weak spot and sure to send me over the edge.
My legs and sex clench around him. Pleasure shatters my world and I hold him close. His movements still as I ride out my wave of ecstasy, before he thrusts into me, chasing his own orgasm. Our lips collide as he slams into me a few final times before finding his own release. We lie bound together, motionless, with no sounds other than our ragged breathing.
Austin shifts his weight, removing himself from within me and my body immediately protests. He pulls me close to him with my head on his chest and his face nuzzled in my hair. I am a mess of emotions and post-coital bliss as he strokes my back. I needed this and I need him. His need to talk is on the fringe of my mind as I wrap myself across him.
The room remains quiet as we come down off our shared high.
I break the silence. “I love you, Austin Black.”
“I love you, too, Rylee.”
The silence returns, but it is anything but comfortable. I feel the tension begin to radiate through him. I am torn between asking him what is wrong and trying to enjoy a few more moments of us when he speaks again.
“Rylee, I have a son.”
Chapter 46
Rylee
Holy shit, did I hear him correctly? Did he say he has a son? Way to ruin the euphoria of a killer round of lovemaking.
I don’t know what to say or think after that statement. I mean, it’s life-altering information. Definitely not something I expected to come out of his mouth. Judging by the tension and his odd behavior over the past few days, I can safely assume it came as a shock to him, too.
What should I say? I have never wanted children, a fact he knows. Oh, shit. That is why he thought I might leave him. Jesus, what kind of person does he think I am? Of course, I guess it would depend on how old the child is. So long as this procreation happened before we were together, I cannot be upset. Although this changes things … or does it? Shit, I don’t know. Holy shit.
My mind is racing and I am suddenly aware of his heart pounding against my ear. How long have I laid here without acknowledging his confession? My silence must be deafening, but I have no clue what to say. I guess I was sort of hoping he would elaborate.
With no words coming to fruition, I run my hand up his stressed chest in a silent gesture of support before kissing him just above his heart. His body relaxes slightly as his arm curls around me. I know I should sit up and face him, but I want to get my jumbled thoughts straight first.
We lay in silence for a few minutes before he breaks.
“Ry, are you still with me baby?”
I cannot contain the whirlwind of thoughts and scenarios running through my head, so I respond with a simple, “Uh huh.”
“Are you ready to hear the rest?” His words are cautious, as if they could be the ones to send me flying from the room.
I realize in this moment that this is important to him and that it is about him, not me. I have to pull it together and support him. That is, if this occurred pre-Rylee. I take a second to settle myself before sitting up to face him. Pulling the sheet over my exposed body, I look him in the eyes and give him a small smile.
“I can honestly say I did not see that one coming, Aus. I’m here, though. I want to hear everything you want to tell me.”
Running a nervous hand through his hair, he pushes up to lean against the head of the bed, leaving only his chest exposed above the sheets. In any other situation, I would be ready to run my tongue and hands across every peak and valley visible. However, I have to shelve my libido for now and focus on the heart and mind of my beautiful man.
He takes a brea
th and exhales with a whooshing sound. “This is such a fucked up mess, Ry. I don’t know where to start.”
A storm of emotion is brewing in his eyes. Taking his hand and lacing it with my own, I quietly suggest he start at the beginning.
“So when I was seventeen, soon to be a senior in high school, I was madly in love with my girlfriend, Amanda. Shortly before our final year of high school, Amanda found out that she was pregnant. Our parents refused to let us see one another after that. It wasn’t until one night around Christmas I saw her again. That night my buddy Alex and I were hanging out having a few beers when she showed up, several months along. I was still smitten with her and vowed that we would fight our parents together. When it came time to leave that night, Alex had to take her home since I was on my motorcycle and I didn’t want her to ride with me in her condition. I was following them back down the hill when I saw Alex swerve to avoid something. The car slammed into a tree.” He pauses…“I panicked and ran for the car, trying to pull her out, but the impact was on the passenger side and I couldn’t get to her. I had to go on down the hill to call for help. It was forty-five minutes later when they finally got her out of the car. She was still unconscious. Alex was arrested, and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. That was the last time I ever saw Amanda. Once her parents arrived, they had me escorted out of the hospital after telling me that my child was dead and I was never allowed near their daughter again. They also slapped me with a restraining order, which prevented me from attending the funeral of my child. I tried, Rylee, I really did, but they would not let me anywhere near Amanda.”
Austin stops and I cannot believe the story I have just heard, or how it relates to his current situation. The tears in his eyes tell me how much he is hurting and just how much this beautiful man has endured alone. I cannot imagine being barred from your own child’s funeral.
Hoping to provide a small measure of comfort, I slide to him and wrap both arms around his waist, holding him as he tries to regain his composure. I feel his tears drop onto my bare shoulder and my heart breaks. I don’t know how, or what it will require, but I will help him through this.
Loving Enough (The Enough Series Book 2) Page 18