Broken Pieces

by Toni Aleo

  Or that I would hurt this bad.

  But, really, what did I expect? I have loved Taegan almost my whole life. Even when she didn’t want me, I wanted her. Finally, I get her, four glorious years of that beautiful woman, and now…now it’s over.

  Fucking, over.

  Covering my eyes with my fist, I try to catch my breath, my heart dead inside of me. Figuratively, since it’s already literally dead, but whatever, I’m fucking dying here. I never thought it could happen. I never thought I would ever know what death felt like.

  But apparently, all I had to do was fall in love, lose her, and I would know the feeling.

  I can’t help but think maybe I still have a chance. Maybe I can talk my father into letting me take over, maybe I can stop the wedding? But if I still had a chance, why isn’t she answering my calls? Does she not want me? Maybe I should go see her. But what if people hear us, and then it gets back to my father? I can’t risk it, but what can I do?

  Maybe I shouldn’t do anything.

  In a way, I really can’t.

  Maybe this is the forces beyond at work, and I should just accept that my relationship with Taegan will never be more than a love I can’t have. That we are nothing but two star-crossed lovers. I have responsibilities; I have a family to protect. Can I really do that if I’m breaking noses and sulking in my room? I can’t, so maybe I should take this as a blessing. I have to worry about my family. About my obligations as the future king of the Patchwork. Can I even be the king this community needs if I’m completely in love with my queen, and I care more for her than I do anyone else? I don’t know, and maybe I’ve been too blind to see that. I have to do what’s right and do my duty.

  That’s not a problem…but can I do it? Can I let her go?

  The scariest thing is I don’t know.

  Before I really know what I’m doing, I’m moving, out of my room and down the hall. As I take the stairs two at a time, I hear people downstairs, my siblings, but I have to see my father. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’ll say, but I have to try. I can’t let her go.

  I love her.

  When I get to his door, I knock as I push it open, meeting his surprised gaze as I enter.

  “Oceanus.”

  “Father,” I say, shutting the door and then walking toward his desk.

  Closing the book in front of him, he folds his hands, giving me his attention. “Heard you broke Jonas’s nose.”

  I nod as I fall back into the chair in front of his desk. “Yeah, he’s fine.”

  “How are your hands? Do you need new ones?”

  I shake my head, glancing at my busted knuckles, but I don’t care. “No, I’m fine.”

  Meeting my father’s concern-filled eyes, I swallow hard as he says, “You seem upset. Are you okay?”

  “Fine,” I say, waving him off. “Father—”

  “Does this have to do with the Conner wolf?”

  I shake my head quickly, bile in my throat as I hold my father’s gaze. “No, this is about something else.”

  His brow rises as he eyes me. “Please, go on.”

  Taking in a breath before clearing my throat, I lean back in my chair. “I feel we need to discuss my taking my rightful spot as leader of the clan.”

  His lips tip up a bit in amusement. “Oh, do we?”

  “Yes,” I say sternly, my whole life on the edge as I hold his gaze. “It’s been months since we’ve discussed it. You look exhausted, Father. I know you are working night and day for this formula for Rebekah,” I add, and his lips press together. “Let me take some of the weight off your shoulders. You can focus just on Rebekah. On retirement. I’m ready, Father, you know I am.”

  “I don’t doubt that you are ready, Oceanus, but I’m not ready to hand it over.”

  “Why?” I yell, letting my emotions take over. Surprised by my outburst, he narrows his eyes as I look away. My eyes slowly fall shut as I take in a cleansing breath. I can’t act like this. This isn’t who I am. I’m not an emotional basket case,. I am strong.

  I am Oceanus von Stein.

  Future leader of this fucking clan.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Father, excuse me. I’m worn-out, and I just worry about you.”

  When he starts to laugh, I look up, completely startled as he shakes his head. “Son, you aren’t worried about me. You’re worried about the fact that bitch is getting married, and it’s not to you.”

  Within seconds, I’m standing, my hands slamming against his desk. Rage and frustration run through my veins. “Do not call her that,” I roar, and I can’t believe the person who is standing in front of my father. I just outed myself, completely, like an idiot. Who is this person? I’m usually so calm, cool, collected. At least, I was before my love decided to marry another.

  Crossing his arms over his chest, he shakes his head once more. “Oceanus, come on, what have you done?”

  “Nothing,” I bite out, stepping back and away from him. Walking around the chair I had been sitting in, I cross my arms and look out at the room, trying to collect myself. “Just don’t disrespect her like that.”

  “Why? She is nothing to you.”

  “You’re right,” I say sadly, my soul breaking even more. “But still, don’t disrespect her name.”

  “Fine,” he says after a moment, and I know he’s scrutinizing me. “The wolf princess. This is about her and her wedding, I’m sure.”

  “It’s not,” I answer. But even I don’t believe me, so why would he?

  “Lying isn’t your strong suit, my son, and I see right through you. I always have been able to, and I don’t understand what you’re doing. Do you know who you are?”

  “Yes, of course, I do,” I say, rolling my eyes before facing him. “But yet, you won’t let me have my rightful place!”

  Swallowing hard, I watch as my father slowly stands. “Because I’m not ready to give it to you. It’s at my discretion.”

  “But it’s my place. It’s my time! Let me have what is mine.”

  “In due time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe after the wolf marries, maybe in another year, you never know.”

  “Her name is Taegan—”

  But before I can say anything else, his fist hits the table. “No, no more. This conversation is over. The wolf is no longer your concern. She is to marry, and it’s not your place to care,” he yells, his eyes wild with anger. “You are Oceanus von Stein, my son and the future leader of this clan. You will not do so with some wolf at your side. No mixing of the clans, Oceanus. None.”

  “But, Father—” I try, but he cuts me off.

  “Also, what in the hell would she bring to this family to make us better? Nothing. We only marry to make us stronger. She will not make you stronger!”

  “Yes, she will,” I yell, and I don’t even recognize my voice. “She makes me stronger by just loving me, Father. I understand that you’ve never loved another, that you used women to have us, but it’s different for me. I love her and I want to be with her, and I can’t until that fucking rule is gone!”

  “It isn’t going anywhere.”

  “Yes! It will when I’m in command.”

  “Then maybe you won’t be in command.”

  It’s like he’s smacked me. Hard, across the face. I hold my chest as I hold his gaze. “It’s my place. It’s on my Ceremony of the Patchwork decree.”

  My father shrugs. “But it also says when I’m ready. Maybe I’ll never be ready.”

  “Father—”

  “No, son, you forget who has the power here,” he says simply, and I look away, trying to take in a breath.

  Broken. Completely broken. That’s all I can say. I look up at him, feeling nothing but pain. “I hadn’t forgotten. I just hoped maybe you’d be a little lenient.”

  “Lenient isn’t who I am, my son,” he says, and just like that, I know I have no chance here. I no longer feel anything. I’m empty. Reaching out, he takes my face in his hand, bringing my gaze to his as his voice drops to almost a whisper.
“Oceanus, do you really think her father would let her marry you? What in the hell would that do for his bloodline? He needs strength, power, and someone to carry on his name since he only has one son. Taegan is prime blood, he could get so much out of a marriage for her. Not from you, though. He can’t do anything with a mixed breed, and he won’t get ahead with us. Yes, his daughter will be the queen of it all, but what will that do for him? His clan? Nothing. Don’t be an idiot.”

  I try to shake out of his grip, but it’s tight as he holds my gaze. For looking like death, he sure is strong. Shaking me, he digs his fingers into my face. “It will only hurt her in the long run because we all know you won’t leave this family, your rightful place, to run away with her. Let her go. It’s only more pain in the future if you try to marry that girl. The war we have right now with the Kelleys will be child’s play compared to the war that will come if you marry the princess of the Conner clan. Kurt will try to kill you, and he will pull all our protection—”

  “Kurt Conner respects me,” I try, but Father shakes his head.

  “Because you are not a threat. No one really thinks you two would do anything. It’s all fun, kids being kids, but you two know your places. You know what you have to do for your families.”

  Finally, he lets my face go, and I look away, holding my jaw as I push back the tears. I know he is right. I hadn’t thought much about it because I really didn’t care. I didn’t care what her father would think, what he would do, because Taegan would be mine. That’s all I cared about—being with Taegan—but the repercussions are far greater than I ever thought. I only thought of her and me.

  I was selfish.

  Something I’m not allowed to be.

  Swallowing hard, I close my eyes as my father goes on, “You can’t marry her, no matter how much you want to.”

  “But I love her,” I whisper, and then I can’t hold it in, “We’ll run away.”

  He laughs, shaking his head as I meet his menacing gaze. “And I’ll find you—and kill her.”

  My mouth falls open, and he shrugs, so callous to the fact that he just admitted to wanting to do harm to my love. “You know it will be nothing for me to have her killed. I’ve done it before, and I know this won’t be the last time.”

  “You’d kill an innocent girl?” I ask, emotion thick in my throat. “Someone I love?”

  “If, in the end, it will ruin this family, yes,” he says coldheartedly. Really, why does that surprise me? My father is an animal of sorts. He has no passion for anyone but us. He will do anything to get ahead or protect what is his. I just didn’t think it would be someone I love. He clears his throat, and I look down at the ground as he goes on, “I don’t want to do that. I don’t want you to hurt, my boy, I don’t. But I am protecting you. I can’t allow for you to ruin not only this family or this community but yourself. I have to guide you to make the right decisions. Don’t you understand that?”

  Looking away, I close my eyes as I let my head fall. When I took my oath to the Patchwork, it was to love and protect my kind. Like my father has. He has done everything and anything to protect this family. He has killed the threats; he had raised my brothers and me to fight for this family. I’m a trained killer in my own right, and I know what I was given life to do. I’ve always known it was to protect this family, to love my community, and never to love anyone more than I do my community and family. I’ve done just that since I took my oath, and I will for the rest of my life. But I thought maybe I could have the Patchwork and Taegan too.

  Hearing these words from my father, I know he would do what he said. I know he only wants to protect me, but he just broke me even more. He made me realize that I will cause more pain trying to be with her than I will if I just let her go.

  But I don’t want to believe it. I don’t want to believe any of it.

  Especially the part where Taegan is to marry.

  Someone who is not me.

  After leaving my father’s office, I don’t see any point in doing anything else but going to bed. I need to clear my head, sleep off the rage and frustration that are burning in my soul. It’s not healthy for me. I can’t do this to myself. I can’t change what is out of my control. What is completely in my father’s control. Just like my whole life has been—and more than likely my future too. I know I have a purpose, a responsibility to my family to uphold, and I can’t lose sight of that, but just the thought of her clear-as-glass blue eyes and somehow I do.

  No matter how stupid it is, I just don’t understand.

  Why can’t I have both?

  My rightful place and my girl?

  It isn’t fair.

  But then, is it ever fair for any of the von Stein kids?

  Maybe Cyrus because he has no cares in the world, but for the rest of us, it just isn’t fair.

  As long as my father is in command, we will never have what we want. I consider saying fuck it all, running away, but can I leave my siblings to deal with him without me? To never have a fair future in sight? I know I can’t, no matter how much I love Taegan. I know she’d understand that, but then, maybe she doesn’t care. She’s moved on. She’s left me.

  She’s to marry some bastard other than me.

  While my intention was to sleep, all I do is toss and turn. Pathetically calling Taegan again, just for some insight. For some answers. Maybe hearing it from her will help. Help heal my soul. I don’t think it will, though. I’m sure I’ll just be even more upset when I finally hear her voice. Frustrated, I turn my phone off and decide to let it go. Or try to, at least. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I know it won’t be that easy.

  Somehow, the darkness takes me, but even in the darkness, my heart isn’t safe. As always, I dream of her.

  She is naked in my arms, her lips moving against mine as our hands slide wildly along each other’s bodies. When I pick her up, she whispers, “I love you.”

  “I love you,” I moan, my body so tight and full of lust for my beautiful love.

  As her hands glide down my back to my ass, a harsh sound leaves my lips as she bites hard against my neck. I go to wrap my arms around her, but then she isn’t there. Opening my eyes, I see she is being held by my father and her father, Kurt Conner. I go to grab her, to save her, but then two guards are holding me back, a knife to my neck.

  “Tae!”

  She’s screaming, tears running down her face, before someone, a tall, brawny man, comes up behind our fathers and snatches her away, his mouth capturing hers.

  “Taegan!” I cry out. But then she is kissing him, and before I know it, he’s fucking her against the wall. His body flexing with each thrust as my love, my sweet, beautiful Taegan is screaming her praises.

  Unable to watch, I look away, sucking in a breath as my father’s words cut me. “She isn’t yours.”

  Waking with a jerk, I sit up, gasping for breath. My body is shaking with anger, my mind going a hundred miles a minute, and I don’t know how I am going to get over this.

  Get over her.

  Swallowing hard, I run my hands down my face before exhaling harshly. I reach for my phone, but then I stop. I don’t want to talk to her. I can’t. As much as I need to hear her voice, her side of the story, I just feel too deceived. Dropping my hands to my lap, I run them down my thighs before slowly standing and heading to the bathroom. I decide I have to get out of here. I could go down to the bar that my family owns, the Clandestine, but I’m really not in the mood. Maybe I can convince Jonas to go out somewhere else. Hopefully, he isn’t too mad at me.

  Leaving my phone because it doesn’t have anything I need, I throw on a tee and then change into my jeans before sliding my feet into some tennis shoes. I really don’t care what I look like. I just want to get out of here. Heading out of my room, I start down the stairs just in time to see Jonas coming out of his room.

  “Jo.”

  My brother looks up, and I cringe. His nose is completely smashed to the left, and when his eyes narrow to slits, I know he’s still pissed. “W
hat the fuck do you want, asshole?”

  Yup, he’s a little angry. “Come on, I said I was sorry.”

  “You broke my nose, and Father can’t fix it till tomorrow, so I’ll be mad at you until then.”

  I grimace. “How about I take you out for a beer?”

  He glares. “How about I break your nose?”

  I scoff. “You can try.”

  “I hate you,” he moans, shaking his head before walking off. I fall in step with him as he says, “You’re buying all the beer tonight.”

  “See? You love me.”

  “That and I know you need me.”

  I suck my teeth as I slowly nod. “That obvious?”

  “Everyone heard when you went after Father, so yeah, it’s obvious.”

  Exhaling hard, I wince. “They heard?”

  “Yeah, everyone. You’re the talk of the house.”

  “Great.”

  “No big deal. It won’t leave the house. But yeah, are you okay?”

  “No,” I say honestly, and I can feel my brother’s gaze on me.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “What can I do?” I ask him, meeting his gaze, and he shrugs.

  “Nothing.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Fuck, that sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  As we take the stairs down one by one, I wish I could come up with something. Where are my awesome planning skills when I really need them? I feel lost, and I hate feeling like that.

  “I got it,” Jonas says then, and I look to him expectantly.

  “What?”

  “You go run off with Taegan, and I’ll take over.”

  I roll my eyes. “In your dreams.”

  “So you’ll choose the clan over her?”

  “Isn’t that what she is doing?” He presses his lips together. “Plus, if I did try to marry her, it would start a war, from what Father thinks.”

  “Oh yeah, for sure. I hadn’t even thought about that.” When he starts laughing, I look to him, confused. “It would be crazy, the wolves coming for you and the shifters for Rebekah.”