by Maya Hughes
Then the SUV would pull away and only then would Alex’s feet unstick themselves from the ground and she’d chase them until she couldn’t move any more. Then she’d shoot up in the bed covered in sweat and panting, her heart racing. It was a nightly dream for a long time after Emma was born, and then it eventually tapered off to only a couple of times per month and then eventually to only once or twice a year. She had a feeling that dream would be revisiting her soon.
She worried that her daughter would never know her father, but tried to do the best for her by herself that she could. She finished college with a degree in computer science and looked for flexible work that she could do from home while taking care of her young daughter. Other than sending the letters to his management office, she had no way of contacting him. None of the ways to contact him worked anymore and she wasn’t willing to go public. That would have just brought unwanted attention to them.
Now he was back out of the blue, saying that he never even received her letters. She was still so angry with him, though. Years of pent up rage don’t dissipate in an instant. And she couldn’t forget about him jumping into bed with Lesley when they had been broken up for less than twenty-four hours. And then it was months of a shitty pregnancy with two near-hospitalizations and the even harder infant stage where sleep seemed like something she’d imagined.
At least she’d had the money to help. Not wanting to spend more of the single ‘shut up and leave me alone’ check that she’d received, Alex had stuck to the barest-bones budget she could, while making sure that Emma had what she needed. Getting that check had been a final kick in the teeth to Alex. It signaled to her that he knew about them, but didn’t want anything to do with them.
But it all boiled down to the fact that he hadn’t been there. At the end of the day, that was it. She’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. She hoped he could be there for their daughter.
The thought that he didn’t know, couldn’t feel that he had a little girl out there made her want to lash out, as irrational as it was. He said he hadn’t received the letters, so she would take him on his word. The tears in his eyes when she told Emma he was her father confirmed it. She knew he was a good actor, but didn’t think he was faking that.
Now she hoped that his ability to be a dad didn’t mirror his track record as a boyfriend. She’d have to dig out the legal papers she’d had Jen draw up a couple of years ago, in case this day ever came. They were in her office somewhere. She shot off a quick text to Jen to let her know what was happening, then pulled herself together. Grabbing a few tissues and blowing her nose, she picked herself up, turned the griddle back on, and started in on the pancakes.
Chapter 15
Emma’s room was the picture of a happy childhood. There were dolls, transformers, trains, building blocks, and everything in between, all in their places in neatly labeled bins and shelves. Either she was a tidy child or Alex made sure she kept it that way. Gabe smiled as he imagined her in there with a label maker trying to ensure that everything was in its place and orderly. It seemed so different from the girl he’d met back in the diner all those years ago.
“These are my favorite toys,” Emma said excitedly as she pulled him to sit down in one of her mini chairs. Afraid that he would break the tiny white chair, Gabe perched himself on the edge. Emma started piling his lap high with ponies, robots, dolls and anything else she could get her hands on.
“Wow, these are really nice. Did your mommy get them for you?”
“Mommy got me some. Aunt Jen got me some other ones and some are from my last birthday. It was a really fun pirate party. I can’t wait for my pony party,” Emma said, bouncing up and down. She seemed to be bouncing always—a ball of constant energy.
“So, what do you want for your birthday?”
“I was going to ask for a daddy, but you’re here now,” she said as she jumped up onto Gabe’s lap, impaling a robot leg right into his groin. He tried not to flinch as he readjusted her and shifted her to one of his knees.
“So, I’ll have to think of something else,” she said, tapping her chin deep in thought.
He sat there stunned. Allowing it all to sink in, he looked around the room and still couldn’t believe it. He had a daughter. Even more unlikely, he couldn’t believe how this beautiful, pixie-faced little girl had just accepted him. He’d gone from maybe thinking of having kids someday with someone he cared about to already having one with someone he still loved. This precious little girl already held a major part of his heart. He bit back the bitterness that crept up his throat at the thought of the years that had been stolen from him—from them. He couldn’t believe that he’d trusted Aaron for so long. Not wanting those bitter feelings to taint this time with his daughter, he pushed them down. That was for another time.
“Pancakes are ready,” Alex called from downstairs.
“PANCAKES,” Emma squealed as she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. His stomach started to growl and his mouth watered in anticipation of tasting Alex’s pancakes again.
She was just sitting down to a table set with three spaces. Walking down the stairs to this scene was something he could see himself doing time and time again.
“Daddy, sit next to me!” Emma exclaimed as she pulled him down into the seat next to her. “Do you want some orange juice?”
“Sure, I’ll take some.” Emma grabbed the pitcher and attempted to pour it. With minimal spillage, she managed to fill it up to the brim. “Whoa, kiddo, that’s enough.” She placed the pitcher carefully back down on the table.
Emma started to dig into the pancakes with gusto, completely covering her face with chocolate in the process. Gabe couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched how her eyes sparkled with joy—or possibly sugar overload—as she shoveled the chocolate-chip pancakes into her mouth. And then the smell wafted up to his nose and he couldn’t help but dig in, too.
As he took his first bite, he had to close his eyes as he savored the flavor. They were just as amazing as he remembered, maybe more so because in all the years since he’d had her pancakes, he’d tried dozens of pancake recipes and none ever held a candle to her creation. He looked back to Emma, who was busy bopping her head, kicking her feet back and forth, and shoveling pancakes into her mouth.
Tearing his eyes away from her, he peered up at Alex. She was picking at her pancakes as she watched Emma enjoy hers. She caught him looking at her and her eyes flew right back to Emma. His energetic daughter—wow, his daughter— proceeded to regale him with tales of the playground. From exploring in the woods just off the playground at her school to their vacation to the Statue of Liberty the previous summer and spending time with her friends, Emma talked for almost an hour straight. It wasn’t until she started to nod off at the table that Alex suggested that they move into the living room.
Emma threw her arms up for him to carry her into the living room, while Alex got up to clear the table.
“Emma, you know you’re getting way too big for pickups,” she said, picking up their plates and stacking them on top of each other.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he said, picking her up and cradling her in her arms. “Alex, leave those, you know how I feel about dishes after someone else cooks.”
“You say that now about picking her up, but wait until your back starts hurting tomorrow,” she warned. “And I’ll grab the dishes; it’s okay. Just take Emma into the living room.”
When she returned from the kitchen, Emma was fast asleep on the couch beside him with chocolate smeared all over her face. Taking in the scene, she couldn’t help but smile as she looked at her beautiful daughter. A daughter she was now going to have to share. At that thought, Alex bent down to pick her up and he went to stop her.
“I can carry her,” he said attempting to stand.
“No, it’s okay. I got it,” she said as she picked Emma up with a grunt, patted her head as she started to grumble a little in her sleep, and carried her upstairs. She put Emma in her bed and wa
lked across the hall to the bathroom, wetting a washcloth. She just shook her head. What was she going to do now?
She popped back into Emma’s room and tried to wipe as much of the chocolate off her face as she could without waking her. She took the cloth back into the bathroom and took a deep breath to try to compose herself before walking back downstairs. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she tried to smooth out some of her hair that was sticking up after the water fight. “What the hell am I doing?” she admonished herself, incredulous that she would care about how she looked when it came to Gabe.
She squared her shoulders and walked back downstairs. Gabe was wandering around looking at picture after picture of her and Emma together throughout the years. When he saw her standing in the doorway, he sheepishly put back the one he was holding.
“These are really great pictures. It seems like she’s always smiling.”
“She has her moments,” Alex said, plopping down on the chair beside the sofa. He dropped down onto the sofa and allowed his head to rest against the back of the couch, closing his eyes.
“I guess you could use a nap as well,” she said with a smirk.
“She’s a ball of energy. I don’t know how you do it,” he said absently.
“It’s not like I’ve had much of a choice,” she bit out. His eyes snapped open with stunned pain and she regretted her tone. She softened it a bit.
“Emma’s a pretty awesome kid. You get used to all the craziness. She doesn’t usually crash like this in the afternoon, but I think that with all of the excitement today, she really wore herself out.” She sat forward, perching on the edge of her chair.
“So, what do we do now? How do we handle all of this?” he said, sighing.
“Well, first, I want you to know that she’s one hundred percent yours. There is no doubt in my mind.”
“I know, Alex. I never doubted that for a minute. I knew the moment I looked at her pictures. I felt it. I know she’s mine, so don’t worry about that at all.”
She gave him a sharp nod before continuing. “I would prefer if no one finds out about us. I mean, I want to protect Emma from all the craziness, tabloids, paparazzi, and stuff like that.”
“Yeah, I want that too, but people are going to find out about her. I want her in my life. I’m not just going to hide her away. She’s my daughter. There are so many places I’d like to take her, things I want to show her, and I want to spend time with her. People are going to see us together.”
“Wow, someone you’re not afraid to take out in public; seems like you really must care about her.”
“Alex, I—,” he started.
“No, forget I said anything. It’s not about us, it’s about Emma. But I don’t want her mixed up in any of the Hollywood mess. No studio contracts or publicity stunts. I had a minuscule taste of that life and I could barely handle it. I’m not going to allow people to start picking her apart.”
“I completely agree. Would it be possible to spend some time with her soon? When does her school finish?”
“She’s finished in a week, until after Labor Day.”
“It’s a seven-hour flight from here to Scotland. Has she ever flown before?”
“Whoa there, I didn’t say anything about sending her to Scotland. She barely knows you; I’m not just going to hand her over to you. If you want to see her, you need to come here, at least at first. Maybe when she’s nine or ten, we can start thinking about having her fly on her own.”
“I didn’t say anything about her flying on her own. I figured you would come with her,” Gabe said staring into her eyes.
She jumped up. “I can’t just pick up and leave, Gabe. Emma and I have a life here and we have a schedule. We can’t just drop everything and go to Scotland with you,” she said, pacing the floor.
“Okay, so what’s your schedule like? Emma’s finished school in a week. What about you? Do you have any vacation time coming up?”
“Gabe, I’m not going to Scotland with you,” Alex scoffed.
“Alex, be reasonable. I want to spend more than a week with Emma. I can spend the week here and spend time with Emma, get to know her better, and then we can all go to Scotland. It will be an adventure. I can arrange for activities and things for you both to do while I’m filming and then we can spend time together when I’m not filming.”
“We’re not going to follow you around Scotland, Gabe. How about we set up a schedule for when you come back from filming? Emma knows you now. We can do some video chatting and have you two talk on the phone. Then when you’re back, maybe you could stay some place close and she could stay overnight. Ease into it,” she said as she stopped pacing and finally looked at him.
“I’m not going to leave her, Alex. I just found out I have a daughter. I’ve missed so much time already. I don’t want to miss a minute more.”
“It’s not only about you, Gabe. You should think about her. Put her first, and is going to Scotland what’s best for her right now?”
“I think it is. I think it would be great for her to go to Scotland and spend time with her dad. What I think is that you don’t think it would be best for you to go to Scotland,” he accused.
“That’s ridiculous,” she scoffed. “It’s not about me.”
“Exactly … it’s about Emma. And I don’t want her to think that I’m going to show up and disappear as quickly as I appeared. I want to spend time with her and start to really bond with her.”
“Gabe—,” she started.
“Alex, don’t answer now. Please, give me some time to show you how much I want this and how good it will be for her. I’ll spend a few days here and get to spend time with Emma. Then in a couple of days we can make the decision. Does that sound okay to you?”
She swallowed hard and tried to be reasonable, not letting her past hurt get in the way of this decision. She could do this. She could do this.
“It’s probably best if you just stay here,” she said, giving in. His jaw dropped. “In the guest room. There’s an extra bedroom upstairs. If you check into a hotel, there’s a better chance someone will recognize you.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but I think it’s what will work best.”
“That’s fine with me. My bags are in the car.”
“Okay, I’ll go make up the bed.”
“And I’ll go get my bags.”
“Great,” they both said, standing in the middle of the living room, not moving. She shook herself out of her stupor and started for the stairs.
“Right, I’m heading upstairs. It’s the room next to Emma’s. You can’t miss it. Do you need help with your bags?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,” he said as he headed to the sliding door off the kitchen.
Alex started up the stairs, kicking herself the whole way. Why did she ask him to stay? She reasoned that keeping him off the radar would probably make things easier for the week he was here, but having him sleeping across the hall from her was going to wreak havoc on her. Even with his betrayal and the fact that she’d been on her own for the past six years, he got her heart fluttering like no other man she’d ever met.
She just hoped she was strong enough to resist him because she couldn’t allow him to break her heart again. More importantly, she had to protect Emma’s heart.
Chapter 16
Standing outside, Gabe looked back at the house, still unable to believe that he had a daughter. He had a daughter with Alex. All the feelings he’d pushed deep down when she’d left were bubbling back, and were boosted by the fact that she’d given him an amazing little daughter. A daughter he barely knew and who barely knew him. How had he not known? Why had he chosen the promise of stardom and fear of losing money over her?
Looking back on it, he regretted the moment he signed those papers, but he was fooling himself if he didn’t admit that he’d wanted the fame and stardom and money. He’d wanted all of that and hadn’t been willing to make the sacrifices he needed to make to keep her in
his life. He was a different man now and he would do what it took to make it right.
Grabbing his bags from the trunk, he slung the duffle over his shoulder and made his way back to the house. He opened the door and had the same reaction he had the first time. Comfort and relaxation. The whole house smelled just like her, citrus and a hint of vanilla. He made his way through the living room, looking at more pictures of the two of them together over the years. There were big smiles from both, surrounded by bubbles, playing on the lawn, out on vacation, at the beach, and in every one of them they were so happy. He wanted to be a part of that with them.
Her footsteps sounded across the floor above him and he made his way upstairs to the guest room. He’d been surprised when she suggested he stay in the guest room. From the way she was acting, she would much rather have him anywhere other than near her, but keeping low profile would be ideal until they figured out where everything stood.
Turning into the guest room, he bumped right into Alex, who was walking out with an arm full of sheets. He grabbed onto her arms to steady her and stop her from falling. She quickly pulled herself from his grasp and stood firmly.
“I needed to take off the old sheets. I hadn’t changed them since Jen stayed over last.”
“No problem. How is Jen?”
“She’s good, great actually. She just started working at a firm in LA. It’s a big entertainment law firm. She was working in New York for a while, but the office in LA asked if she’d be interested in the transfer and she said yes.”
“Glad to hear she’s doing so well,” Gabe said, placing his carry-on suitcase on the trunk at the bottom of the bed and his messenger bag on the desk against the wall.
“It was really sad for us to see her go and not have her so close anymore. It was easy for her to hop on the train and head down here for the weekend when she wasn’t completely swamped. But it was good to see her get some recognition. Maybe you’ll run into her in LA sometime,” she said, standing in the middle of the room.