He sent the message, wrestling with the things he really wanted to tell her.
Fuck it. He took a picture of the photograph in the hall and typed the caption, The dude on the left misses you.
That was fucking lame. They had never been sappy types.
He deleted the message, took a selfie, and sent it off with the caption Does this sweat make me look hot?
SERENA KICKED HER bare feet up on the coffee table in her new loft apartment Saturday evening and sank into the plush, teal-blue art-deco sofa as she video chatted with Chloe and Mira. She had given them a virtual tour and clued them in to some parts of last night’s extracurricular activities. Chloe had peppered her with questions, but luckily, Mira had demanded a PG summary. She had gotten away with saying, Being with Drake surpassed my wildest dreams and we didn’t even sleep together. It wasn’t like Serena wanted to share all the details of her and Drake’s incredible night, but she knew Chloe would have continued pushing had it not been for Mira.
“What on earth are you eating?” Serena squinted into the monitor.
“Sushi,” Chloe answered.
Mira wiped her mouth and said, “Chicken. Matt and Hagen grilled it with all sorts of veggies. It’s delicious. What are you eating, Serena?”
Serena held up a pint of her new favorite ice cream. “BJ’s. Kinky Pleasures!”
“I didn’t know Ben and Jerry’s had that flavor.” Chloe lifted her chin as if it would help her see inside Serena’s container. “Show it to me. What’s in it?”
Serena tilted the container toward the screen. “It’s not Ben and Jerry’s, and it’s full of pieces of chocolate, walnuts, cherries, and toffee. BJ’s ice cream serves only dirty flavors like Custardlingus and Obscene Orgasm. That one was white and creamy.” She snort-laughed, making the girls crack up. “This apartment building is insane. Everything I need is right downstairs, including my dinner.” She shoveled a scoop of ice cream into her mouth. “I might never leave the building.”
“I don’t think your boss would like that,” Mira said.
“You’re so responsible.” Serena’s phone vibrated, and Drake’s name appeared on the screen. Her stomach fluttered, as it had been doing every time he texted. Although he had yet to text anything about last night or about the card she’d left at his apartment. She read the text and said, “Hold on. I need to reply to this.”
“Is that Drake again?” Chloe pulled her sweater around her shoulders. She was sitting on her deck, talking to them by candlelight.
“Yes. A bunch of stuff was installed at the music shop today. He’s just catching me up, and he’s also asking questions about the people we interviewed. It sounds like they’re taking another look at the candidates I brought in,” Serena said as she replied to his text. She wanted to ask him what last night had meant, and she worried that maybe she’d been too honest with her feelings in the card. Drake, there was a time when I thought we might end up together. And then I let that thought go. But never fully. Even now, knowing how you feel about me and why you want to keep distance between us, I still can’t let it go. You’ll always be the first boy I fell in love with. I wonder, though, if you’ll also be the last.
It had felt like the right thing to say at the time. She drew in a deep breath and said, “Can I ask you guys something about dating?”
“Hold on. Let me get away from little ears.” Mira got up, carrying her phone.
“I know you mean me, Mom,” Hagen said as she passed him.
Mira bent and kissed his head. “Say hi to Auntie Serena.”
He looked up from the puzzle he was working on with Matt, and his normally serious blue eyes widened. “Hi! Do you like Boston? Did you go to the library yet? Are you eating ice cream? What flavor? I had ice cream after lunch.” Hagen loved libraries, museums, and basically any place where he could learn new facts. Matt and Mira were always taking him on educational outings.
“That’s a lot of questions, buddy,” Matt said to Hagen, then he turned his face toward the screen. “Hey, girls. How’s it going?”
“Hi, Hagen. Hi, Matt.” Serena waved. “I haven’t gotten to the library yet, Hagen, but I will report back when I do. And I am eating ice cream. It’s called—”
“Watch it!” Mira said.
“Yummylicious,” Chloe chimed in.
Matt shook his head with a stifled chuckle.
“On that note, I’m taking this call outside.” Mira held the phone closer as she went outside and whispered, “Eight-year-olds are like little spies. They collect intel and bring it out at the worst possible time. Just this morning he asked Matt if he remembered to stop by the girls’ shop and get new toys.”
Serena and Chloe howled with laughter. Desiree and Violet had first come to the Cape under the guise of their mother needing help due to her failing health. They’d been tricked into running their mother’s art gallery, Devi’s Discoveries, which was on the grounds of the inn. They’d later discovered an adult toy shop in the back of the gallery, which their mother had failed to mention owning. They ran that now, too.
Mira sat down on a deck chair. “Poor Matt had to run out and buy Hagen toys so he didn’t parrot it right back to everyone else.”
“I’m sorry,” Serena said, still laughing. “But that’s hilarious.”
Mira narrowed her eyes. “You just wait until you have children.”
“Not happening anytime soon for me,” Chloe said.
“Me either, but is it safe to ask you my question now?” Serena asked.
Chloe leaned forward, her hazel eyes wide with curiosity. “Ask me anything. I’m like a dating guru.”
“You are pickier than anyone I’ve ever met,” Serena reminded her. “That’s totally not true. You’re like a dating warning sign.”
Mira laughed. “Okay, okay, you two. Keep it PG, please. Drake is still my brother.”
“I know. Don’t worry. This isn’t about sex. I didn’t tell you guys this, but Drake and I almost kissed Wednesday night.”
“What?” Chloe snapped. “You withheld that from us?”
“Thank you,” Mira said.
“You’re welcome. There’s more. Thursday, a full day before Drake and I even kissed, he told me how he felt about me and all the reasons why we couldn’t be together. And his reasons made sense. I mean, sort of. The way he said it, I almost felt thankful that we had never hooked up. We talked about that almost kiss the summer of the duet, and he said we were in two different places, with him going off to college and me just starting high school. And he was right.”
“That’s really chivalrous of him,” Mira said, “considering most high school guys are out for sex.”
“It makes me wish I hadn’t threatened him back then,” Chloe said softly.
“You threatened him?” Serena and Mira asked in unison.
Chloe shrugged. “You’re my sister. He broke your heart. I wanted to punch him, but you know, that would have been like punching a brick wall, and I like my knuckles. So I threatened him instead.”
“God, you’re awesome. Thank you.” They had always had each other’s backs, but she’d never known her sister had gone that far on her behalf. “Anyway, he knew I was only filling in temporarily at the resort, and he didn’t want to put me in the position of us getting together and then giving up my dreams or being confused about where I was heading and what I was leaving behind.”
“He meant him, right? Leaving him behind or a relationship with him?” Mira asked. “I hadn’t realized full-on big-brother mode was that ingrained in him.”
“No, not big-brother mode,” Serena said. “Responsible-mode or protector-mode. He made it very clear that his feelings for me were not big brotherish at all. He said that he couldn’t be with me because it would be selfish, and that if we kissed he’d never be able to hold back.”
“Well, that didn’t stop him last night,” Mira pointed out.
“Yes, it did,” Serena said honestly. She’d felt his restraint. She’d been ready to go all th
e way, and he’d put on the brakes. He’d done it again. He’d protected her.
The man didn’t have a selfish bone in his body.
“Hello?” Chloe waved her hand.
Serena blinked several times to try to clear her thoughts. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“So what’s the problem? That he was right? He couldn’t hold back?” Chloe asked. “Because I’d say the man’s a god for going years without touching the woman he wanted. Especially since you guys were always together.”
“I know he is, and no, that’s not the problem. The problem is, I left each of the guys a card Friday afternoon thanking them for everything and telling them that I’d miss them. But since I thought Drake and I had no chance at being together and I was moving away, what I wrote in his was blatantly honest. I basically poured my heart out, and now I worry it was too much. That maybe it scared him off.”
“What did you write?” Mira asked.
“How I really feel about him. I held nothing back.” She wasn’t about to tell them what she’d written, but it played in her head like a recording stuck on repeat, just like that old Journey song Drake used to play all the time. The one she’d lived by. “Don’t Stop Believin’.”
“Well, has he said anything about being scared off?” Chloe asked, bringing her attention back to their conversation. “Has he pulled back? Because he’s texted you three times since we started this chat.”
“No. He hasn’t said or done anything like that, but if I got a card where he’d poured his heart out, I’d at least acknowledge it.”
“Maybe he’s embarrassed,” Chloe suggested.
“Ask him,” Mira added. “Or I can if you want? He promised Hagen he’d take him sailing tomorrow afternoon. I can ask him then.”
“No! Don’t, Mira. Please? That would be mortifying. We’ve only had a few hours together. We’re not even really dating. I don’t know what we are yet. The last thing I want is to make this seem like more—or less—than it is. Promise me you won’t even tell Matt. You know the guys talk. Matt might slip up and say something, and then they’ll all try to fix us or something.”
“Then that’s your answer,” Chloe said. “If you’re confused about it, chances are he is too. And if you poured your heart out, he’s probably figuring out how to handle it. Just give it some time.”
“I won’t say a word, Serena. Don’t worry. But Chloe’s right. I wouldn’t worry about it,” Mira said. “I love my brothers, but when it comes to women, they’re both a little thickheaded. Look how long it took Drake to finally give in to his feelings for you. He’s not going to back off because you like him too much.”
Serena sighed, feeling better. “You’re right. I’m overthinking. I’m so nervous about”—last night—“starting my new job, it’s making me overthink everything. Look.” She grabbed her notebook from the table and held up her lists, explaining each one as she turned the pages. “I made all these lists just since I finished unpacking. A grocery list, questions I want to ask Monday, clothes I want to remember to bring back next weekend, things I need to follow up on for the music store. I even made a list of suggestions for Justine at Shift to help streamline her processes.”
“You are a sick woman.” Chloe smirked. “If I were in a new city with no responsibilities for two days, I’d be out exploring, finding out which clubs are the hottest, where to get my morning coffee, where to hang out and get tan…”
And yet here I am, in a new city, wishing I were back at Bayside in the arms of a certain man.
Long after her conversation with the girls, when the streets were quiet and moonlight shimmered in the harbor, Serena lay in bed texting with Drake. She told him about her loft, which was efficient and cozy, though smaller than the cottage she rented at the Cape.
There’s a view of the harbor, she texted. It’s not spectacular, but at least I can see water.
His response came fast. Are there good locks on the doors? What’s the neighborhood like? Safe? Did you find the grocery store? Gas station?
She smiled at his typical guy questions as she texted. Yes to locks, and yes, it’s safe. I’ll go to the grocery store tomorrow. It’s only about twenty minutes away. I had ice cream for dinner.
He texted a scowling emoji. How will Supergirl survive without an all-night cookie bakery?
A better question would be how would she survive without seeing him except on weekends? Last night he’d opened a tap, and her emotions no longer eked out only to be swept away. They flowed like a river. But she had no idea where she and Drake stood, so she tried to keep those thoughts to herself and changed the subject. Did you eat cookies on my behalf for dinner?
Her eyes slid around the bedroom, thinking about how lame it was that she wasn’t asking what she really wanted to know. But she was nervous, and he was taking a long time to reply to her text, which made her even more worried. She tried to concentrate on how different the loft was from her cottage. She entered the cottage directly into the living room, and she had a real bedroom. She entered the loft between the laundry closet and galley kitchen on the left and the bathroom on the right. The bedroom had two entrances, one from the kitchen and the other from the living room. Neither had a door, and the bedroom walls stopped about a foot from the ceiling, allowing moonlight to stream in. It felt strange, but she thought that was probably normal, since it was new to her.
Her phone vibrated, and she read Drake’s text. No cookies. The only thing I want to eat is 100 miles away.
“Ohmygod!” She pressed the phone to her chest, eyes slammed shut, an unstoppable grin on her face. The card hadn’t changed his feelings.
Or had it? For the better, maybe?
She couldn’t live like this. She had to know what they were doing, where they stood.
She thumbed out a message before she could chicken out. You know I suck at not knowing where I stand with ANYTHING, so I have to ask…What are we doing? She pushed send and held her breath.
Every silent minute that passed felt like an hour. After five minutes, a fissure formed in her heart. She set her phone beside her pillow, contemplating backpedaling with an apology, or saying he didn’t need to answer. She closed her eyes, and her phone vibrated.
With her heart in her throat, she opened and read his text. Texting. You should get some rest. You’ll need your energy for grocery shopping.
A kissing emoji popped up, and then a sleeping emoji with the message, Good night Supergirl.
“What the fuck?” she seethed into the darkness. “You can’t practically start sexting and then go all big brother on me.” She started texting exactly that and suddenly realized what she was doing.
She was chasing.
Her mother chased.
Serena did not. Not even for him.
She set her phone on the nightstand and burrowed down deep in the blankets. A minute later, the first warm tears slid down her cheeks. As she drifted in and out of her thoughts, it was Drake’s handsome face that accompanied her, his rough voice threading through her mind: Nothing could ever delete tonight from my memory banks.
Except maybe a hundred miles…
Chapter Nine
DRAKE’S PHONE RANG at a little before two o’clock in the morning, and Serena’s name flashed on the screen. He felt bad for the way he’d left things with her, but he’d had to get his head on straight and make a decision once and for all before answering her question. He put the phone to his ear, and before he could get a word out, her panicked voice rang through.
“Drake! Someone’s banging on my door. What should I do?”
He clutched the phone tighter. “Slow down and look through your peephole.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’m so scared.”
“Breathe, Serena. What do you see?”
“Hold on.”
He listened to her hasty breathing through the phone, the frantic slide of the locks and chain, and then she was punching his chest, crying.
“You scared the shit out of me! You ba
stard! Why…?”
He dropped his bag inside the door and gathered her trembling body into his arms, closing the door behind him. He held her tight, kissing her tears away as she clung to him, gasping for air.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry. You asked what we were doing, and I had to say this to your face.” He drew back, cradling her face between his hands, her warm tears colliding with his thumbs like accusations. He’d driven like a bat outta hell to get there, and he was glad he had.
“What are we doing?” she demanded.
“What we should have done ages ago.” He lowered his lips to hers, and she smiled and cried against them, breaking his heart and then healing it again with the eagerness of her kisses.
He lifted her into his arms and opened his eyes long enough to navigate to the small bedroom. “I found your card this evening. It had slid behind the door. Thank you for never letting us go.” As he lowered her to the bed, he said, “Everyone needs one person they can count on. Someone who isn’t a lover or a parent. Someone who can watch out for them with nothing clouding their vision. I wanted to be that person for you.”
“Maybe I’m not like everyone else,” she said sweetly, confidently. “Because I want you, and you are that person for me.”
He kissed her again, slow and deep, feeling all the chained-up pieces of himself unshackling. “I was never a selfish man, but with you, I’m shamefully selfish,” he whispered, pressing tender kisses to her chin and cheek.
“Be selfish with me, Drake. I can handle it. I want to handle it.” Her gaze turned fierce, and she said, “But if you ever scare me like that again, I will not forgive you.”
He couldn’t suppress a chuckle. “Says the girl who was sleeping in my favorite beach shirt. When did you steal that?”
“If you’re good, maybe I’ll tell you,” she said lustily, and lifted the bottom of his shirt. “Off, please.”
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