by Ashlee Price
“I don’t feel bad about it, but in a way I wish I could have done more. So many people died for no reason. Do you know that they still don’t have a motive?”
“I didn’t. I’ve been staying away from the news.”
“I can’t stop watching it. I just want to know why.”
Tyler seemed frustrated, and I could tell that it was genuine. I felt the same way, and I felt helpless. I didn’t know why I’d been spared and so many others hadn’t, but I was happy that Tyler was one of the ones who’d been saved. It sounded like his quick thinking had saved more than one life.
“So even after the shooting, Ivy wouldn’t budge from under the cash register. The police had to coax her out.”
I could relate to that. I hadn’t wanted to leave the dressing room because that was where I felt the safest.
“But that was it. The cops came and we left.”
There was more to it, but it was clear that I wasn’t going to learn anything else just then. He was done with his story, and I didn’t want to press him for more. He’d said it all in a monotone voice, and although he liked to say that nothing had bothered him, it was clear that something had. It was hard to walk away from something like that and to feel nothing. I certainly felt things, guilt, fear and a myriad of other feelings. I just felt too much. It was all just too much, and for a moment I wished that I could just shut it off like he had.
“That’s quite a story. I’m glad that you two made it out of there okay.”
“Where were you, again?”
“I was changing into a dress when the shooting started.”
“A blue dress?”
Nodding my head, I asked him how he knew that.
“I saw you and I thought you were an angel. You didn’t have a spot on you, and you just walked through the chaos looking ahead.”
His description was nothing like how I would have described it. I’d felt like I was a shaking mess, and although it was all a blur now, I knew that there had been nothing majestic about me. I’d been terrified, and if the police officer hadn’t come to get me, I was sure I would still be in that changing room.
“It was quite a day, Tyler, and I’m glad that you shared that with me.”
“It was just another day, Doc. I try not to worry about things that I cannot change. I look forward to seeing him in court and picking him out. He’ll go to prison for the rest of his life, and I’ll be happy to help with that.”
The idea of having to come face to face with the man who had worn the boots was not something that I was looking forward to. It was the very last thing that I wanted to do.
“Well, then I’m glad that you were there and saw him. I only saw the man’s boots a couple of times. I wouldn’t be any good trying to identify him.”
Silence came over us. I knew that we were both deep in our own thoughts. How different the same experience had been for us. While he’d drawn strength from the experience, I was still nervous when I heard a loud sound. I’d been a doctor for years, and it still amazed me how differently two people could react to the same scenario. I wouldn’t say that it had ruined my life, but it had made my already fragile psyche a little more fragile.
“I find it rather odd that you’re my doctor and you were actually there. This must be some kind of coincidence.”
“Not at all. The police most likely talked to your family and gave them my number. Who did you say set up the appointment?”
“My mother was worried that it was going to emotionally scar me. I don’t know where she got your card from.”
“I work with the police department on a regular basis. Most of my clients have had traumatic experiences, so I’ve had several survivors sent my way.”
“I’m sure glad that it’s you. Here I was worried that it would be some stuffy man, but look at you.”
Chapter 3 – Tyler
The pretty blush was back on her face, and her eyes were avoiding me. Camilla looked at the clock, which I actually hadn’t noticed before. Here I was thinking that time was going to painfully drag on, but instead, it had flown by and I only had ten more minutes with her. Where had all of the time gone?
“Enough of that nonsense. What are you doing after this? We could go out and get a cup of coffee or something.”
It was a long shot, I knew, but the way that I was with women, I half expected her to agree. The doctor was like no one that I’d ever met before, but that was okay. I liked a challenge, and Camilla was a challenge. She did not respond the way most women did, and that just made me want to find out why. What was it about her that was so different? That made me stand up and take notice?
“I don’t date patients, Tyler, but I thank you for the offer. Why don’t we talk about something else, anything else? It doesn’t have to be about the mall shootings. I’m here to help you in any way that I can.”
“It would be helpful if you would go out with me.”
She just shook her head like it wasn’t going to happen, and unlike the coyness that I was used to from other girls, I believed her when she said no. It was clear to me that I was just going to have to work a bit harder on her first.
“Okay, so what would you like to talk about?”
“It doesn’t matter, Tyler. This is your session, so whatever is bothering you, or just anything that you want to talk about is fine.” I could tell that she wanted to say more, but didn’t.
“Well, there’s not much else to talk about. I’m stuck in a loveless marriage with Maya, and she’s been on me to come here as well.”
“You’re married?”
That came as a shock to her, and I kicked myself for saying anything. Maya was the only other problem that I could think of. Work was good, even if I worked way too much, but it was the deals that kept me going. Making money was my favorite thing to do, but I didn’t much think that she wanted to hear about that.
“Yes, for about five years. It will be five years soon.”
“That’s a long time to be married.”
“It’s especially long when you don’t want to be in it.”
“Have you tried working things out with your wife?”
“I have.”
“And what about your ‘friend’ Ivy? How does that fit into making things better with your wife?”
She had me there, but I didn’t want to talk about that. I didn’t want to admit that in spite of the fact that I hated my father for cheating on my mother and treating women like they were disposable, I’d ended up just like him. It was a hard fact to realize, and it wasn’t one that I wanted her to know about.
“It doesn’t. Ivy keeps me sane. She isn’t the only one, but I see her more than the rest.”
“The rest?”
I sighed to myself and realized that again I’d said too much. What was it about Camilla that made me want to bare my soul to her? She would have my whole life story in an hour if I didn’t pay more attention.
“Well, there are a few more that I see on occasion. I find it hard to stick with one woman.”
“That’s usually taken care of when you get married, Tyler, but I’m not here to judge.”
I could tell that she was doing that very thing by the way she looked at me. It looked to me like she was thinking I was the lowest form of scum on the earth, and I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much. Why was I so worried about what this doctor thought about me?
“I had to do something. We haven’t had sex in months, and I have needs.”
My need was showing in my face, and the way she looked away, I was sure that Camilla could feel it. She was a very curious woman, but it seemed like she was actually upset with me and my philandering ways.
“Do you have a husband? I didn’t see a ring, but you know how people are nowadays.”
“No, I’m not married.”
“Divorced?”
She shook her head again and smiled. “Never even got close.”
“Why is that? You’re beautiful, Doc, and I can’t see why anyone that was with yo
u wouldn’t want to marry you.”
What the hell was I saying? Marry her? It was something I’d never even thought of, but what I said was true. I couldn’t see any man getting a woman like her and not trying to lock it down for good. She was marriage material.
“I don’t really feel comfortable talking to you about my love life, Tyler. It would be unseemly at best.”
“Come on. I just poured my heart out to you and you won’t give me anything?”
I hadn’t, of course, but I would have said anything to have changed her mind about it. I wanted to know more about her, and as I looked at the clock, I realized that I didn’t have much time left to do it. I also knew then that I was going to be back. It wasn’t because I was trying to placate the women in my life; it was more because I wanted to make Camilla one of them.
“I’m not married.”
“Are you dating anyone?”
It was her turn to look at the clock, and I didn’t like the way she did. It was obvious that this conversation was making her uncomfortable, but I didn’t back down. I was going to wait her out if I had to. It didn’t really matter if she was with someone or not. It didn’t matter to me at all who she had in her life. I was going to have her, one way or another.
“I was dating someone, but I don’t think that I am anymore.”
The buzzer went off, and she silenced it with a touch of a button. “Well, that’s all for today’s session, Tyler. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I told her that it wasn’t, but I didn’t get up to leave. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t finished, and the many meetings that I had to go to didn’t matter. I wanted to stay there with her for a while longer.
“No, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. And that’s because of you.”
She smiled and stood up, signaling that whether I was done or not, she was. The doctor had another client waiting, of course, but I was tempted to offer her a large amount of money to tell him to go away. If she thought that I really needed the help, I knew she would ask me to stay, but Camilla didn’t seem like the type who could be persuaded by money. I kind of liked that about her.
“Well, thank you for seeing me, Doc. It was a lot easier to talk to you than I thought it would be.”
“I’m glad for that. Will I see you again?”
Nodding my head, I told her that she would. There was no mention of how busy I was or anything else. All she had to do was give me a time and I was going to make sure to be there. I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to see her again.
“Here’s an appointment card. Just give it to Denise in the front and she’ll take care of you.”
I wanted her to take care of me, but it was just Camilla’s nice way of saying it was time to go. It was crazy how badly I wanted to stay. What had the woman done to me?
“Thanks, Doc. I’ll see you next week.”
Going out of the office, I did as she asked, talking to the redhead who’d greeted me when I first came in. She was still pretty, but her painted beauty was nothing to the natural charm of Camilla. I was lost for the first time ever, and it was only when my phone rang that I realized I was just standing outside of the building. Looking at the number that came across it, I groaned inwardly and turned it off. I was not in the mood to speak to my loving wife at the moment. She was just going to have to wait.
Part 3: Maya
Maya is in a loveless marriage to billionaire playboy Tyler Hudson. They’ve been married for years, and after so long without the attention and affection she needs, Maya is ready to look outside of the marriage. She knows it’s wrong, but there’s nothing else she can do. Instead of waiting in vain for Tyler to realize what he has, Maya finds a man who loves her. She finds what she needs with Dylan.
Dylan James runs a local restaurant. Maya is slow to give him her number when they meet on a train, but once they starting seeing each other, everything changes. Maya starts to think that it wasn’t her who ruined the marriage. She is still desirable, a fact that Dylan is eager to show her. When the moment comes upon them, the moment of truth, Maya has to decide if she’s ready to throw it all away on a chance.
Chapter 1 – Maya
I let the phone ring, waiting for it to go to voice mail, but I was surprised when it instead just stopped ringing. He’d turned the phone off so that I wouldn’t keep calling. It was rather unfair how my husband treated me, but I was used to it. What had started as fate had become pain and eventually indifference. I was getting to the point that instead of fretting about it I turned my phone off as well. There was no point in me feeling guilty. It wasn’t like Tyler cared, anyway.
So I went through the rest of the day and tried my best to pretend that I didn’t care. I felt a little better every time I swiped Tyler’s credit card. I bought myself shoes and enough dresses for every day for a month. Then I went to the lingerie shop and bought something naughty. When I thought about who it was for, it made me feel even worse. Or better, I couldn’t really decide.
“You’re going to clean him out, Maya.”
Candace was always on me about how much I spent, but it didn’t matter. Ever since I’d seen in the news who my husband was with at the time of the shooting, it had been no holds barred for my shopping addiction. I was en route to make us square on all accounts. I just had to get the nerve up to do it.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“I am, I just was thinking about something.”
“Well, you’re the one who invited me out for lunch, so don’t be rude.”
I apologized to her. I was being a crappy friend and I knew it. It was just so hard to focus with everything that was going on. “I know I’m being an ass. You just have to tell me once in a while, that’s all. What are you up to today?”
She gave me a dirty look, and I had a feeling that she’d already told me and I just hadn’t heard her.
“Me and Richard are going out, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Do you have something to wear?”
It was that look again. I could just tell that I was batting a thousand. When was I going to learn that I needed to keep my mouth shut sometimes?
“Well, I was just asking because I feel bad and I have all of these extra pretty dresses. You should pick one out, or we can go somewhere and find you something. It’s all on Tyler, so don’t worry about the cost.”
Shaking her head, she just looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“What did he do?”
“What do you mean, Candace?”
“I mean, what did he do to make you so upset with him? I know that he has more money than God, but you’re trying your best to spend it all. I remember you telling me before that the only place he hurt was in his wallet. So I have to think that he’s done something to piss you off this badly.”
I wanted to tell her, but at the same time I didn’t want anyone to know. I liked keeping up appearances, and even with all of the turmoil inside that I wanted to unleash, I was more interested in making sure that it looked like everything was okay. It wasn’t, but I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my best friend. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit out loud that my sham marriage was over.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He just told me to get what I wanted, so I am. He’s working a lot lately, so I guess I’m buying stuff more often now. It just makes me feel better.”
Candace looked skeptical, but I wasn’t going to tell her that she was right or wrong. Instead I took a bite of the salad in front of me and wished again that I’d ordered the fish.
“Is it so bad that you can’t tell me?”
Our eyes met and I just agreed with her. It wasn’t hard to imagine what he’d done. There were only so many things that a man could do, and she knew that Tyler wasn’t the type to ever put his hands on me. He was too gentle for that, but what he did do could be worse. I would rather have had him yelling at me than just ignoring me like I didn’t exist.
“Is he cheating on you?”
That jus
t got a look down at my plate. Was it that obvious? And if it was that obvious, why had it taken so long for me to figure it out? I felt like the ultimate idiot, the one who didn’t know which way was up.
“I knew it. He was just too handsome and too rich. I know that you wanted this life, but I just worried that it would come to this.”
Groaning inwardly, I had to wonder if she realized how she sounded. It was apparent that she didn’t get it at all because she just kept talking about it, like I didn’t know what kind of a man he was and what he’d done to me. I was too aware of it for my own liking. I would have given anything to have the husband that I thought I was marrying. I still didn’t even know why he’d said ‘I do’ to begin with. With Tyler, there was most likely a deal involved.
“He was my decision, and I’m just going to have to deal with it.”
Candace looked like I felt. She told me what any good friend would tell me, that I was better than this and that I deserved a man who really loved me. It was all true, but it didn’t have as much weight when I thought about how unclean my own hands were. After all of this time, almost five years come next weekend, I was ready to live again. If that meant without my husband or behind his back, so be it.
“Don’t feel bad for me, Candace. I’ll get what I need.”
I left it at that and left her to read between the lines. I was a big girl and I wasn’t going to let it get me down anymore. I was going to do what I wanted and get what I deserved. It was just that simple. Tyler had taught me many things, and if nothing else, I’d learned to endure and be more determined than I ever was before.
“Just be careful, Maya. You’re playing with fire.”
“I’ve already been burned, so I guess I’m just not as cautious anymore.”
“I mean, don’t do anything that you’re going to regret to get back at him. You’re the one who’s going to have to live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day. That’s all I’m saying.”
All she was saying… that was a whole lot. It made me think about Dylan and the date that he’d asked me out on. It was the reason that I was buying a dress – or, as it turned out, dresses – and even though it pained me, I knew that she was right. Was I going to be able to look myself in the eye the next morning if I went through with it? Was that where my real happiness was going to be found?