by Ashlee Price
Chapter 1 – Camilla
“Are you okay, Doctor?”
“Huh? Yes, Dylan, I’m fine. Thank you for asking. We’re talking about you, though. You were telling me about a woman that you’ve started seeing? This is a big step for you.”
“I can tell that you’re thinking of something else. We don’t have to do this today if you’re sidetracked.”
He was ever so sweet, and I kind of nodded my head that I was fine. I was letting everything get to me, and I shouldn’t. My clients shouldn’t know that I was bothered. They paid for my undivided attention, but that was hard to give at the moment. When I was thinking about Zane, it was hard to concentrate. We had a meeting later in the afternoon and I was afraid of what was going to happen. I’d always known that he was delicate with his emotions, and now that I’d found out that he was taking things too far, I didn’t know how I was supposed to bring it up to him.
“You go ahead. I’m listening. Really, I am. I want to hear about this woman who’s changed your mind about love.”
Dylan smiled and sat back in the seat. Like many of the men who came to see me, Dylan hardly ever relaxed enough to really lie back, and I was happy to see that he was feeling comfortable with me now. It was what I strived for, and even if my mind was mush, I was glad that I could offer some comfort to another.
“Well, I told you that I was on that dating site.”
I nodded my head, trying to encourage him to say more. He had told me quite a bit about his love life since he started seeing me. In almost two years, it was only rather recently that he was even thinking about getting a girlfriend. Dylan had decided that he was feeling alone and he was ready to get back out there. It was a huge step that he had finally gone out on a date. I felt remiss that I didn’t know that he was falling for someone. It felt like something that I should have known.
“So tell me about her?”
“She’s perfect! Well, not perfect, but she’s perfect for me. I’ve never met anyone quite like Maya, but it isn’t all that it’s supposed to be.”
“It never is, is it?”
“No, it isn’t. She’s not really single.”
That had me sitting up in my chair. I wondered what he meant by that. The name sounded familiar to me, but I pushed those thoughts away and asked him what he meant about her not being completely single.
I could tell by his face that it wasn’t something that he wanted to talk about. I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to talk about it either, but it felt like the time to press. If he couldn’t say it out loud, that most likely meant that he hadn’t explained it to himself yet either. He needed to come to grips with loving a woman that it sounded like he couldn’t have.
“Well, she’s married.”
I stopped writing notes and met his dark gaze. “Oh.” I didn’t see that one coming. Dylan had lost his wife a couple of years back, and I knew how he felt about the sanctity of marriage. The idea that he would disregard it was hard to fathom. Who had changed his mind so completely?
“I can tell that you don’t approve.”
He was right, but when I thought about it, I wasn’t one to say anything about who was with whom. When it came down to it, I was doing something morally wrong as well. While Zane wasn’t married, he was a patient, and I knew better.
“There is no judgment here, Dylan. I’m just surprised, is all. I know how you feel about marriage.”
Dylan put his hand up to his forehead and sighed loudly. “Yeah, I know. It isn’t a position that I thought I would ever find myself in, but I love Maya and I know that we were meant to be together. It sounds cliché, I know, but it’s honestly the way I feel about it. I don’t want to go back to how it was before I found her. Everything is brighter now.”
He sounded like he was head over heels in love. The woman’s name kept bugging me, and I was trying hard to remember where I’d heard it from. The connection was gone from my mind, but I was sure that I would figure it out eventually.
“So tell me more about Maya. What makes her the one?”
The smile was back on his face, and while there may not have been any judgment, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. I’d never had a man look at me in the way that Dylan did when he thought of Maya. Whoever she was, she was a very special woman to him, and I wished for once that I’d found the one as well. It sounded like it was a childish thing, but there was still the hopeless romantic side of me that wanted that kind of love.
“I don’t know how to describe her. She just… makes me feel alive.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Yes, she has the blondest hair that I’ve ever seen, bright eyes and this laugh that melts me inside.”
He looked to me to see if I was paying attention and whether he had gone too far. I wouldn’t have thought so, but it was clear that he was in love with this married woman. As his doctor, though, I worried about what would happen if it didn’t work out the way he wanted. Would he be able to deal with losing her? Dylan was doing well, but after the death of his wife, he had many obstacles to go through just to make it through the day. It was the wrong time to be getting his heart broken, and I worried for him.
“She’s married, though. Does that worry you?”
Dylan shrugged, but I could tell that he was worried about it. How could he not be? If he was so in love with this woman, the idea of her taking off must be at the forefront of his mind. I’d dated a married man before, and I would never do it again. It was not the moral aspects, although that did bother me – it was the practical ones.
When a married man was with another person, it was because he was unhappy. But it wasn’t to say that the new love would be enough. If one person wasn’t enough, I didn’t see how adding another person into the mix was going to help anything. It just didn’t make any sense to me, and I hoped that Dylan could see the truth and reality of what was most likely going to happen.
“I know that she’s married, but it’s different. She loves me and I love her. That’s more than enough. I know that Maya and me are going to be together. She’s going to leave her rich husband and marry me.”
I nodded my head like I agreed, but I think we both knew that it was most likely not going to happen. He was in love with a woman who was already taken. I knew the feeling well, and my heart went out to him. I wished there was a way to cushion the blow when it came. Dylan had been through enough.
Chapter 2 – Dylan
I could tell that the Doc was getting to something that I didn’t want to talk about. I didn’t want to even think about what was going to happen in the future. Maya had talked a little bit about leaving her husband, and I knew that she wasn’t happy, but there was something holding her there. Camilla’s questions just made it come back to my mind. What would I do if she never left her husband? Could I really be okay sharing her?
“Dylan? Did I lose you?”
“No, I was just thinking.”
The Doc was quiet for a moment, and I knew that she was thinking about the same thing I was. I’d gotten myself into a mess, no one would argue that, but I was happier than I’d been in a long time. I wasn’t ready to give that up, no matter if it was the right thing to do or not. It felt like it was the right thing to do, whether or not it actually was. How could something that felt so right be wrong?
“Do you think about what it’s like for her husband?”
“No, not even in the slightest. He sleeps around on her, has for years from what Maya told me, and it seems only fair that she does the same.”
“Are you the only one?”
It was another question that I had in the back of my mind but hadn’t really answered. I didn’t want to think about it. While I wanted to think I was the only one, I knew that there was just as much of a chance that I wasn’t. I wanted to think that she was in love with me like I was with her. The other night in her arms seemed to cement it for me, but what if I was wrong? What if I was just thinking what I wanted to think, and instead of her seeing it the sam
e way, maybe I was the fool in all of this?
Shaking my head, I told her that I didn’t want to talk about Maya anymore, and Camilla immediately went to something else. She was good at telling when I’d had enough, and this was one of those moments. What she was bringing up made my head hurt.
“We can talk about anything you want, Dylan. It’s your time.”
“I don’t know what there is to talk about besides Maya. She’s all that I think about and all that I dream about at night.”
She looked concerned, and I was sure that if I was the one hearing what I was saying from someone else, I would feel the same way. But Maya was different. This wasn’t going to be like other situations. She really did love me and I knew that one way or another, we were going to be together. I just had to convince her to leave the husband that she didn’t love anyway.
“It sounds like you’re obsessing.”
“No… I don’t know, maybe. I’m not sitting outside her house at night. I don’t even know who her husband is, but I think that if I did, I might confront him.”
“What would you say to him?”
I wasn’t sure about that, but I did know what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him to let her go so that I could have her and we could be happy. It would most likely not go well, but that was what I saw happening in my head.
“I would tell him that I love Maya and I want to make her happy. They are both unhappy, and it just makes sense to let it go.”
“Marriage is usually more complicated than that.”
“I know. I’ve been there.”
“Do you feel the same for Maya as you did for your wife?”
She said it like it was wrong to think that way, but there were some differences. This time around I wasn’t going to let the good go without a fight. I’d just given up before when she had gotten sick. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. I was going to hold on to Maya until I was sure that she was going to be mine for good.
“No, it’s different.”
I didn’t know how it was different, but it was. I was getting uncomfortable even thinking about my wife, like I was somehow cheating on her. The whole conversation was working on my nerves, and I cut it short by about ten minutes.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Dylan.”
“You didn’t. It’s just been a long day, and I’ve got a lot to do. I’ll see you next week.”
She smiled at me, but it held a bit of sadness. I didn’t want her to pity me. I wanted her to be happy for me. I wanted someone to be happy for me and Maya. There was no one else to tell, though, and I was underwhelmed with the way she reacted. She was supposed to be on my side.
Getting out of the office, I decided to walk down to get a coffee before getting in my car and going home. I couldn’t see Maya tonight because she had something to do with her husband. I tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to wonder how much they were still married. Jealousy was swift and almost overtaking of everything else. I didn’t even want to know. Soon she would leave him and I would have her all to myself.
The caffeine didn’t help much, but as I made my way back to Camilla’s office to get my car, I noticed a man that I recognized from somewhere. He had come into the restaurant, I was sure of it, but there was something else.
He looked up and said hello. The man’s name still escaped me.
“Nice day.”
I nodded that it was and watched him walk in. It hadn’t been long since I left, maybe ten minutes, and I had to figure that he was there to see Camilla too. Maybe that’s where I’d seen him. It didn’t matter. I got into my car, telling myself not to obsess about details. There was a lot to do, and even though I was going to be without Maya, I still had to get it all done. Camilla had given me a lot to think about. She always did, and that was why I still came to see her long after the pain of losing my wife was gone.
I turned my phone back on and saw that I had several messages. I was more than a little surprised to see that a couple of them were from Maya. I wanted to call her back, but I was afraid that she was with her husband. I wanted her to leave him, but I didn’t want to be the reason. Maya needed to leave her husband because she wanted to, not because I made her.
I almost jumped when the phone went off in my hands. I’d been staring at it so intently that I was genuinely spooked to feel the vibration. It was Maya.
Chapter 3 – Camilla
“It’s good to see you, Tyler. I’m running a few minutes early today. Can you imagine?”
He sat down on the side of the couch and sighed deeply. He was having a long day, and I knew that my day was about to get longer. I still had the dread of seeing Zane and what was going to happen there. It was better for me to fall face-first into another person’s problems. Then I wouldn’t have to think of how impossible my own were. That was how it was feeling, and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next.
“Not really. I don’t think that I’ve run ahead of schedule in years, possibly before college.”
“Well, today is one of those days, so you have a little more time if you need it. You seem stressed. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I want to get something to eat. I missed breakfast and it’s almost lunchtime. What do you say, Doc? Do you want to get some lunch with me? We can call it a working lunch and one of us can use the tax break. I’m buying.”
It wasn’t the first time that he had invited me out. I’d said no before, but today I was feeling a little cooped up myself. I knew that it was against some rules somewhere, but I didn’t much care. It was just a lunch, and like Tyler said, it was a working lunch.
“Okay, but the session goes on.”
He agreed, making a joke about how I was all work and no play. If only he knew how wrong he was about that. I was sure that I’d been having a bit too much fun as of late. It wasn’t my fault. Zane had come out of nowhere, and now he was a bigger part of my life than I would have imagined possible.
I walked out to the parking garage with Tyler and waited for him to open the door of his sleek black car. It fit the man, or the man I’d gotten to know over the course of the last couple of months. I was afraid he had helped me more than I’d helped him. Tyler seemed to deal with it all better than I did, and I wanted more than anything to get over it like he had. It wasn’t a ruse, either. The man just pushed it out of his mind. I was still trying to perfect the technique.
“You don’t look like you’re much into talking today.”
Admonishing myself for getting distracted again, I sighed and shrugged my shoulders a little bit. “Just been a long day.”
“It isn’t even noon yet.”
Smiling, I looked out the window. “I know.”
“Ouch, that bad?”
“Not really, more my own drama to deal with.”
“So if everyone goes to the Doc for advice and a listening ear, where does she go?”
It was a legitimate question, and the truth was that there wasn’t anyone that I could talk to. Not really. I had friends and colleagues, but with what I was doing as of late, there was no one that I could tell. They wouldn’t approve. I wanted badly to have someone like me to talk to. It wouldn’t be wise – I could never talk to a professional about my issues – but it was a wish nonetheless.
“The Doc doesn’t have to talk about anything. I don’t have that interesting of a life.”
He grinned and made my heart melt a little with his boyish charm. “Why do I find that hard to believe? What’s on your mind, Doc? I won’t even charge you.”
Shaking my head, I told him that I couldn’t afford him. He reminded me that it was pro bono.
“I’m supposed to be helping you.”
“You have. You keep the family off my back and at bay.”
That wasn’t much of a compliment, but I tried not to take it personally. “Is that all?”
“Of course not.”
I giggled. It felt good to not be cooped up in the office with another patient wanting to tell me
about their bad day. It was my job, but it was not something that I was looking forward to when I was feeling so dark inside myself.
“Fine, I’ll tell you if you tell me what had that frown on your face and you running out of the office so quickly today.”
The smile was gone, and mine was as well. Tyler did have something on his mind. Whether he wanted to admit it or not was another story. I wasn’t expecting him to burst out with it, though I had a feeling that he wanted to the whole time. Maybe he felt the same way about it all, and I liked the idea that he was happy to talk to me about it.
“My wife is cheating. I can’t be sure, but I’m almost positive that she is.”
My face changed because I hadn’t seen that coming. While it was true that he had not been the most faithful to his wife, I knew that he cared about her in some way. It wasn’t so clear most of the time, but moments like this, I had to wonder what he truly felt. If he didn’t care, it didn’t make sense that he was so upset by it.
“How do you feel about it?”
Tyler smiled in a way that didn’t show happiness, but some kind of bitterness that I hadn’t seen before.
“I guess I don’t feel anything about Maya seeing another man. I know that I should, but I don’t.”
We stayed quiet for a time, both of us thinking about what was on our minds.
“So what has you with the long face?”
I wasn’t going to tell him, not really tell him, but then his wife’s name made it all come together. I think I told him my issue to even out the score somehow. I knew who his wife was cheating on him with, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I could, though, give him a bit of my drama to make him feel a little bit better, or at least oblivious to his own grief.
“Well, I started sleeping with one of my patients and I think that he’s starting to stalk me.”