by Ashlee Price
“Can I buy you a drink?”
I looked up to see the man who had been giving me the eye. When I saw Carol, she was talking to another guy. Her interests had changed so quickly! Why couldn’t Zane get sick of me in the same way? It would make my life so much easier if he fell for another woman and didn’t think that we were meant to be together.
Carol came back after a time and I rebuffed a few more guys. My polite ‘no thank you’ was not taken the best way a couple of times, but I was used to the anger that could result. I knew that it was just a way for them to displace the rejection, but I was tired and ready to go home. When she told me that she was staying with Thomas, I just kind of gave her a look. Who was I to judge, right?
“If you’re sure you’re going to be okay, I’m going to head on home.”
“You aren’t going to stay and dance?”
Shaking my head, I told her that I was tired and I had a long day ahead of me.
“Okay, Camilla, but we’re going to talk about what’s going on with you tomorrow.”
“Fine, and then you can tell me how it goes with Tom.”
She had the decency to blush and the confidence to not disagree with what I said. We both knew what she was going to be doing tonight, but for the first time in a long time, I did not feel an ounce of envy for her. I’d had enough of romance for a while.
***
“You look distracted today, Doc.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me that?”
“Because you are. What’s on your mind?”
“That’s what I just asked you.”
“And I told you, but I would bet you another lunch that you don’t even remember what I said less than five minutes ago. If I were less of a man, I would get a little irritated that I couldn’t keep your attention.”
“You can’t have everyone’s attention.”
“No, but the one that I pay a couple hundred an hour for, I think I should.”
His tone wasn’t snippy, but his comment got me back to reality. “I’m sorry, Tyler. I don’t know where my mind is lately. I’m listening. Please tell me again, and this time I promise that you’ll have my full attention.”
“I would have thought that I was more memorable than that, Doc. I’ve never had a complaint before.”
“Well, I’m sure that if you did get one, you wouldn’t hear it that way.”
I didn’t know why I was mentally sparring with Tyler. He was the wrong one to do it with, and more than that, he was one of the patients that I actually liked to see. What was wrong with me? Why was I pushing him away? I knew I was doing it as I was doing it, and it bothered me that I couldn’t seem to stop.
“You’re right, Doc. If I did hear it, I wouldn’t really hear it. I’m working on hearing what’s said and not what I want. You’ve made me think of what I’m doing more. But something is on your mind, and you’re no good to me this way. What’s going on with you lately? The last couple of weeks you’ve been different. You know that you can talk to me, right?”
I wished that it was true. Sometimes I felt like I had no one to talk to and I was just going deeper and deeper into trouble with Zane. I was in way over my head, but I wasn’t sure what I could do to fix the situation. Talking about it didn’t seem to be the answer.
“I don’t think that talking about it is going to help much.”
“That’s pretty rich coming from someone who does what you do for a living.”
He had me there, and I pressed my lips together to stop myself from saying something that I was going to regret. I wanted to tell him that it was different. I was there to help them see what they already knew. Me, I had no clue how to handle this situation.
“Maybe some things are just too big.”
He shook his head. “Nothing is too big.”
I didn’t agree with him. It was easy to say that when he didn’t know what I was going through. I was sure if he knew, he wouldn’t look at me the same, but at least he wouldn’t think that it was no big deal. My problem was not something that could be talked through.
“This is too big, Tyler, even for someone like me.”
Chapter 2 – Tyler
“Try me.”
She was looking distraught, and I don’t know why, but there was an urge inside of me to go to her, hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That’s what she needed, by the looks of things. She just needed someone to hear her out and help her see that everything wasn’t as bad as it felt. I wanted to be that person for her, although I couldn’t remember a time that I’d wanted to do that for anyone else.
“I couldn’t, really, Tyler.”
“It’s my hour. That’s what you’re always telling me, and I’m more than willing to give it up. I want to hear how you’re doing, Camilla.”
I’d never called her by her first name before and it felt a little strange. I liked that it was more intimate, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
The title that I gave her seemed to help her to open up. No longer was I her patient, I was her friend. That was what I wanted. Well, I wanted to be more than her friend, but I would settle for less to get in the door. It wasn’t the first time that I’d thought of Camilla in more than a doctor sort of way. She was too beautiful to be just that to me.
“Okay, Tyler. I’m going to tell you something that I haven’t ever told anyone.”
“Are you talking about that patient that you were seeing?”
Her face screwed up like she’d forgotten that she’d told me about it. “Yeah, it’s about him.”
“So did you break up with him? When we were talking in the car, you told me about him stalking you.”
“Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure, or I wasn’t then.”
“And now you are.”
Camilla nodded and put her head down. I didn’t know if it was because she couldn’t meet my gaze, but I had a feeling that it was about more than what she was saying.
“Yes, he’s stalking me, watching me right now, most likely. It’s really creeping me out.”
“So why don’t you just break up with him? I thought that was what you were planning on doing?”
That was when I finally saw the woman break in front of me. She was usually so strong, helping everyone else, but now she needed some help of her own. Camilla looked like she was going to lose it if someone didn’t help her soon. I couldn’t turn away from her, and for the first time ever, I didn’t want to. Instead of running far away when I saw a woman start to cry, I moved to her and leaned down to hug her. It wasn’t proper, but it was the right thing to do at the moment.
“It’s going to be okay, Camilla. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“He won’t let me go. I tried to tell him that it’s best that we go our separate ways.”
“Then what happened?”
“He just told me that it wasn’t like that and I didn’t have a choice. He said that I was his and if I tried to break up with him or change anything, then he was going to out me.”
“Out you?”
“I can lose my license for having a sexual relationship with a patient. It’s frowned upon… God, I can’t believe that I’m telling you all of this.”
She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but I stopped her and did it myself. I didn’t want the moment to go away. It was the moment that I’d been waiting for. Now it was here, and before I could stop myself, I was pulling her towards me and holding her in my arms. She felt like she was supposed to be there the whole time, and there was nothing that I could do to take that feeling away. I’d always known that there was something different, special, about her, but it was then that I really felt it. The first kiss brought not only a symphony in my ear, but pleasure to my lips.
Camilla moaned into my mouth before I swallowed up the sound and her body melted against me. I lifted her arms up to wrap around my neck and then she used the hold on me to push her body alongside mine. It felt good. She felt good, maybe too good.
&nbs
p; I felt her small hands pushing against my chest, and though I didn’t want to stop, I did. It occurred to me what I was doing, but I didn’t want to stop. If she would just have given me a sign that I could keep going, I would have.
“Tyler, I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. I just thought that you needed a kiss.”
“Was that the only reason that you kissed me? Because I needed it?”
“No, I kissed you because I’ve wanted to do that for a while. I’m sorry that I did it then. I could have picked a better time, but there’s no time like now.”
She didn’t answer me, but sat back down in her chair, while I made my way to the other side of the room. I had a feeling that I’d taken it too far, but I wasn’t going to regret it. Not one bit. Nothing that got her into my arms was ever going to be regretted.
“We can’t do that again, Tyler. I have enough to worry about without getting involved in another can of worms.”
“You’re looking at this all the wrong way. I wouldn’t be like that.”
“I know, Tyler, but I just can’t. Thank you for listening to me, but I have to figure this out myself.”
“I worry about you, Camilla. You’re not as tough as you like to pretend.”
She looked off, a bittersweet smile on her face. “I know. I try to be, but ever since that shooting, I’m starting to realize that I’m not as strong as I want to be. I wish that I could just brush everything to the side like you do. I just don’t have it in me, I don’t think.”
“You don’t want to be like me, Camilla. I wish I could feel more. Most of the time I think I’m the one who’s wrong and everyone else is how it’s supposed to be. I would give anything to be a little more normal.”
She shook her head, not sure what I meant. I never talked about my sense of inadequacy with anyone, never wanted to show my vulnerability, but with Camilla it was different. I knew that she wasn’t going to judge me, and I needed that more than good advice. I wanted to give that to her as well, because it was a wonderful gift.
Chapter 3 – Dylan
I made my way to the doctor’s office. I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to say to her. The last time I’d seen her, all she’d got me thinking about was what was going to happen to me and Maya. I didn’t like the thoughts that she brought up in my mind. I’d let it get to me, and I’d taken it out on Maya. It had done me good, though, and I’d gotten a lot off of my chest. I think it also changed the way that Maya looked at me. She was starting to really understand that I wasn’t prepared to share her anymore. I was ready for it to be just us.
That night, after I talked to her and told her what I was really feeling, Maya had come by later. She’d stayed long enough for us to both get the pleasure of each other, and then she stayed the night. It was the first time that I’d gotten to hold her in my arms all night and not have to worry about her husband in the morning. Maya hadn’t mentioned him, and that was just as well for me.
I wanted to tell someone the good news, and I knew that it was Camilla that I wanted to tell. In a way it was because she’d told me that it was one way and now that I knew it wasn’t, I wanted her to see it as I did, for what it truly was. We were in love, and although we hadn’t met in the most ideal way, there was sweetness to our meeting. It was going to be a good story to tell our grandchildren one day.
“Hey, Dylan. It’s good to see you here.”
I walked into her office and took a seat across from her desk. She sat back down, and the smile was genuine. She was happy to see me, and even though she was wrong about me and Maya, I knew that she was going to be happy for me. Camilla was always rooting me on, and she was one of the only people in the city that I knew was on my side.
“It’s good to be here, Dr. Camilla.”
“After last week’s tension, I was afraid I might not see you again.”
“I’ve been coming here for so long it’s really like habit nowadays.”
She smiled back at me, but I could tell that she had something on her mind. Her eyes weren’t as clear as they usually were, and the attention was still not there. The doctor had something else to think of, and I wanted to pull her back in. I was going to tell her the news that was literally ready to burst out of me. The longer I sat there, the more excited I was to tell her.
“So I saw Maya several times last week.”
“Maya, yes, the woman that you met from the online site, right?”
I shook my head and told her that Maya was the one.
“You warned me not to get my hopes up because she was married.”
She looked confused, and then I saw something else in her eyes. “Yes, well, I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I was not meaning that it can’t work because she’s married. So how did your meetings go?”
“They went well.” She seemed to have a completely different outlook on it today. Where was the doctor that was warning me about it so much the week before? What had changed? Or did she just see how much it meant to me and was as hopeful as I was?
“It went great, actually. After our talk last week, I had a lot of stuff on my mind. It was hard for me to think about her with her husband, and I wanted to know if she was ever going to leave him. I found myself saying more than I’d originally planned to.”
“And?” She encouraged me to go forward. The interest was back. I wasn’t just there to give her my sob story. I wanted her to hear some good news as well. My life was changing in such exciting ways. I was in love.
“Well, I told her that I didn’t want to share her anymore, and I told her how much I cared for her.”
“Good for you, Dylan. That’s good that you’re becoming so open with how you feel. How did she take it?”
The doctor was nervous, and I wanted to prolong it a little bit more. I wanted her to know that it was okay, but I liked the idea of making her sweat a little.
“Well, I don’t know. It was weird to say it all out loud, but I think it worked out, because she ditched her husband for me.”
“Oh?”
Now she was surprised, and that made me smile.
“What, are you surprised that she would leave her husband for me?” Why was I getting so defensive about it all?
“No, it’s just not what usually happens. You’ve been coming to me a long time, Dylan, and it’s hard for me not to care. I want you to be happy. You deserve it, after everything you went through with your wife. I’m just more realistic, I suppose. I’m glad that what you have with her is more than the average relationship. I want you to be happy.”
“Do you think it’s wrong that I want to be with her even though she’s married?”
Camilla stopped and pushed the short hair back from her face. She readjusted her glasses, and I could tell that she was really thinking about it. “Well, I know that morals are subjective. There’s obviously something going on in her marriage that makes her want to leave it. I don’t know what that is, but there could be trust issues later, I would imagine. With any relationship, though, there are always obstacles. Maybe you can look at it as: at least this obstacle you can see coming.”
She’d changed her tune on all of it completely, and I had to wonder what had gotten into her. It wasn’t like Camilla to be so wishy-washy about her moral guidelines. That was part of the reason that I kept going, but now I had to guess what had changed her.
“So you think it’s okay?”
“Like I told you last week, Dylan, there’s no judgment here. You’re a client that I care about and I just want you to be happy. You can understand that, can’t you? I’m not her doctor, I’m yours, so I’m automatically on your side.”
“Whether I’m wrong or not?”
“Wrong is never that easy. If you’re happy and you’re going in with your eyes wide open, that’s good enough for me.”
“What has gotten into you?”
She shrugged and just kind of looked off. “I don’t know, Dylan. I guess I’m learning that everything isn’t
as black and white as it appears.”
There was something else, but I wasn’t in a position to press her. I spent the rest of the time talking about Maya and how everything was perfect. I didn’t have time to wonder what had changed Camilla’s mind so completely. I was wrapped up in my own little world at the moment, on a cloud that I never wanted to get off of.
Chapter 4 – Zane
“Well, I’m here for you whenever you want to talk. If it’s before our scheduled meeting, Dylan, just give me a call.”
“I will. Thanks, Camilla. I don’t know what I would do without you. If I hadn’t told her what was on my mind, I would have let it all go in the wrong way. That or I would have driven myself crazy.”
“You’re fine, Dylan. Everyone has some doubts. I didn’t mean to give you anything to second guess. I was just trying to help.”
“You have, Camilla, more than I can ever tell you. The last couple of years have been the worst in my life, and you were always the shining star that got me through.”
I heard her giggle a little. It wasn’t the same as it was with Tyler, but it still bothered me just as much. I didn’t like to hear her make that sound, and I made a mental note to say something to her about it later. She was my woman, and she was going to have to be more professional when it came to her clients. They might not have known what she was thinking, but I did, and I didn’t like it.
Waiting until the man she called Dylan was gone, I decided to call her and see when I was going to see her that evening. We now were seeing each other every day, but since I’d been working most of the day, I hadn’t heard what the rest of her day was like. I didn’t know who was on her patient list for the day, something that I was going to remedy next time I was in there. There were only some of her patients whose conversations I wanted to hear, and Tyler was one of them.
I’d learned a lot about the man, and the comments that Camilla made about married men and cheating had me perking up. She’d made out like she wasn’t that against it, and the first thing I thought of was billionaire Tyler. He was married to a beautiful woman, but for men like him it just wasn’t enough. He wanted Camilla too, and I was going to make sure that it never happened.