Bossman's List

by Ashlee Price

  It was a question that he had asked himself many times. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about getting married, but with Lisa it was different. He loved her in a way, but the very idea of getting married never even entered his mind until the family got involved. He was the last one to take the plunge and Scott wasn’t sure if he wanted to do that same. Sure all of them seemed happy, but he didn’t believe that they were as happy as they appeared.

  “Not Lisa. We have never talked about it and we have been together for five years.” Scott didn’t think he had to mention the conversation they had had about it long ago. He had told her that he had no desire to ever get married and she didn’t either. That was all that had ever been said about it. There had never been any more talk and no talk of children. For Scott that was just fine, but for Elna, she was convinced that she wouldn’t be in peace until all of her children had found love and were happy.

  “Well I think you might be missing the signals. Did you see how upset she got at Gemma’s wedding?” Elna had seen the woman teary-eyed next to her son and Scott hadn’t even acknowledged it.

  “Mom, all women get like that at a wedding. I think I saw every female in the place crying. I don’t know why you guys do it, but I figured it was pretty normal.”

  Elna didn’t want to hear it. She wanted him to realize that he wasn’t complete without a wife, but that didn’t seem to be the way he thought about it. Scott was perfectly happy the way things were. He and Lisa got along fine, but moving in with her and getting married wasn’t in his wheelhouse.

  “Well, it’s not going to happen, so stop pushing it.”

  “Son, if she was the one for you, you would want to marry her.” Elna was sure of that, but wondered if Lisa just wasn’t the one for her son.

  “Maybe not, but can you not bring all of this up tonight? I don’t want you giving her any ideas.”

  Elna nodded and went back to the dough in front of her. She would never understand her youngest. He had always been the rebel when it came to everything and now his rebellion was keeping him from being happy. Elna knew that all he needed was the right one and all of her children would be married. Elna liked Lisa, but it was becoming clear that she just may not be the one for him.

  “I am not going to say a word when she gets here. I just wanted you to think about it. I’m not getting any younger Scott and I would like to see all of my children happy and married. “

  He sighed and knew that her heart was in the right place, even if he didn’t agree with how she wanted to push it. Scott knew that Lisa was a great girl, but he had never felt the way his brothers had about their wives. He had never felt like Gemma when she was getting married. The look of love was clear in her eyes and for a moment, he was jealous of it. But with Lisa, he didn’t feel the same way.

  “I am happy mom. Not everyone has to get married to be happy.”

  She nodded, but wasn’t really listening. Her life hadn’t started until she found their father and Elna just wanted the same for him. Her other children were happily married or in the process. That just left Scott.

  “I know. I am not going to say any more about it. I know that you are doing the best you can.”

  Scott excused himself. He had to go get Lisa for dinner. It was the weekend and everyone was over at the family ranch. It was something that they did every Sunday night before she went back to the city to run the business from there. The only problem was that these dinners had come down to pushing him into marriage.

  “I will be back in a little bit. Don’t start without me.”

  Elna just smiled and shook her head. “If only you wanted a woman as much as you wanted a cooked meal. You know that some women cook.”

  “Lisa doesn’t.”

  ***

  “Do we really have to go?”

  Lisa didn’t want to go to the dinner. It wasn’t just Scott that was feeling the pressure about marriage and though she wanted to be married and she loved Scott, the dinners always put a bit of strain on them when they got back to her place later. Lisa didn’t want to get married if he didn’t want to get married. There was no forcing the subject. When he was ready, he would be ready. Now she wished that he would be ready soon, but there is nothing that she can do to push it on.

  “You don’t have to go, but if I don’t go, I will never hear the end of.” Scott wasn’t going to mention that Sunday dinner was the only home-cooked meal he got most weeks. Lisa and he didn’t really live together, but he was over there often and she just simply didn’t cook. She didn’t know how and when they were together, they always ordered something to go.

  “Well I don’t really want to go, Scott. I love your family, I really do, but there is just always this pressure.” Lisa felt it too, but to have it brought up by Elna all the time, somehow made it worse.

  “You really don’t want to go?”

  She shook her head that she didn’t, though she hoped he wouldn’t be upset about it. It was one thing to have to hear it from his family, but he had never really thought about how it affected her. “I won’t go if you want to stay here.”

  Scott didn’t want to stay, but he would.

  “No, no, you should go. I am just going to stay here and get some cleaning done and order some Chinese.”

  Scott didn’t think that she was being for real. Lisa had a way of testing him and he wasn’t sure if it was another test or if she really didn’t want to go.

  “I can stay here with you.”

  She shook her head again. “No, you should go see your family. Everyone is going to be there.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She said she was, but Scott still wondered if he would have to pay for it later. When he left, there was a look in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before and he wondered what it meant. Even though they had dated for years, there was still a lot that he didn’t know about her. What was going through her head right then, he couldn’t fathom.

  “Yes, Scott. Really it is fine. I am just having a day and I don’t want to get into all of it right now. You have a big family, Scott, so you are used to that whole production. I am an only child and I am just not used to all of that.”

  He gave her a kiss and then another before he left. Scott had a feeling that he should have stayed. When he got back to the ranch and Elna made note of her absence, he wished that he have talked her into it. It wasn’t that hard to do, Lisa would do anything for him.

  Chapter 2

  The dinner was much what he expected it to be. Far too many happy people, and everyone was in gagging love. It was strange to be in the middle of it all, but Scott just tried to ignore the ribbing from his brothers. Gemma and Elna were more worried about where Lisa was.

  “Well not everyone is ready for marriage and love. I think that she is feeling the pressure as well.”

  “There is no pressure, Scott. We just like having her around and think you should make an honest woman out of her.” Gemma tried to smile to take off the blow from her words. Everyone there liked Lisa and everyone just wanted Scott to be happy.

  “There is definitely pressure. Mom gave me the run down before I went to get her. She just doesn’t want to talk about it.”

  “Probably because she wants to be married, but you are just too hard headed to see it. You are wasting all of her good years waiting for you to make a move.”

  He had never thought about it like that, but it was just like Gemma to make him see things from another point of view. She was a bit of an empath and Scott didn’t doubt that she was right about it. Did Lisa want to get married? What if he never went there with her?

  Scott didn’t answer, trying to pay more attention to the food in front of him. His mother had always been a good cook and it was only when Davina stayed with them for a time, that he got a good meal. Scott was ruled by his stomach and no amount of pressure was going to ruin the plate in front of him.

  “Scott?”

  He looked up and it was Gemma still looking at him. “What?”

  “
Did you hear what I said?”

  “Yes, something about her wasting her years with me. That’s great sis, thanks for that.”

  She sighed and shook her head. “You know that it is true.”

  He may have, but he was not going to admit it. “Lisa stays because she wants to. If she wanted to do all of that, she knows that she can do what she wants. She is her own woman.”

  Gemma made a noise that was not very lady-like before she went back to her own meal. It was just like her brother to not think of anyone else but himself. Gemma had gotten to know Lisa many years ago and she loved her brother unconditionally, but she also knew that Lisa wanted more and she felt bad for her.

  “Men will just never get it I guess. She loves you and if you don’t love her you should let her go.”

  Scott put his fork down and pushed away from the table. The conversation was worse than he had anticipated, but he wasn’t going to be made to feel guilty about it. “I think I am going to go. Thanks for dinner.”

  “Son, don’t go.”

  He ignored them all and made his way back to his own room. While he was showing anger on the outside, he wondered if his sister is right. Should he just let her go and let her have what she truly needed and wanted, a husband and a family? It was not something that he was not able to give her or rather, unwilling to give her.

  ***

  “So how did everything go last night?”

  Scott sighed into the phone. “It was worse than I thought it would be. It was probably best that you didn’t go.”

  “Really? What happened?”

  He didn’t want to talk about it, but his mind had been thinking about what his sister had said all night. Was he really holding Lisa back, wasting her years. It was not a subject that he wanted to bring up, but that he thought he had to. There was something in the way he felt inside. He loved Lisa, maybe not enough to marry her, but he didn’t want to hurt her and Gemma had him feeling like he had.

  “Just some things were said.”

  “Like what?”

  She was fishing and they both knew that he was going to tell her. “Just that I am wasting your good years and that I should let you go so you can find someone that will give you what you need.”

  Lisa was quiet for a time and he said her name, afraid that she had hung up. “Lisa, are you there?”

  “Yeah I am here. I bet that was Gemma saying that.”

  He agreed that it was, but wondered how she knew. “Yeah it was.”

  There was another pause and it was only then that Scott knew that his sister was right. He had been holding Lisa back and now that she was pushing thirty, he wondered if her clock was in fact ticking loudly in her ear. “No comment to it? I was hoping that you would tell me that she is going crazy and that you aren’t looking for the whole marriage and family. When we first got together, you said that you weren’t looking for any of that.”

  He heard a sigh that pulled at his heart strings. “I mean, Scott, that was five years ago. I didn’t want you to think that I was one of those girls that just was just dying to get married.”

  “And now?”

  “Now I am thirty in a month and I want those things. I want you more, but I have always thought of having a family and a few kids.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that in the beginning?”

  “Because people change, Scott. I changed.” The only problem was that Lisa knew that he hadn’t changed. Scott saw marriage as a means to an end or more like a death sentence.

  “So now you want to get married?”

  “I do, but I know that you don’t want to.”

  “So you are missing out because of me?”

  “I wouldn’t say it like that, but your sister has a way of stating the obvious. I am getting older and my window to have kids is becoming smaller. I think all women think about that.”

  Scott didn’t know what to say, but he was starting to feel the guilt that the women in his family were heaping on him. Maybe they were right, but what did that mean for them?

  “Well, I don’t want to be the one that holds you back, Lisa. I thought it was good between us, but I guess I was wrong.”

  “It’s not like that, Scott.”

  “Can you tell me that you will not regret being with me in ten years if we don’t have any children and I still don’t want to get married?”

  She was silent for a moment. Lisa didn’t like the way the conversation was going and the idea of losing Scott felt worse than all of the what-ifs if they stayed together. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Scott. Why don’t you come over and we can have some fun?”

  He knew that she was trying to change the subject and though he was all for not talking about the current topic, there was something in him that told him that he needed to bite the bullet and have the conversation anyways.

  “No, we need to talk. Do you want me to come over there?”

  She didn’t want to have the talk. The outcome was not looking good and he seemed too determined for it to be. Scott was a very hard-headed man and he would cut her off and end it before he would give in. She knew that and the last thing she wanted to do was lose him. His ways were the very reason that Lisa didn’t bring it up. She knew that if it was between her and his freedom, Scott was always going to choose himself.

  “Maybe tonight. I have to go to work in a little while.” She didn’t want to be upset at work, though she left that part of it out. There was something about the way he was talking that Lisa just knew that something bad was going to come from it. Lisa loved him more than life itself and even the thought of losing him put a stricken in her throat and made it hard to swallow, she knew that she couldn’t stop the inevitable if it was meant to happen.

  “Okay, Lisa. I will see you late after you get off. Since Henri is back home now, I don’t have to stay out as long, so I will meet you at your place around 6, okay?”

  She agreed and waited for a moment. She was going to say something else, but thought against it. “I love you, Scott.”

  “I love you too, Lisa. Have a good day at work.”

  She hung up the phone and stared at it for a time. How could everything in her life change so quickly? It was like everything was fine one minute and then the next, everything was going to hell. She sighed to herself and pushed the water from her eyes. It was not going to end well. Their conversation had told her where it was going to go. It was the last thing that she wanted to think about was losing Scott, but Lisa felt like she already had.

  Pushing it all from her mind, Lisa got up from the couch and went to get dressed. She pulled her blonde hair back from her face and threw it up in a tight bun on her head. She was a nurse by trade and even though her life felt like it was going downhill, she still had to go to work and pretend that everything was okay. Even when it wasn’t and she spent the next several hours in dread of seeing Scott later that evening while she tried to keep the patients straight. He had always been her rock. Never had Lisa imagined her life without him. Once they met, she had thought she had found her soul mate.

  It all had to work out, she assured herself. It just had to.

  Chapter 3

  Scott was in his head most of the day as well. He tried to imagine his life without Lisa. It was the first time that he had done it and he didn’t like the idea of her not being there. He didn’t like the idea of getting married because everyone was pushing them into it, but it was the first time that he seemed to understand that he very well could lose her.

  He wanted to blame Gemma and his mother for putting it in his head, but the idea that Lisa was unhappy was too much for him to think about. Scott did love her and he had thought of the two of them growing old together. Why did it have to include marriage and children? He just didn’t understand the need since he had never had it himself.

  “You are being quiet today.”

  Scott nodded towards Henri, though he didn’t say anything else. His mind was going a mile a minute and he just didn’t want to talk about
it. Henri asked him a few questions. “Are you sure that you don’t want to talk about it?”

  Scott looked up from his duties. The two of them were cleaning out the horse stalls and though he knew his brother was just trying to help, he had to admit that he was angry that he had found his love and they were already talking about getting married. It just put more pressure on him as the last one standing.

  “Not really Henri. I thought you were the one that liked the quiet?”

  “I do, but I feel bad for you. I saw the way your face looked last night while they were talking about Lisa.”

  “Well I talked to her about it and like always Gemma was right. Lisa’s clock is ticking hard and she wants to get married. She never said anything about it before.”

  Henri just shrugged. “All women want to get married and have kids. They change as they get older.”

  “Yeah, so I am told.”

  The two men worked in silence for a while until Henri broke the silence. “You know that they just want what is best for you.”

  Scott nodded. He had heard that before but ruining the long relationship he had was not his idea of helping. He wanted Lisa, it was that simple, but he hated the thought of her being unhappy with him. He loved her enough that he would let her go if he had to. He didn’t want to, but the more he thought about it, the more Scott knew that he had to. It was only a matter of time before she came to him to break up or that she had found someone else. Scott just figured he would save her some time and both of them some pain.

  “I know and I love Lisa, but I am never going to be able to give her what she wants. I am not that kind of guy.”

  Henri just kind of shook his head. He had never seen himself as a married man, but once he found his love, there was no getting out of it. He wanted to make her his and had no problem being halfway dragged to the altar. He knew that it was for the best, but Scott was different. He had always been the rebel and the one that said and did whatever he wanted to do. Nothing was going to change that about him.