by Ashlee Price
“You have to do what is right for you, but you and Lisa have been together a long time.”
“Yes we have.” It was the main reason that he didn’t know what he was going to do without her. She had been his rock for years, always there for him when he needed something and to not have her, even the idea of it made him feel alone.
“It will all work out. It always does.”
Scott wanted to believe him, but he just wasn’t that sure if it was true. “I sure hope you are right brother.”
***
Lisa did not fare any better. She got a few calls from Gemma while she was at work and she called her on the way home from work. “Hey, Gemma. Sorry I missed your calls. It has been crazy here today. What’s up?”
“I think I messed up, Lisa.”
“Why, what happened?”
“Well me and mom were talking to Scott…”
“I know. He called me this morning acting strange.”
“You don’t think we pressure you guys too much do you?” Gemma was afraid that her well-meaning had caused problems and she was right. There was no two ways around it and she could tell from the pause on the other side of the phone that Lisa felt the same way.
“I think that Scott doesn’t like to be pushed. The more you push him, the harder he will fight it. You know how he is.”
“Yes and so do you. That is why you are perfect for him. You know how he is and you still love him for it. I just want you guys to get married. I know that is what you want.”
“It is, but I would rather have him as a boyfriend then nothing at all. The way he was talking, I don’t think we are going to be together much longer.”
It was the last thing that Gemma wanted to hear. She was pregnant and emotional, almost in tears when she heard it. She tried to apologize, but Lisa just waved it off. “Whatever is going to happen, will happen. I have faith that it will all work out, but sometimes I just don’t know. I do want to get married and have a family, but without Scott, none of that seems worth it.”
Gemma and Lisa talked till she got back to her house. Scott was waiting for her on her porch and there was a look of determination in his face that scared him. He was handsome no matter what, but the look of unknown in his eyes made her even more nervous.
“Well he is here, so I am going to go.”
“Call me later and tell me what happens.”
Lisa told her she would and then hung up before she got out of the car. If something did happen, she didn’t know how it would turn out. The Callahans had been like family to her for years and it would not just be Scott she lost, but all of them. The idea made her a little misty-eyed and she tried to push the thoughts away. She was already planning the end and she didn’t even know what was going to happen next.
Chapter 4
“Hey baby. How was your day?”
Lisa just shrugged and unlocked the door. “It was alright, Scott. How was your day?”
“Long.”
“Did you have a lot to do at the ranch?”
“Not really. Henri being there really helps the workload. Just been a long day, thinking about us.”
It was the words that she had been dreading. “Do you want to come in?”
He shook his head that he didn’t. Scott had to get it out and if he didn’t, he never would. There were some things that couldn’t be pushed to the side, no matter how unpleasant it all was. “Why don’t we sit out here for a while? It will be getting colder soon and there won’t be many more days like this.”
“I never minded the cold. We get to stay inside in bed more.”
Her mind went to the last time that they had been stuck indoors for a couple of days and all of the fun that they had. Scott was thinking along the same lines, so he was looking at it sadly now, instead of seeing it as a good memory. It wasn’t a good memory when he felt like it was going to not happen again. Their times of staying in bed for days were over and he knew that.
“Yes I do. Those were good times.”
He was already talking about them in the past tense and it was hard for her not to notice the wording. All of her fears were being realized and she knew then that she was going to lose him. “We can have those good times again. We may even get some snow this year. All of the ruckus with the almanac and all.”
Scott didn’t say much, his mind and eyes were far away. He hadn’t even given her a kiss, usually the first thing he did when he seen her.
“So what’s on your mind, Scott? You are being too quiet and I don’t like it.”
He kind of chuckled. “Yea that is what Henri was saying.”
“He knows you well.”
“So do you.”
“I do and I know that you have something that you don’t want to tell me. You always get like this when there is bad news, so let’s just pull the Band-Aid off because neither one of us is good at leaving things open between us.”
He looked at her then and smiled. It broke her heart and took her breath away all in the same instant. Scott was about to break her heart more. She just knew it.
“Well I have been thinking about everything.”
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillar holding the porch up. Lisa knew what was coming and she wanted to stop it, but she knew that she couldn’t. It was going to happen because Scott had made up his mind. Never one to be wishy-washy, she knew what was next.
“I don’t want to be what holds you back, Lisa.”
Looking over at him, she could tell that he was bothered by what all had been said. The handsome face that she loved was hurting and it hurt her that he was upset by it all. “You know that you aren’t holding me back, Scott. I will admit that our relationship isn’t always what I would like it to be, but I wouldn’t change who I chose to spend my life with for anything. I would rather have you than all of those things without you.”
“Yeah, but for how long? How long until you want a family more than me? I don’t want you to change your mind and then have it be too late. I don’t want you to hate me for not wanting the same things.”
“I could never hate you, Scott.”
“You will, though, Lisa, and I can’t even think about that happening.”
She didn’t say anything back to him. Scott was the type of man that hated to be interrupted and she wasn’t going to interrupt him, even though she knew that she didn’t want to hear about what he was going to say. She knew what was coming and like a train wreck in slow-mo, she was forced to watch and not be able to do anything about it.
“So I think that we should end this, Lisa. I want to let you go, so that you can find what you are looking for, the man that you are looking for.”
Her eyes were already closed and she could feel the first tear going down her face. It was what was always going to happen and maybe that was why Lisa had never wanted to push the subject. Sometimes a person just had to be happy with the way things were. Now because of things said by others, she was losing the only man she had ever loved. There was no fighting it, there never was with Scott. Once his mind was made up, that was it.
“Well, say something, Lisa.”
“What is the point, Scott? You have made up your mind. Is there really anything I could say to change it?”
He shook his head that there wasn’t. “So then, what do you want me to say? You have made your decision and I guess I just have to live with it.”
Scott saw the women he loved crying and it tore him up inside. He had made the decision to save her from pain, but it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, he hurt her anyways.
“Is that all you have to say?” Her voice broke and she wiped her eyes before he saw more tears.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Well, can you leave please?”
He wasn’t expecting her reaction. Scott didn’t know what he was expecting, but not the listlessness in her voice and face.
“I am going to go in now. I had a long day too.” She didn’t know what else to say or do. Was she supposed to hug him, kiss
him goodbye? All she wanted to do was go in and cry alone.
Scott watched her go in the house and the screen door slammed in her wake. Sighing to himself, he sat on the porch a few more minutes. He would have been happier if she would have yelled at him, something. Nothing was far worse and he left her house with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. It couldn’t be over just like that, could it?
Chapter 5
The next few days went by in a blur and it was like Scott was reminded of Lisa in everything that he did. When he had a good day, he missed being able to tell her about it. When he was having a really bad day, he would always go to Lisa’s house and they would talk about things. She had a way about her that relaxed him and that was the worst part of it. Scott missed his friend. He started to wonder if that was how it was going to be from then on. Was he only going to be worried about her or could he in fact move on?
As the weekend rolled around and Elna came down from the city, Scott found himself unable to be around them all. There was a family dinner that night, one that he was expected to attend, but in the end, he didn’t want to go. It wasn’t like he could blame them for all of it, but Scott felt like if it wasn’t for all of the external pressure, him and Lisa would still be together.
They had been happy how it was, or he had been anyways and all he wanted was Lisa back. The idea of having to go into the ranch house and explain himself or explain why she wasn’t there was too much to think about. He hadn’t told anyone what had happened. It was almost embarrassing to him and he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want people to tell him that it would be okay, that he would find someone else. Scott didn’t want to be okay and the longer he was without her, the more that he realized he wasn’t ever going to be okay.
There had been several times throughout the week that he had picked up the phone, even dialed her number, only to hang up again before he pushed send. What would he even say to her if she did answer? Scott wasn’t so sure that she would answer for him and instead of finding out if she would or not, he wallowed in his own sadness for a while. It was all he could do.
When his phone rang suddenly, there was the moment of hope that it would be her, but he should have known better. Why would she call him after he had hurt her? Instead it was Gemma, not his favorite person at the present moment.
“What Gemma?”
“Well hello to you too. Are you coming in for dinner?”
“I don’t think I am going to make it Gemma.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t feel like being around the family right now.”
There was a silence on the other end. “You need to come by. You can’t stay out there forever and you know how mom is with family dinner on Sundays.”
He didn’t want to go in, but he knew that he had to. Scott was still mad about how things had turned out with Lisa and he couldn’t help but blame them for it partially. They were just fine until all of the wedding stuff started to go through the family. Lisa and he were happy as they were; now she was gone and he was left thinking of how things used to be.
“I will be in there. It’s not like you guys can do any worse to me now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve talked to Lisa?”
Another silence. “Yeah she called me a couple of days ago after I called her for almost a week straight. I don’t know what happened between you guys…”
“You and mom. That is what happened. Why couldn’t you guys leave well enough alone?”
Gemma felt bad about everything, but she still held out that it would somehow work out. She kept telling herself that her brother just needed a kick up the backside to get it in his head that he needed to marry her. What she hadn’t expected was for Lisa to go out on a date. She was moving on and Gemma didn’t think that he even knew about it and she was certainly not going to be the one to tell him.
“I’m sorry okay? You know I didn’t want you guys to split up. I wanted you two to be happy.”
“We were.” It hit Scott then how much he had been happy with her and though he had never thought of marriage before, it didn’t mean that he didn’t love her or even that he wanted someone else.
“I got to get off of here. I will be down that way in a while.” He hung up before she could say anything else. He loved his sister and his mother, but he was sick of their meddling because it never turned out well for him.
***
“Did you talk to your brother?”
Gemma nodded, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to relay any of the information to Elna. “Yes, he will be down in a little while.”
“Did you tell him about how Lisa dated Tony from the feed store?”
She shook her head. “He is pissed at us and I don’t think he is ready to hear that Lisa has moved on. Oh mom, do you think we totally ruined things between them?”
Elna wasn’t sure and she had much of the same fears as her only daughter. While they had been trying to help everything, it seemed like they had made a royal mess of it and neither one of them knew what to do about it. “No, just watch and see Gemma. I told you that it was going to work out. Lisa loves Scott and she isn’t going anywhere. She is just trying to feel something again. And Scott, well maybe he needs to lose her to know how much he loves her. Guys are like that sometimes.”
Gemma wasn’t so sure but her mother had always had a way of pulling the strings when she wanted something to happen. The fact that she was letting it play out that way made Gemma nervous, but she had to trust that she knew what she was doing. “I hope you are right. I hate when Scott is mad at me. He was the only one of us that could stay mad for so long.”
Elna nodded and even though she had her own concerns, she wasn’t going to feed into it. Confidence covered most of her worries. If she was worried, then everyone was. “Why don’t you set the table for me dear? I am sure everything will work out.”
She watched her daughter go into the other room and she hoped her words were right. There was something about Scott and Lisa that had always seemed to be perfect. The very fact that Lisa had waited so long, attested to the fact that they were meant to be together. No one else would have put up with him for so long. Lisa had to love her son and Elna knew that love conquered all in the end.
Chapter 6
Dinner was strained and though Elna tried to get Scott into the conversation, it was clear that he was mad at them. He was made at her in particular, as well as his sister Gemma for their female prodding. He wouldn’t say anything to them that would tell them so, but he didn’t have to. Scott had an expressive face and it was clear to all that he was not happy with what was going on. Lisa had called Gemma about what happened and though Scott hadn’t said a word about it, the whole family knew what was going on. It was the way of them and there was nothing that happened in the Callahan tribe that everyone didn’t quickly find out about.
Scott didn’t say much to anyone, excusing himself early. He went to bed like he had done for a week, alone and missing Lisa. Again, he tried to call her, but again he couldn’t go through with it. It felt too much like begging and it had been him that had ended it. He wanted her back, knowing that she still wanted to get married. What if that was the only way to get her back?
He lay awake for hours thinking about it and at first light he got up and went to the other side of town where her house was. Scott waited outside for several minutes in his truck before he went up to the door. It was several minutes before he heard anything in the house and then a sleepy-eyed Lisa came to the door.
“Scott? What are you doing here?”
“I had to see you.”
“You should have called.”
“I never did before.”
“Yeah well things are different. You made it clear that you didn’t want to be with me anymore, so why are you here?”
Scott looked down at the boots he could barely see in the darkness. It wasn’t even light out yet and it was clear that he had woken her up. “I was just wanti
ng to see you, Lisa. It has been over a week and I am lost without you.”
He heard a male voice from the other room, asking Lisa to come to bed. Scott’s dark brown eyes looked back at Lisa and the guilt on her face. “Sorry to bother you, Lisa. I didn’t realize that you would be able to move on so fast after all these years.”
“Biological clock, tick, tick. You didn’t leave me much time.” She was trying hard not to feel like she had cheated on him. He had gotten rid of her, she kept reminding herself. It wasn’t like she had dumped him and moved on. If he didn’t want her, why did it matter if someone else did?
There was anger in his eyes and Lisa remembered his temper. Scott looked like he was going to lose it and push pass her into the house. He kept eying the dark space behind her. She wasn’t sure if he was looking for the guy to see who it was or if he wanted to come in and see for himself. He was capable of either one and she moved to bar the door from him.
“I think you should go, Scott.”
“Yeah, I think I should. This is a small town, Lisa, and I will find out who it is.” His tone was threatening and she knew that he meant it. He would never do anything to her, but to a man, Scott was a scary prospect. What she didn’t get was why he was even there? Why was he acting like he cared when he had just as quickly broken up with her? For a man that she thought she knew so well, there was still so much that she didn’t understand about him. But the rage and anger in his eyes, she understood that.
As she watched him walk away, her heart broke a little more and the man in question came up behind her. “Hey baby, are you coming back to bed?”
She sighed and returned the kiss of David. He was a nice man and not too bad in bed, but there was something missing. There was something that couldn’t be duplicated because he just wasn’t Scott. If she had thought she had lost him before, she knew now that he would never come back. He was gone forever and Lisa wasn’t ready for that.
***
“Did you know Gemma?”
Gemma recognized her brother’s voice and sat up in bed. “Know what?”