He grimaced, wondering if maybe, after all, he should wait until another time. But if he did, his courage might desert him. Maybe he should get it over with, even if making her hate him made for an uncomfortable afternoon.
“You know, everyone has standards. I did. And you’d like to think you’d be able to hold on to your ideals no matter the circumstances.”
Seeing the question in her face, he forestalled her with a slight shake of his head. “I told myself I’d maintain my integrity. What a laugh.”
Hearing the bitterness in his own voice, he made himself continue. “I got beat up a lot the first weeks I was there. Nearly killed. I kept trying to believe they’d eventually tire of tormenting me and leave me alone, but part of me knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“One day two of them cornered me.” He swallowed hard, feeling his face heat. “I think they intended to rape me. I fought them. And I turned into someone else.”
Still, the shame scarred his soul. Not for defending himself, but for what he’d done after.
Glancing at her, he saw she didn’t understand. And he realized he couldn’t do it, couldn’t tell her all the gory details. “When it was over and the guards put me in isolation, I didn’t remember what had happened. I’ve looked it up since then, and what I did is similar to a berserker of old Norse legend. I’d fought in a trance, with uncontrollable fury and rage.”
“Did you...kill them?” she asked, making him wonder if she felt as hollow as her voice sounded.
“No. Though when they got out of the infirmary, someone else did. Most likely punishment by the person who’d sent them after me. It didn’t matter. Once I was released from solitary back to the general population, I had become someone to be feared.”
When her chin came up, he knew she was going to demand more.
“Don’t sweat the small details,” he said. “In the end, I became worse than any of the men who’d tormented me. I was a bully, a beast, and the worst thing of all is that I began to actually enjoy it.”
For a long moment he only watched out the window, not wanting to see the condemnation on her face, and trying like hell not to shudder at the memory of what he’d become.
Kaitlyn broke the silence first. “How did you find your way back to yourself?”
The insight displayed by that question moved him. Deeply thankful, and grateful, and yes...angry. He wanted her to hate him. To despise him as much as he despised himself.
Maybe he should have told her all the details, about the broken bones, the tortures, the way he’d preyed on men weaker than himself. But even contemplating this made him feel sick and he knew he couldn’t.
Then she touched him, leaving her hand on his shoulder. Her touch burned. He should have jerked away, refused her small offer of comfort, but once again he searched his soul and knew he was weak.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she said, her voice breaking in pain. “I’d do anything to go back in time and change things, to have been strong enough to have broken free of Alex and testified. If I had, I could have spared you all that.”
How like her, to try and take his suffering into herself and absorb it. Once, he might have agreed with her. Not now, not when he knew she’d been as much a victim as he.
Raising his head, he faced her. The softness in her gaze nearly undid him.
“Enough of this,” he said, trying for lightness. “We’ve both been through hell. Let’s focus on the future, on bringing that bastard down.”
“I agree. But first, won’t you at least accept my apology?” Her eyes were huge in her heart-shaped face.
Exasperated, he grabbed hold of both of her shoulders. “You have nothing to apologize for. Now that I know the circumstances, I completely understand why you couldn’t contact the police or testify.”
“But I—”
“Was drugged and kept locked up. A prisoner. As much of one as I was. I get it.”
Though she nodded, she still looked miserable. “But—”
He did the only thing he could to silence her. Put his mouth on hers and kissed her. Long and hard and deep, until both of them had trouble catching their breaths.
When he pulled away, fighting the temptation to linger, he forced himself to move away, toward the bathroom. “When I get back, let’s find something to eat. Then I’m going to call Alex.”
“Let’s do that first,” she said. “I’d like to get it over with.”
He decided to humor her and picked up the phone. As he’d expected, the toll-free number went to an anonymous-sounding answering service. Refusing to give the operator any information, he simply asked to leave a message for Alex, consisting of his name, phone number and the fact that he believed he could help.
“There,” he said. “I’m not sure how long it will be until I hear from someone.” He’d no sooner finished speaking when the phone rang. Caller ID showed Unknown Number.
Before he had time to think, he answered. The voice on the other end was young and female. “Mr. Ramirez would like to request a meeting,” she said. And then she rattled out a location, date and time, disconnecting the call without giving Reed a chance to say he’d be there or not.
“Damn,” he swore softly. “That guy sure is overly confident. He expects me to meet him tomorrow at ten in the morning.”
Slowly, she nodded. “He’s moving fast. That’s how he is. He never hesitates. You need to remember that when you’re dealing with him.”
Chapter 9
Though Kaitlyn’s stomach had twisted in knots when Reed had called Alex, Reed’s kiss had rocked her to her core. As had Reed’s confession. She hadn’t expected him to open himself up as much as she had. Reed had shared his innermost secret and the source of all his pain. Ironically, this only made her want him more.
Imagine that. How could she desire a man after all she’d been through? This made no sense to her. They were both damaged, maybe beyond repair. Scarred. And intellectually she knew she needed to try and experience life on her own, without a man—or anyone else—controlling things.
Yet her sudden craving for Reed was as deep, as visceral, as her need to breathe.
Dangerous. She should be glad he planned to leave for Alex’s house that afternoon. Maybe once she was alone, she could get a grip on herself.
Bentley barked, letting her know he wanted to go outside. Smiling at him, proud he was such a smart little dog, she opened the door and followed him out.
The stunning view helped boost her mood. Despite the twisted, hunched-over trees, the rolling hills and gullies, the pitted landscape spoke of hard times and endurance. It wasn’t difficult to see this as a metaphor for her own life.
Behind her, the cabin door slammed. Reed grinned at her as he tossed his bag in the truck. “Before I leave, I’ll make sure that ATV is running and has plenty of gas.”
She nodded, aching again. Bentley’s low growl had her spinning around.
A giant, hairy spider the size of her fist had faced off with her pet. Heart in her throat, Kaitlyn hurried over and scooped her dog up.
“Tarantula,” Reed said. “They’re common out here.”
She shuddered. “Do they bite?”
“They can. My advice is to avoid them when you can. The cabin is pretty tight and I doubt they’ll come inside.” He squeezed her shoulder lightly as he went past. “You’ll be all right.”
Somehow, she managed to nod, even though the simple touch had sent a shock straight to her core. The idea of Reed around Alex and his people made her feel sick.
“I’ll be fine,” he told her, making her realize her thoughts must have shown on her face.
“Just be successful,” she replied. “And careful. Remember there are layers under layers in Alex’s world.”
He nodded, turning to mess with the ATV, which started immediately. “You’re good.” He sounded pleased. “You also need to be careful. You can hurt yourself on these things.”
“I know.” She’d grown up riding four-wheel
ers. “As long as Bentley and I have plenty of food and water, we’ll manage.”
“Okay, then.” Wiping his hands down the front of his jeans, he faced her. “I’m going to take off.”
Stunned, though she knew she shouldn’t have been, she managed a nod. “Okay.” She had the strangest urge to wrap her arms around him in farewell. Because she honestly wasn’t sure she’d ever see him again.
As if she’d spoken out loud, he didn’t move. “Come here,” he said, his voice rough. Without hesitation, she moved forward, walking right into his open arms. She buried her face against the corded muscles of his chest, inhaling his masculine scent deeply so she could commit it to memory. Sadness warred with a flicker of desire as she tried to relax into his embrace.
“Look at me,” he rasped. “Kaitlyn, this isn’t goodbye forever. I’ll be back and when I am, I’ll have enough information to lock that bastard away forever.”
Slowly, battling both hope and fear, she raised her head. As their gazes locked, she felt more of the ice inside her melt.
And when his mouth covered hers hungrily, instead of panic, she felt need. Heat blazed between them and her entire body tingled, head to toe, a fire beginning low in her belly.
He pressed against her, and she felt the strength of his arousal. Reeling, she pushed away the initial twinge of fear due to her past and gave herself to sensation. She arched her body toward him, in invitation, in welcome, in farewell.
For a moment, for one heady split second in time, she thought he might take her up on her daring offer of herself. Her knees trembled, her stomach quivered and blood pounded in her veins.
But he cursed and wrenched away. “We. Can’t. Do. This.” Breathing hard, he turned from her, as if he thought to shield his aroused body from hers.
Of course. Ashamed and perilously close to tears, she bowed her head and wrapped her arms around her own body, both to shield and to comfort. She knew she was damaged goods. Of course no one would ever want her again.
“Kaitlyn...” A plea. It sounded as if her name had been ripped from his throat.
“No. You’re right,” she managed. “I completely understand.”
With a groan, he hauled her up against him. Then he kissed her again, slanting his mouth over hers, hard and punishing. Demanding, possessive, heady.
She drank him in, desperately needing more to chase away the shame.
Somehow, they ended up near the kitchen table. He unsnapped her jeans, slipping his hand under the silky lace of her panties.
Melting, burning, she tugged at his clothes with fumbling fingers, needing them off, willing to tear them if necessary. His gaze blazing, he helped her, making short work of the offending cloth that separated them. She barely registered the size and strength of his arousal, before he lifted her up. Placing her on the tabletop, he pushed into her.
The pleasure was explosive. She barely had time to wonder how Reed, in that moment, had almost managed to erase years of pain, before she trembled, nearly undone before he even began to move. Half ice, half flame, and completely senseless, she clutched him close and let him take her to heaven.
As her tremors began, he slowed his movements, prolonging her ecstasy, even though he shook from the effort of keeping himself under control.
Gasping, her heart bursting, she kissed him deep and long, moving her body again to let him know he could let himself go.
With a low moan, he went wild, pounding into her with a fierceness that ignited another spark low in her belly. Desire flared again, threatening to consume her. She met him thrust for thrust, and finally he gave a strangled cry and shuddered inside her.
Her own passion peaked again, and she cried out too, her mouth on his, tasting the metallic sharpness of his release.
As he held her, their breathing harsh, she realized exactly what they’d done. They’d had no protection, taken no precautions. Even when Alex had raped her, he’d always worn a condom.
Tears stung the backs of her eyes and she silently sent a prayer winging skyward. The last thing either of them needed would be repercussions from a single act of passion, no matter how healing and wonderful it had been.
She didn’t know if Reed realized it, too, but when he moved off her, he averted his gaze. Helping her off the table, he silently bent and handed her all of her clothing. Refusing to feel ashamed, she dressed, watching silently as he did the same.
Finally, when they were both fully clothed, he faced her.
“That should never have happened.” Though he spoke in a gentle tone, a tinge of bitterness colored his voice. “And we both need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Since she agreed, she nodded. “You’re right.”
He froze. He opened his mouth as if he had more to say, but finally shook his head. “Stay safe,” he said.
“You, too,” she replied. And then she watched, her heart in her throat, as Reed grabbed his cowboy hat and, without another word to her, slammed out of the house. Hurrying to the window, she stood still as a statue as he climbed into his truck and drove away.
* * *
Driving toward Austin, Reed called himself a hundred kinds of fool. He knew better. What he and Kaitlyn had done had been a huge mistake, a colossal error in judgment. She’d seemed so wounded, completely unaware of how irresistible he found her. He’d given in to his base desires and exhibited an appalling lack of self-control. They’d made love, which was so much more than mere sex. A dangerous distinction.
At the thought, his body stirred, causing him to curse again. He wanted her, plain and simple, and now that he’d actually had a taste of her, he craved her even more. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
That can’t happen again, he’d told her. Problem was, he wanted it to. Every time he so much as looked at her, he felt a jolt of pure desire. Worse, now that he’d had a taste of her, he wanted to plunge himself into her again and again. More than that—he wanted to hold her in his arms and never, ever let her go.
A sentiment which he had no doubt she didn’t share. He couldn’t say he blamed her. After all, as far as he could tell, her entire life she’d only known men who wanted to possess and own her. He couldn’t be like that—he wouldn’t. He wanted to give her the world, which was ironic considering he had nothing. Still, more than once he’d caught himself daydreaming about the places he’d like to show her. Places he’d always longed to go, but hadn’t wanted to see alone.
With Kaitlyn, Reed could actually imagine a future.
And that—that he could even think such a possibility might exist—had him calling himself every kind of fool.
Truth was, he didn’t know why she’d even wanted him at all to begin with. And he sure as hell didn’t plan to let her know how much the pleasure and unabashed joy she’d taken in his body had meant to him, how far it had gone toward healing his wounded spirit.
She didn’t treat him as if he was trash, a low-life ex-con. In fact, she acted as if she found him as breathtakingly beautiful as he found her.
Stupid. He’d never been the kind of man given to flights of fancy. Why start now?
Circumstances had forced them to be together. He felt pretty sure if things were different, if Kaitlyn didn’t need his help, she’d never look twice at him.
Therefore, the logical conclusion would be to stop all this nonsense and try to focus only on what mattered—avenging his brother’s death and clearing his own name.
He found a hotel on the outskirts of Austin and booked a room. Once inside, he snagged a drink from his cooler and sat down on the sagging sofa, aware he had to have a semi-organized approach to his meeting with Alex. He had to be extremely careful. He didn’t want to give away too much too fast, but he had to make sure to pique the other man’s interest.
Later that night, so restless he couldn’t stand it, he finally gave up and went to bed early. To his surprise, he slept well, without any dreams, and woke up focused and determined.
He showered and dressed, had a couple of cups of bitter coffee
from the small room coffeepot. Every time Kaitlyn came to mind, he resolutely turned his thoughts to the task at hand. Not only would he avenge his brother’s death, but his own wrongful incarceration. Freeing Kaitlyn was an incidental bonus.
Arriving early at the coffee shop, Reed found a booth near the back of the room and took a seat with a full view of the front door.
The instant Alex Ramirez strode in, Reed’s every sense rang an alert. He’d seen the man on TV of course, but on the flat screen he hadn’t been able to get a sense of the man’s energy. Alex fairly vibrated with authority. Power mingled with something darker, dangerous.
Suppressing an instinctive shudder of distaste, Reed stood as Alex approached the booth and held out his hand. Alex’s grip was firm and brief. At least the politician had a decent handshake.
They sat, and the waitress immediately hurried over to take their order.
Alex ordered a regular coffee, black, and the combo breakfast. Reed already had his coffee, but he did the same.
“Have we met before?” Alex asked. “You look awfully familiar.”
“No, we haven’t met.” From somewhere, Reed mustered a casual smile. “But my brother and I looked like identical twins. A lot of people had trouble telling us apart.”
Alex acknowledged that statement with a dip of his chin. Reed concealed his bitterness that the other man didn’t even acknowledge Tim, especially since Alex had shot Tim in cold blood.
To cover his reaction, Reed took a deep drink of his coffee.
“I did a little background research on you,” Alex said.
Despite expecting this, Reed stiffened. Forcing himself to relax, he nodded. “Then you know I spent three years in prison. Yes. For murdering my own brother.” Staring the other man down, Reed crossed his arms. “Eventually I was acquitted for lack of evidence.”
“So how have you been?” Alex leaned forward, his gaze shrewd as he studied Reed. “Are you finding it any easier transitioning from prison to civilian life?”
Careful to hide the flash of white-hot rage at the question asked by the man who’d not only put him there, but murdered his brother, Reed shrugged. “Not really. Why all the questions? I didn’t come here to talk about me.”
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